"DRAGON-SLAVE!"

The orb of hellfire cut through the studio and out the side of the metal structure. The cameramen turned and ran, and the abandoned cameras wandered from unhappy Lina to the rest of the set, which was now up in flames. Just to the left, you could see the 5 Directors of the lovely show blinking with several new sweatdrops.

A-CHAN: "She just destroyed the set."

PAPER: "Yes. Yes, she did."

      Rezo sat calmly offstage in a boosted chair, reading a carefully folded newspaper (the stock page.) (As a matter of fact, his eyes STILL aren't open.)

"Give them hell, Lina," he said between sips a cafe latte.  Under his breath, he added "Then maybe those no-talent hacks will learn to write me into the script once in a while."

SLAYERS FOREVER

By the Crazed individuals of GigaWorks

[Disclaimer as read by the Swedish Chef:

Ve-a cun teke-a credeet fur nune-a ooff zee cherecters oor ilements presented beloo. Ell ooff zeem ere-a cupyreeght H. Kunzeka / R. Ereeezoomi. Thunk yuoo fery moochski, boodski.

EPISODE 0: Where's Zelgadis? Tear Down the Wall!

      One of the directors, Paper Tiger, tensely stroked his hair back with his palm. He walked up to Lina Inverse with a forced smile while crew and techies ran frantically about the set, salvaging what they could with fire extinguishers.

"Okay, Lina," he sighed. "Let's try to work around this little setback, can we?"

     She didn't look pleased.

PAPER:  "We'll just end the scene at that moment... like a cliffhanger. We can recap in a later episode on what you and Zel discussed, and in the meantime we re-start the story with the following morning. How does that sound to you?"

He looked around at the now miniscule backdrop.

PAPER: "We're not going to have a set till tomorrow, anyway."

Jia Re Meng nodded in agreement while drying her wet hands on her jeans.

MENG: "I agree with P-mun here... especially since it was MY IDEA! ...Geez... I go to the bathroom for one second..."

MENG:  "I say we cut to a group breakfast the next morning and open with Lina's reply to Guy's Proposal... a nice little bit, if I do say so.  We can take it from there.

LINA: "And if Zel doesn't show up?"

MENG: "We'll use cardboard cut-outs, like in The Princess Bride. No one'll ever notice! We are on a tight schedule here!"

Jia re meng waved her hands around.

MENG: "Alright, People! Painters! I don't want to see one SPECK of ash! Lights... redo those gels so it's 10:00 in the morning... sun is downstage right. Someone Go the Dressing rooms and try to talk the actors out! Order 'em a Pizza or something... but only one topping, we're on a budget!  A-chan, I leave it to you."

"Oi.... I'm getting too old for this."

      A-chan gave a quick salute, grinning.

A-CHAN: "Have no fear, A-chan is here! I shall right the wrongs of Lina and, with love and justice in my heart, I shall vanquish the evils done onto our lovely set and continue down the path of good episodes!"

She ran off, stage left, yelling in what she likes to call "A-chan-ese".

A-CHAN: "Yam yam yam!! Diddle de ga ma do!!! De pe de pa do!!"

There was a couple of loud crashes, a louder "Itai" and then cursing. Yep, A-chan was back to work again...

...Everybody hide...

*Sweat-drop*

Paper Tiger and Jia Re Meng just stared dumbfounded at A-chan's wake of confused techies and sparkling wires.

Jia Re Meng looked at Paper Tiger and shook her head.

MENG:  "I was gonna go for a 'donuts and coffee run'... but I don't think she needs it. Instead I'll get some Nyquil.

PAPER: "Oooh!  Pick up some Dayquil too, we can make cocktails."

MENG:"...And I'll get some excedrin for me.........maybe some midol... (oi)."

TIGER: (facepalm)"... Yeah, you do that."

Tiger-mun tossed Jia Re Meng the keys and she headed out of the studio to the big blue Plymouth Voyager.
...........

Shortly she ran back to him, looking a little embarrassed.

