The Benefits of Confessing
by Hayley

Title: The Benefits of Confessing

Rating: NC17

Pairing: Buffy/Faith

Disclaimer: These characters are not mine and I make no money off this.

Summary: Three years after Chosen. Buffy comes to a realization at what Faith means to her.

Ever have one of those mornings where you wake up and all's right with the world? You feel relaxed and nothing can bother you or freak you out? Everything's just normal?

Today is not one of those mornings. Today is the day Faith is coming for a visit.

Don't get me wrong, I want Faith to visit. After Sunnydale, everyone went their separate ways so I don't see everyone all the time. I love it when someone visits and I have a chance to catch up, especially Faith. We've gotten to be good friends in the last few years.

No one lives anywhere near me. Willow and Kennedy went off to the coven and Xander and Giles went to England to start up the new Watcher's Council. I always thought it was weird Xander went with him but I think he needed anything to keep his mind off Anya and re-building the Council was no easy task. It's been keeping him plenty busy.

I chose retirement in LA. Dawn finished high school here and now goes to college in England. I have a feeling she's gonna end up as a watcher and I'm not sure I like that. I don't think it's healthy to be that stuffy.

Faith was a different story. She decided to be all gung ho about her redemption and signed up to do what I think would be the worst job in the world. She finds slayers for Giles, goes all over the world to do it, too. Sounds great, right, all the traveling to exotic places and whatnot? Well, the way she does it there's no downtime. Faith's spent more time on a plane than she has in her apartment in England in the last three years.

That's why I think it's the worst job ever and I've told her that but she always just shrugs and says it's her job. She can't like it very much but because she thinks she's doing good, she's definitely not gonna stop.

I am proud of her for doing it, for stepping up after I decided I'd had enough of the slaying life. She could've chosen a different path in redeeming herself but she didn't. I think she feels she's helping girls who are a lot like her. That's what keeps her going.

My life since Sunnydale has been nothing but boring and at the moment, I wouldn't have it any other way. I have a nice little job as an office assistant and a nice little apartment. Giles decided to set up an account for me once he discovered the Council's money, a vast amount of it, so I live pretty well. The exchange for that is that I help out when things get out of hand with a big bad but that's only happened a couple times. A good exchange if you ask me.

Slaying and everything that goes with it is mostly in the past now and I don't think about it much. I spend my days working and hanging out with a couple of friends I've made since I moved here. The only person from that part of my life who makes a point to visit on a semi-regular basis is Faith.

Faith's coming to visit for the seventh time since Sunnydale and I remember every moment she's been here. We've gotten to know each other well since everyone parted ways. When I stayed in LA and she started up at the new Council's slayer-catcher, she asked me if she could call, if we could talk. I didn't know what to say right away but then I just smiled and gave her my number.

We started talking every once and awhile, nothing major. She would tell me about what was going on with her jobs, where she'd gone recently, and I'd tell what it was like to be boring. We talked about everything and anything and it was great. It felt like it always should have, relaxed and easy. There was no constant apologizing or bringing up our past mistakes. We both knew we were sorry for the past.

When she came to visit it was even better. We talked then just hung out. The first few times she came Dawn was there so all three of us were together. The last couple times though . . .

The week Dawn left for England I was a wreck. I think I was experiencing empty nest syndrome or something and Faith decided it was time to visit after I called and cried for an hour about how Dawn was growing up and leaving me alone.

So she flew straight from Beijing to LA, didn't even tell Giles that's what she was doing until after she got here. He didn't seem to mind or if he did, Faith didn't tell me. She just did everything so I could to forget about Dawn leaving, including a night of clubbing. We drank and danced then drank some more, ending with the two of us waking up in my bed the next morning.

Did I mention we were naked? 'Cause we were!

It wasn't like we woke up and kind of just saw that we were in the same bed. No, not at all. I woke up with Faith sprawled over me. She had a hand on one of my breasts, my hand was on her ass and I could feel her bare skin everywhere.

