Losing Control
by Hayley

Chapter Three

After her less than wonderful afternoon, Buffy went home to have a nice, quiet dinner with her mother. It was what the previous night should have been in her mind: quiet. She didn't have to put on a fake smile for a guest or be polite when she really didn't want to be. Everything was just simple . . . for awhile anyway. Just as they were finishing with dinner, her mother decided simple dinners just weren't for them.

"Is Faith slaying with you tonight?"

Buffy picked up her plate and walked in the kitchen where her mother was cleaning up. "Yep, me and Faith. The two members for the slayer's club."

"Are you being nice, Buffy?"

"Yes, Mom." Buffy sighed and tried not to roll her eyes.

"She's new in town, Buffy," Joyce said as she looked up from the sink and at her daughter. "She probably doesn't know anyone but you and Mr. Giles."

"I have a feeling Faith is very good at making friends."

"I don't know about that." Her mother walked over to her with what could only be described as a very motherly look, not catching what Buffy meant with her comment. "I think deep down Faith is shy and all that toughness is just for show. Now, the daughter I have would be showing her around, introducing her to her friends, that kind of thing and you are my daughter, correct?"

"Yes, Mom," Buffy sighed out but this time it was with a smile. "I'll try." She paused. "Now I think your increasingly wonderful daughter might just have some time to study before my calling . . . calls."

Buffy shook her head at her attempt at saying something witty and walked out of the kitchen without saying anything else. She managed to put a smile on her face as she rounded the corner to go up the stairs but she didn't get very far. The doorbell rang.

"Figures," she muttered and walked back down the few stairs she has managed to climb. She made sure she kept her smile as she opened the door to find Faith, hands deep in the pockets of her leather pants.

"Hey," Faith said as she looked at her and Buffy had to stop herself from shivering a little. She thought at first Faith looked slightly nervous, much like the night before, but after a second she could see some leftover anger from their training session as well.

Buffy stepped aside to let her in, eyeing her up and down without realizing it at first. Once she did, she made a huge effort not to blush. She didn't know why she kept doing that, looking at Faith like she was interested, like she wanted a repeat of what happened at the Bronze. It was driving her crazy trying to figure it out.

Faith stopped before walking very far into the house and turned to Buffy as she closed the door. "No one said where we were supposed to meet and as Giles said, I don't really know the cemeteries . . . well, their names anyway. Figured you'd be here, you know, being your house and all."

"Yeah," Buffy agreed. She looked down, not knowing what to say, and was thankfully saved by her mother.

"Faith, it's good to see you," Joyce said as she walked out from the kitchen with a smile on her face. "Have you eaten?"

"Uh, yeah," Faith answered. She looked at her and smiled nervously. "Was just stoppin' by to get B."

"Okay." Joyce continued to smile. "Remember you can stop by anytime."

Faith's smile widened to a grin, one that looked genuine. "Thanks, Mrs. S."

Buffy watched the two of them, Faith especially, before stepping toward Faith and taking her arm. "Well, we should probably get going. Vampires won't slay themselves."

"That would defeat the purpose of a slayer, wouldn't it?" Faith asked sarcastically.

Buffy only shook her head at the other teen's comment and waved to her mother before walking them out the door. She let go of her arm once they reached the sidewalk and continued walking, Faith beside her.

"It's kinda early," Faith said and looked at her with a smile. "Anywhere you wanna kill time before we kick some vamp ass?"

"All the cemeteries we have to get to are across town. By the time we get there it'll be dark and there will be vamps aplenty."

"Aplenty? Who talks like that?" Faith laughed, taking couple steps ahead of Buffy and turning around to walk backwards. "I get it. You don't want to be seen with me. Ashamed of the new slayer."

Buffy looked at her and couldn't help smiling when she saw the playful smirk on her face. "It's not that," she sighed. "Apparently I have a problem sharing."

"Sharing what? The fuckin' town?" Faith asked while continuing to walk backward. "Giles?"

"How 'bout my life?" Buffy countered.

"I don't want your life. I don't even want to be here," Faith said as she stopped walking, making Buffy do the same. "I'm just trying to do what I'm made for and if you weren't such a bitch sometimes, we'd get along fine."

Buffy simply stared at her, not being able to come up with a quick response. She knew what she wanted to do but hitting the other slayer wouldn't help them. Finally, she blinked a couple times and let out a breath. "I don't think you calling me a bitch will get us any closer."

"Really?" Faith said, waggling her eyebrows. "How close you wanna get?"