MENG: I just remembered I can't drive! ^.^

 (facefault)

A-chan grinned as she re-entered the set, wearing a Grinch costume but with a big red bow in her green hair and beard, riding a tricycle with a little bell.

A-CHAN: "I've got the techies working on the set, a few other yolkels that I found lying around to get us the pizza, and I've started with a new script. Lina-san has given few problems, since the first scene has her pummeling some poor soul. Have no fear, it's just her fists."

She rang the bell then rode out, waving and singing "Give a Reason", way off key and on purpose.

A-CHAN: "Bai bai!! Me write more script and make people scared!!"

Lina slunk in, tugging on Meng's sleeve.

"Help us..."

Paper Tiger paced furiously backstage, tugging his hair and chugging pepto-bismol.

"That's it, I'm sticking to motorcycle/police anime," he thought aloud.  "This fantasy stuff is getting to me."

Suddenly, a metal wrapping,

Someone not-so-gently tapping,

Someone Paper would be grappling,

Grappling at the studio door.

PAPER: "The pizza guy?!"

PIZZA GUY: "Shyeah, that's what happens when you order a pizza," the pizza-faced teen stabbed between coughs.

 Paper had squeezed his skinny neck good.

PAPER: "Thanks."

He grabbed the pizza boxes and slamming the metal door in the pizza boy's face.

Apparently, the youth was denser,

And more frustrating than [censored]

Making Paper much more tenser,

Tenser than he was before

For the boy continued pounding,

Pounding at the studio door.

PIZZA GUY: "I'M NOT LEAVING TILL I GET PAID."

     Rather than going Akira on the insolent cur, Paper Tiger took in a deep breath. I really need to relax, he thought to himself as he walked up a flight of stairs. Opening his wallet, he removed three $20 bills and a $1 tip. He proceeded to rubber-band the bills to a brick and chuck it out the second-floor window.

     For a few brief moments, as the concussed pizza-boy tore out of the studio parking lot in first gear, Paper felt at peace with the world.

Meanwhile, a young girl wearing a blue cape and green tights double-checked the address. Studio 13. Yup, this was the place, alright.

She hesitated to knock on the side door, considering the yelling and pounding going on around the corner.  Something about a pizza.

She was about to open the door a crack a peer in, but it was thrown open before her.  Standing in the doorway was a young girl, dressed in black.  She was a techie.

"You Kia?" asked the crew-member.

"Y-yes," the caped girl replied.

"Come in, we're expecting you. I'm Cait Sith."

     Kia entered the room, followed closely by Cait. They both gaped at the mess before them, coming just in time to  see Paper Tiger throw a brick out the window.  Kia recognized the sound of a pizza-boy hitting pavement.

Kia tapped Paper Tiger on the arm.

KIA: "Um, Why did you hit the poor man in the head with a brick?"

CAIT SITH: "Because. The pizza boy was bugging him, so why not? That's happened to me before."

Kia yelped.

KIA: "Nani?! You've hit someone in the head with a brick?!"

CAIT SITH: "No!" [sweatdrop] "I've been bugged to the end of my short fuse before!"

KIA: "Oh. Okay then," she said with a sigh.

     Paper Tiger, whose face was returning to a normal color, stared perplexed at the new caped wonder.

PAPER: "Who are you?"

KIA: "I'm Kia." She shook Paper's hand quite enthusiastically. "You hired me to start filming, remember?"

     The dim bulb known as Paper Tiger lit up. He then furrowed his brow.

PAPER: "Oh. We're not going to need you for a few weeks. Maybe a month or two.  Besides, today is crazy enough as it-"

Speaking of crazy...

A-chan skips in, dressed in a very Naga-ish costume, grinning widely.

A-CHAN: "I have an idea!"

Dramatic pause...

A-chan: "PURPLE PEOPLE EATERS!"

Lina, Tiger, and Cait all facefaulted.

     The frazzled director turned to Kia, for the first time without frustration.

