Trying To Remember
by Hayley

Title: Trying To Remember

Rating: NC17

Pairing: Buffy/Faith

Disclaimer: These characters are not mine and I make no money off this.

Summary: Faith wakes up and can't remember the night before.

Chapter One

Faith woke up in a daze, not really realizing where she was. She squinted and looked around the sunlit room. It only took her a moment to realize she was in the bedroom of her apartment which relieved her more than anything. The last thing she ever wanted was to wake in someone else's unfamiliar bedroom. It was awkward to say the least.>

She rolled over so she was on her back, her eyes wandering everywhere. The brunette didn't want to get out of bed and thankfully, didn't think she needed to. From what she could tell, she was alone in the place. She looked on the floor and couldn't see anyone's clothes other than her own and didn't hear the shower or anyone walking around the apartment. That was a good thing since anyone who came over to her place should have known better than to attempt to stay the night. If that happened, heads would roll once she got up.

The only problem was she was naked and the room reeked of sex. Neither one was out of the ordinary in any way but Faith squinted her eyes in frustration in spite of it. She couldn't remember a good part of last night. She didn't know if she'd gotten all horizontal with anyone and if she had, she couldn't remember who with.

Faith rested her head against her pillow and covered her eyes with her hands. She'd gone out last night but it hadn't been with anyone special and she hadn't been specifically looking for someone to scratch that itch she always seemed to have. In fact, the only thing she'd done yesterday was gone on a normal patrol with Buffy and then went to the Bronze after.

Sighing, she got up and walked around the room, a hand in her hair. She was completely naked but the cool morning air didn't bother her: she had more important things to worry about. She had never blacked out before, not from alcohol or anything else. It just wasn't normal, not for her.

The whole gang had been drinking at the Bronze last night and Faith drank more than the rest of them. That also wasn't all that unusual. They had never really warmed up to her even with all the help she's given them over the last year and the brunette always compensated for it by drinking enough to not care.

Faith quickly went and showered, still trying to remember the missing portion of the previous night but coming up empty nonetheless. She went through all the people she saw and flirted with at the club and none of them struck her as anyone she'd ever want to fuck, neither men nor women. With a couple of them, she knew they'd be too clingy to leave once her itch was scratched and that was always to be avoided.

Getting out of the shower, the brunette got dressed and paced around her apartment once before crashing in a chair. She tried to go through the evening step by step. She remembered going to the Bronze and not really wanting to talk to any of the regular gang or maybe it was them not wanting to talk to her, she didn't know. She might have made one or two crass comments at them before deciding her time was best spent at the bar. She had ordered some drinks and Buffy joined her. She talked to the blonde for a while, did a few shots, maybe more than a few, and then nothing.

"Why the fuck can't I remember?" she asked aloud, shaking her head in frustration.

It wasn't like this happened all the time: it never happened. If anything could be said about the younger slayer, it was that she could handle drinking. In fact, much more than her fellow slayer.

Buffy had a few drinks with her the previous night and really didn't handle the alcohol all that well. She never did and nights out with her usually ended with someone driving her home with the blonde babbling like the happy drunk she normally was. At least, that's how it always was when she drank with Faith. It was always a competition between the two to see who could drink more. Faith always won.

That never seemed to matter to Buffy though. She always wanted to try to out-drink the brunette and always ended up wrecked. Faith found it hilarious, the night's entertainment for her, but the rest of the gang never saw it the same way. They always looked frustrated and angry with the younger woman, like it was her fault. It might have been in a way, but it wasn't like Faith forced the booze down Buffy's throat. The brunette figured it was just easier for them to blame her than to fault Buffy in any way. It always looked like the older slayer was perfect in their eyes.

Faith groaned and stood, stretching out. It was already starting to get warm outside so she had on a simple pair of cutoff shorts and a skimpy tank top which bared her midriff every time she moved. She considered asking Buffy what exactly happened last night but didn't want to come off as a lush. The last thing she wanted was the older slayer to think she bested her at something. Faith didn't know if she could take that kind of humiliation. Buffy would never let her hear the end of it.

Looking over at the clock, the brunette saw it was nearly noon and remembered she had to see Buffy anyway. She had to meet her for lunch. They were supposed to discuss possibly patrolling in shifts so the other could get nights, or parts of nights, off, something Faith would be very agreeable to, even though it might mean less time with Buffy.

"At least I remember that much," Faith mumbled to herself, sneering in disgust. For some reason, she needed to know what happened last night. The situation gave her the feeling of a loss of control and she hated that more than the actual loss of memory.

Instead of dwelling on it any longer, she simply grabbed her keys and raced out the door. She knew how Buffy hated it when she was late.

