Trying To Remember
by Hayley

Chapter Three

Faith woke up around ten in the morning groaning. It had taken her an hour to get back to sleep after her dream. Once she did, she was hoping to have more of that night come back to her but nothing else did, much to her disappointment.

Of course, the rest of the night was far from peaceful. That kiss Faith remembered was already starting to haunt her. She slept for a while without giving any thought to it but now that she was awake, everything came back.

The brunette rubbed her eyes and stretched out under the covers. She had felt the kiss. The feel of it was so great, much better than she would have expected. It was tentative, but so soft. Faith was pretty sure she'd never been kissed like that before. Then again, she'd never been kissed by Buffy before.

She still didn't understand why Buffy had made the first move. If Faith's memory was being truthful, Buffy had leaned in and kissed her. She hadn't pushed or tried to ease the older woman into anything, Buffy had moved in on her. It just blew the brunette away.

Even though she knew it would only make things worse, she needed to talk to Buffy about it. Now that her memory was starting to become clearer, she was hoping the other slayer would be a little more forthcoming on their night together. Faith was starting to feel a desperate need to know what happened.

With a sigh and a little dread about what she was getting herself into, Faith got up and started to get ready for the day. She wanted to look extra hot for the blonde today, especially with knowing what she knew now.

After getting ready and stopping at a burger place for lunch, Faith found herself in front of Buffy's door again. She felt a strong feeling of dread now, thinking that today might very well be a repeat of the day before. She knew the older slayer could easily get just as angry, if not more so. Trying to look as calm as possible, she reached out and knocked.

Almost immediately, Buffy opened the door. "Hey, Will, you're . . . " she said, stopping when she saw who was at the door. Her jaw dropped a little and she just kind of stared at Faith like her brain had shut down.

"Hey, B," Faith gave her a half smile, hoping it wouldn't come off as sexual but knowing it probably did anyway. It was something she just couldn't help. "Sorry if you're in the middle of something, but . . . "

Buffy shook her head out of her initial shock and gave her an uncomfortable look, something the brunette was becoming fast friends with. "Faith, I don't know what you want but . . . "

Faith held up her hand for Buffy to stop and took a step closer. "I'm sorry, B, but we need to talk."

"Do we?" Buffy asked, scowling at the younger woman.

"Yeah," Faith said sternly and walked past Buffy into the house.

"Well, come on in," the blonde said sarcastically, walking behind Faith as she went into the living room.

Faith stopped once she reached the center of the room and turned to face Buffy. The older slayer abruptly stopped as the brunette turned around and was taken back as Faith put a hand on each arm.

"I remember part of that night, B," she said quietly, keeping hold of Buffy but also making sure she wasn't grabbing her. She didn't want to appear forceful.

Buffy's scowl left and shyness replaced it almost immediately. "What do you mean?" she asked, her voice making her seem very small.

Faith leaned into her so their faces were only inches apart. "Why did you kiss me, B?"

The blonde paled and backed away from Faith. "I-I . . . "

Faith let her keep her distance even though she wanted to move toward her. She wanted to kiss her again, to be kissed by her. She was hoping the way it felt in the dream was exactly how it was supposed to feel. "Why, Buffy?"

Looking like she was cornered, Buffy just sagged her shoulders and sighed. "I don't know."

"What do you mean you don't know?" Faith asked her, wide eyed and trying not to raise her voice. She couldn't believe what she was hearing.

"Just that," the blonde looked at her, irritation starting to show in her eyes. "I don't know."

"B, you can't not know," Faith said, looking at her in shock. This was not the answer she was looking for. "You made the first move. I want to know why."

Buffy looked a little frightened now and moved away from Faith to sit on the couch. The brunette thought about sitting next to her but wanted to keep the upper hand. More importantly, she wanted the blonde to be honest with her.

"Faith, I just . . . " she started but stopped when she heard the door open. Both women turned as Willow walked into the living room with a smile on her face.

"Hi, Buff," she greeted, smiling, before turning to the brunette slayer. Her smile started to fade but she kept it, even though it looked fake now. "Hey, Faith, I didn't know you'd be here."

"Yeah," Faith breathed out in frustration. The redhead always seemed to have the worst timing. "B and I were just going over a few things."

"Yeah," Buffy agreed, "and we're done now." She gave the brunette a hard look to emphasize her statement.

Faith thought about protesting but knew it was useless. Now that her best friend was there, Buffy definitely would not be talking, at least not about what Faith wanted to discuss.

She scowled at Buffy, a little pissed off they were interrupted and that the blonde didn't care to continue the conversation. "Sure, for now," she said through gritted teeth, looking solely at the other slayer. "I'll see you for patrol, right? Stop by my place?"

Buffy pulled a panicked face, knowing she really couldn't back out of anything with Willow there. The redhead would most likely ask questions she didn't want to answer. "Uh, sure, say 8:30?"

Faith gave her wicked grin. "It's a date."

