Title: No Longer Words to Live By
Disclaimer: These characters are not mine and I make no money off this.
Summary: Buffy's wondering what's next the morning after.
Everything happened so fast last night. Faith and I were patrolling like normal, getting into the comfortable banter I've come to enjoy now that she's here. We have this back and forth that makes the night go faster and makes being a slayer a little less lonely. I can joke around with her now and we both know so far to take things. I thought we did anyway.
The vamps were pretty steady all night but none of them put up much fight, something I think Faith was actually disappointed about. She likes to pummel them first, something she couldn't do last night, and I always find that so insane. Her only response when I asked her about it once was that she thinks I'm weird for not wanting to beat on them first.
Right up until the very end, the night was just like every other night. I was getting tired and I knew it was getting late. It wasn't like I had school in the morning but the week had been a long one and the only thing I wanted to do was sleep. I wasn't thinking about anything else or at least, I didn't think I was.
Faith and I were about to call it a night and go our separate ways, me to my house and her to the motel, when we got jumped by the most stupid vampires in the history of vampires. There were five of them and they had to be drunk to think that Faith and I were two defenseless teenage girls. We actually had stakes in our hands when they tried to jump us. It just shows how unbelievably stupid some vamps are.
It didn't take more than a couple minutes for us to dust them, no time at all really, but all of a sudden, I wasn't very tired. I could tell Faith felt the same, too. She always has this look when she's worked up and before I'd only had some pretty strong theories on why we always separate soon after. Now I know without a doubt what that look means. I know now it means she's horny and that's probably why every other night she's made a quick exit.
She looked right into my eyes and before I knew what was happening, she was kissing me. My whole body froze for a second, the whole shock of the kiss taking me off guard, but then I felt myself respond. It could've been because she had me in a tight hold or because her lips felt beyond amazing but I started kissing her back.
Before I knew what was happening or what we were doing, Faith was moving us quickly to her motel room. Thankfully, the motel wasn't very far from the last cemetery and no one's really out that late in Sunnydale because who knows how we looked. Faith's hands were pretty much all over me and I was trying to concentrate on not tripping over her the entire way.
Once we got to Faith's room, I wanted to stop and ask her what exactly she was thinking. Well, that's not entirely true. I knew exactly what she was thinking. She'd told me several times what she likes to do after slaying and she tells everyone else so it's not like it's some big surprise. I just never expected I would fit into that scenario at some point.
No, I wanted to stop so I could ask myself what the hell I was thinking. I'm not the type of person who jumps into sex and I've never even considered the notion of a one night stand before. I didn't think I was anyway but I'm pretty sure I've just proven that little theory wrong now that I've had sex with Faith.
I've had sex with Faith. I've been thinking it over and over again since it happened and I still can't believe it. If it wasn't for the fact that I'm naked in Faith's bed right now I could probably even convince myself that it was all a dream. A very weird dream that I'd have to try and suppress later but a dream nonetheless. The fact that I can feel Faith right now, can feel her skin on mine as she's pressed against my back, is what's keeping the fact that this is all very real in my brain.
There's no way I should've let this happen. As soon as she kissed me I should've stop her and we should've talked. I know that's not what she would've wanted but it would have helped me clear my head and figured out what the hell I was doing. I've done a lot of things since I was called that I never thought I'd do but having sex with my fellow slayer was never even on my radar as something to put on a "to do" list.
Faith is exactly the type of person who has no problems with one night stands or whatever she calls them and she makes that known to everyone. After the first couple times we've talked I knew her whole philosophy on the topic, if you could call "get some, get gone" a philosophy. That and "hungry and horny" are pretty much what she lives by, as far as I can tell. That's all she's let me see anyway. I know that she does her best to prove her philosophy correct. That's what she says anyway when she brags about her night later.
Somehow I'm now part of that and I'm not sure I like it. It's making me think of Faith in new ways, naked ways, and that's just too much for my brain to process. Now I'm thinking deep and meaningful things and it's too early for that and I'm too exhausted to think clearly.
It's not like sex with Faith was no fun or anything. It was a lot of fun actually and that's part of the problem. I would be able to tell if it was a mistake if it wasn't any good but that's so not the case. All that bragging Faith does, all those little hints, weren't lies. She definitely has some talent in the whole sex area because she pretty much exhausted me. I fell asleep almost right after.