We were both kinda freaked about it, at least I know I was, so we blamed it on the alcohol and that was that. The rest of the visit came and went and we tried to act like it didn't happen. It wasn't like we could really remember what happened anyway. I didn't want it to ruin our friendship, something we'd worked so hard for, and I want to think she felt the same.

The problem with pretending it didn't happen is that it's bound to happen again. That's how I see it anyway 'cause the next time Faith showed up in LA it happened again.

The ultimate slap in the face with that last visit is that we couldn't blame in on the alcohol 'cause we really weren't drinking. We'd decided to stay in after having a dud of a night at a club the night before and watched a movie at my place instead. I don't think either of us had more than one beer but the next thing I know we're naked and heading to my room.

That time we chose to ignore instead pretending it didn't happen. There was no other way to deal with it and we didn't know how to explain it. Faith would get all nervous and change the subject if I talked about it and if she brought it up, I'd have to fight the panic that would course through me.

The first few times we walked after she left LA was awkward. It was like we didn't know what to say to each other and it sucked. Faith had become my best friend, the first person I'd call about anything, and I didn't want to lose that. It would hurt too much.

She wouldn't call as much anymore either which left me a lot of time to think. It wasn't just that I couldn't understand why the last couple times Faith was in LA we'd had sex. It was that I couldn't understand why it didn't bother me. I'd had hot, fantastic sex with Faith, one of my best friends and another woman, and it didn't bother me. The only part of it that bothered me was that the situation was that it's threatening our friendship.

After a couple months of awkward and quick phone calls, I set about convincing Faith to come back to LA. She was resistant for awhile, like she was afraid of what would happen if she came here, but eventually she agreed she'd come once she could work out a free week to spend in LA.

Faith probably drug her feel a little in coming up with a free week but finally she called with news she was coming to visit. I was all happy about it at first but now I'm all kinds of nervous. Everything needs to be perfect. I don't know why, I haven't fussed like this before, but it does.

I haven't been nervous about Faith before but now everything's changed. My stupid brain has spent months analyzing the situation and it's come to a conclusion that's making me even more nervous. I have feelings for Faith.

The reason I wanted Faith to come to LA now is that I don't want to tell her over the phone. This is definitely a face to face type of conversation and the closer it gets to the time Faith's supposed to show up, the more nervous I get. What if she doesn't feel the same? What if she doesn't want to see me anymore because of it? I don't want to lose her.

She's gotta feel the same. I know there's all these problems of us being together. She's constantly traveling and I don't want to be involved in slaying anymore. But at this point, I want more of her. Maybe being a little more involved would be worth it if it meant I got to see more of Faith.

I look at the clock on the wall and know her flight should've arrived by now and she's probably on her way. I haven't been able to eat for about a day I've been so nervous.

Faith needs to get here.

About an hour later, the buzzer goes off and I walk over to it, a nervous smile on my face.


"That's no way to greet me, B. I've been on a plane for hours! I'm tired."

I laugh. "Come on up."

I buzz her in and open the door, waiting to see her appear at the end of the hall. Suddenly, everything feels right. My nervousness is gone and I know I'm doing the right thing. I know I'm right in telling her how I feel.

It takes about a minute but soon I see Faith walking down the hall. She's got a large duffle bag over her shoulder and an extra suitcase she's wheeling behind her. That's a little strange. I don't think I've ever seen her bring that much stuff.

Faith grins when she sees me. "Lotsa crap, right? I haven't been home in three weeks and these things are a bitch to check. I'm on my last clean clothes, too."

"So I'm just a stop to do some laundry?" I tease.

"It is one perk of seeing you," she says as she reaches the door. "Washer/dryer right in the apartment."

I laugh and let her in. She drops her bag and suitcase right inside the door and almost immediately walks to the couch to sit down, or well, lay down, I guess. She must be tired.