PAPER: "You're welcome to stay, if you just want to get a feel of the studio."

Jia Ri Meng's bicycle screeched to a halt as she pulled up in front of studio 13. In a 7-11 plastic bag were bottles of Nyquil and Dayquil, a can of peaches, crayons, a Jetson's coloring book (she figured she had some time to kill), and a BIG BOX OF MIDOL... she needed it.

As she came to large metal door and typed in her pass-code, she noticed flecks of blood on the concrete step, and a discarded box of breadsticks... that were still hot. She shrugged, and picked it up.

Inside, she chucked the box at Paper Tiger, causing him to be mauled by Gourry and the sound crew. An assistant ran up to Meng-chan, her intern eyes full of fear.

"Miss Jia Ri! Mr. Rimmour has locked himself in his dressing room-"

"The closet?"

"Yes... the closet. Anyway, he refuses to come out unless he can renegotiate his contract. What do we do?"

"We don't give him any pizza."

Meng shrugged and sat in a lofty director's chair next to Xellos, who was changing his lines with a thick red marker.

"No.......

no.....

HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!......NO

......uh-unh"

MENG: "Aren't you even gonna try your lines?"

XELLOS "Really...I thought you'd know me better by now, Meng."

MENG: "Well, the other cast members have been complaining about your improv lines...it really puts them off gaurd."

XELLOS: "Does it?.....Oh good! ^.^"

(sIgH)

FILIA: "So unprofessional." She powdered her face. "By the way, could you get me some of that pizza, Moonhawk-chan?"

     The dark haired author Moonhawk was busy doing something productive to the team.

Filia: *clears her throat* "Ahem. The pizza, if you please, Moonhawk-chan?"

Moonhawk: -_-;; "Fine, fine..."

Filia: *turns to audience (wherever they are) and winks*

"Be firm. That's the secret to bullyi-- er, I mean, persuading your author to help you do stuff."

Amelia walked into the studio out of costume and noticed the chaos ensuing and the lack of actual WORK. She walked up to Meng-chan and tugged on her sleeve.

"Um, Miss Meng? I thought you told me to come at 5:00? Are we not shooting?"

"Looks like," said Meng staring into space.

"We're experiencing technical difficulties!" Chimed in Xellos.

"Oh I see." said Amelia gravely, "Are we not shooting my scene then?"

"Prob'ly not today, Honey...you can go home." Meng said. She looked pretty worn out.

"Hey! How come she gets to go home? Can I go home?" whined Xellos.

"NO." Meng replied gruffly.

"Is there anything I can do to help?" inquired Amelia, looking concerned.

"No...no no no...." said Meng fighting back frustrated tears. Just then, she sat upright, determined.

"YES!" she said "YES there IS, Amelia...you can
FIND ZELGADIS!"

"RIGHT!" replied Amelia talking off! Somewhere in the mess of people and lighting equipment she could be heard frightening the best boy with cries of "Justice!"

MENG: "Well, that's a step in the right direction!....BUT WE STILL DON'T HAVE ZELGADIS!"

She couldn't stand it anymore and broke down into noisy tears.

Xellos was taken aback (as most guys are when confronted with crying women) and tried to comfort her and not get too close at the same time.

"um...there-there." he said lamely.

"Whadddamygonnado?" mumbled Meng through sobs.

"Well...I think you need to just relax for starters. You're way too tense. "

"am not" (twitch)

"uh-huh...anyway..you should take a break! Relax! Do something to enjoy yourself."

Meng-chan sat up and smiled.

"You're right! I'm stressing over nothing! Lots of shows have their problems and they do okay! I'll take five till weÕre in the green again!"

She turned back to Xellos.

"Hey what do you suggest? What should I do that's kinda fun?"

Xellos only grinned.

"Ohhh...you don't wanna know what I for fun."

Meng believed him. So instead, she reached into her shopping bag and pulled out the crayons and coloring book she had compulsively purchased.

