RAKANE ½

created by Jia Ri Meng & Paper Tiger

Version 1.1
Disclaimer at the bottom*
Special Thanks to Monica Joria and Jenna Lee

Chapter 1: Chaos on Ice
by Paper Tiger

Nerima: for the last few years, it has been subject to an exponentially-rising number of calamities. It has without a doubt become the most confusing, destructive, and hell-raised berg in Tokyo. What could be the cause? What ground-shaking force could move the Earth off its axis? Well, here she comes now.

Enter Rakane Saotendo, sole heir to the Saotendo Indiscriminate School of Martial Arts. Her two black pigtails bounced against her backpack with each step, her walk surprisingly unfeminine. Rakane was always reluctant to wear the school uniform and would much prefer to wear pants if she could. Still, the peak of many boys’ days was seeing her in a mini-skirt (Not that she cared.)

The morning school yard was bustling when Rakane arrived. Girls conformed and conversed in their cliques and the boys in theirs. Either group would graciously accept her as a member, only she never felt … comfortable. Heck, the only person she considered a friend was-

“Rakane, prepare thyself,” shouted an advancing shaggy-haired student with a boys uniform and a wooden sword. “If I defeat thee, sweet rkn…“

The closeness of Rakane’s foot made vowels very hard to pronounce. Rakane sighed and lowered her leg. The student tenderly rubbed his nose and had a look of forlorn on his face. Though her logic and experience told Rakane she was wasting her time, she tried to reason with the idiot.

“What is it today, Kuroshi?”

“I was wondering if you’d like to go to the Ice Skating Competition at Kolkhoz High School this weekend.”

“What was my answer on Wednesday??”

“ ’No.’ ”

“Good. What was my response yesterday?”

“ ‘No chance in hell.’ But I thought you might have changed your mind since then!”

It would take a force stronger than reason to pierce Kuroshi’s thick skull. Pain worked quite well, but Rakane was going to be late for class.

“Okay,” she said with a sigh. “I’ll go with you, but only as a friend. This is NOT a date, understand?”

“Sure thing, understand completely,” he said gesticulating his hands with glee.

Kuroshi’s deepest dream was to have Rakane think of him as more than a friend, but he was content with what he could get. He felt more likely to gain her affection via friendship and understanding; a philosophy directly opposite of-

Guiseppe Iorio, Furinkan High’s exchange student from Italy, was leaning his weight against the entrance of the school when Rakane came running up. He stepped forward just enough to block her path.

“I need to get by,” said Rakane bluntly.

“Just so long as our match is still on for Saturday,” the Eternally-Lost Pizza Boy replied, his Japanese laced heavily with an Italian accent.

Saturday, the same day as the Ice Skating match.

“S-Sure thing, I haven’t forgotten. Now let me get to class.”

The moment Guissepe lost sight of Rakane, the boy collapsed into a smiling heap. He could never reveal to her how he really felt, but could only act the part of a strong, macho student. It’s no wonder that the first time he talked to her, he got himself into a challenge.

‘Oh, dearest Rakane,’ he thought to himself, ‘if only I wasn’t your rival…’

As you can probably guess, Rakane was very popular among the boys (despite the fact that she was more masculine than several boys in the school.)

Need further proof? Here it comes now.

“Ni Hao, Ai de!” said Wang Peng, master of the Amazon art of Stealth. While the Amazons technique allowed warriors to ambush their foes, Wang Peng was using it this morning for the sole purpose of glomping.

“Get off, you crazed pervert!”

While he was quite cute, Wang Peng’s bear-hugs always squeezed very tightly a part of Rakane’s anatomy that she preferred unsquozen.

“I’m sorry, ai de, I’m just so glad to see you.”

He didn’t loosen his hold.

“You got two seconds to state your business before I smash your head in.”

“Well,” he said cheerfully. He adjusted slightly his spectacles, which only magnified his deep purple eyes. “I was wondering if you’d mind going on a date with me this Saturday.”

‘Criminny,’ she thought, ‘since when did everything revolve around Saturday?’ Not that it mattered; Rakane already knew her answer.

“No! Never! In your dreams!!”

“You don’t mind? You’ve made me so happy! See you then.”

By the time Rakane grasped Peng’s exact phrasing, the Chinese boy had already evaporated into the hallway, leaving only echoing laughter.

Blink.

“THAT’S CHEATING!!!!!”

“UHFF.”

Another wooden post splintered under Rakane’s punch. She wiped her brow, tightened the belt on her gii, and replaced the training stick with another that she had laid aside.