As Faith raced up to the door of the blonde slayer's house, she wondered what exactly Buffy would say to her about the previous night. It wasn't like she could prepare for anything the other woman had to say. She had to assume they both just got completely wasted and maybe neither of them remembered. At least, that's what she hoped.

She stopped when she reached the door, quickly brushing herself off, straightening her clothes and running a hand through her hair. The brunette always figured just because she had the image of bad-ass to uphold that didn't mean she couldn't worry about her appearance no matter if she looked tough or not. Sometimes it just paid to look wicked hot.

Not that it helped her any with Buffy, however. Even though she knew there was no chance, Faith always secretly wondered what it would be like to fuck Buffy Summers. She knew the older slayer wasn't ever very up front about her sex life but the brunette couldn't help but think all that changed in the bedroom. She'd only had about a thousand fantasies about that very situation.

Taking a deep breath and shaking all thoughts of Buffy-sex out of her head, Faith reached out and knocked sharply on the door. There was no immediate answer and she scowled. Here she was actually on time for once and Buffy wasn't opening the door for her.

Faith knocked twice more before she heard someone stumbling down the stairs and toward the door. The blonde opened it after a moment, looking a little worse for wear. Faith smirked, now having proof she wasn't the only one who drank heavily last night.

"Hey, B," she grinned at her, "you look like shit."

Buffy's immediate response was to blush profusely. She regained her composure after just a moment but Faith caught it easily. She tried to figure out the best way to use this to her advantage but the blonde spoke before she could think of anything.

"I didn't think you'd show up," she said a little nervously, keeping an uncomfortable grip on the door.

"Why not, girlfriend?" Faith asked, keeping her grin. "You were supposed to feed me. Like I'm gonna pass that up."

"Well, last night got kind of . . . " Buffy started but drifted off. She stared at the floor, not meeting Faith's eyes, almost like she was embarrassed.

"Kind of what? We both got drunk. No big," the younger slayer shrugged. "Looks like you got the worst of it, too. Did the rest of them give you shit about that?"

"No," she responded, still standing in the doorway, "they didn't really see me all that drunk."

Faith nodded and raised an eyebrow, seeing she was still at the door and Buffy was blocking her from going inside. "Are you gonna let me in?"

Buffy realized what she was doing and stepped aside. "Uh, yeah. Come in."

The brunette walked into the house and right to the living room. She sat down on the couch and looked up at Buffy who had followed behind her.

"I guess there's no food, huh?" she winked at her, causing the older slayer to blush again. Faith didn't know how exactly to take that so she ignored it completely. The blonde was acting a little out of the ordinary, even for her. "Okay . . . you wanna go somewhere? After you've cleaned up, of course."

"Uh, I don't know, Faith," Buffy mumbled, sitting down in a chair. "I think I might need some alone time today."

Faith scowled at her. "You're the one who wanted to do this, B," she said, just looking at her and trying to figure her out. "What the hell's the deal?"

Buffy looked at her with more than a little shock. "The deal? I can't believe you'd even ask me that."

Faith furrowed her brow. Something was obviously bothering her fellow slayer and she wasn't exactly being forthcoming with why. "Obviously I need to because I have no idea what the fuck is wrong."

"Do you even remember last night at all?" Buffy asked angrily. She got up and paced the living room while Faith just stared at her.

The younger slayer didn't know where all the hostility was coming from. She couldn't have done anything that bad the night before. She always tried to watch herself around Buffy to at least make sure she didn't cross the unspoken line the two had: talk about nothing too personal or too overtly sexual. Sure, she came close to it, probably even stepped on it once or twice, but she never crossed the line.

Faith also didn't want to admit she couldn't remember the night before. Buffy obviously did and that meant she probably drank a lot less than the brunette. She didn't want the older woman to lord it over her but she couldn't think of anything to cover up the fact she couldn't remember.

"No, I don't," Faith sighed, seeing no use in hiding it. "I don't remember a fucking thing."

Buffy's eyes nearly bulged out of her head as she looked down at Faith. She crossed her arms and stared the other woman down.

"How the hell can you not remember?" she nearly screamed, not containing herself the way she probably wanted. She looked incredibly angry but also maybe a little scared, too. Faith couldn't help but think she looked hot with the expression she had on her face.

"I drank a lot," Faith responded in an even tone and was a little proud of herself for being the calm one in the situation. "I thought you did, too."

"Yeah, I did," the blonde said harshly, "otherwise I wouldn't have made such a huge mistake."

Faith stood up angrily, still not knowing what the hell happened last night. "Can you clue me in here, B? I don't know what the fuck you're talking about."