"Where did you fly in from again?" I ask as I lift up her feet and sit on the other end of the couch. I put her feet on my lap after I sit which I'm sure can be taken many ways but I'm sticking to the reasoning of not wanting to make Faith sit up. It's a common courtesy really.

"Funny story," Faith starts as she looks at me, "you'd think by now Giles and company would've gotten my schedule correct but no. I thought my last stop was Tokyo and then I could fly here. Instead, that was my first stop. Not my last."

I raise an eyebrow. "How many stops exactly?"

"Three." Faith closes her eyes and sighs quietly. "After getting one of the juniors on a plane in Tokyo I had to fly to Bangkok, which was a bust 'cause I couldn't find her, then," she sighs again, "Buenos Aires."

"You flew from Argentina?" Faith nods almost sadly and I laugh quietly. "What do you mean you couldn't find the girl in Bangkok?"

Faith shrugs. "It's happened a couple of times. Coven says 'go here', I go and no girl to be found. The way some of 'em act I'm thinking they don't wanna be found."

"Maybe that's okay." I look down and see I've taken her shoes off and have been absently rubbing her feet. Huh, that's a little weird. "You are giving them a choice, right?"

She opens her eyes and looks at me like I've said something stupid. "Of course, I am. It's not like I'm dragging 'em off or anything. For some of them it's a chance at a better life."

"I know, I know."

"Just 'cause you gave it up doesn't mean it's a bad option."

"I know, Faith," I say quickly and take my hands off her feet. I don't wanna start a fight. I want her all relaxed when I start confessing that I want her. "I know you're doing a good thing by finding the new slayers."

"Yeah." Faith smirks and looks down at her feet. "You can keep going, ya know. No one's done that in a long time."

I narrow my eyes at her, part because she wants me to keeping rubbing her feet and part because someone else has done this. I never have before. Damn, now I'm all jealous of some mystery man or woman who could've gotten all intimate with Faith and massaged her feet. My brain's going nuts with theories in a matter of seconds. I'm thinking the sooner the better with the telling of the feelings or I might drive myself crazy.

I put my hands back on her feet. "How tired are you?"

"A couple hours of some sleep wouldn't exactly kill me," she says then yawns.

"Why don't you get some sleep then we can order a pizza or something?"

Faith grins but it's a tired one. I wonder how much sleep she gets when she's tracking down all these slayers. "Sounds like a plan. Have you done anything with Dawn's room yet?"

I shake my head and if she were more awake, she'd definitely be giving me some shit about that. I know Dawn's not gonna be moving back any time soon or at all but I've left the room exactly as she left it anyway. "No, still the same . . . why don't you sleep in my room for now?"

She gives me a weird look, like she wants to say something but she's afraid to, but she doesn't say what I think she wants to. The last time she was in my bed was the last time we had sex. If it makes her uncomfortable to sleep there, that can't be a good sign for me. Thankfully, she doesn't say anything like that.

"All right, guess I could go in there." She moves to sit up, taking her feet off my lap, and smiles at me. "When I get up you can tell me all the boring things you've been doing the last few months."

"Ha, ha."

Faith grins her world class grin at me and gets up, walking into my bedroom and shutting the door without another word. I only watch her go, knowing she needs some sleep. I want her to be rested for our talk.

I sit on the couch for about fifteen minutes before I wander back to my bedroom. I open the door and smile as Faith just barely made it to the bed before she passed out. Her jacket is even still on and she's almost half off the bed. I'm just not having that, it can't be comfortable.

I talk over to the bed and carefully move Faith more on the bed then take off her jacket and move her under the covers. She looks tired and peaceful all at the same time and I can't help but want to keep her company. There's no harm in that, right?

This is nice, sitting here next to Faith on my bed. Definitely something I could get used to. That's another reason to tell Faith how I feel about her. I just need to wait until she wakes up.

Okay, I'm a bad host. I really did mean to just keep Faith company but I ended up falling asleep, too. This would probably be all fine and dandy if I woke up before Faith but when I wake up she's staring at me with her face only a couple inches from mine. To say that's a little freaky would be an understatement and I both jump and gasp.