Before Buffy could respond to the younger slayer's comment, Faith nodded at Willow and walked out the door. As she left, she could have sworn the blonde was checking her out. She hoped that would somehow help her later.

Faith spent the rest of the day in her apartment, messing around and playing video games. She also cleaned up the place a little. She didn't really feel the need to make the place spotless but she picked up all the clothes on the floor and any garbage lying around.

The whole day she felt the need to impress the older slayer in some way. She hadn't felt like that since she'd first come to Sunnydale but had gotten over it once she figured out she'd always be an outsider. Now it felt like everything had changed and outside from the sex, she didn't know why.

After ordering a pizza, making sure it arrived around the same time as Buffy, she just kicked back and waited for the blonde to show. She knew she would, too. The older slayer didn't break commitments. It was only a few minutes after the pizza arrived that she heard the doorbell.

"Hey, B," she said as she opened the door to find the blonde slayer standing there.

"Hey," was all Buffy responded with.

Faith moved aside for the other woman to enter the apartment. Buffy stepped into the place and walked toward the couch, the brunette walking behind her.

"I ordered a pizza," Faith said, trying to get a dialogue going.

"Okay," Buffy responded, not really making any eye contact.

Narrowing her eyes, Faith decided to push a button to make her talk. "So what do you say we eat and then take this into the bedroom?"

The blonde finally looked at her with wide eyes and an open mouth. "What?"

Faith grinned. "Only kidding, thought it would get you to talk."

Buffy gave her a small smile, losing her uncomfortable look. "Sure, Faith." She paused. "Where's the food?"

"In the kitchen," the younger woman said easily. "Come on. We should eat something before kicking a little vampire ass."

The pair grabbed chairs at Faith's counter and ate in a very awkward silence for about five minutes before the brunette couldn't take it any longer.

"Are you never gonna talk to me now?" she questioned through a mouthful of food.

Buffy smirked at Faith. "I don't know if I want to talk to you when you talk with your mouth full. Did anyone teach you any manners, like at all?"

"Never," Faith grinned, "and that's not what I meant. You know that."

"I know," Buffy said quietly looked down at her food. "What if I don't want to talk about anything?"

Faith stayed silent for a minute before responding. "Do you even like me at all?"

The blonde looked at her in shock, not getting what Faith meant with the question. "I . . . I . . . "

"Hold up, B," the younger slayer stopped her and clarified, "I don't mean it like that. I mean, do you just tolerate me 'cause I'm the backup slayer?"

"No," Buffy responded strongly, "of course I don't. I like having you around and you're not just the backup slayer. Why would you think that?"

"It always seems like I'm not wanted whenever the 'whole gang' is around," Faith said, a touch of bitterness evident in her voice.

She hated having this conversation just as much as Buffy. Faith was never one to show her feelings, not to anyone. She shifted uncomfortably in her chair, forcing herself to keep looking at the blonde slayer. She felt completely at Buffy's mercy right now, hanging on what she would say next, and she didn't like it.

"They reject the unfamiliar," Buffy stated simply. "I mean, I don't know. You'd have to ask them what their deal is."

"I think I'll pass," the brunette said sarcastically. She continued eating but noticed Buffy was still looking at her. "What?"

"Again with the manners," Buffy laughed a little, pointing toward Faith's open mouth. She kept her smile as she made eye contact with the brunette. "I wish we could have done this before."

Faith nodded. "I still don't see how we can't just move past this."

Buffy rubbed the side of her face. "I just can't, Faith." She looked at the small clock on the younger woman's counter and decided to avoid the subject once again. "You know, why don't we start the patrol?"

Faith just shrugged. "Whatever."

Buffy jumped up after dusting a vamp who tackled her just a moment before. Faith watched her as she brushed the dust off her chest, stomach and pants with glowing eyes.

It had been an active night for both of them, each slaying at least a dozen vampires, most likely much more. They went through four of Sunnydale's biggest cemeteries so far, some of it's "best and brightest" as Buffy put it, and none of them disappointed: vampiric activity was astoundingly high and neither slayer had much down time between fights.

The entire time Faith tried to stake her share of vamps as quickly as possible and then would lean back against a tree or tombstone and watch Buffy fight her battles. It wasn't like the more experienced slayer needed her help, even though Faith would jump in the second she thought she was needed.

The brunette just wanted to watch Buffy. She was hoping that just the simple act of watching would help jog her memory. She wanted so desperately to remember and her every thought was now dedicated to just that. While she was so deep in thought, Buffy walked up to her and was trying to get her attention.

"Hey, Faith," Buffy waved a hand in front of her face, "did I lose you?"

Faith blinked a couple times before looking into the other woman's eyes. "Sorry, just waitin' for you to finish up." She grinned. "You're getting a little slow in your old age."

"I am not old," Buffy scoffed, "I'm only a year older than you."

"And that makes you old," Faith laughed, "practically ancient in slayer years."

"So funny," the blonde said sarcastically, starting to get comfortable in their surroundings.