Buffy groaned and pushed past her, knowing she'd set herself up for the question. "Get over yourself for two seconds. Let's concentrate on slaying 'cause the sooner we get started the sooner I can attempt to get some sleep."

Faith shrugged. "Fine with me. Lead on."

A week went by and nothing had changed. Buffy and Faith were still patrolling together every night and they were still barely getting along. Giles had even gone with them once to see how they fought as a team but though they fought well together in his presence as soon as he left for the night, they were back to being standoffish at best.

Buffy knew why she couldn't get along with Faith. She simply didn't want to admit it to herself or to anyone else for that matter. Admitting it would be a sign of weakness to her and as a slayer, she thought she should have as few weaknesses as possible.

The problem for her was she couldn't get the kiss at the Bronze out of her head. She couldn't understand why she did it, went along with it, and also knew she was kidding herself by thinking it was only a kiss. She had made out with Faith. She couldn't deny that.

The why of it was killing her. Buffy kept thinking about it day in and day out until her head hurt and it wasn't making any difference. She still couldn't think of a reason she'd accept as to why she'd done it. The only one she'd come to that could have made sense was that she'd wanted to and she refused to accept that possibility. In her mind, she thought she wasn't capable.

Now she was left with drifting through school because she was running on little to no sleep and she only went through the motions while slaying. Buffy knew if only she could get that kiss out of her head everything would be somehow better but she didn't know how. The last thing she wanted to do was talk to Faith about it. From how all their conversations usually went, she knew Faith would be little help in easing her mind.

"Buffy, are you even paying attention?" Willow whispered and touched her arm to make sure she was awake.

Buffy shook her head slightly, shaking herself free from her thoughts and turned to look at her best friend. "Yep."

"Five minutes and we're done." Willow smiled and turned her attention back to their teacher.

She only nodded and tried to pay attention as well but she was lost anyway. All she caught him saying was test and then she already knew she was screwed. She didn't want to bother with the details after that.

Finally, the bell rang and Buffy got up, following Willow out of the room. They walked down the hall for a few moments in silence but Buffy knew that wouldn't last. Her best friend could rarely stay quiet for very long.

"You're gonna have to start paying attention, Buffy," Willow said then paused for a second, maybe thinking Buffy would respond, before continuing. "We have a test coming and I can help you study but . . ."

"I'll be okay, Will."

"If you need help . . ."

"I know," Buffy said quickly before she could finish and smiled. "I think I'll have time to study between training and slaying."

The pair walked the rest of the way in silence, entering the library a couple minutes later. Faith was already there, working on her hand to hand combat with a heavily padded Giles.

"Buffy." Giles motioned for Faith to stop and she nodded, taking a couple steps back. He took a breath and took off the pads on his hands. "Thank God."

Faith scoffed as she gave him a look. "I wasn't hitting that hard."

"I'm sure."

Faith looked to Buffy with a grin. "Thought you'd never get outta class. No fun training with Giles here."

"The point of training is to better your fighting skills not . . ." Giles started.

"Whatever," Faith said, shaking her head. "You ready?"

"Actually . . ." Buffy started, her eyes moving from Faith to Giles to Willow and back again. She knew training was the last thing she wanted to do and thought she now had a good reason to skip. She hated it but it was a reason Giles would accept. "I was just coming to tell you I can't train today."

"Buffy, your training is incredibly important . . ."

"And so is school, remember? The school I was only recently allowed back to? I'm gonna get behind and no one wants that," Buffy said, knowing she finally had the perfect reason to avoid being around Faith.

Giles sighed and Buffy ignored the looked she knew Willow was giving her. "Okay. Your studies are important. Faith, you can have the afternoon off as well if you'd like."

Faith looked at Buffy and the other slayer knew she was a little irritated. "Sure, I guess." She nodded toward their watcher and started walking toward the door, stopping when she reached Buffy. "Still meeting for slayage later, yeah?"

"As always."

"Cool. Later."

Buffy and Willow watched her go before saying their goodbyes to Giles and leaving the library as well. Once they got into the hall, now almost empty of other students, Willow turned to her with a quizzical look on her face.

"Since when are you big with the studying?" Willow asked.

"I like to . . . study."

Willow laughed. "Right."

Buffy laughed as well. "I just don't want to train today, okay?" Willow started to respond but she continued. "And I don't want to talk about it. Not right now, anyway."

"Okay." Willow nodded and didn't say anything else on the subject.

"Why'd you bail on training today?"

Buffy looked over at Faith as they sat on a couple headstones, waiting for a newbie vamp to rise. "Were you not there when I said I needed to study?"