I woke up probably around an hour or so ago and I've been thinking nonstop ever since. My brain jumps from one topic to the next before I can even process what the first topic even was. It would be giving me a headache but I keep thinking about everything else so fast that I don't think my brain has the time to hurt.
The one thing I keep coming back to is Faith's words of wisdom: "get some, get gone". Those four little words are something she says all the time but from what I'm getting right now, I don't know how much she lives by them. When I woke up, Faith was holding me pretty tight, like the way a little kid would clutch at a stuffed animal while they slept. I must be taking the place of Faith's teddy bear right now 'cause every time I move, she tightens her hold on me and pulls me closer to her.
I really expected to be shooed out the door when we were done, no matter how tired I was. From everything that Faith had told me while we talked during patrol, it wouldn't have surprised me if she'd have kicked me out half naked and I ended up falling asleep outside her hotel room. She told me she didn't like anyone spending the night. Hell, she told me that just last week.
It's so confusing and I'd really wish Faith would wake up. Actually, that's not true because I also don't want her to wake up. I'm scared to talk to her about what happened and that she might not want to talk about it at all or that she'll say something I don't want to hear. Of course, I don't know what I want to hear from her. Anything she says will be scary because I can't make up my mind at what I want her to say.
I move again and Faith tightens her hold on me yet again. This time though I can feel her lips press against my shoulder and I hear a tired groan a moment later. My heart starts to race now not only because she could be awake but also her lips feel so good. I frown a little because I can't help but think this will end badly.
Faith moves against my back and I feel her chin rest on my shoulder. "You awake?"
"Yeah," I respond quietly, letting out a small sigh a moment later.
"You okay?" Faith whispers in my ear and I think there's some nervousness there which surprises me. I never thought of her as ever being nervous the morning after.
I really don't know how to respond to that question so I don't say anything for a minute. It would be such an easy question to answer except for the fact that I don't know if I am okay. I'd like to be okay but I'd much rather Faith explain how all this happened and why she kissed me first. After she says all that then I'll be able to answer her question.
The problem is I don't want to say I'm okay and then have Faith act like this was no big deal. To me it's a huge deal, beyond huge actually, and I'll be crushed if it's just another night to her. I don't want to feel like she's used me.
"B? Still awake?"
I laugh quietly as she kisses my ear lightly and loosens her hold on me so I can finally move. "Yeah, still awake."
I turn to lie more on my back and she looks down at me. She smiles a little and I have say she looks both hot and cute first thing in the morning and I'm not freaked out in the least that I would think that. "Gonna answer my question?"
"Will you answer one of mine first?" I ask. I'm not sure that I'm reading her right but she looks happy that I stayed the night. If she's happy, maybe she'll level with me on why she kissed me last night.
She shrugs and reclines on her side, putting her hand behind her head. The sheets slide down her body slightly and I can't help but take a quick glance. Damn, Faith really is hot. I noticed last night but she looks even better this morning with the light hitting her just right. And now these damn thoughts are helping to confuse me more.
"B, are you gonna ask me a question or are you just gonna ogle me? I know I'm hot and all but . . ."
I laugh as she smirks at me but shake my head slightly. "Very funny."
"Hey, you're the one taking advantage of me with your eyes," Faith says, a grin quickly forming on her face. "So, what's your big question?"
"What happened last night?"
Faith lifts an eyebrow at me. "Have you never had 'the talk', B? I don't need to explain that to you, do I?"
I laugh as she leans down and kisses me. It's light but she lets it linger for a few seconds before moving away. I can't help but smile at how she's acting right now. These aren't the actions of someone who kicks people out right after they've gotten laid.
"No, I've heard that talk," I say quietly, trying not to blush. The way she's looking over my body right now is making me self-conscious but for some reason, I don't feel the need to cover myself with the sheets that are resting just above my waist. "What I meant was why did you kiss me last night?"
She looks down while placing a hand on my stomach. "I dunno, B. We were staking those vamps and I got this rush. I looked at you and just acted on instinct. I thought when you kissed me back you were okay with whatever we would do." She looks up at me and gives me a look. "I wasn't wrong, was I? You were pretty willing, B."
"I don't know what to think," I say honestly. "This isn't normal for me, Faith. I've been thinking about everything since I woke up and I still can't believe where I am."