“You know, you’re not supposed to break the post,” said a male voice off to the side.

“I don’t need your advice,” Rakane replied to Raniki.

Raniki, Rakane’s older brother, was sitting calmly on the patio, watching his little sister train. He sported a stylish ponytail and was probably the strongest boy in his high-school level, but he had long ago traded in his training gear for the latest fashion style. Money, and tricking people out of it, was his forte.

“Please, something must be bothering you if you’re training that hard,” said Rakane’s older sister, Kadoka. She carried with her three tall glasses of lemonade.

Sweet Kadoka; She always reminded Rakane of her mother. Kind, a great cook…

…and deadly when it came to swords.

“Well,” Rakane yielded, “It turns out that I’m attending an Ice Skating contest with Kuroshi, a challenge with that Guiseppe kid, and a date with Peng, all this Saturday.”

“Oh dear.”

“What she said,” retorted Raniki.

Rakane sat down and stared hard at the ground.

“I don’t know who to let down. While they’re all insane, they are the few people I feel, well, normal around. I don’t want to have any of them mad at me, not even that Chinese kid…

… especially since they’re all psychotic and may do something disturbing if I stand them up.”

“Who says you can’t be with all three?” said Raniki casually.

“What d’you mean?”

“Easy. Arrange to have the outing/fight/date all at Kolkhoz High School. The school’s big enough that you could slip out to meet one guy without the other two finding out.”

“But that’s dishonorable!” gasped Kadoka.

“No more dishonorable than standing them up.”

“All right.” Rakane stood up a stroke a definitive pose. “I’ll do it!”

Rakane shifted her weight from one leg to the other as she waited for Kuroshi. Every few seconds she pulled down on the hem her skirt, not really comfortable in anything but pants. It’s ridiculously hard to find one article of clothing that says “I’m your friend,” “I’m your girlfriend,” and “I’m going to kick your butt to Jupiter” at the same time. Something had to be sacrificed, and Rakane would’ve felt a lot better if it hadn’t been combat sense.

10:01.

In walked Kuroshi with a big smile and, not surprisingly, his wooden Kendo sword. He wasn’t even very good at Kendo, he just carried the sword everywhere he went, not unlike a certain Charles Schultz character and his security blanket.

“Hey, Kuroshi, over here.”

“Wow,” he said, “you look great!”

Rakane tried to hide her smile under a scowl.

“Don’t get any ideas.”

The two sat down near the front of the rink and watched the skaters stretch and practice their routines without any music. It was only a matter of minutes before Rakane stood up and proclaimed:

“Damn, I left my jacket in the lobby. I’ll be back in a minute.”

10:05.

Guiseppe was sure he got the wrong place… wouldn’t have been the first time he’d been lost. He expected a vacant lot or a dojo or something, but not the overflowing lobby of a school auditorium, with posters everywhere saying “Ice-skating tournament.” At least, that’s what he thought they said (he was still working on his Japanese.)

The Pizza boy was on his way out when Rakane’s voice stopped him.

“Wait up, Guiseppe.”

He turned around and did a double-take. He was quite shocked to see her wearing a sleeveless tee-shirt and a skirt.

“T-this is what you wear to challenges?”

“Uh, for the most part,” she lied.

‘Must be a Japanese thing,’ he thought to himself as he followed her into the school.

“The gymnasium is right next to the auditorium, I think,” she said as she led Guissepe down the halls. Both of them tugged firmly on the gym doors, but they were locked shut.

“What do we-“

Before he could finish the sentence, Rakane jumped upon the occasion.

“You wait here while I try to find the janitor.”

10:09.

Wang Peng’s sifting, thirsting eyes were relieved as Rakane walked towards him in the school lobby.

“There you are,” he said with relief.

Rakane sucked in two lungs full of air and barreled ahead with the plan.

“Sorry, I didn’t say where to meet you.”

“Oh, don’t you worry about it,” he said eloquently (and with a pearly smile to boot.)

‘Damn,’ she thought, ‘for a kid who spent his whole life in a village of Chinese Amazons, his Japanese was pretty good.’

The two took a seat near the back of the auditorium.

“Excuse me,” she said, “I have to…”

She was running out of excuses.

“Powder my nose…” she said mechanically. Peng bought it.

“Sorry I took so long,” she said to Kuroshi as she sat down next to him.

“No problem.” His tone of voice expressed otherwise. “But where’s your jacket?”

Rakane looked down; the only thing she was carrying was her purse.

“Silly me, I forgot it again. I better go get it!”

“Did you find a janitor?” Guiseppe asked as Rakane ran to the gym doors.

