First Day of My Life
by Hayley

Chapter Nineteen

Faith didn't think it was possible but the last couple of days of her time in Boston was actually fun.

She had shown Buffy around the city for a couple more days, showing her places she grown up or frequented. Just like the first day, none of the places had changed much. No one had made much of an effort to clean up the area so all the places she had lived were still rundown. Buffy was actually able to see how Faith had lived and was usually silent because of it.

Thankfully, they didn't encounter anyone else who knew Faith when she was younger. Seeing the landlord was more than enough for Faith and she knew it put some questions in Buffy's head that she didn't want to answer. She had promised Buffy she would be as open and honest as possible but there were still limits. There were certain situations that she didn't think needed any discussion and she didn't want to have that talk with Buffy.

One place that wasn't all bad in visiting was where she had trained and lived with her first watcher. Those times, though confusing occasionally, weren't that bad. Faith had been a defiant teenager that was distrustful of everyone around her but in the end, she knew being chosen as a slayer and living with her watcher saved her.

After visiting all those places, the pair decided to simply be tourists. They took the next few days to relax and take in the sights. Even though Faith had lived in Boston her entire childhood it wasn't as though anyone had taken her to any of the touristy places. That required money and a responsible adult, both things Faith rarely had. She was happy that she was able to experience them for the first time with Buffy.

It had been a long day and even though they had planned on going to a restaurant and have a nice night out, the day had exhausted both of them. It had been a gorgeous day so they had spent it outside and by the time evening came around Faith didn't want to get changed and have a night out. She was thankful Buffy felt the same.

"Hey, babe, what do you want from room service?"

Faith pulled on a tank top as she looked over the clothes she still had clean. She knew they would need to do laundry at some point and she knew that would start a conversation on where they would go next.

That was something Faith wanted to avoid at the moment. With every day that passed she knew that was a day closer to when Buffy would need to go back to Cleveland and resume her duties at the slayer headquarters. They hadn't discussed when that would be but Faith knew it was silly to think that she would be able to stay with her forever. Even though she loved her, Buffy had her own life in Cleveland and Faith wasn't a part of that.


"Whatever you want is fine," Faith said as she looked out the window. They had a great view and she took a moment to look at the people walking around, going about their lives.

Arms wrapped around her waist from behind and she smiled as she felt Buffy's head against her shoulder. "Tired?"

Faith turned in her arms. "A little," she said. "Long day."

Buffy gave her a light kiss on the lips then smiled. "Did I mention how adorable you looked in the park today? Running around with those kids, playing tag."

"You might have said it once or twice."

The pair had stopped to have lunch in a park and soon Faith had them playing tag with a group of kids that couldn't have been more than twelve years old. Buffy had laughed the entire time and mentioned that Faith looked young and carefree when she was playing with the group. Every time she caught Buffy looking at her she could see so much love in her eyes.

"You keep thinking," Buffy commented as she moved away from Faith and walked over to the hotel phone. "You've been doing that more lately."

"Being here will do that," Faith said quietly as she watched Buffy look over the menu before reaching for the phone. There was so much she wanted to say to her but didn't know how so she shook the thoughts out of her head. Even though she didn't know when the right time would be to have a serious talk with Buffy now wasn't that time. "What are you going to order?"

Buffy smiled and winked at her. "I'll surprise you."

They ordered pizza and ate while watching cheesy movies on basic cable. Buffy cuddled up next to Faith on the bed and they fell into a comfortable silence after they were finished eating. Faith smiled as she did, instantly loving that Buffy's first instinct seemed to be to get as close to her as possible.

Everything about how she was feeling lately was making her think about the future. When she grew in Boston she never thought she even had a future. Some days she was afraid she'd end up just like her mother, some useless drunk that couldn't even hold down a job. Other days she didn't think she'd even make it out of her teens. Never once did she ever dream of a happy ending or that she would find someone who completely got her. She'd been trained to think those people didn't exist.

Now that she had Buffy it was different. She felt different and it wasn't in a bad way, in a way she was used to. It felt so good sometimes she thought she'd blink and it would disappear on her. That would usually end with Buffy poking her in the side and giving her a kiss.