"Yeah, and I could also tell it was complete bullshit," Faith said as she looked at her curiously. "What's the what?"


Faith nodded. "I get it."

"Get what?"

"Never figured you for a dumb blonde but okay." Faith jumped off the headstone. "You have a problem but I'm not important enough to listen."

Buffy jumped down as well. "That's not it at all."

"Whatever," Faith said and turned away but Buffy stepped toward her and placed a hand on her shoulder.

"What's your deal?"

Faith spun around and took hold of her hand, brow furrowed. "I'm five by five, B. You, however, are only trying to tolerate me . . . and you suck at it."

"That's not fair," Buffy claimed, making eye contact but didn't like the look she was getting from her fellow slayer. "I'm trying. I just . . . don't know what I'm doing."

Faith opened her mouth to respond but stopped as both of them heard the rustling of the vampire they'd been waiting for to rise. They took a step away from each other and turned toward the grave as the vampire clawed its way to the surface. After a few seconds, Faith groaned and grabbed her stake that had been safely tucked away inside her jacket.

"You know, most of the time I find it entertaining watching vamps struggle outta the ground, already hungry for that first meal but now . . ." She smirked at Buffy. "No time."

She walked over to the vampire and roughly pulled him the rest of the way out of the ground. He growled once he was face to face with her but Faith just grinned widely as she plunged the stake through his heart.

Buffy shook her head slightly at the small jump for joy Faith did as the vamp turned to dust. Over the last few nights, she had to admit a small part of her had grown to like the carefree attitude Faith had while slaying. Only a small part though: most of the time, her attitude got them into trouble and Buffy didn't like that at all.

"You could just wait, you know," Buffy commented. She let a small smile show as Faith turned back to her. "It's been a slow night."

"That's why you gotta get your kicks where you can," Faith said as she walked back to her, still grinning. "Now, what were we arguing about?"

"We weren't arguing."

"Whatever you say, B." Faith eyed her up and down. "Why can't you just admit you liked it?"

Buffy's eyes bulged. "What?"

"I may be a little on the stupid side but I know why you're acting like I've shown up and killed your puppy," Faith said as she took a step closer so now they were only inches apart. "Just admit it and move on."

As much as she wanted to, Buffy didn't take a step back. She simply stared at Faith instead, trying to think of a witty response. When one didn't come right away she started to panic. Faith was right at why she was so closed off to her but Buffy refused to accept it because she didn't want to admit she'd liked kissing her. She wanted to think it was only because she didn't understand it and once she did, she thought she could become friends with the other teen.

Faith didn't seem to have the patience to wait for an answer from Buffy because after a few seconds she leaned in and kissed her. She kept it light but Buffy froze anyway, not expecting the move but knew she probably should have and just like the first time, her brain shut down and she didn't pull away. She found herself responding again.

Faith didn't let the kiss last too long, breaking away before either one of them could get too worked up. She kept her eyes on the other slayer, awaiting her reaction.

Buffy realized her eyes were closed during the kiss and opened them to find Faith looking at her intently. She looked at her stance and figured she was also preparing herself in case Buffy lashed out at her. She knew she could never do that, however, knowing Faith was testing her.

The part she found interesting was she did like the kiss. It was different but a good different and before she realized what she was doing she leaned in and kissed Faith back. She tried to keep it light, too, but Faith pulled her closer, putting her arms around her.

They broke away less than a minute later and Faith laughed. "That was not the response I thought I'd get."

"Yeah." Buffy let out a breath and ran a hand through her hair, looking around to make sure they were alone. "I don't know what I'm doing."

"I do," Faith said and grinned when Buffy gave her a shocked look. "You're doing what you should be doing. Doing what feels good."

Buffy shook her head. "I don't know."

"Whatever, B," Faith said as she shook her head with a smile. "Let's find some more vamps. I'm itching to slay something."

She turned and began walking away as Buffy looked on. For some reason, she couldn't move for a moment and she let her eyes roam over Faith. Feelings that she didn't want to feel started to rise in her but she pushed them down. She couldn't deal with them right now, not with Faith there.

Faith stopped once she realized Buffy hadn't followed and turned. "You coming, B?"

Buffy smiled, clearing her head of her current thoughts. "Yeah."

They were kissing.

That's all Buffy could think at the moment: her and Faith were kissing and it was becoming more than that. Their hands were wrapped around each other and one of Faith's hands was making its way under her shirt.

