Two days have come and gone since B found out I have a liking of the girls and things have gotten a little better between us. The next morning I made her a big breakfast which is always a way to get on her good side. Not that I needed it though: she seemed to only need a night to kinda get over it anyway. It doesn't feel like she was wigging because of the gay thing so much. I have a feeling it was something else, something she's not telling me.
That's the furthest from my mind right now since it's morning and I'm in bed contemplating how long I can stay in here before Buffy starts buggin' me about getting up. She's all excited because Xander's coming to visit today and he hasn't been here for about four months. I'm excited, too, but not enough to get up before I feel like it.
We don't see Xander very much anymore. After living in LA for a few months he decided he wanted a change and moved to Houston. I guess he didn't want to keep up with what we were doing here. He told us he wanted to try something else since he felt like he finally could but that doesn't mean he's completely gone either. If he sees anything out of the ordinary where he is, whether its vamps, demons or even a young slayer, he's on the phone to Giles.
I sit up and listen, hearing that Buffy is up and running around the apartment. I can also tell that she's heading to my room so I quickly jump up and throw on some clothes. Even though I live with B, I still like to sleep naked and I'm not gonna change that no matter who I live with. Thankfully, I manage to toss on a t-shirt and some shorts as my door opens.
"Faith, Xander's going to be here in a half hour. When are you getting up?"
"Uh, now?" I say, not knowing what the correct answer is.
She shakes her head at me. "Well, get up."
I lift an eyebrow as she leaves but I know she's just excited. She loves seeing the old gang and I love to see her happy. Of course, I like seeing Xander, too. We bonded while he was living here, especially when he called me on the fact I'm head over heels for B. I denied it at first because I thought for sure he'd tell her but he wore me down and swore he'd never say anything. After that we became friends since he knew what it was like to have unrequited Buffy love.
Because Buffy'll get all irritated if I don't, I make an attempt to get ready as quick as I can. She leaves me alone so I can but that's mostly because she's trying to make the apartment look perfect. I'm putting the finishing touches on my makeup when the door buzzer goes off.
"Xander?" I hear Buffy ask into the intercom. "Come on up."
I keep working away as she runs into the kitchen and then back out. I'd ask what she'd doing but then she'll make me help do whatever. That's something I like to avoid but I do come out when there's a knock on the door, entering the living room as she opens it.
"Where are my two favorite slayers?"
"Xander!" Buffy gives him a hug as he walks in, using some of her slayer strength, too.
"Good to see you too, Buff," Xander grunts out.
"B, let him breathe," I say, walking toward them. She does but as soon as she's clear, I give him a hug, too. I just don't try to suffocate him.
"I'm happy I still got a way with the ladies," Xander jokes as he carries his duffle bag in. He's only staying for three days since that's all he could get off. He works for some construction company and they always have him busy with something.
"You always will, X-Man." I take his arm and move him fully into the apartment. "How's work?"
"Busy," he answers as he sits on the couch. B sits next to him while I kick back on the recliner. "Did Giles tell you about the girl I found?"
Buffy turns her body to him, giving him her full attention. "He mentioned something about a possible slayer but never said anything else. What happened?"
He smirks. "Turns out she only looked like she had slayer strength because she was crazy and didn't care if she broke bones, hers or anyone else's. I think she's in jail for assault right now."
I don't think that necessarily means she's not a slayer but I'm sure Giles looked into it. We've had a couple slayers that have been a little crazy, not handling the strength and slayer dreams all that well, but Buffy and I don't see them until after they've gone to England to calm down a little. Giles doesn't trust us yet with unstable slayers and I don't blame him. I don't want that kind of responsibility.
"Do you wanna see the updates to the facility?" Buffy asks, suddenly all perky now that Xander's here.
"Sure, Buff," he says with a smile. "Is it too early for you though?"
I can't help but laugh at that. "We'll be fine. We've been known to show before noon now."
"That's true," Buffy agrees. "Let me grab a couple things and we can go." She gives Xander another little hug and walks back to her room.
Xander watches her leave then turns to me, a knowing smile on his face. "So . . . how's it been?"
"Fine," I answer quickly.
I stare at him long and hard before answering. "It sucks but she's single at least. For now."
"I'm sure you're doing your best to keep it that way," he says with a shake of his head. "You should tell her."
"Tell me what?" Buffy asks as she walks back into the room.
"Nothing, B," I say quickly, fighting the panicked look that's threatening to show on my face and I think I succeed. "You ready?"