MENG: "Hey! Its Mr. Spacley!...Heheh...'Jestson, you're fired!' heheh"

(Meanwhile a young techie named 'Herman Jetson' had overheard her and went home, dejectedly.)

Cait Sith avoided the scrawling Meng as best she could, only to get shoved aside a crazed techie, who was crying about some "mazoku director". Cait was confused, as she was still relatively new with Gigaworks.

 
"What's...going on?!" she thought aloud.

"Why is everybody crying and what's with Jia Ri Meng?! She's twitching over her yellow-green!!"

Far in the background she heard Amelia's rant for Justice.

CAIT SITH: "Well, I guess THAT could be a likely source.  Or is it that 'mazoku director?'"

One of the girls playing a Lina-ette overheard Cait and said frankly,

"Oh that's just Bert, the backdrop artist. Don't pay any attention to him." Here she made a little 'cuckoo' motion with her finger.

LINA-ETTE: "We don't really know how his brain works...one of the modern mysteries. Oh by the way...The security guard told me to tell you; your car is on fire."

Cait Sith: "huh?" Her eyes bug out. "My car?!"

She ran outside, and a bloodcurdling scream erupted from outside, load enough for everyone to hear.

CAIT: My BUICK!!!!! NOOOOOOOO!!

     She stormed back inside and screamed, "WHO DID THAT TO MY BRAND NEW BUICK?!!?!!"

Everyone in the immediate vicinity ran away except for the unfortunate Bert, who was muttering about crotches or something. Cait stood directly behind him and was as mad as hell.

BERT: "What is it, you ninny?"

...

Paper Tiger glanced on in edgy silence as Cait pursued Bert with a flamethrower.  Bert was screaming like a little girl.

That better not be a company flamethrower, Tiger thought.

Just then Amelia ran up to him.

AMELIA: "HAVE YOU SEEN MR. ZELGADIS?"

 

Gourry wasn't feeling sure about the situation. Wrapped in a blue bathrobe, he filled a Dixie cup at the water-cooler and headed to the actor's common room.

"What's your take of all this?" he asked Filia, who had been in the room lounging before Gourry entered.

Filia took her own sweet time replying to Gourry's question. From a corner of the room, Moonhawk whispered, "Really long, I tell ya! That girl's such a slow poke!"

A random pillow got flung into the corner and hit Moonhawk on the head. "Oops, didn't know she could hear me..."

"Crazy authors aside," Filia said, "I think that perhaps this break came at the right time... We, the cast, can have a break, for once and enjoy our more or less 'normal' lives--"

Cait Sith ran past, brandishing her flamethrower and shouting something about her car being toasted. Filia rolled her eyes. "If you can call this studio normal at all..."

Whiteknight finally woke up, a profound idea emerging in his brain. He looked about the studio for a chosen herald of his brilliant enlightenment: namely, he wanted a bagel.

WHITE: "HEY SOME ONE GET ME A BAGEL!"

A director's assistant nodded and ran off on to the quest. Whiteknight fidgeted his chair and grabbed a copy of the script. He opened it and started to study it.

Cait Sith ran by with a company Flame Thrower, shouting "WHO SET MY BUICK ON FIRE?!"

She paused, looking at Whiteknight.

CAIT: "Hi!"

Then she ran off, and resuming her screaming.

White Knight suddenly felt something hit the back of his neck. He didn't see anyone around, but looking down revealed a honey-glazed "Dunkin Donuts' Munchkin" on the floor. He turned around again and saw Rimmour hiding behind some scenery flats holding a finger up to his lips. Careful that no one was watching, Rimmour snuck up to White Knight and spoke in a loud whisper.

"Oi, White Knight. I think we need to talk. I don't like the way this Story is working out. My Lines are ridiculous, I'm usually only a reactionary character, and No one takes me seriously! I'm portrayed as an Egotistical, self-absorbed Smeg! Now you know and I know that that's not the REAL me. So..I'm willing to make a deal with you.
"Now, I've noticed that you don't get much say around here. Tiger-kun and Meng-chan have been suppressing you! But! For only $40,000, and some script tweaking here and there, I'll make sure they meet with some unfortunate accident that will 'hamper' their decision-making capabilities....what do you think? "

He stood grinning like a hungry weasel and just as handsome as one as well.

