Rating: NC17

Pairing: Buffy/Faith

Disclaimer: These characters are not mine and I make no money off this.

Summary: Faith would rather not dream.

Every single night it's the same and it sucks.

Every night I go to sleep and I dream. It's never a good dream, like a flying dream or a dream where I can do what I want, be anything I want. No, every night I go to sleep and I dream about patrolling. It's like my inner slayer telling me every night not to bother dreaming about anything else 'cause I could never be anything else. Nope, being a slayer's it for me, even in my dreams.

As soon as I close my eyes there I am, walking toward the first cemetery of many in a very long patrol. I'm not alone either. To my right is always B. She's always there, telling me to look alive and giving me a rundown of what she thinks we're gonna be facing tonight.

The next part's always different and I don't know if my brain's just trying to keep up and make it interesting or if it's something else entirely. While we patrol B and I always talk and it's never the same, never a repeat. Tonight we're covering why most vamps are stupid.

"I dunno, B. I think most of 'em are dumb just 'cause. Do you really want 'em to have smarts?"

She turns her head to me and smirks as she twirls her stake in her hand. "Is it really very interesting if they're all dumb? I mean, it's easier but not all that fun."

"I thought you're all about slaying being a chore. You trying to find the fun now?"

"We can all change sometime."

I laugh at that 'cause she seems to change all the time yet is still the same to me. She's still hot as hell. "I'm all about you finding the fun with me."

She winks at me then runs toward a vamp that appears off in the distance. She has it covered and I slowly walk toward them, admiring how graceful she looks as she kicks a little vamp ass. By the time I'm almost there she has the vamp staked and is turning to me, a victory grin plastered on her face.

"See, that was almost too easy." "Well, we'll just have to find some more vamps to have a little fun with."

Our back and forth keeps going with each cemetery we go through and it's fantastic. I feel myself becoming more and more relaxed as we talk about everything and anything. It's how I always wanna be with B: relaxed and easygoing. Even though we're busy 'cause there always seems to be a vamp about every five seconds, slaying with her seems natural. It's like it always should have been.

The end of the patrol always ends with a huge fight in the last cemetery we arrive at. It's like we've crashed a vamps anonymous meeting or something 'cause there's always at least a couple dozen of them, all waiting to be turned to dust by an ass-kicking vampire slayer.

B and I are always up for it, too. When we get there and notice how many of them there are, all we do is turn to each other and grin before jumping straight in. There's no real plan or thinking about how we're gonna take down that many at one time without getting dead. No, there's only her going right and me going left, running at whichever one we think will go down quick and easy.

It seems like the fight takes forever 'cause for the longest time all I seem to do is fight and stake vamps. Amazingly, I do it without injuring myself in any way. Sure, the vamps get in some shots that always hurt like a bitch but other than that, they always end up staked and I walk away and so does B. She fights beside me toward the end and never has a scratch on her.

She finishes her last vamp first every time. When I stake my last one and turn to her, she always has a grin on her face. It's like she's finally happy I'm around, that we're a team, and I can't help but grin back.

B walks up to me, stake still in her hand, and always says the same thing. "Are you ready to go?"

I always nod, part 'cause I don't know what the correct response is and part 'cause I know what's gonna happen next.

In a flash, we're no longer at a cemetery but in a bedroom. It's not like any other room I've been in, not one I recognize, but it's always the same room. I'm always looking down at the bed, never knowing why I'm there and never knowing what to do next, but turn when I feel B place her hand on my shoulder.

We stare into each other's eyes for awhile, still not saying anything. We never really say much once we get to the room. It's all about actions once we get here: looks and touches, especially.

B always makes the first move. It could be that I'm waiting for her to but it's probably more like I'm too nervous or afraid to do anything. That's not something I'd normally admit but she's the only one who ever made me too nervous to speak or function. She's always just so much larger than life to me that words always get stuck in my throat and I'm never able to string together enough of them to form a sentence.

Once I turn to her, she moves closer and places a hand gently against my cheek. I can't help but close my eyes at the action 'cause her hand feels so good. It's so tender and I'm not used to that but I'm not exactly complaining about it. I've never felt more comfortable once she places her hand on me.