"Yeah, grab your bag and let's go."
I pick up my training gear and follow the two of them out the door. Xander shakes his head at me again and I narrow my eyes in response. That was too close a call and I don't want Buffy to find out that way. I still don't know how I want to tell her or if I have the courage to at all.
"I kind of miss patrolling."
"No, you don't, Xander," Buffy says, turning back to him as he sits in the backseat of my SUV. "You just don't remember how much of a pain it is sometimes."
"Like when?" I ask. She always makes a big deal about patrolling but I know she loves it as much as I do. I see it in her eyes every time we're out. Nothing beats the feel of dusting a vamp. Except sex, of course.
"Like when I have to make up some lame excuse to my date and they think I don't want to see them again even though I really do but I have some slayer emergency," she says and shifts in the passenger seat, probably still irritated she was outvoted to drive. At least Xander remembered what a terror she is in the driver's seat and knew enough to side with me on driving. "Not that you would know that. Did you know that Faith doesn't date, Xander?"
I look in the rearview mirror to see Xander smirking and I know this whole talking while driving back idea is gonna turn bad fast. "Really? Why is that, Faith?"
If I didn't like Xander so much, I'd really hate him right now. "Most people I meet aren't worth my time," I say, trying to keep it simple.
"That's not a good excuse," he says. "I bet you're crushing on someone but don't want to say anything."
You know, I don't like him very much anymore. "That wouldn't matter and I don't have a crush."
"You have a crush?" B asks, apparently ignoring my response, and she's all giddy about it. I'm so never gonna hear the end of this. "It's not one of the watchers, is it? Please don't tell me it's one of the slayers we train 'cause they're all way too young for you."
"No, if I was crushing on someone, and I'm not, it would never be any of them," I answer, focusing my glare on Xander in the back. If I could convince myself he was a demon just so I could kick his ass, I would. "Can we drop it?"
"Fine," Buffy says, hopefully noticing my dislike for this conversation. "For now."
I inwardly groan but don't say anything else. I really wish she'd leave the subject alone but now I'm having terrible visions of her trying just as hard to set me up with girls, too, or trying to be extra observant in order to find out who I like. B's never been one to let anything simply drop either. She's gonna keep questioning me and nagging at me until I tell her and I don't want to lie about who I'm falling for or maybe even in love with. I'm just not ready to tell her the truth yet.
For the rest of the drive back all of us are quiet and I'm way happy about it. I don't want to talk about anything else. At this point, I only want to get some sleep and hope that Buffy really does stop trying to figure out my Xander invented crush. It's more than a crush now anyway. My feelings are way too intense to be a simple crush. Right now, I want more than just her body but I'm not going to put her on some pedestal either. I want everything about her, faults and all, and I know she'll freak if I tell her that.
Once we get back, Buffy says good night to Xander and me after a couple minutes, leaving us alone in the living room. I grab a blanket and pillow for him since he's sleeping on the couch but I throw them at him as soon as Buffy closes her door.
"You suck, yunno that?" I whisper angrily, taking a few steps toward him.
"Sorry, but it looks like you need some help," he says, keeping his voice down. "What are you going to do when she finds a guy she actually wants to get serious with?"
"I'm gonna start drinking . . . heavily," I say. I always hope that day will never come but if it does, that's all I'll come up with.
He laughs and shakes his head lightly. "Faith, you can't do that. The two of you are finally close and she'll notice if you're drinking every day. You'll lose your best friend."
"I don't know what I'll do then," I respond. "I'm not ready to say anything. I'll lose my best friend then, too."
"I don't know. Maybe you'll just gain a girlfriend," he says almost like he knows something.
I raise an eyebrow at his tone. If he knows something, he sure as hell better share. "Do you know something I don't?"
"No, I only notice how she looks at you," Xander says as he sits on the couch. "She cares about you and you'd be stupid not to see that."
"There's a difference between caring about me and wanting to be more than friends," I challenge. "It doesn't work the way you think it does, Xander."
"Whatever you say. I hope you stop being scared before she finds someone," he says. "After everything you've done the last few years you deserve to be happy, Faith. You know that, right?"
I scowl at him 'cause I know he's right. I hate that. "Good night, Xander."
"Good night, Faith."
"Are you seeing anyone, Xander?" I ask as we eat lunch the next day. I figure I should turn the tables on him since last night it was all about me. There are times when I love being the center of attention but last night was in no way an example of that.
"Yeah, are you?" Buffy chimes in.
