Losing Control
by Hayley

Chapter Five

The rest of the weekend Buffy tried her best to stick to herself. Except for studying with Willow for most of Saturday afternoon and going a couple places with her mother, she'd done just that.

The patrols she'd completed both nights without Faith were somewhat active, more vampires than a normal night but no real threats. None of them were terribly organized so Buffy could easily stake them and move on.

She thought she might have seen Faith once on Saturday night but she was heading out of a cemetery in a hurry and Buffy didn't know if she should try and catch her. She felt she wouldn't know what to say to her and knew if Faith had dusted as many vamps as she did they might end up in Faith's motel room again. Buffy wasn't sure if she wanted that to happen.

As much as she tried, Buffy couldn't stop thinking about her night with Faith. Deep down, she had to admit she enjoyed having sex with Faith but she was ashamed of that, too. She didn't want to be that kind of person. She wanted to date someone and get to know them before having sex and Faith didn't look like the dateable type. It didn't help that she was a girl either. That also wasn't something she'd contemplated before.

Buffy was so confused by everything and wanted to see Faith only after she figured everything out. The problem was the more she thought about what she was doing, thinking, feeling, the more confused she became. She wasn't coming up with anything to say to her fellow slayer about what happened between them and had a feeling Faith wanted it to happen again.

That was her biggest fear and the main reason she didn't want to patrol with Faith the rest of the weekend. She knew if she was put that post-slay situation with Faith again they'd be right back in her room and she wouldn't be able to do a thing to stop it. Her body wanted it so much and deep down she knew she wouldn't be able to say no to any offer Faith threw her way. She had definitely been feeling the 'hungry and horny' philosophy Faith had mentioned lately as well and it was another reason to stay away.

Now it was Monday, her mother was driving her to school and Buffy still had no idea what to say to Faith when she saw her.


Buffy stopped staring out the window and looked at her mother. "Yeah?"

"Are you feeling okay?"

She smiled as convincingly as she could. "I'm fine. Definition of it even."

Joyce turned to look at her for a second before turning her eyes back to the road and pulling up toward the front of the school. "You're sure? You've been very quiet the last couple days."

"I'm okay. Just worried about a test is all," Buffy claimed.

Her mother gave her a disbelieving look as she stopped the car but didn't question her further. "Okay, but if you need to talk I'm here."

Buffy smiled and this time she meant it. "I know."

"Be careful," Joyce said. She had a habit of saying that any time Buffy left to go anywhere now. "I love you."

"Love you, too," Buffy said back, keeping her smile as she got out of the vehicle, bag over her shoulder. She knew she was early, one of the reasons her mom drove, so she stopped by her locker to drop off her things before going to the library. She met Faith as soon as she walked in, nearly hitting her head with the door.

"Whoa, B," Faith said and took a step back as Buffy walked through the door, hands up in mock surrender. "It's a cheap shot to use doors as weapons."

"Sorry," Buffy said and smiled apologetically as she walked with the other slayer into the room. "Didn't see you there."

"Uh-huh." Faith raised an eyebrow and smirked but didn't say anything else.

Buffy walked to the counter, leaning over it as much as she could in order to try and see if Giles was in his office. She didn't couldn't see or hear anything then thought about what happened as she walked in.

"Were you leaving?"

Faith had walked over to a table and sat on it, looking at Buffy intently. "Yeah. I got here and didn't see you or Giles and well . . . no other reason for me to be here."

"Okay." Buffy looked down then back at Faith. "How were your patrols?"

Faith shrugged. "All right, I guess. Fair amount of vamps, nothing I couldn't handle. You?"


They looked away from each other for a moment. Buffy tried to think of what to say but couldn't think about anything to talk about other than slaying and they just covered all that. She wasn't sure she should ask Faith about anything other than slaying since she had never heard her talk about anything else.

"So do you ever skip school?"

Buffy looked back at the other girl, a small smirk on her face. "I have for slaying purposes."

Faith grinned. "How 'bout if you were skipping to hang with the other slayer?"

"Uh . . ." Buffy simply looked at her, not knowing what to say. "I don't think that situation ever came up."

"What about with, what's her name . . . Kendra?"

Buffy laughed. "Kendra was not the type of slayer you skip school with and just hang out."

Faith laughed as well, shaking her head. "I guess that's what I've heard."

Moving away from the counter, Buffy walked over to Faith and sat in a chair a few feet away. "My mom would have a fit if I skipped. She's been watching me pretty closely." She noticed Faith looking at her intently and smiled. "There was much drama in getting me un-expelled."

"Okay, I get it," Faith said and grinned wickedly, showing her dimples. "Don't wanna hang with me."

"No, that's not it," Buffy claimed, standing up. "I'm trying to be responsible."

"I guess you can be responsible for both of us then," Faith said. She stood up as well and took a step toward her. "Meet up here after your classes?"


Faith kept her grin. "It's a date." She winked at her.

Buffy blushed but didn't respond to Faith's comment. "I've gotta get to class."

"I'll see you," Faith said with an upbeat tone as Buffy walked out of the library.