Rakane peeked behind her to see Kuroshi walking around the halls of the school.

‘Oh no, he’s followed me! And if I walk into the auditorium with him, Peng might see us together and suspect!’

“No, but I found someplace equally good. Follow me.”

She Pushed Guiseppe down the halls, away from Kuroshi, and out the side exit of the school.

“The baseball fields?” Guiseppe asked.

No, somebody might see them.

“Actually, how about the roof?”

‘None of the travel guides mentioned this,’ Guiseppe thought as his powerful legs launched him onto the school roof.

The two young masters posed themselves for combat, not speaking a word. Guiseppe held in his dominant hand a battle pizza-cutter, which would have looked very much like a sword if not for the rotating, circular blade.

Rakane was raised for hand-to-hand, and that was how she liked it.

Like an improvised dance, the two ducked and wove through each other’s attacks. Rakane would dodge the pizza cutter by mere centimeters, only to find Guiseppe’s knee in her stomach. Likewise, every time Guiseppe threw a punch he tasted not victory but Rakane’s elbow.

During a brief pause, the two smiled at each other.

“Care for a breather?” Rakane asked.

“Why don’t we go inside? I bet it’s cool near the ice rink.”

The two hopped down from the roof and Rakane bit her lip.

“I don’t…”

Kuroshi was nowhere in the halls.

“…see why not. Why don’t you go ahead, and I’ll meet up with you.”

‘That was close,’ Rakane thought as she saw Guiseppe enter the auditorium. ‘Now Guiseppe is right where I need him…

…IN THE FRONT ROW, NEAR KUROSHI!’

Rakane raced as fast as her animated legs would take her. She still had time to stop the two from meeting, if only she could avoid-

“Ai de! How I’ve missed you!”

Glomp.

“AAAUUGGGGGGGHHHHHHH!!!”

The cry of frustration caught the attention of every individual in the entire auditorium, including the skaters.

“Rakane! There you are,” Kuroshi and Guiseppe said in unison. Without acknowledging each other’s existence, they climbed the stairs shoulder-to-shoulder.

“Now guys,” Rakane started.

It didn’t look like they would let her finish.

“Wang Peng, what brings you here?”

“A date with my ai de, believe it or not.”

“Guys…”

“With ‘ai de’ you mean Rakane, don’t you?” Guiseppe said with building unease.

“Excuse me…” Kuroshi said.

Everyone pushed him out of mind.

“Yes a date. You make it sound like I had forced her.”

“Well, she did come here with me to settle a challenge.”

“Excuse me…”

“Well, we had a date scheduled for today, and she said to meet her here.”

“EXCUSE ME!!!!!!”

“Put a sock in it, Kuroshi!!!” Rakane, Peng and Guiseppe said in unison.

“That… wasn’t me,” Kuroshi said timidly.

The three turned around to see a disgruntled pair of skaters on the stairs. One was a tall bishonen boy, the other a small, cute girl with a large bow in her hair. Both were bedecked in white and sequins.

“Who are these two?” Rakane asked bluntly. In the entire course of the day, she had yet to see one minute of actual ice-skating.

“The Golden Pair,” Kuroshi said, hugging tightly his sword for security.

Mikado of the Golden Pair had originally ascended the stairs, his mind set on expressing his anger. But oh, how our plans change.

As the pig-tailed girl turned when he addressed her, Mikado became lost in her fiery eyes, rosy cheeks, and tender lips, which just waited to be kissed.

And thus Mikado’s train of thought was derailed instantaneously (not for the first time, mind you.)

“It is quite obvious that this sweet girl does not want to be in the middle of your fight, you raucous vandals.”

“Say what?” was everyone’s response.

Mikado held Rakane’s hand and led her down a stair. The tone in his voice was as sweet as syrup (and twice as sticky.)

“There, there. You’ll be all right. Your Prince is here to rescue you.”

Rakane couldn’t believe her ears.

“What the hell are you talkin’ about?”

Meanwhile, Wang Peng and Guiseppe were taking this equally well.

“You take your hands off Rakane!”

“Yeah! She’s my date!”

“Actually…” Kuroshi started, but of course, didn’t get to finish.

“If you don’t freeze right there,” Guiseppe barked angrily, “I’m going to smash your head in!”

“The same goes for me,” Peng said.

Mikado stared out Guiseppe. Then at Peng.

Then he bowed his head, and, to everyone’s disgust, kissed Rakane’s hand.

“That’s it! Let’s settle this outside!”

“No,” Mikado said calmly. “Let’s settle this in the rink.”