Great, now she looks like she might be worried. I don't want her to think she did anything wrong 'cause she didn't. The problem is I still don't know if she just wants this to be a one-time thing, if she wants some casual after-slaying fling or if she wants more than that. I could ask that question but she might ask me what I would want and I don't know what to say to that yet.
"Look," Faith starts, moving her hand away and looking kind of defeated though I'm not sure why. "This doesn't have to be anything, you know. If you think this was a mistake or whatever, that's fine. We can go back to what we were before. Whatever that was," she mumbles at the end.
I start to say something but stop for a moment. I can't believe she doesn't think we're friends and I know that's what she meant by that last comment. We may have had our differences when she first got here but I like to think we've gotten past that and become friends. "Of course this is something. This is a big something, Faith. I know you probably don't think the same but sex is a big deal to me. I can't just forget about it, act like it didn't happen."
"So what does that mean?" Faith asks as she sits up and looks away from me.
I move along with her quickly. "Okay, answer one question for me, Faith. Was last night just like every other night to you? Was it all about the slay, all that 'hungry and horny' bullshit you say all the time?"
"First, that was two questions, not one, and second, hungry and horny is not bullshit. I've felt that ever since I was called," she says quickly, looking down. "I don't want it to be like that, B. I . . ."
"You what?" I ask quietly. I want her to look at me but I'm afraid to touch her. It feels stupid but even after having sex with Faith only a few hours ago, it feels too intimate to caress her cheek and I really want to right now.
"I like you, B," she mumbles and shifts uncomfortably on the bed.
She what? That's the last thing I expected to hear from her but instead of having a full-blown freak out like I'm sure she's expecting, I'm more than okay with Faith liking me. Come to think about it, I kinda like her, too. She's hot and she makes me laugh and it sounds like last night wasn't just about getting off. I really like that it sounds like it meant something to her.
I don't know how long it's been since either of us said anything but it must be too long for Faith because she sighs and moves away from me. She swings her legs over the side of the bed and her feet hit the floor with a hard thud. Her shoulders are slumped and she looks more disappointed than I could've imagined. I know I need to say something fast or anything we've had or could have will be long gone.
"Faith," I start, shifting over enough so I can put a hand on her shoulder. "Wait, please."
"Why? You obviously think this whole thing was a mistake," she says sadly. "That's why you wouldn't answer my question, right?"
"No," I respond. "I was nervous because I thought you'd think last night wasn't a big deal and if that was the case then I'd be far from okay."
She turns back at me, looking thoroughly confused. "B, I know I've said a lot about just liking to screw around but it's not like that with you. I get you're not down with that."
"You're right. I'm not," I say easily, moving a little closer to her. "Now that I know what you think about last night though I can give you an answer."
"Yeah? And what's that?"
I move even closer to her, already liking the all the feelings I have right now. It's like now that I know the sex we had actually meant something to Faith I can allow myself to feel everything I haven't allowed myself to since I first met Faith. I really do like her and I think I can trust that she's not using me.
"I'm definitely okay now."
Faith grins widely and I don't know that I've ever seen her so happy. She leans in and we kiss lightly for a minute before I move to lie back down and pull her with me. She laughs a little against my lips before returning her full attention to kissing me again, which she does quite well.
Let me just say this about the last night: Faith knows without a doubt how to please someone. I don't know how she did it but she knew just how to touch me to make bells go off, you know? I felt pretty inadequate because I have like zero experience with girls and all but she didn't seem to care about that. In fact, last night she was all smiles. Kind of like she is right now.
Our kiss deepens as Faith slides her tongue into my mouth. It feels like she's trying to feel out every inch of me, especially now that she's moving her hands over me as well. I put my arms around her in response, feeling her smooth skin. She slowly moves her body against mine and suddenly I'm really getting turned on. It feels like this could go a lot further so I think I need to clarify something first.
"Faith," I mumble, breaking away. "What does this mean for us?"
"Hmm," she mumbles as she starts to kiss down my neck for a minute before she says anything. "It can mean whatever you want it to mean."
Huh. I don't know what I want it to mean right now. It almost feels like too much. I'm already supposed to be concerned about not flunking out of high school and staying out of trouble there, not to mention dealing with the realization that every night may be my last. There's also dealing with my mom being worried about the whole slayer thing and everything that happened with Angel is still in the back of my mind. Faith being here and starting to suck on my neck is helping me get over the last one but everything else is still there and it's a lot to deal with.