Faith laughs and moves her face away. "That was classic!"

"Why did you do that?"

"'Cause you fell asleep on me."

I raise an eyebrow at her as I sit up more. "I guess I didn't realize I'm not allowed sleep when you're here."

"Nah, that's not it," she says as she sits across from me. "Should we order some food or do you wanna go somewhere?"

"Uh," I start, "maybe we should talk about something first." Maybe we shouldn't have the talk I want in my bedroom. "Come on."

"Sure, I guess." Faith shrugs and gets up, walking out of the room and I follow.

We sit down on the couch and I just look at her for a moment. I know this is what I want. I want her. I just hope she wants me.

"B? What's the what? You're kinda freakin' me out with the staring."

"Sorry." I smile, trying not to be nervous. "I wanted to tell you something."

"What is it?" she says then grins widely. "You met someone, didn't you?"

"No . . . well, kinda," I say, damn near stumbling over my words. Why do I have to be so nervous? It's just Faith. She's not supposed to make me nervous.

"I knew it! I knew there was a reason you were pushing me to come here."

"I wanted you to come to LA 'cause I wanted to see you," I explain. "Some of the times we talked it sounded like you didn't want to come."

Faith looks away from me for a second. "After last time . . ."

"That's what I wanted to talk about."

"B, I thought we agreed we wouldn't talk about that," Faith says and looks back at me. Shit, she looks real nervous. "It was a mistake."

Her saying that hurts a little, I won't lie, but maybe she's saying it 'cause she thinks that's what I want to hear. I take a breath and let it out slowly. "Maybe it wasn't."

Faith's eyes nearly bulge out of her head as she looks at me. It'd be funny if I wasn't at the beginnings of what could be a massive panic attack. "What?"

"After you left the last time, I started thinking about it. You weren't talking to me so I had plenty of time." I pause. "I tried to understand why it didn't bother me we slept together."

"It didn't?" Faith asks quietly. She looks so confused. I think I should get to get to the point.

I shake my head. "It didn't feel like a mistake. It felt too good to be one." I see she's not looking at me anymore so I put my hand on her shoulder. That gets her to look up but she still looks confused, like she's torn on what to think. "I only had all those other feelings 'cause I was scared that we'd just ruined our friendship. You're my best friend, Faith."

Her eyes get wide with that. "I am?"

Is it really that shocking to her that she's my best friend? I don't really think Willow could fill that spot anymore. I've only seen her twice in three years and when I call she's always too busy to talk more than a few minutes at a time. That's when I get her in the phone anyway. Nope, Faith's my go-to call, numero uno on my speed dial, the person I could call day or night and will sit and listen to whatever I have to say. Who'd what to lose someone like that?

"That so hard to believe?" I ask. "You know more about me than anyone. You think I could really tell anyone here the real reason I have a nice place and nice things when I make next to nothing at my job? I don't talk to anyone else as much as I talk to you."

"Oh." She looks away from me again and I'd kill to know what she's thinking. She's not running so I guess that's a plus.

"Faith," I start quietly and tentatively put my hand on her chin, making her look at me, "I have feelings for you."

Her eyes are wide again and I'm bracing for a letdown. I'm waiting for her to run 'cause she looks like she wants to. Faith actually looks as scared as I've ever seen her and we've been in some tough situations. I can't believe I scare her more than the First. That's a little insulting. I'm way more attractive than anything we've ever fought. That should count for something.

I take my hand away after a minute and she breaks eye contact. Right now, this feels like the worst mistake I've ever made. I've lost my best friend and the person I wanna be with. I think I should count down the seconds until she shoots me down and decides she can't stay here.

The silence is becoming unbearable so I decide to speed up the rejection. "Faith, please say something."

Faith finally looks at me again and there's something in her eyes I haven't seen before. I can't place it and I can only think it's because I'm on the receiving end of one of her "no relationships" talks she's told me she's had a couple times since Sunnydale. God, I don't wanna be in one of those.