"Nothing serious," Xander says as he swallows a bite of his sandwich. "One of the guys I work with set me up with his sister and we actually hit it off. We're not all that serious but I like her and she's not a demon or anything. Definitely a plus."
I let out a laugh, not being able to stop myself. That's just too funny. "That you know of."
B smacks my arm lightly as she smiles at Xander, probably trying to be reassuring. "Don't listen to her. I'm sure she's completely human."
All three of us look at each other and start laughing at how weird this conversation should be and how normal it is for us. Xander has never had the best luck with the ladies or picking out a human in a group of girls though. It'll be cool for him if she turns out normal but I know I'll find it hysterical if she turns out to be some sort of demon. That's just the sick sense of humor I have.
"So far so good," Xander says as we all stop laughing.
We eat quietly for a few minutes and I'm really hoping Xander changes the subject enough for B not to hassle me about the crush she imagines I have. She hasn't brought it up yet but that doesn't make me any less nervous. Ever since I moved in with her, I've developed a sixth sense that lets me know when she's about to ask me to do something I don't like or when she's gonna embarrass me. That sense is going off like a fire alarm right now.
"So, have you two heard from Willow lately?" Xander asks, leaning back in his chair as he finishes off his food.
Buffy shakes her head. "Not for the last month or so. I think her and Kennedy are still in England with the coven."
"Whenever I call to catch up Kennedy tells me she's on another plane of existence or working on a spell or something but I did talk to her a couple weeks ago," Xander says.
"How is she?" I ask politely.
I'm pretty indifferent to Willow. We never really bonded but we have a mutual respect for each other. She knows that I'm trying to make up for my misdeeds and I know in a way, so is she. I mean, I fucked up but she tried to end the world, you know? That's definitely something to make up for.
"She's doing work for Giles, making sure they don't miss any young slayers, especially ones in trouble." He pauses. "I think she might marry Kennedy, too."
"Really?" Buffy exclaims. "That's . . . great."
I can't help but smirk at her response. I know she's not exactly friends with Kennedy and that's part of the reason she gave such a lackluster response but I think she's a little jealous, too. Not that she wants to marry Willow or anything, I hope not anyway, but I bet she wants to be the first of the scoobies to get married. I think Xander thinks the same since he's smirking at me, too.
"Good for them," I say before anyone can say anything else. "They've been shacking up for long enough."
Xander nods and turns to Buffy, grinning. "I bet you want to find someone now, settle down."
"At this point, I think Faith has a better chance of settling down before I do," she sighs.
I bet I should probably feel insulted at that but I know she didn't mean it as an insult at me. It's more her being depressed at not having a boyfriend. I look to Xander and he gives me a little nod but if he thinks this is a good opportunity for me to tell Buffy how I feel he must be drinking. There's no way I can tell her like this. She'll probably think I'm joking and I can't take that rejection, especially not in front of Xander. No, I definitely don't want an audience when she shoots me down. I don't know if I could come back from that.
"I really doubt that, B," is all I say and Xander shakes his head at me which only makes me wanna tell him off.
"I don't know, Faith. What about that crush?" B asks with a devious smirk on her face.
I groan as Xander laughs. "For the last time, B, I do not have a crush on anyone. Xander's talking outta his ass. Now can you please drop it already?"
She looks to Xander and they smile at each other before she looks to me. "Fine but I would think my best friend would be able to tell me if she was crushing on someone."
I'm her best friend? I can't help but grin at the fact she actually said it but it doesn't change anything. I'm not gonna try and come up with something just to throw her off track. "B, there's nothing to tell, okay?"
"Fine," she says flatly. I think she wants to pout to try and get it out of me but doesn't since Xander's here. "I'm just trying to help, you know."
I nod and give her a little smirk. "If I need any help, I'll ask."
Xander looks at both of us and I can tell he wants to tell Buffy how much I want her but he doesn't since he always told me he wouldn't. I would've never admitted anything to him if I thought he was lying. He's pretty loyal like that and he knows I'll hunt him down if he ever said anything. A little fear can be good sometimes.
"Well, ladies, I think it's about time to get training. All those young slayers aren't going to guide themselves."
B nods. "You're right. We've got a couple of new ones today for Faith so we should get going."
Great, I'd forgotten about that. I get to have one on one time with slayers who wanna know what it's like to kill a human. This day's bound to suck now.
"Do you know why you're here?"
This new girl, Bec, is sitting across from me, arms crossed, and it looks like the last thing she wants to be doing right now is talking to me. "'Cause I woke up one morning with super powers."