She wondered what would happen if she stopped traveling and settled down with Buffy. When she first got out of prison that felt like a death sentence, like she would spend the rest of her life taking orders and being watched. That fear was what led her to want to strike out on her own and be her own person. It had led her to find out more about herself than she thought possible.

Faith knew she was capable of good. She discovered that she had good instincts and those instincts were positive ones. The first thought in her head during a fight was how to protect others along with herself now and it wasn't about inflicting pain. Those thoughts she'd left behind in prison.

Over the last few days she had allowed herself to think about the future with Buffy. It was something made her smile, thinking about waking up with her girlfriend everyday and going to sleep every night with the woman she loved right next to her. Faith didn't think about taking orders or what it would be like to work with young slayers. She only thought of Buffy.

Part of her wondered if that was a good thing.

The sound of Buffy's voice brought her out of her thoughts. "This movie is stupid."

"Is it?"

Buffy turned her head to look at her and smiled. "You'd know if you were paying attention."

Faith chuckled quietly. "You caught me."

"You've been thinking a lot lately."

"What? You don't like a deep thinker?"

"Oh, I think deep-thinking Faith is incredibly sexy," Buffy said as she placed a soft kiss on Faith's neck, causing her to close her eyes. "Wanna tell me what you've been thinking about?"

"Just what I've been doing, you know?"

Buffy shifted so she wasn't resting against Faith anymore and she missed the closeness instantly. Her girlfriend sat up and fully turned her body so she was facing Faith. "Care to explain a little more than that?"

Faith smiled. "It's just that I've been feeling things I've never thought about before." She took a breath. "I don't think I started living until the day I got out of prison."

"What do you mean?" Buffy asked quietly.

"All the time before that was wasted," Faith said. "When I was little I didn't know what I wanted out of life. I only knew that mine sucked and it probably always would."

"I'm sorry you felt that."

"No, it's fine," Faith said quickly before Buffy said anything else. "I did what I had to do to survive here and it was the same in Sunnydale the first time around. I only functioned on survival mode because I didn't know anything else. I didn't know that there was more to life than that."

"And now that you know?"

"It's different. The morning I walked out of that prison and looked around knowing that I didn't have to go by someone else's schedule anymore, it was . . . well, it was the first time I felt free." Faith paused for a moment, trying to find the right words. "I felt like I finally could make my own choices and wouldn't have to look over my shoulder to make sure someone else was okay with the decision."

Buffy frowned. "Is that what you thought of me?"

Faith put a hand on Buffy's arm quickly in order to attempt to stop the doubt she knew was beginning to creep into her head. "Don't take that to mean anything bad. It wouldn't have mattered if you would have started off treating me as a complete equal. I would've still thought that."

"So going to prison made you change all that?"

"Kind of." Faith shifted so her back was resting against the headboard. "It started the first time I went to prison and thought I wasn't ever getting out. I accepted that I just needed to stay there and deserved to be locked away. Then Wes broke me out and when I was out something clicked in me. I knew that I was capable of doing something with my life, something more than just ruining others."

"I'm sorry I didn't treat you well when you came back," Buffy said as she moved to sit close to Faith once again. "There was so much going on and I didn't think . . ."

"We need to stop apologizing," Faith said as she smiled. "I thought we made that rule awhile ago."

Both of them were silent for a few minutes. Buffy rested her head against Faith's shoulder and Faith attempted to return her attention to the long forgotten movie that was still paying on the TV. The next question, the big question, seemed to hang in the air and Faith didn't know if she could answer it. She wondered if Buffy could even ask it.

"How long are we staying in Boston?"

The question came out almost as a whisper and Faith couldn't help but wonder how long Buffy had been holding the question inside. She knew that her answer would start a chain reaction of questions that could end their time together and that wasn't something she wanted. Faith realized it was something she never wanted.

She decided to take a chance and ask the question she had been holding in as well. "How long can you stay with me, B?"

The question was met with silence and Faith hoped that the question wouldn't end the fun they had been having on the trip. Part of her wanted to take it back, to tell Buffy to forget she even asked, but she knew it had to be faced. Buffy wasn't part of her traveling world. She was only a visitor.