When I open my eyes she's looking at me with a hint of a smile on her face. It's like she likes the kind of reaction she's getting out of me but before I can comment on it she leans in and kisses me. It's so soft at first that I always think I might collapse but before I can her arms are around me, holding me against her. Somehow she knows that's what I need and does it.

It takes a minute but soon my arms are around her as well and I'm able to respond to the kiss she's giving me. As soon as I do it becomes less tender and more passionate and that's my doing. Having her body pressed against me, even with clothes separating us, is so hot that I have no control over my actions. She holds me tighter at that and takes the next step, deepening the kiss. I moan into her mouth at that and damn near lift her up at the action. All the kissing is getting me more and more turned on and that combined with a long night of slaying makes me wanna get her naked quick.

B knows that and when I grip her tight enough she jumps up, wrapping her legs around my waist as we fight for dominance of the kiss. Her hands are deep in my hair while I'm now occupied with lifting her up and making small steps toward the bed.

When we finally need to break apart to breathe she moves her lips to my neck, kissing and licking her way down. At the same time, the back of my legs hit the edge of the bed and we fall backwards, me landing on my back and her on top of me. I'm able to move my hands over her better and I take full advantage of that, moving my hands over her back and ass as she continues to suck on my neck.

If it was anyone else, I'd have flipped us by now but for some reason, I'm more than happy B's on top of me. She's resting on her knees as she begins to kiss back up my neck to my ear and her hands are moving over me, too. It's like we're trying to feel as much of each other as we can, as fast we can.

"We need to be naked," she whispers in my ear once her lips reach it.

I couldn't agree more and I move my hands down to the edge of her shirt at lightning speed. She breaks away from me as I begin to pull it off and soon I've tossed it across the room. Her bra's gone a second later and I almost forget to breathe. B's the hottest person on earth to me and now that I'm seeing her topless above me, it's almost too much for my small brain to handle.

She blushes at my stare but pulls me up to her quick, damn near ripping my shirt off once I'm sitting up with her. A second later we're both topless and kissing again. It's almost rushed, like we don't know how much time we have together, but it's so insanely hot I don't think about that part.

I'm not sure if it's me lying us back down or if B pushes me back down on the bed but a second later we're all horizontal again. Our kissing is becoming almost sloppy, like we're more preoccupied with what our hands are doing. I'm moving them everywhere, enjoying the softness of her skin, and trying to get the nerve to move them to the front so I can finally feel her breasts in my hands.

B gets the nerve first and I break away from her to sigh out as she moves her palm over a hard nipple. I swear I hear her chuckle at my reaction but that's only in my mind for a moment before I realize she's beginning to kiss down my body. It's not long before she's kissing over my breasts then sucking on them as I moan out, pretty much becoming a quivering mass as she pays more attention to me than anyone ever has.

After what feels like only a moment though I know it's longer, she's kissing over my stomach. She pays special attention to my scar, placing delicate kisses over it, like she trying to heal it. I keep my hands on her as much as I can while she's doing this but in the back of my mind I keep wondering when she's gonna stop and come back up to me.

She kisses down to the edge of my jeans and unbuttons them without looking at me. She pulls them down almost roughly and I lift up so she can slide them off along with my panties. Our eyes meet after B tosses the rest of my clothes on the floor and I'm always left speechless at the amount of lust in her eyes. I can't believe it's for me.

"B, you need to lose the jeans," I manage to say as she moves back over me.

"Not yet," she responds, winking at me before moving down my body again.

Without any buildup other than her placing a feather light kiss at the top of my pussy, B buries her face in me, moving her tongue around in my juices as I cry out into the room. Her hands grip my hips as I arch into her, keeping them where she wants them as she latches onto my clit and begins to suck.

I can't stop the cries and moans from coming as B plunges her tongue into me next and moves it in and out fast. It's like she knows exactly what I want and is giving it to me 'cause hard and fast and when I come she's lapping up my juices and moaning out with me.