"Deal?"

Cait Sith threw the flame thrower to Paper Tiger and applied her brakes, stretching to a halt next to Rimmour and Whiteknight.

CAIT: "Do you guys have any idea who set my car ablaze? And why the heck does Rimmour look like a hungry shark?"

White Knight raised his large shoulders in a shrug.

CAIT: "Listen, Rimmour. I'll buy ya lunch if you help me find the guy who set my car on fire."

Bert ran by screaming something about actors and a mazoku called 'Cait Sith'.

CAIT: "MAZOKU?! New deal, Rimmour. If you help me find the guy who burned my car AND help me hurt Bert, I will do ANYTHING you ask me to!!"

'Oh Ceiphied,' she thought after she'd said it, 'what have I done?'

Rimmour is the type to always take an opportunity... as well as carry a tape recorder on him for just such occasions.  He grinned widely and schlepped over to Kia,  smiling as charmingly as he could.

RIMMOUR: "I will help if at all possible. And I deduce that Xellos set your car on Fire." he said....nicely.

Rimmour was actually trying to kill two birds with one stone. Getting even with Xellos and appearing to be helpful. Maaaaaarvelous.

CAIT: "Thanks..."

She stopped short and said, looking at Rimmour over her shoulder;

CAIT: "Um...could you help me grill Xelloss? You know, hot lights, clubs. Stuff like that. Wait. He likes stuff like that...."

 She thought about it for several minutes.

"How 'bout this? We grill Xelloss by talking to him about justice and all the stuff he hates, then after getting the confesstion outta him, we beat up Bert?"

"a-tchoo!"

Xellos turned around in his seat and watched Cait and Rimmour discuss somthing. He then saw Rimmour turn towards him and grin wickedly. Xellos Sweatdropped ^_^;;

He then overheard something about justice...oh crap.

"I'm gettin' outta here." he muttered slinking off to his dressing room. He returned shortly in civilian-wear and tapped Jia Ri Meng on the shoulder.

XELLOS: "Meng-chan, I'm going to my car."

MENG: "You don't have a car."

XELLOS: "...uh...Who says I don't!?"

MENG: "You don't! You do that 'Sha' thingy! That's how you got here this morning. You 'shah'd' into the Lina-ette's dressing room. Some of them are going to press charges."

XELLOS: "Then can I borrow your car?"

MENG: "I don't have a car, and even if I did, you wouldn't know how to drive it."

XELLOS: "ERRRRGGGH!!!"

MENG: "Look, if you're so bent on leaving, just disappear like you always do!"

Xellos's eyes narrowed...

"You just don't GET it, do you?" he said exhasperated.

MENG: "Guess not....OH! and be back in half an hour or I'm docking your pay!"

Xellos muttered something about contracts and self-expression and stomped over to Paper_Tiger.

XELLOS: "Tiger. Give me your car or I kill you."

Before Tiger could answer though, there was an earth-shaking explosion from the parking lot as the gas tank to Cait's Buick exploded. Xellos blinked from the blast of the heat that extended into the studio.

"Well, never mind." he said to Tiger patting him on the shoulder as the poor director stared mournfully at his Plymouth Voyager, no longer blue.

Xellos figured that diversion was enough for people to leave him alone. Still...he wondered who DID set Cait's car on fire? He wouldn't have pulled something as stupid as that. Still it was fun to watch!

Something inside Cait snapped and she tackled the Mazoku. A fang pointed over her lower lip.

CAIT: "Why me?! Why didn't you do it to Lina's car?!"

All the while, she was sitting on Xellos's stomach and thinking things better left unwritten for the sake of all Mazoku kind.

CAIT: "I spent my WHOLE paycheck on that car!! Lina can at least get a new one! You owe me five hundred dollars!!"