“Explain this to me one more time,” Rakane said flatly as she ungracefully adjusted the pair of nylon stockings she had put on ten minutes ago.

“Well,” Kuroshi started, “today’s Ice Skating Competition is no ordinary ice-skating match. It is the District High Schools’ Martial Arts Skating Competition. Since Furinkan High has no team this year, the judges accepted Guiseppe and Wang’s challenge to Mikado as admission into the competition (‘cause they’re both Furinkan High Students.)”

“Well, that part I got,” Rakane said.

In the mirror she looked at the blue and black sequined skater outfit she was wearing.

“What I wanted to know is WHY AM I FIGHTING TOO?!?!”

“ ’cause the rules specifically require a girl and a guy for each school entered.”

“Great, that’s just great,” she grumbled as she approached the rink.

‘Martial Arts Skating, eh?’ she thought. ‘Now I wish I had paid attention, this could have been fun to watch.’

“Skating for Kolkhoz High School,” the announcer began. Our Furinkan heroes could not help but be nervous when they saw the intricate light cues.

“The Golden Pair of Martial Skating,

Azuza Shiratori and Mikado!”

The two slid onto the ice like swans onto a lake.

“While skating for Furinkan is Rakane Saotendo and…”

There was a long pause. People in the audience began whispering to each other.

“Um,” Rakane said as she faced Kuroshi, Guiseppe, and Wang Peng. “Did you guys actually decide which of you was actually going to skate?”

She could tell by the look on their faces that they hadn’t.

“Well, I’ll just skate with the strongest of you guys.”

Boy, did she regret saying that. The announcer declared the match started, but the Furinkans were squabbling too loudly to notice.

“It should be me,” said Guiseppe. “I’m the one who came here to fight with her.”

“No,” said Peng, adjusting his glasses, “you came here to fight against Rakane. The last thing she needs right now is another opponent, so get lost.”

“Let me strike down the blaggard,” said Kuroshi. He had even taken the time to adorn feudal-style robes that matched his ice skates.

“She wants strongest?” said Wang as he took a fighting stance. “I’ll show her which of us is strongest.”

Rakane was not normally the voice of reason, but the role was forced upon her. Before she could say anything to dissuade the two foreigners from fighting, Guiseppe launched an impressive kick aimed directly at Wang. At least, it was aimed at where he had been.

The target had evaporated into thin air.

“Behind you,” the Chinese boy said. Guiseppe turned around just in time to be uppercutted by Peng.

“Guys, you gotta stop this!”

Guiseppe wasn’t listening. He grabbed Peng by the collar and slapped his face twice with his knuckles. The moment he let the Chinese boy’s shirt slip from his fingers, Peng had vanished yet again.

“Dang,” said Guiseppe, turning to Rakane in shock. “Where’d you pick up this guy?”

“He followed me home.”

Azuza and Mikado had had about all they could take. While the bickering and feuding amongst the Furinkans made them look all the better, the challengers were stealing every bit of focus. Also, Mikado noted, the two boys duking it out actually threatened to upstage him.

“Look, I’ve had enough of this. Either everyone else leaves or you forfeit, AND loose the challenge. It’s up to-“

Wang Peng burst through the ice and clasped like a ravenous monkey onto Mikado’s back. Only after he had clawed viciously at his face eight or nine times did Peng wipe the ice that obstructed his glasses.

“Oh. My apologies,” he said, hoping off of the scarred skater’s back.

“Peng,” Rakane shouted, “Do you know what you just did to that guy?”

“I think we should be more concerned with what Peng did to the rink,” said Kuroshi casually.

The entire group leaped back when they say how Peng had entered. A large gaping hole was left in the ice, underneath which dwelled a large amount of water. Ice water.

One of Rakane’s few flaws was her horrible fear of water. Small drinking glasses were fine, ice cubes were okay. Giant swimming pools with only the top few feet frozen were NOT on her “Fine” list.

‘That’s the last straw,” Mikado said, fiercely skating over to Wang Peng.

“I’ve had just about-“

SPLOoosh.

He was the one person in the whole auditorium that hadn’t noticed the hole.

“Well, that was fast,” Rakane commented.

“Oh no,” rung out the announcer, “Mikado Tarou has fallen through the ice!!!”]

The groups laughter was dashed into a million pieces as the ice underneath them cracked and quaked. A massive figure pulled himself to the surface of the ice, and the air was filled with the pungent odor of wet dog.