"Always, B," Faith grinned. She could see Buffy start to loosen up and before she knew what she was doing, she leaned in and lightly brushed her lips against the other slayer's.

Buffy didn't react like Faith thought she would, mostly that she would be knocked unconscious. Instead, the blonde just let her. It was the softest kiss Faith had ever attempted, far and away better than her dream or anything she could ever imagine.

Since Buffy didn't immediately knock her on her ass, Faith took a small step forward and put a tentative hand on her shoulder. She loved the feeling that was now washing over her, the feeling that everything was going right in the world, and wanted so much more.

Faith wanted to deepen the kiss and when she thought Buffy was starting to respond, she tried. That's when Buffy snapped out of the daze she seemed to be in because she backed away from the younger slayer. She looked embarrassed and Faith could swear she was blushing.

"Buffy . . . " Faith started but stopped when the blonde looked at her.

"Why did you do that?"

Faith just looked at her, trying to read what was in her eyes. "I had to know."

"What?" Buffy asked in a quiet voice.

"I had to know what it was like," Faith replied, a small smile appearing on her face. She took a small step toward her. "I wanna kiss you again."

"Faith . . . "

"Don't tell me you didn't feel anything," Faith said, "I know you did. I could feel it."

Buffy looked at her with a frightened expression, making Faith confident that the blonde did in fact feel something. She took another small step forward.

"Why can't you be honest with me?"

"Faith . . . " Buffy started, but stopped. She looked everywhere except at the younger slayer, almost like she was trying to find the easiest way to escape. "I just . . . I can't do this right now."

Before Faith could respond or try to convince the blonde there was nothing to be afraid of, the older woman bolted, racing out of the cemetery before Faith could grab her.

Faith just watched her go, knowing deep down she would only make things worse if she went after her. The blonde was holding back for some reason and Faith was going to find out why. She just needed to bide her time.

Once Faith got back to her apartment, she cleaned up and went right to sleep. She was so exhausted, both from slaying and from her encounter with Buffy, that she didn't have the energy to do anything else.

As soon as her head hit the pillow Faith started to dream again. For a while, random images filled her head and she didn't even realize what exactly she was dreaming. Then she saw Buffy's face and knew what was happening.

She was on her couch with the blonde again. Faith could see everything a little clearer than the previous dream so she could see what exactly they were drinking, at her apartment anyway. Bottles of whiskey, vodka and even a bottle of cheap rum were on her table. At first all Faith could think was why they'd brought out her bottle of rum since she knew Buffy hated it, but the sight of the older slayer took hold of her attention as soon as she saw her again.

Buffy was laughing at her, or at least that's what it looked like. It still felt like she needed to turn up the volume because Faith could still only hear certain parts of the conversation and that wasn't much at all. No matter how hard she tried to concentrate she couldn't hear any more than that.

Since she couldn't hear much, Faith just took the time to observe her fellow slayer. Buffy couldn't keep a straight face which only proved to the brunette that she was in her "happy drunk" phase. She looked so beautiful and Faith had to stop herself from reaching out to her. She could feel she wanted to but didn't want to freak the other woman out.

She watched the scene unfold in front of her as Buffy started to get closer to her on the couch. Every time the blonde moved a little closer to her, Faith did the same, almost like she felt Buffy was asking her to with each move forward. It was like a little game they were playing, one Faith desperately wanted to win. She could feel herself wanting her.

After what seemed like an eternity, the pair was finally just inches from each other. Even in the dream, Faith could feel the hot breath coming from the other girl. She could feel the tension between them. It was unlike anything she had ever felt.

Before she could even observe any more of her surroundings, Buffy leaned in and kissed her. It was so soft, much like the one the brunette had attempted earlier that night. Faith felt a little shocked by the move but she could tell she had been drunk enough not to protest or question. She also knew she wanted to see how far this would go.

Buffy's hands slowly moved to her shoulders, lightly gripping her. All the blonde's movements were tentative yet still persistent as she pulled Faith closer to her. The younger slayer took the next step, sliding her tongue easily into Buffy's accepting mouth. Even though Buffy had started everything, Faith loved to take control.

Faith could feel herself getting more and more wet as the pair made out on her couch. Buffy seemed to lead matters, pulling Faith to her and moving her hands off her shoulders only to wrap her arms around her back. The brunette soon had her hands in blonde hair as the pair continued until they couldn't breathe.

Images started to become hazy and Faith knew she was losing the dream. She tried desperately to keep hold of it but everything was starting to fade. She looked at Buffy as they broke apart and all she could see was that she was breathing heavy. The older woman gave her a small smile before moving in again.

Just then, Faith woke up. She shook her head angrily.

"You've got to be kidding me!"

Leave Feedback || Chapter Four -->

Chapter One || Chapter Two || Chapter Three || Chapter Four || Chapter Five || Chapter Six || Chapter Seven || Chapter Eight

Back to Hayley's Page

Home ||| Buffy Fics ||| Non-Buffy Fics ||| Other Authors ||| Site Updates ||| Update Alerts