While she felt Faith's shockingly soft and warm hands on her back, Buffy decided to take it upon herself to deepen the kiss. She ran the tip of her tongue along her fellow slayer's lower lip and felt her lips almost instantly part, allowing her to slide her tongue into her mouth.

Buffy couldn't believe what she was feeling as her tongue battled with Faith's for dominance. It felt like all her nerves were on fire, like every part of her body was humming and it was all Faith's doing. She moved a hand into Faith's hair, keeping her head right where it was as they made out.

After what seemed like forever they broke apart, both breathing heavily. Faith pushed Buffy a couple steps backward and she felt the cold wall of a crypt against her back. She suddenly realized they were outside and were really supposed to be slaying. She thought about saying something but found she was unable to say anything other than the quiet sigh she let out as Faith's hands moved to her stomach and her lips began making their way down her neck.

"Faith . . ."

Faith mumbled something against her neck and the vibrations felt so good Buffy's mind shut down completely for a few seconds again. Everything felt so good, Faith's hands, her lips, and Buffy didn't want it to end but at the same time she thought what they were doing was wrong. Somehow it was wrong.

"Faith . . ."

The other teen's hands gripped her a little tighter and the kissing and sucking on her neck became a little more insistent. Buffy closed her eyes for a moment before realizing she had to get Faith's attention somehow. She lightly pushed at Faith, hoping she'd get the hint to stop or at least take a breather and thought maybe she was successful when Faith began to lightly kiss up her neck again.

"Don't wake up."

Buffy jolted upright in her bed, breathing heavily and incredibly turned in. She looked around, looking for anything that didn't remind her of the amazing dream she'd just had. When she couldn't get Faith out of her head she simply reached to Mr. Gordo, her beloved stuffed pig, and clutched it worriedly.

After a couple minutes of trying to wrap her brain around what exactly she just dreamt, she laid back down, Mr. Gordo securely in her arms. She thought for sure she wouldn't be having any more erotic dreams with a stuffed pig in her arms but then again, she didn't know if she would be sleeping the rest of the night. Her mind was too busy trying to figure out why she was dreaming about Faith.

"Buffster, are you okay? You seem a little out of it today."

Buffy looked over at Xander as the two of them and Willow sat on a couple couches at the school. "No, I'm fine. Just wasn't all with the sleeping last night."

"Lots of slayage last night?" Xander asked, leaning toward her in anticipation of a play by play.

"Not really, Xand," Buffy answered. She thought back to her dream and had to shake herself back to reality. "We staked a couple of newbies and walked around."

Willow gave her a concerned but slightly amused look. "Faith still getting on your nerves?"

"Is it that obvious?" Buffy asked and smiled at her best friend, already knowing how she'd answer.

"Maybe a little."

"Buff, I don't see why you don't like Faith," Xander said as he stretched out on one couch while Buffy and Willow sat across from him. "She was pretty cool when she was at the Bronze with us a couple days ago."

Willow shook her head. "Xander, you have no chance."

"I thought she was impressed by my witty attempts at conversation," Xander claimed and looked at both of them with a hopeful expression that disappeared when he saw their reactions. "She wasn't?"

"Sorry, Xand," Buffy said and tried not to laugh at her friend's sad face. "I think it was her attempt at being nice. And besides, she's more of a use 'em and lose 'em kind of girl."

"But I'm . . ."

"No, Xander," Willow warned. "Don't even think it."

Xander sighed. "Fine." He looked to Buffy. "Why don't you like Faith?"

Buffy thought hard for a moment, trying hard to come up with something believable. She knew she didn't have a real reason aside from the fact they were exact opposites and of course, how they met. "I just . . . don't?"

"That's not an answer, Buff."

"I think it is, Xand," Buffy claimed then sighed. "We're just so . . . different."

"Different can be good," Willow said hopefully. "Maybe you'll find some common ground."

"Doubtful." Buffy furrowed her brow, not knowing what else to say and thankfully she didn't have to: the bell rang. "Guess we better get to class."

"Fine," Xander relented then pointed at her with mock seriousness. "But you owe us a real answer to my question. Right, Willow?"

"Xander is correct."

Buffy only shook her head and stood up, suddenly wanting to be in class.

The night had been a bust. The two slayers had gone through three cemeteries and had only encountered two vampires, both of which Faith had slain easily. Buffy was still a little irritated about that. She had called the second one as hers but Faith went right ahead and staked him anyway.

"Did all the vamps know where we were going to be tonight or something?" Buffy groaned, shaking her head as she watched Faith hop up on a small headstone and walk on it then jump to the next.