The three boys stood dump-struck, their jaws extending to their belts. Rakane’s mind was faster, though. Her memory flashed to last summer, during her yearly training mission with her Uncle Genma Saotendo. At the Training Grounds of Jusenkyo, she hesitated to stand atop the bamboo polls for fear of falling in. Her Uncle proceeded forward, fell into a spring, and emerged as a panda. While it was a long shot, maybe something similar had happened to Mikado.

Of course, the three boys had good reason to be petrified. The powerful yak/yeti/crane/snake was certainly monstrous to say the least. Azuza, along with every other girl in the auditorium, trampled over each other in a mad dash for the exits. Mikado shed a tear for all of the kisses he would not receive. The tear evaporated into steam as he turned to lonely warriors standing on the ice.

King Kong was pissed.

“What now?” Guiseppe asked.

“Well, why don’t you let-“

“Fear not, gentle Rakane,” Kuroshi said while charging, “Thy deliverance is nigh-“

The beast roared and Kuroshi turned about-face without even slowing a step.

“Wish you all well!” he said as he bolted out of the rink.

“Why don’t you let me take a crack?” said Wang Peng, this time without interruption.

“Ladies first,” Guiseppe replied.

The colossal pervert towered over our heroic, much smaller pervert. The boy readjusted the glasses on his nose one last time… before pulling two bonbories from out of nowhere. His opponent bellowed once and stroke downwards with his treetrunk-of-a-fist. Peng easily leaped over the blow, but the ice beneath him was shattered from the force. He managed to hit Mikado once on the head with his right bonbori, but he was soon swiped aside by the beast/boy’s tiny wings.

Peng landed to the ground and struck a fighting stance, but much too late. He was unprepared for the speed of the creature, and did not have time to brace himself for the blow. The hairy arm launched the Chinese boy across the ring and into the plastic seats of the audience.

Silently, Guiseppe approached the beast, and with little more success Peng. When Mikado’s snake tail swept Guiseppe’s legs from behind, the Italian lay prone to Mikado’s fist. Guiseppe was punched through the ice, and it didn’t look like he’d be resurfacing for a fight anytime soon.

‘So,’ Rakane thought, ‘it’s up to me.’

Aerial Combat was the Saotendo art’s greatest strength, so Rakane decided to try a flying leap at the creature. Mikado was too large for her to miss, but the full impact of her strike didn’t even through off his balance. He proceeded to swat her aside like a mosquito. She punched and kicked him several times more, but he seemed impervious to them all. Similarly, he was too heavy for judo moves and any attempts at wrestling locks or holds would be suicidal. There seemed no chance of victory.

‘What do I do, what do I-‘

With all of her thinking, she had let her guard down She skidded across the ice, and managed to crawl to her knees.

Now, Rakane has stooped to some pretty low and inspired tactics before. After all, she did have Genma for an uncle. She has bluffed, she has gone completely berserk, but never

ever

before

has

she

cried.

“Oh,” she moaned aloud, sniffing loudly. “What a horrible monster!”

Mikado stopped, almost aghast at what he had done to this sweet, beautiful girl (and her lips.)

“If only there was some dashing, handsome prince to console me in my hour of greatest fear!”

Beast-like Mikado: [Exit stage right.]

About three minutes later (more or less, depending on atmospheric pressures,) the bishonen Mikado reentered the ring, wet, hastily dressed, and showing burn marks from over-heated water.

“Rest now, sweet girl, I’ll-”

One punch. That’s all she needed to silence the freak for 65 hours.

With all the excitement, all of the bad dates and opponents, Rakane just wanted to do one thing:

Get out of the stupid, sequined outfit.

Kuroshi was back to his normal street clothing and so was Rakane. As he walked home, he rested his kendo sword against his shoulder and watched Rakane stroll atop the fence.

“…So when Mikado has hot water on him, he changes back?”

“That’s how it works,” she replied casually.

“And how is Wang Peng doing?”

“Back to normal, I’m afraid,” she said, rubbing her sore chest.

“And Guiseppe?”

“Well, that’s just it,” she replied, a look of confusion. “Yet again, he’s disappeared, just like our battle at the Water-Park. I never saw him after either match. But odds are I’ll bump into him again just before school starts, the same as always.”

“Oh.”

“You know what?” Rakane asked. Her half-smile was illuminated by the red sunset. “If you hadn’t dragged me to this Skating thing, I never would have faced the toughest opponent in my entire life. Thanks.”

All Kuroshi did was laugh.

“What’s so funny?” she replied.

“You think that guy’s scary?” he asked, wiping a tear. “You haven’t met my sister.”

End of Chapter 1!

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