"At least you were awake and paying attention today," Willow stated happily as she and Buffy walked down the hall toward the library after their last class.

"I was trying to pay attention but he is so boring. I mean, who really needs to learn history?" Buffy sighed. "But if you thought I was paying attention maybe he did, too."

"It's important 'cause you need to pass to graduate," Willow said matter-of-factly.

"There's that, I guess."

Both of them laughed as they reached Willow's locker, meeting Xander as he leaned against the lockers next to it.

"Ladies, any plans for the night?" he asked, upbeat as always.

Buffy gave him a look that should have told him he knew better than to ask that question. "Patrol."

Xander looked down for a moment while Willow put some books away and put others into her backpack, the only one of the three who seemed to care about doing any of the assignments given in the various classes throughout the day.

"We've got a test in chemistry tomorrow, Xander," Willow said. She looked at the two of them as they gave her blank stares. "What? I want to get into the good college."

"Will, you don't need to study," Xander commented and smiled at both of them. "Okay, here's an idea: group patrol. You, me, Will . . . Faith."

Buffy put a hand on his shoulder as Willow closed her locker and faced them. "Xand, keep remembering: no chance. Not to mention you're with Cordelia."

"A guy can dream."

"As long as you know that's all you'll be doing." Buffy shook her head at him with a smile on her face, knowing he would probably die of shock if he knew she'd had sex with Faith just a couple short nights ago. She first smiled at the memory then felt a little uncomfortable and almost slightly ashamed she could smile while thinking about it.

She was so sure that night was a mistake, a huge one on her part. She didn't think it was in her, so much so that she was guilty she'd let the situation get as far as it did. Buffy thought for sure she didn't mean to have sex with Faith. She just wasn't that person so the fact she let it happen only made her disappointed with herself.

The trio walked into the library to find Giles trying desperately not to drop a stack of books and Faith looking from a knife she had in her hand to him then back to the knife. Xander and Willow rushed over to Giles to help while Buffy walked over to Faith.

"Too lazy to help?" she asked as she jerked her head toward Giles with the smallest of smirks.

Faith looked past Buffy to the watcher then back at her. "After I've just heard a pointless lecture? Not really in the helping mood."

Giles finished putting the books on the counter and looked at the pair with a scowl. "You do not borrow weapons without asking."

"They saved our asses, Giles. Stakes weren't enough for those demons," Faith said, her irritation with him obvious.

"That's not the point, Faith. The point is . . ."

"I don't care about the point. I only care about the fact B and I are of the living today because of those knives," Faith finished, scowling.

Willow looked to Buffy, worried. "You weren't going to be of the living?"

"It was never that bad," Buffy said quickly and smiled as calmly as she could but turned to Faith to find her now scowling at her.

"Not helping, B," she muttered a bit angrily.

Buffy turned again so she could fully look at her watcher. She didn't think he was very upset, only irritated. He looked like she thought he would if someone spilled a drink on a book. "The knives were very helpful though, Giles. It would have taken a lot longer to kill those demons if we just had stakes. They were, you know, big."

Faith got up and stood next to her fellow slayer, shaking her head at her. "Very helpful."

She only shrugged. "I thought so."

Giles observed the two of them, Faith standing defiantly and Buffy simply standing next to her, before sighing in what sounded like defeat. "Next time, if you want to carry other weapons on patrol, I want to know about it. You need to learn how to use them correctly."

"It was a knife, Giles. I don't think I need a manual," Faith commented sarcastically.

The watcher only groaned as a response, his eyes directly on Buffy. "Faith told me you've been doing separate patrols the last couple nights."

"Yep. Nothing major to report," she explained quickly.

Giles nodded. "Okay. I'm sure all of you have things to do. I'm needed in a meeting."

All of them watched him walk out of the library before Xander spoke up.

"So, Faith, we were talking on our way here and I suggested a group patrol. That cool?"

Faith looked at Buffy with a raised eyebrow, maybe wondering if she was really the one who suggested it. If she really thought that though, she didn't say anything. "Sounds like a plan."

Xander grinned widely and Willow smiled as well. "Cool! It'll be one big party."

"I'm sure that's exactly what it'll be, Xand," is all Buffy said.

"Wow, that was a cool move, Faith."

Faith dusted herself off and turned to Willow. "Thanks, Red. Always like trying something new." She winked at Buffy. "Right, B?"

Buffy tried her hardest not to blush. "Sometimes using new moves can be good . . . for slaying."

Xander crunched noisily on some chips as he walked over to the three of them. "That was cool but we've been out here for awhile. Bronze anyone?"

"It's only been two hours, Xander," Willow said and furrowed her brow at him. "And if we're done I should really go and study."

"The two of you can go ahead if you want," Faith offered. "B and I can finish up."

The two teenagers looked at each other then back at the two slayers. Faith and Buffy were standing a couple feet apart but Buffy had a feeling Faith wanted to move a little closer. She felt that mostly because she was having the urge to do the same.

"Yeah, guys. You can go ahead. We'll see you later," Buffy said, not looking at Faith.

"Okay, Buff." Willow gave her a small smile and walked up to her. "Meet up before class?"

Buffy nodded. "See ya."