Faith's lips move off my neck and continue to move down as one of her hands moves along my side. I move more into her as my hands glide over her back. The feel of her body against mine is incredible but if she continues to doing what she's doing I'll never leave and my mom doesn't know where I am right now. That's not of the good.
"Faith, hold up a second," I manage to get out as Faith kisses along by collarbone.
She moves back up and places a couple light kisses on my lips while she smiles. "What?"
"My mom doesn't know where I am," I say and laugh as Faith gives me the blankest expression I've ever seen. "I've been gone all night, Faith. She's gonna think I'm dead and now when I go home, she's gonna kill me."
"Give her a call and tell her you're with me," Faith offers and kisses me again. "Then we can continue what we started last night."
I close my eyes and smile at the mention of last night. The more I allow myself to think about it, the more I'm looking another to being with Faith again. She was in control last night and I was more of a willing participant. I let her touch me everywhere, let her hands and lips move over my body and I wasn't able to reciprocate all that much.
"This isn't what I expected from you, you know. It doesn't feel like the 'get some, get, gone' line you've been saying since you've got here," I comment.
"Guess I gotta give that one up for now, huh?" Faith says with a smirk on her face. She moves a hand down my body until she reaches my inner thigh where she rests it for a moment before oh-so-slowly starting to inch her fingers toward my pussy. "I'll never give up my other one though."
"What? Hungry and horny?" I ask.
Faith winks before kissing me again. This time it's more passionate than anything else and it's so hot. She's really doing her best to distract me from the fact I really need to get home. Her naked body is pressed against mine and her fingers are starting to tease my clit. I can't help but moan out, breaking our kiss.
"Faith, I do need to get home," I manage to get out but my actions aren't backing up my words. My hands have moved down her body and are resting on her ass.
"I don't think we've worked out all the hornies from last night," Faith says against my skin.
"Can't we work them out after I . . . uh . . . find out how long my mom has decided to ground me?" I get out even though my breath hitches in my throat every time Faith's fingers glide over my clit.
Faith stops what she's doing and rests her forehead against mine. "Fine, but only 'cause I don't want ya getting all grounded."
She moves off me and I sigh a little at the loss of her body on mine. I really do want to spend some more time with Faith, preferably naked time, but it's now eight in the morning and I'm sure my mom is awake by now and worried. I don't want her to think I'm dead. She may call Giles in a panic and blame him for dragging me into slaying and I don't want to diffuse that type of situation. Not when I have all this possible new relationship-type stuff with Faith to think about.
"I have an idea," I offer as we both sit up. I look around the room and realize with a smile that it may take me a minute to find all my clothes. Faith has clothes lying around the room anyway and when we got to the room last night our clothes kind of were tossed everywhere.
"Yeah, what's that?"
I lean down and kiss her shoulder lightly. "Why don't you come to my house with me? My mom won't yell at me too bad with you there and you can back me up on why I didn't come home last night." Faith smirks and I shake my head. "I'm going to tell her that slaying ran late and I crashed here 'cause I was too tired to make it home."
"You're just gonna leave out the sex part then?" Faith asks, a huge grin on her face.
"Yes, I'm gonna leave that part out," I laugh. "Ya know, she will make breakfast for us. I bet you're pretty hungry right about now."
Faith laughs at me as she looks me up and down. "Wow, one night with me and you're all suggestive and well, naked in my bed. I like it."
I can only grin as a response and get up to start looking for my clothes. I can feel Faith's eyes on me the entire time and I have to say, I kinda like it. She really is right. One night and it seems I have a whole new outlook.
"Ya know, I said I liked you naked in my bed but having you walking around my room naked is definitely something to like. I think you should really stay naked."
"Ha, ha," I say, tossing a shirt at her. "You should get dressed, too."
"Fine, but only 'cause there's gonna be food," she says. I try to turn my attention back to finding my clothes but I feel Faith's arms around my waist and her chin on my shoulder.
"You should probably take a shower before you get dressed, B," she says into my ear before she kisses it. "And I should probably join you."
I can only smile and turn in her arms. "We will never get to my house if we do that."
Faith grins and waggles her eyebrows. "We'll be quick."
I laugh as Faith takes my hand and begins to pull me toward the bathroom. There's no way I'm stopping her either. She already got me worked up when we woke up so it'll be nice to get some release and maybe explore her body a little more, too.
Either way, this is turning out to be a great morning.
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