The older slayer squared off with Faith, almost like she was ready for a fight. "We drank a lot at the bar and lost track of the others. After the Bronze shut down, we walked back to your apartment for some after hours drinking. One thing led to another . . . "

Faith's mouth dropped as the realization hit her. She was sure she was hearing Buffy wrong. "We fucked?"

"That's just a great way to describe it," Buffy commented bitterly, the anger on her face still showing.

"How do you want me to describe it? I don't even fucking remember it!" Faith yelled. She paced for a few steps before sitting back down on the couch, putting her head in her hands.

"I don't know," Buffy sighed. "I don't even know how it happened. One minute we're laughing and drinking and the next we're kissing . . . then everything else happened."

Faith shook her head and looked at the floor. She didn't know what to be disgusted with more: the fact she actually had crossed that line with Buffy or the fact she'd finally gotten into the blonde's pants and couldn't remember. She wondered what it had been like.

"Did you leave right after?" Faith furrowed her brow, trying to fit the missing pieces of last night together.

"Yes," Buffy scowled, "we both passed out but when I came to I left."

Faith nodded. She didn't know what to say about anything. The older woman was probably very pissed at her and she didn't want to make it worse. Even though the brunette didn't mind being alone most of the time, she had gotten used to Buffy being there for her. Even though she didn't want to admit it, she liked being around her.

"Look, B," Faith started out but the blonde stopped her.

"I really don't want to hear any comments from you, Faith," she said quickly, not making any eye contact with the younger woman. "I know you don't remember last night so lets both just forget it."

Faith just observed her for a moment. Buffy was looked very uncomfortable with her and still refused to look at her. The brunette couldn't help but wonder what exactly they had actually done.

"Fine," she said, trying not to sound bitter, "you're obviously not going to say anything to me about this anyway."

"What the hell do you want me to say?" Buffy asked, finally looking back at her.

"Shit, it wasn't that horrible, was it?" Faith asked back, not really knowing if she wanted the answer.

Buffy blushed again and lowered her head, bringing her right hand up to rub her temple. She looked like she didn't even know how to respond to such a question.

"You know what?" Faith narrowed her eyes at the blonde. "Don't answer that question. I don't wanna know and don't care. I'm out of here."

The older slayer didn't even respond as Faith turned and walked quickly out the door.

The rest of the day Faith spent holed up in her apartment, depressed as hell. She only stopped once on the way back to her place, grabbing a quick burger, and then just stayed in.

She was still in a little shock at what had supposedly happened the night before. If it had been any other night and if she had remembered, she'd be jumping up and down right now. Getting laid was one thing, but scoring Buffy was another matter entirely.

Deep down, it was something she always wanted to do and even dreamed of, more so than she could ever admit to herself. It was like the brunette slayer's ultimate goal, one she figured she could never, ever reach. She never thought any amount of flirting or alcohol would ever get the older woman to shed her inhibitions and let Faith have her way with her.

Ever since the first moment she saw her, Faith knew if she ever had the chance to fuck Buffy Summers, she would take it and damn the consequences. Now that it actually happened though, the younger slayer didn't know whether she wanted to know what those consequences would be. She wanted Buffy as a just a fellow slayer at the very least but she didn't know whether that was even an option now.

The one thing Faith had been trying to figure out ever since she left the blonde's house was why Buffy even went that far with her in the first place. Faith had always thought the other woman was straight as an arrow, in no way ready to experiment with another woman.

Maybe Buffy finally decided to live a little and experiment. It seemed about damn time to Faith but she couldn't figure out why the little blonde had decided to experiment with her. Buffy hated her or at the very least didn't like her all that much. It just didn't make any sense to the younger woman at all.

She leaned her head back on the headrest of her recliner and took another swig from her bottle of whiskey. Her head hurt from all the thinking and the alcohol probably wasn't helping any but it was the one thing that always helped the young slayer deal. And she couldn't deal with this situation.

Faith wasn't good with dealing and hated the unfamiliar. She had the tendency to lash out at things she didn't understand and this unbelievable situation wasn't any different. She wanted to go back and scream at Buffy, shaking the truth out of her, whatever that was. The realization that nothing positive could come from doing that stopped her.

The question that kept going through the brunette's mind, over and over, was why the hell Buffy had gone along with anything they had done. Faith knew she could be aggressive but she also knew that she would never have forced the other woman into doing something she didn't want to. Even though she could get a little rough, especially when she was in an ultra horny state, she knew she would never force Buffy. She was sure of that.

Faith squeezed her eyes shut, trying to stop her brain, and maybe even the room at this point, from spinning. Something had to be done about the situation she was now in and it pissed her off that she couldn't think of a solution.

She hadn't the slightest idea how she was going to patrol tonight.

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Chapter Two || Chapter Three || Chapter Four || Chapter Five || Chapter Six || Chapter Seven || Chapter Eight

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