Buffy let out a quiet sigh. "I don't think I can stay much longer. The gang's been holding down the fort fine but eventually I need to go back to my responsibilities."

"I understand."

"Would you . . . would you come back with me?"

Faith couldn't remember the last time she'd heard Buffy sound as nervous as she did when she asked the question. She was nervous for the question as well but that was because she didn't know how to answer.

Part of her wanted so badly to say yes. She knew eventually she would grow wary of traveling all the time. The early mornings so she could get on the road combined with the late nights that were a must for slaying would exhaust her. It might cause her to get sloppy and maybe even get taken out during a fight she should have won.

That wasn't the ending she wanted. The only problem with saying yes was the fear of things going back to the way they had in the past. She didn't want to be Buffy's shadow or to always be having to prove herself constantly. Even with how everyone had changed over the years the irrational fear she had was still in the back of her head.


"I . . . I don't know how to answer the question."

"Why not?" Buffy moved away from Faith again and turned to face her. "Still feeling restless?"

Faith smiled as she thought about the conversation they had had months ago. Buffy had accepted her answers then but it was different now. They loved each other and Faith wasn't feeling the same as she had been when they talked previously. All the travel and helping others was changing her for the better and was changing how she saw her future.

For the first time she truly felt she deserved something more.

"Not nearly as much as I felt before."

"Then come back with me." Buffy took Faith's hand in her own. "You can do whatever you want in Cleveland. If you don't want to work at the headquarters you don't have to and if you do, well, then we'll be equals. I don't want to be your boss, Faith. I just want you next to me when I go to sleep at night and I want to wake up in your arms each morning."

Faith didn't know how to respond. Buffy looked so hopeful that she would say yes and Faith wanted to. The only problem was she couldn't get the words out. She opened her mouth but nothing would come out so she did the only thing she could think of: she leaned in and softly kissed her.

Both of them seemed to want to keep it soft and tender because Faith didn't do anything to increase the passion in it and neither did Buffy. Faith wanted to savor the moment, knowing that Buffy could feel how much she loved her no matter how she answered her question.

They kissed for a minute before Buffy moved and straddled Faith in one swift movement. She wiggled her eyebrows suggestively as she looked at Faith, causing her to laugh quietly. Taking her hand, she reached out and pressed the palm of her hand against her cheek. Buffy smiled as she did before turning her head enough to kiss her hand.

"I'm not going to make you choose, Faith," Buffy whispered. "I love you too much for that."

"Buffy . . ."

"Don't say anything," Buffy cut in quickly. "I just want you to know that I love you no matter what happens."

Faith looked into her eyes and she could see that Buffy thought she was going to leave. She didn't realize how having her girlfriend look at her with such emotion made her want to hold her close and do everything she could to get the look off her face. Her arms wrapped around Buffy and she pulled her in for a kiss, something that was meant to be soft and tender but it quickly escalated.

The first time they broke away Buffy pulled off her tank top, completely exposing herself to Faith. She pulled at Faith's shirt as well before they began kissing again. Faith broke away from Buffy's lips after only a few seconds though as she began kissing down her neck and toward her chest.

Part of Faith wanted to stop and reassure Buffy that she didn't want to leave her. She didn't want Buffy to feel like if they parted ways that would mean they would have to break up. They had had so many good days together that she didn't want anything to ruin it but she got the feeling that Buffy wasn't thinking about the good days at the moment. No, Buffy looked like she was trying not to be sad.

She moved her hands over Buffy's back as she peppered her chest with kisses, smiling as she heard quiet sighs coming from her girlfriend. Faith loved that she had the ability to make someone respond to her touch the way she could with Buffy. Her body was did exactly what she wanted and she loved having that control. It was such a huge turn on.

"Faith . . . that feels so good," Buffy mumbled out as she held on to her, her hands pressed against her back.

Instead of moving further down, Faith kissed back up her neck until she was face to face with Buffy. "I love you, Buffy."

Buffy moved her hands so they cupped Faith's face, smiling even though Faith thought she looked a little sad. "Make love to me, Faith. I need you to."