A-chan, finally making another appearance entered quietly, sipping on sweat tea, and reading a script.

The crew were deadly silent, watching the chaotic director they all knew and loved...sorta. They were more than afraid since she was being very quiet, reading silently, and being calmer than they had ever seen.

Lina cautiously walked up to her. "Ano...Amber-chan??"

A-chan: "Yes?"

Lina: "Are you all right?"

A-chan: "Yes."

Lina: "Are you sure? You're frightening the crew..."

She pointed to the staff, who were quite pale and barely able to work.

A-chan: "I'm fine."

Lina blinked several times, inspecting A-chan over and over again. There doesn't seem to have any markings, no scars, no spells on her either....perhaps Xellos-

A-chan: "Get to work"

Lina: "W-what?"

A-chan: "Get. To. Work."

Lina: "How dare you!! Do you know who you are talking to?!"

A-chan slowly moved her head enough so that she could look at Lina with a very frightening look. A very frightening look.

Lina blanched, as if A-chan was her older sister, and slowly backed away. Once out of smacking range, Lina ran and hid behind Mo-chan and Moonhawk.

Lina: "The horror....."

Meng-chan tried to comfort Lina like she was a small child...

MENG: "Its okay Lina...shhh...its okay... the scary Amber can't get you."

She sweatdropped (for what, the eighth time????)

MENG: "Why do I work with pre-established  Characters?

WHY?...... I should do some ORIGINAL work and maybe get PAID for it!?"

Meanwhile, Xellos was still at the mercy of Cait-chan as he was being shaken mercilessly.

XELLOS: "AHg-uh-AHG-uh-AHG-uh!!!! I...DIDN'T-(agh)-DO....IT! MEehEehEehNG..CHAahAahAahAN!"

Meng-chan just watched, in deep thought.

MENG: "Something I just don't get, Moon-chan," she said, sipping a decaf Gingerbread Latte (the go-fer had come back with Starbucks coffee.)

MENG: "Xellos couldn't have set Cait's car on fire. He was with me the whole time. "

Amelia came up from behind.

AMELIA: "Yah, especially since it was Lina's Dragu slave that caused it." she added slurping a hot chocolate."

"NANIIIII?!" said Jia Re Meng and Moonhawk together.

AMELIA: "Yah (siiiiip). When I came up to the studio I saw Lina's fireball rocket past me and hit a car...a Buick I think."

MENG: "You're SURE??"

AMELIA: "Ohhhhhhhh yes."

MENG: "AMELI-AAAA!!! Why didn't you SAY somthing!??"

Amelia blushed and put a hand behind her head.

AMELIA: "Sorreeeeee...I guess I'm kinda de-sensitized to burning things, these days."

MENG: "Can't say I blame you."

The two stared silently at poor Xellos on the floor.

XELLOS: "AH-eh-AGH-uh-ALGH-uh!"

AMELIA: "Do you think we should help him?"

MENG: "Nah...he's a big boy...he can handle it."

AMELIA: "oh"

...........

MENG: "Amelia?"

AMELIA: "hm?"

MENG: "Weren't you supposed to be looking for Zelgadis?"

AMELIA: "OH YEAH! THATS RIGHT! JUSTICE!"

(ZOOM.)

Xellos was now dangling passively from Cait's furious-thunder-rock-shaker-death-grip.

XELLOS: "....(wahhh)....kill me...."

     Meng-chan, meanwhile, gazed at the second hand of her watch.  Judging the average density of people at the studio, coupled with her overhearing Amelia, Cait will understand that Lina scorched her car in... five, four, three, two...

Cait Sith continued to scream at Xelloss, who was now dangling about three feet, when Amelia's conversation filtered into her brain.

She dropped him and backed away, wondering how large the amounts of pain Xellos would cause.

CAIT: "Um..........Gomen?"

She glared at Rimmour and then at Lina, and finally at the at the twitching Xelloss.

CAIT: "Oops?"