Okay, that's not what I was going for. I take a quick glance at my watch and hope this won't take too long. Buffy threatened to clean which means she wants to throw out some of my stuff. I need to stop her before that happens and I know Xander will find it funny and won't do a thing if she starts throwing things away. "I thought I was going for why do you think you're here talking to me but whatever. Go ahead and waste my time."
She scowls at me, arms still crossed in defiance. "Is this because I picked a fight with those two bitches?"
We're in one of the watcher's offices and I'm a little uncomfortable sitting behind a desk. It's kinda way out of my element. Bec's sitting on the other side of the desk and looks just how I would look if I got called into the office. That's another reason I don't wanna be in here too long. I'm getting some wicked junior high school flashbacks.
I look down at the notes Buffy gave me to get the names of the girls or I would have to refer to them as "those two bitches". That would kinda defeat the point of this little talk. "I think you should call them Alyssa and Lana. If you'd like, I can give you a cheat sheet."
"Whatever," she says and looks away. I normally don't go for sarcasm right away but I wanna get to the point and this kid knows it. She shifts in her sheet but doesn't look at me. "They were making fun of me," she mumbles.
This is different. I don't normally have to settle the catty bullshit teen fights that go on here. Those are all for B or any watcher brave enough to get in the middle. It's my job to step in when some of the girls get overzealous in training and need to get knocked in the head so they get that sparring doesn't mean beat on another slayer. I may not know what to do here.
"What were they saying?" I ask and try not to sigh. I know I have to preach the violence against other slayers is one big no-no but when I was that age, I would've done the exact same thing. At the same time, this feels like a waste of my time.
Bec looks up and narrows her eyes at me. "They called me fat."
I have to fight not to smile at that one. Talk about lack of originality. Isn't that the response someone says when they run out of things to call you? It's also beyond not true. These girls are all slayers without an inch of fact on them but they all call each other that anyway.
"And you thought the best way to even the score was to test out your slayer strength on your peers?"
"The way I hear it, you did the same once," she responds bitterly.
"Yeah and look where it got me," I say quickly, not wanting to get too much into my past with this talk. "I got to spend a couple fabulous years in prison and I've got a lifetime of bad choices to make up for. I'm way lucky anyone even thought to give me a second chance."
"You mean like Buffy?" she asks.
"She's one of them," I say, not stopping the small smile that automatically appears on my face when someone brings up Buffy. "It took me a few years to prove myself and one reason you're in this place is so you won't stray like that."
"Is this one of those pep talks? The one where you tell me not to be like you?"
I laugh. "No, you don't got what it takes to be like me. The way I see it, you came in here thinking you were tougher than anyone and it took what, a day to prove that little theory wrong?"
"No," she says but I know she's lying. She may have gotten a couple good shots in but she picked a fight with not one but two slayers that have had more training than her. She's got a number of bruises that'll last a couple days.
"Look, you're here to be trained to fight vampires and demons twice your size and win. Don't let any other bullshit distract from that. Teasing is nothing compared to what you'll face once you start patrolling."
"And this is where you say you'll be here if I need anything, right?" she asks and I wanna smack her for acting every bit the fifteen year old she is.
"No," I say, smirking. "I don't want you to have any problems that you'll need to come to me for. I'll tell you what I tell everyone else. Have a problem: go to Buffy."
She finally gives me something that may actually be considered a smile. "She know you say that?"
"Probably," I respond with a shrug. "Now we're good, right? No more givin' vain teenage girls black eyes. I don't care what they say."
Bec nods then smirks at me. "Fine. Next time I'll make sure it's during one of the training sessions."
I shake my head but just wave her out of the room. I'll deal with that little comment if and when it happens and that's the furthest from my mind once she's out of the room. Now I need to go save my stuff from Buffy.
Buffy's decided we're not bonding enough, what with us living and working together and all that, so she's been trying to come up with bonding ideas the entire patrol. I keep saying no to everything and it's making her all kinds of frustrated. What can I say? She's really cute when she's frustrated and it's wicked funny.
It's been a week since Xander left and the rest of his visit was pretty uneventful. After I threatened him with total blindness he backed off trying to get Buffy to figure out that I want her in the biggest way. Instead he went on about liking his "normal" life and joked that we were too old to be slaying all the time. It was Buffy's turn to threaten him after that but unlike my threat, hers was a joke.