She doesn't say anything and though that sounds like a bad thing since she ends up kissing me I'm not about to complain. Faith moves as close as she can to me in the process and the kiss is so soft and tender I think I might cry. I put my arms around her, now thinking it's okay to do it, and wanna jump for joy when she does the same.

It doesn't take very long for Faith to deepen the kiss and I moan into her mouth, which I think turns her on 'cause she tightens her hold on me. Now I'm starting to regret moving to my couch for this talk. I wanna see how far this can go.

Great minds think alike, that's how I'm gonna see it, 'cause all of a sudden Faith has me in her arms and she's carrying me back to my bedroom. She lets me down once we're inside and our clothes come off with amazing speed. I try to take a minute to look over Faith's incredible body but she's moving fast, pulling me onto the bed the second our clothes are off.

I land on my back with a soft thud and Faith hovers over me, looking deep into my eyes. It's so intense, more so than the last couple of times, I think. I can't remember the first time 'cause of the abundance of alcohol and the last time was more, I don't know, fumbly. No, that's the wrong word. It was a lot slower in my mind.

This is not slow. Faith gives me a deep, passionate and all too quick kiss before moving down my body at lightning speed and goes straight to eating me out. This is . . . new. No one's ever done this before but I gotta say, so not complaining. She has a masterful tongue, just amazing really. She moves it all around my clit then starts to suck which has me screaming out her name pretty much nonstop.

I'm trying so hard not to come too fast but then she moves her arms under my legs and pulls me more to her, spreading my legs more in the process. At the same time, she thrusts her tongue into me and I can't believe a tongue could go that far. Sadly, it only takes a few deep thrusts before I'm coming all over her face, screaming her name as I do.

You'd think that Faith would stop and let me take a breath but she keeps going. She replaces her tongue with two fingers and moves back up my body, kissing me seconds later. I can taste myself on her lips and call me crazy but it turns me on even more.

Ya know, I'm not about to lay here and just let Faith have her way with me. Even though she's doing a damn good at exhausting me I manage to move my hand between our bodies and finally I can feel just how soaked she is for me. Damn, I can't believe I have this affect on her.

I'm kinda acting on instinct right now 'cause I know if I think about it I might not know what to do or fumble or do something equally stupid. I just move with Faith and soon my fingers are inside her and we're moving them together. She moves to kiss me and it's wet and passionate. I can't believe I'm gonna come again so soon but Faith's . . . well, she's Faith. She doesn't lie when she says she's got skills.

"Buffy," Faith breathes out as we break away, "I'm gonna come."

"Me, too," I admit.

We kiss again and in a matter of seconds Faith breaks away and screams into the pillow below my head's resting on. I can feel her soak my hand, her inner walls clutching at my fingers, and the feel of it makes me come again. I can't help but cry out her name at that.

It's a couple minutes before Faith collapses against me and we move our fingers out of each other. She places a couple kisses on my shoulder then up my neck before she rolls us so we're on our sides, pulling the covers over us in the process. For the first time I can really look into her eyes and can't help but smile a little at what I see. She looks so happy.


"Hey, yourself," she says, a little smirk on her face.

"That was a . . . welcome surprise," I say quietly. I gotta say I like the holding of each other that's going on right now. I know that didn't happen the last time.

"Yeah." She leans in and kisses my nose, which is just adorable. "I never thought you would've felt this way. I thought you regretted it."

"I thought you did." I smile and move my hand over her back. Damn, her skin is so smooth. "This was just . . . wow. No one's ever done that to me before."

Faith smiles and shakes her head a little. "That's not true, B. I have."

What, now? "Huh?"

"You really don't remember, do you?" She laughs again when I shake my head a little. "I guess I can handle tequila a lot better than you. That night of clubbing that ended with our first 'mistake'. B, we did pretty much everything. I'm pretty sure we fucked for hours before we passed out. That's what it felt like."