"If you're still pissed about that last vamp, B, you can get the next one. I promise." Faith jumped down from the headstone and grinned, showing off her dimples.

Buffy shook her head and gave her a disbelieving smile. "You said that when you ran ahead of me and staked the first one."

Faith ran a hand through her dark, wavy hair and sighed quietly. "Maybe we should blow off patrolling, go to the Bronze instead."

She looked Faith up and down, noticing how she really couldn't stay still. "Maybe we should go to the next one. I'll feel a little useless if I don't stake something."

"Look, I'm sorry, okay? Won't happen again," Faith said, walking up to her and smiling as they began walking to the entrance. "I'm just wicked hungry and figured we could go to the Bronze. You know, get some food, you can hang with your friends and I can find someone to scratch my itch."

Buffy shook her head but didn't respond right away. She didn't know what to say when Faith talked about the need for sex after slaying. It made her feel a little uncomfortable but mostly because she knew some of what the other girl said was true. She simply didn't want to admit it to her, figuring Faith would never let her hear the end of it.

"So what's the verdict?" Faith asked as she looked over at her, nudging her lightly with her elbow. "You wanna be boring and do your duty or you wanna go find the fun?"

"Do you really find it fun picking up someone?" Buffy asked in response.

"Why, B?" Faith smirked wickedly. "You want some pointers or you wanna save me the trouble?"

"I . . . I . . ." Buffy stammered, not able to think and stopped walking, causing Faith to stop as well.

Faith laughed. "You're too easy, Blondie." She put a hand on her shoulder and leaned in so their faces were only inches apart. "It's an open offer though."

Buffy snapped out of her Faith induced trance and grinned, trying her best to make light of what Faith said even though she knew deep down she was serious. "In your dreams, Faith."

"Probably yours, too."

Feeling an arm wrap around her waist, Buffy turned her head just in time for Faith's lips to capture her own. It was light for only a few seconds before Faith became more insistent, pushing her tongue into Buffy's mouth before the other slayer could even think about resisting. Before she realized it, they had their arms around each other and Buffy stopped concentrating on everything but the kiss she was currently trapped in.

Faith's tongue explored every part of her mouth until Buffy felt the overwhelming need to breathe and broke away gasping. Faith kept her arms around her and moved her full lips down to her neck, causing Buffy to let out a quiet moan.

This was becoming more like her dream and it was too fast for her to handle. She felt Faith's hands glide easily along her back and finally realized her eyes were closed. When she opened them, she saw something they hadn't seen for most of the night: a vampire coming towards them.

"Faith . . ."

Faith didn't stop what she was doing. "Yeah, B?"

"Faith!" Buffy pushed her away and tried not to smile at the irritated look on her face. "We've got company."

She turned around as the vamp started to run toward them. "Guess you've got this one?"

"Damn right," Buffy muttered and grabbed her stake from her pocket.

She met the vamp halfway, quickly punching him and making stumble. Before he could regain his balance or composure, Buffy positioned the stake her hand and he was turned to dust moments later. She grinned at her quick work and turned to find Faith grinning as well.

"You fight better when you're worked up," she commented.

Buffy smirked and shook her head, beginning to walk toward the entrance again. "Whatever."

"You do," she insisted, quickly catching up with her. "I bet you were unstoppable when you patrolled with Angel."

A smirk quickly turned into a scowl as Buffy looked at her. "That's off limits." Right away she knew her tone was too harsh and tried to quickly recover. "Hey, I just staked one. Let's go to the Bronze."

Faith didn't say anything right away and Buffy knew she was probably a little angry but after less than a minute she spoke. "Sure, why not," she said, no real anger in her voice, only a little disappointment.

Buffy sighed. "I don't mean to wig on you. I just don't like to talk about it."

"'Cause we're not friends. I get it," Faith muttered.

"No." Buffy put a hand on her shoulder. "Only 'cause I'm not ready to talk about it."

Faith nodded. "Cool." Her mood lightened instantly and she picked up her pace. "Come on, the Bronze awaits."

Buffy only nodded and watched Faith continue to walk ahead of her. She wondered what exactly she was doing with the other teenager. Faith was right: they weren't friends and even if they were, it wasn't a good friendship.

She didn't go around kissing her friends either and kept thinking about what all that meant. She hoped she could stop whatever it was they were doing but at the same time didn't know whether she even wanted to stop, that maybe she wanted to take it further.

"B, come on. The way you're walking we won't get there until next week."

Buffy sighed quietly and hoped Faith didn't hear it. "I'm coming."

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