After he left we went back to our normal routine. We been training and I've been making it through my designated one on one time with each of the newest group of girls. Most of them come in a little full of themselves with their slayer strength so Buffy thought I should be the one to take them down a notch. It's been working for the most part even though some of them need to get their ass handed to them in a training room before they realize why they need to be here.
I even had a normal conversation with one of them today even though she told me it was weird B and I only hang together, that we don't have other friends to go out with. I never really think of it that way and only told her that it's easier to be around someone who knows exactly who you are. I wanted to add she's the only one I've ever been able to stand for an extended period of time but I figured that might get back to Buffy and I'd never hear the end of it.
As far as Buffy's dating quest, I successfully deflected some offers various guys threw her way. I blew off the couple guys and even a girl Buffy threw mine. Life's been surprisingly good with the possible exception of this bonding idea.
"B, why do you think we need to bond?" I ask as I wipe vamp dust off my jeans. This last one I dusted was a quick fight but a gust of wind came up as I plunged the stake in and I got nasty vamp dust all over my clothes. Good thing I learned to never inhale when staking.
"I feel like I don't know enough about you," she responds, wiping dust off my arm as we begin to walk out of the alley we just had a fight in.
"B, you know everything about me." She really does. I've told her pretty much everything, including what it was like in prison and my life in Boston before I was called. She knows all my ups and downs. The only thing I haven't told her are my feelings for her.
"Not true," she challenges and gives me a serious look. "You never told me you . . ."
". . . like girls," she finishes as she looks away.
I feel like there should be a flashing bulb above my head or something. I should've known that was the reason but I don't get why it's such a big deal to her. I doubt she made this much fuss when Willow came out. "Look, I'm sorry I didn't tell you about that. I didn't think it was a big deal."
"Of course it is," she says and her voice is a little louder than I want it to be. We're not exactly being slayer stealthy right now. "Here I feel like an idiot 'cause I was trying to set you up with guys when you never told me you were into girls instead. No wonder you weren't interested."
"So not why I wasn't interested," I mumble but continue before B can pick up on it. "You're not an idiot, B. I like guys, too."
She nods but doesn't say anything else as we walk down the street. I know I should probably say something else but I don't exactly have a way with words and I know the next thing out of my mouth will not be taken the way I intend, no matter what it is. It's easier to stay quiet and safer, too. It also gives both of us the opportunity to listen to our surroundings in search of the next vamp or demon.
"What if we go on a vacation?" B suddenly suggests.
"A vacation?" I ask with a raised eyebrow. This sounds a lot like the retreat idea she pitched about a half hour ago. I didn't like it then and I won't like it any better now if that's what she's getting at.
"Yeah, a vacation. You know, go somewhere warm and sunny, preferably with a beach, and just relax with a drink or two," she says, looking over at me with a grin. "No junior slayers or stuffy watchers, just you and me doing some Chosen Two bonding."
She could have mentioned this before and saved a lot of time, not to mention many eye rolls from me. A vacation's more than okay with me, especially since I've never really been on one. I have a feeling there's a catch though so I can't get my hopes up but it's not gonna stop me from imaging how incredible B would look stretching out on the beach in a little bikini.
"Okay, that idea has promise," I respond, giving her a little smile.
"I knew it," she says, a huge grin on her face. "We can tell Giles we want a vacation and then pick a spot. Who knows? Maybe we'll even meet some guys there . . . or girls, of course."
"Whatever," is all I can say. I knew my happiness was too good to be true.
I really don't understand why Buffy feels we both need to be dating, that we both need to have a boyfriend or girlfriend or whatever. I know she's only trying to make me happy, or that's what she says anyway, but I'd much rather hang out with her than go on any date. She should realize that by now since I've told her a thousand times I'm not interested in dating. There's no fuckin' way I'm going on a vacation just so she can try to set me up with loser after loser.
Buffy must notice my sudden disinterest 'cause she sighs and looks ahead to where the car is parked. "I know it's kind of early but do you wanna head back? I think the watchers were taking some of the older girls out tonight so it's not like we'll be neglecting our duties."
I look at my watch and see its only 10:30 but I feel lazy tonight, not to mention I need a drink due to this little chat we've had. "I'm down with that."
She nods and we trudge up the street to where the car is parked on the next block. I smile as we near it because it hasn't been broken into like last time. We don't exactly patrol in the best areas and we have to drive to get there since neither of us want to live in the crappy areas we patrol. That only means we have to deal with the occasional broken window and have learned not to keep much in the car when we patrol. On the plus side, we've only had one car stolen since we started patrolling together in LA.