Faith didn't say anything in response, only began to slowly take off the rest of their clothes. With each item she removed from her girlfriend, she took extra time to caress her skin. It was one thing that always amazed her, how soft Buffy's skin was. Just touching it turned Faith on in ways she never thought possible.

Soft sighs and moans escaped Buffy as Faith gently explored her body and they were music to her ears. She began to kiss over her body, keeping them light. Faith wanted Buffy to remember every second of the night so she made every move very specific and precise. Every once and awhile she would look into her eyes and smile. The connection she felt every time she did was so strong that Faith had to remind herself to keep it slow.

She kissed over her shoulders and collarbone, moving down to her breasts. Faith stopped for a few seconds to marvel at the sight, thinking about how perfect her girlfriend looked. Without looking at Buffy, she lowered her head and took a nipple into her mouth, sucking and nipping lightly. Her fingers played with the other and eventually switched to the other, lathering it with attention.

"Faith . . . that feels so good," Buffy moaned out quietly as she ran her hands through Faith's hair.

All Faith could do was smile as she moved lower, placing kisses over her stomach until she reached the other woman's pants. She removed them with ease, taking her panties off in the process then removed the rest of her clothes. Faith took a minute to simply look over Buffy as she sat up on her elbows and waited for her to join her back on the bed. They looked at each other for a few seconds before Buffy motioned for her to join her once again.

Faith moved back to the bed and rested her body on top of Buffy's, letting out a sigh as she felt her skin against her own. Before she could do anything, Buffy's hand was on the back of her head and she was pulled down for a hard kiss that became deeper with each second that passed.

Hands moved everywhere and Faith could tell Buffy was trying to move them so she was on top but she kept her being successful. As much as she loved giving control over to her girlfriend and enjoying what she could do to her that wasn't what Faith wanted right away. She wanted to be able to pleasure the other woman and give her everything she could before letting Buffy do anything.

It took a couple minutes but then Buffy seemed to take the hint and stopped trying to move them. Faith took that opportunity to move a hand between them and slowly slid her fingers into Buffy. Her girlfriend let out a moan at the action and she gripped Faith tightly, her fingernails scratching at her back.

They kept eye contact as Faith started a slow, almost torturous pace with her body and fingers. Buffy responded instantly and they moved in sync, neither saying anything to each other. Faith concentrated on the look of pure love in Buffy's eyes and the emotion she felt was unlike anything she'd ever experienced. It felt like she could see into her girlfriend's soul and that she was completely giving herself to her in the process.

Faith kissed Buffy as they continued to move and slowly pick up the pace. Buffy was so wet and Faith knew that it wouldn't be long because she came all over her hand. She smiled into the kiss as she thought of all the ways she'd made Buffy come undone over the time they'd spent together. The body underneath her was so responsive to her touch and she knew she'd do anything for Buffy to feel amazing.

"I'm already so close, Faith," Buffy managed to mumble out between kisses.

"Let go," Faith responded quietly as she rested her forehead against Buffy's. She started to move faster, thrusting with more strength as Buffy cried out into the room.

It was only a few more thrusts before Buffy cried out and gripped Faith tightly as she came hard. Faith did her best to make sure she prolonged her orgasm as much as possible, only stopping when Buffy stopped moving against her. She slowly removed her fingers from her, smiling when Buffy let out a contented sigh.

"You are amazing," Buffy said as she wrapped her arms around Faith, making it close to impossible for her to move.

Faith buried her face in the crook of her neck and placed a light kiss there. "Everything about you is amazing."

She heard Buffy laugh quietly before she was flipped onto her back and kissed hard. It was all she could do to wrap her arms around her girlfriend and kiss her back with as much intensity as she was able. Buffy started to move against her almost immediately which caused Faith to moan into to kiss for a second before breaking away.

"Damn, B. I want you so much right now."

"You have me," Buffy said as she looked down at her. "You'll always have me."

They kissed again after that and Faith closed her eyes as Buffy hand went to where she needed her most. The decision she had to make was still in the back of her mind but she knew it could wait a night. She would be able to talk to Buffy about everything in the morning.

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