Faith only smiled and nodded to the pair as they turned and walked away from them. As soon as they were out of sight, Faith reached out and pulled Buffy to her. She pressed her lips tightly against her own, kissing her urgently.

Buffy didn't respond to the kiss but didn't stop her either. Mostly, it took her by surprise even though she knew it shouldn't. She had noticed Faith looking at her like she wanted nothing more than for them to be alone. She'd gotten the look almost the entire patrol, especially after Faith staked her first vamp.

They broke apart after less than a minute and Faith's dark brown eyes pierced into hers. "Been wanting to do that for awhile now."

"I noticed," Buffy gasped out, trying to catch her breath since she hadn't been prepared for the kiss. "That the reason you were trying to get rid of them?"

Faith chuckled. "Nah, they're cool," she said then paused, maybe thinking of what to say, but didn't step away from Buffy. They were still only inches apart. "Wasn't tryin' to get rid of them, you know. I thought they were getting bored and if it was an active night, we would probably be protecting them just as much as fighting vamps."

"They do pretty good at protecting themselves."

Faith leaned in a little closer so they were almost touching. "You patrol with them a lot?"

Buffy nodded, not being able to take her eyes away from Faith's full lips. "They keep me company sometimes."

The other teen licked her lips, noticing that's what Buffy was focusing on. "So what happens when you stake a vamp and get a major case of the hornies?"

"It's never happened," Buffy claimed.

"That's crap," Faith laughed out and placed a hand on the small of her back. "I bet you felt it and had to use all your slayer strength not to act on it." She pulled Buffy as close as possible. "Musta sucked."

Buffy couldn't help but smile. Truthfully, she hadn't really felt what Faith was describing to her, not until she met the other slayer anyway. Now she felt that way every time she slayed and she blamed Faith for it. "No, I've never felt it when I patrolled with them."

"Well, I guess I'm special then."

Faith closed what space remained between them and kissed her, keeping her arms around her tightly so she couldn't move away. That was the last thing on Buffy's mind though. Her mind kept thinking about why she was enjoying this so much and why she only had a feeling of overwhelming horniness when she slayed now that Faith was in Sunnydale.

The kiss was quickly deepened by Faith and their tongues slid across each other then dueled lightly. Buffy wrapped her arms around her, choosing not to think about anything other than the kiss. She knew she might start to panic if she did.

They broke away gasping and Faith rested her forehead against hers. "Wanna head back to my room? I know it sucks but it does the job, you know?"

"Your room is fine," Buffy said with a smile then realized what she just said. "I mean, your room isn't that bad."

"Not feeling the double H's?" Faith asked and gave her a sexy grin, not letting her go.

Buffy took a breath and pulled out of Faith's embrace. "I might be a little hungry but I should probably head home."

Faith looked down for a second and when she looked up Buffy thought she saw some disappointment in her eyes. "Okay. I'll catch ya later."

"Faith, wait," Buffy blurted out as the teenager turned to leave. "Do you maybe want get some food?"

"That's all right," Faith said as she shook her head. "I'm gonna see if I can dust some more vamps before sunrise."

Buffy nodded sadly, knowing Faith had effectively shut her out. "You okay?"

"Five by five." She was already starting to walk away from her. "Catch you tomorrow?"


Buffy watched Faith quickly leave her and wondered what she did wrong. She knew Faith wanted her but she didn't know what she was doing. She wasn't sure if she wanted the other slayer or if she was losing her mind. Something was happening, she knew that, but thinking about what she wanted with Faith only made her head hurt and the last thing she wanted to do was lead her on.

On the surface, Buffy wanted nothing more to be normal. She simply wanted to be a teenage girl, maybe be a cheerleader and have a boyfriend. She didn't want to have a calling or have to worry if each night she went slaying would be her last.

Finally she'd gotten used to the slaying, of being the Chosen One. She kept telling herself she'd even be able to get used to being part of the Chosen Two as well. At times, it was helpful to have someone with who had the same strength and everything else that came with being the slayer.

Even though deep down Buffy knew she'd never be normal, she wanted to cling to anything normal. She wanted to date normal people. No more vampires and she wanted to include slayers with that now, too. Her experience with Angel had ended badly and Buffy could only see the same with Faith.

The other slayer didn't seem to know the meaning of the word "date" either. Buffy figured Faith only thought two things when she was with her: slaying and sex. That wasn't what Buffy wanted.

Buffy sighed, realizing she'd spaced out in a cemetery and that it probably wasn't the best place for deep thinking. She began her walk toward the entrance, still trying to figure out what she did wrong or even if she did anything wrong. She didn't know how to talk to Faith since her very presence distracted her on every level but figured she needed to learn fast or she knew they wouldn't be able to have any sort of relationship, platonic or otherwise.

Leave Feedback || Chapter Six -->

Chapter One || Chapter Two || Chapter Three || Chapter Four || Chapter Five || Chapter Six || Chapter Seven || Chapter Eight || Chapter Nine

Back to Hayley's Page

Home ||| Buffy Fics ||| Non-Buffy Fics ||| Other Authors ||| Site Updates ||| Update Alerts