"Finally, not even a scratch this time," B says with a small smile as she looks over the car when we reach it.
I laugh quietly as we both get in and start the drive back to the apartment. Neither of us says much and I know by the way Buffy's avoiding talking to me that something's going on in that head of hers. It's only a matter of time before it explodes in my direction so I mentally prepare for whatever she's about to throw at me. It can be as little as her blowing me off for the night to us getting into an irrational, insane argument so I need to be prepared for anything.
It's pretty damn obvious something's up once she stops the car in front of our building. She shuts off the car and sighs, turning her head to me.
"Sometimes, I just don't understand your problem, Faith," she says, sounding more frustrated than anything else.
"My problem?" I ask since this could be any one of several things in her head.
"After Sunnydale, I didn't know what to make of you. I almost thought you'd go back to prison." I open my mouth, feeling the sudden urge to explain myself on why I didn't go back, but she doesn't let me get a word in. "But I was thrilled when you didn't. I hoped it would give us a second chance."
"I did, too," I put in quickly.
"Yeah, and that's been great. I've always wanted to get to know you and now I almost feel like I finally do," she says with a small smile. "There's just one problem: you don't do anything other than train and hang with me."
"Is this about the dating thing? 'Cause I thought we'd already gone through that more times than I ever wanted."
"It's not just that." She pauses. "You seem to think being reformed means not having any fun. That it means being alone."
"That is not what I think," I respond, my voice rising. I don't like where this is going and I really don't like fighting with B. It's feels as though it's going to turn into one, too, but I'm not about to let her tell me I'll only be happy if I find someone.
"That's not what it looks like, Faith. It looks like you're trying to redeem yourself by shutting yourself off to everyone but me. It's okay to be with someone, you know? No one's gonna think you don't deserve whatever you find makes you happy," she says and I can tell if we talk any longer she going to completely lose her cool.
"I know that," I manage to get out through gritted teeth. I don't know what else to say to her to make this end.
"Then what the fuck are you waiting for?" she yells at me and she looks all sorts of angry now.
"You!" I nearly scream at her and I can't stop the rest of my words from coming out of my mouth even though every other part of me is trying desperately to do just that. "I'm waiting for you. Damn, B, all I ever want is you."
Her mouth drops a little and I can't help but turn away. Neither of us says anything for what feels like an eternity, even though it can't be more than a minute. There are so many things I want to do right now, the biggest being to run out of the car and cry. My brain is screaming at me at what a mistake I've made, that I've just lost my best friend. Hell, who am I kidding: my only real friend.
When I finally get up the courage to look at her again she's staring at the steering wheel intently. She doesn't look angry or anything but I can't read her at all. It's almost like she's refusing to even think of looking in my direction. Buffy's making it real hard to think of anything to say, too. I almost want to say I'm sorry for ruining everything between us.
Right about when I have the courage to say something, to say I'm sorry, Buffy turns to face me. Her eyes are all watery and I call myself about a thousand different names for making her cry, none of them good. I can't stand to see her cry. I open my mouth but before I can get any words out her hand is on the back of my head, pulling me toward her, and her lips are on mine.
My brain shuts down for a few seconds out of complete and utter shock but after that all I feel is fucking fantastic. Her lips are so soft even though they're pressed incredibly tight against mine and her grip on my head is bordering on uncomfortable but I couldn't care less. All I care about is that she's kissing me, that she's the one who kissed me and not the other way around. That part alone means everything to me.
After the initial shock passes, I slowly move toward her, putting a tentative arm around her. I kind of don't want to make any sudden movements, like I might scare her off or something. We break apart to take a breath and for a moment I think she's changed her mind, didn't feel anything or whatever, but she leans in again almost immediately. The kiss is less urgent this time and I can definitely feel the passion in it, that she wants me. The other thing I can feel is Buffy's tongue pushing into my mouth and I can't stop the moan from escaping my mouth.
I fully expect to wake up right now 'cause there can't be a chance in hell that this is real. My mind is still refusing to accept that Buffy's kissing me but it's not like I'm gonna stop and ask her. I may be on the stupid side but I'm not brain dead. A comment like that will definitely ruin the moment and whatever else might happen.
We keep kissing and I'm getting all sorts of worked up but my hands don't move very much. As much as I've always wanted this to happen, I'm scared to death she'll stop and that's the last result I want out of this situation. I'll have to face the fact that she's in control right now. B's going to have to be the one to initiate anything but so far, I like where her mind is going.
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