I have to blush a little at that. I can't believe I don't remember all the hot sex we had. "Why didn't you say you remembered?"

"I thought you were saying you didn't 'cause you didn't want to," Faith says as she rubs my back at little. "I figured if you wanted to forget it I would, too. You're kinda my best friend, too."

I gotta grin a little at that. "I really don't wanna ruin what we have, Faith."

"We won't."

Faith leans in and we kiss softly. There are so many things I wanna say right now. I wanna how we're gonna make this work 'cause I'm not gonna be happy only seeing her a couple times a year. No girlfriend of mine's gonna get away with that. Huh, girlfriend. Gotta say I love how that sounds.

I move my hand over her back move and hit something when I reach her side, something new. "Do you have a scar?"

"Yeah," Faith says as pulls off the covers and looks down at where my hand is. "Some demon took a slash at me about a year and a half ago. Turned out okay though, just got a scar."

I'm not sure I really wanna get back into the slaying business and I really don't like the thought of Faith getting hurt. I guess I never really thought about the fact Faith still puts herself in danger when she goes out to get the new slayers. She's also kind of the head slayer when she's actually in England, which I know she loves. She acts like it's no big deal but I know she's proud of it.

"I'm fine, B. You know no demon's gonna get the best of me." Faith moves her hands over me, holding me close. "Maybe we should order some pizza and then we can continue with what we were doing." She pauses. "Did you take a week off of work this time?"


Faith grins. "Good 'cause now that we've sorted everything out all I wanna do while I'm here is fuck you, get fucked by you . . . there's a general theme there."

And now I'm blushing again. "I don't think we've sorted everything out. I don't think we've sorted anything out other than the sex is incredible."

"It's fucking hot is what it is," Faith says as squeezes my ass. "There's time for the rest of it. We've got time."

I'm about to say something but now I'm on my back again and Faith's sucking on my neck. Huh, I guess we're eating a little later.

"Baby, I'm back."

Faith nearly jumps me as I sit on the couch, making me laugh. "I see that."

We kiss softly as I wrap my arms around Faith. I love it when she comes home.

That's right, we live together now and in London, too. So much has happened in the last year.

After our week together, Faith had to leave on her next mission and I had to go back to work. She said she needed to talk to Giles about her options and I needed to figure out if I really wanted to live in LA alone. I knew Faith couldn't live in LA. It's too far from the Watcher's Council and I'm not that selfish to even think of asking her to commute. She spends enough time on planes as it is.

A month went by before we came to a decision about anything. We decided I needed to move. I hadn't seen Faith at all, which I didn't like very much, because when she wasn't traveling Giles needed her to stay at the Council headquarters. Important slayer business or whatever. I needed to see her as much as possible and LA wasn't making that possible.

Faith told Giles I was gonna be more involved in the Council and that I was moving in with her so before I knew it, I was moving. I'm not a fan of being more involved with the Council, I still wanna be retired, but since Faith and the slaying are a package deal I'm not complaining.

She still travels but not as much. We set everything up with Giles so it's not just Faith picking up slayers. I've even gone with her a couple times but for the most part, I stay in London. I'm still trying to stay as retired from slaying as possible.

"I can see you missed me," Faith says as she lightly kisses me a couple more times. I believe she's referring to my one hand on her ass and the other already unbuttoning her leather pants.

"Hmm, you've been gone three days. I missed you," I respond. "I . . . I love you, Faith."

I'm not sure I can really describe how wide Faith's grin is. She's been up front from the start that she's in love with me but I told her I needed time to say it. And now I did. I really, really love her.

Faith kisses me and I'm sure there's gonna be some sex very soon. "I love you, too, Buffy." She pulls me up off the couch and puts her arms around me. "We need to celebrate this. I suddenly feel the need to kiss every inch of your body."

"And I'll always want you to."

There's no talking after that, only Faith pulling me into our bedroom. Ya know, I wouldn't have it any other way.

The End.

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