It takes a few minutes for me to recover but when I do I open my eyes to see she's standing next to the bed, slowing stripping off the rest of her clothes. Our eyes meet as she does and even though I want to look her naked body up and down I can't look away from her eyes. Their so expressive, like I'm sure mine are, and I can't get over it. She's looking at me with such want, lust and maybe even a little love but I'm probably imagining the last one. I think that's more what I want to see than what's there.

In the end, we grin at each other as she gets back on the bed and on top of me. I keep thinking that I should flip us 'cause there's so much I wanna do to her but the thought leaves as soon as we start kissing again. I can taste myself on her lips and it makes me kiss her deeply. At the same time I begin to move my hands over her again but I'm not as nervous this time and soon their moving over her breasts, causing her to break away and moan.

She hovers over me as I kiss down her neck and over her collarbone, making my way to her breasts. I'm trying to be as thorough as possible 'cause I want her to feel exactly what I did and maybe more but I'm a little anxious. It can't be more than a minute before I take a nipple in my mouth and suck lightly. I hear her moan out loudly over me and it's such a turn on.

I want to kiss her everywhere but soon B's pulling at me to move up. When I do she lowers her head to me and we kiss so softly I think I might cry.

We break away after only a few seconds and she puts her lips to my ear. "Make love to me, Faith."

I can't breathe for a minute or more 'cause I don't think I do until she starts placing kisses over my face. My brain kicks in then and I begin to move my hand in between our bodies and down hers. We start kissing again as my hand reaches her pussy and I cover my fingers in her wetness.

B moans into my mouth and it's the hottest thing ever. Our kissing becomes less gentle and more passionate as I let my fingers explore a little. They hit her clit and she breaks away from me to gasp out into the room, moving so our foreheads are resting against each other. Her reaction makes me keep my fingers there for awhile, enjoying the way her breath hits me as she gasps out each time my fingers move. I move my head up and place light kisses on her lips as I do but I know she needs some release so soon I move my fingers off her clit and push two into her slowly.

She cries out as I do then kisses me deeply. Our bodies develop a rhythm almost immediately and we move against each other as I fuck her with everything I have. We go from kissing to simply looking at each other as she moans out every time I plunge into her.

I know she's gonna come soon so I speed up my actions, wanting to see her come 'cause of me more than anything. B's moaning out louder and louder and I'm trying to keep kissing her but she's too preoccupied to respond and I'm way proud of that. I settle for placing kisses on her lips, nose and cheeks as I watch how she responds to my fingers.

Soon she moves away from me and looks down, continuing to moan out as my fingers move in and out of her fast. She looks amazing and as she starts to come all over my fingers she opens her mouth to speak.

"Faith, I . . ."

That's when I wake up every night. I jolt upright almost immediately and scream out into my own empty room in disgust.

It's like my mind is tormenting me every single night. B's the only thing I've ever wanted and she's the only thing I'll never have so each night when I close my eyes I'm reminded of how I always wanted it to be. The perfect night for me would be patrolling with B and then fucking her until we would be too exhausted to continue and every night I'm reminded of how I'll never have that.

After I wake up I scream a little then cry. A couple times I punched through the wall 'cause the last part always gets to me. I wonder if she's about to tell me she loves me. Every night she tells me to make love to her. She never asks me to fuck her. No, she always wants me to make love to her.

If the dream would only last a little longer, I'd ask her why. Hell, I'd tell her I love her and always have. Maybe in the dream she'd believe me since she's letting me do everything else to her.

The whole thing's messing with my head and I swear it's making me fucking crazy, more so than I ever was as a teenager. Every morning I wake up a little more insane 'cause every morning I wake up wanting her more and more and I'll never have her.

It's getting to the point where it's all I'm able to think about. I'm obsessed with it, how it made me feel, and it makes me want to die every morning 'cause I know it's not real. It'll never be real.

More than anything I want to talk to B now but that's the best part: she won't talk to me and at this point, I don't even know how to contact her. We left everything on such a bad note so she'll never wanna see me again. Heh, I can't even tell her I'm sorry.

I hate my dreams.