Amazingly, she didn't flee for her life. It is possibly because tremendous amounts of terror has been proven to render a body motionless. Or because her foot was caught in gaffer rope.  Either way,

CAIT: "I am SO dead..."

Xellos grinned... Revenge was HIS! Unfortunately, his body didn't want to comply. It was still sprawled out on the floor. Damn! Oh well. He would take his revenge later ... yes... later.... when she least expected it. He tried to grin evilly, but his heart just wasn't into it right now.

Then one of the clean up crew came by and thought he was a random prop and carried him back to the storage closet.

Meng sighed and turned to Moon-chan and Lina-san.

"Guess I better get him outta there." she mumbled stomping off.

"Take your time," they replied in unison.

With an enormous sweatdrop on her head, Moonhawk stood in one corner of the studio, wondering what to do. The other crew members were busy dashing here and there, involved in some terribly important tasks of their own. Even the other directors appeared busy, at least.

Maybe I should pretend to be busy too? she wondered. Um... ok, I'll go discuss the plot with Kera and Filia. Having decided, a smile blossomed (or perhaps sprouted like a weed) on her face as she skipped off to find the two actors. She found Filia first, but the blonde was now deep in conversation with Guy, who was blushing a lot, so she decided not to interrupt them and went looking for Kera instead.

Unfortunately, Kera was nowhere to be found. Thus, Moonhawk had nothing to do again and she started pacing one of the studios, muttering to herself about inconsiderate actresses.

Amelia was darting from spot to spot like a humming bird sticking her nose in the most unlikly of places to conceal a grown man.

(under a table)
"Mr. Zelgadis?"

(in an empty donut carton)
"Mr. Zelgadis?"

(in a prop barrel)
"Mr. Zelgadis, where are you?"

Xellos grumbled back.

(in a tiny closet)
"Mr. Zelgadis?"

"EEEEEEK!"
"Sorry Mr. Rimmour ^_^;;"

(Down a sink)
"Mr. Zelgadis?"

(taking time to shout into a boom mike, upseting the mike boy)
"Mr. ZELGADIS!!!!!!!"

(under a carpet)
"Mr. Zelgadis, are you here?"

(In the toilet)
"Mr. Zelgadis????"
*Flush*

(Under Lina's Cape)
"MR. ZELGAAAAAAADIIIIIIIIIS!!???..........."

At this point she realized the dangerous position she was in...

AMELIA: "um.....hello Miss Lina...I'm sorry....did I scare you?"

Considering the fact that Lina was now wearing her coffee, there probably wouldn't be a warm, pleasant response coming up.

AMELIA:"I'msorryI'msorryI'msorryI'msorryI'msorryI'msorryI'msorryI'msorryI'msorryI'msorryI'msorryI'msorryI'msorryI'msorryI'msorryI'msorryI'msorryI'msorryI'msorryI'msorryI'msorryI'msorryI'msorryI'msorryI'msorryI'msorryI'msorryI'msorryI'msorryI'msorryI'msorry!!!!!!"

Lina looked down at Amelia, very ill-tempered and wearing her precious, precious coffee.

LINA: "Just hurry and find Zel. It looks like Mo-chan is getting very weary. We need the rest of the crew to finish up so we can continue."

A-chan nodded, appearing chibi-style on Lina's shoulders, waving little red flags. There was a flick of a wrist and the chibi A-chan flew across the room and against a wall. Growing normal sized, A-chan stood up, dusted herself off, and quickly went to Lina-chan's side.

A-CHAN: "Anything I can help you with, dearie? You seem a little tense...."

As White Knight looked up from the completely inane and illogical script, he scratched the back of his neck. He was feeling some... tingling there. Well, as it turns out, while he had been reading the unreadable script, a friendly colony of ants had made its way to his neck and were currently feasting on the glazed donut mark. As he jumped from his chair, screaming and yelling, and running around.

"THERE'S ANtS ON MY NECK! THERE'S ANtS ON MY NECK! THERE'S ANtS ON MY NECK! THERE'S ANtS ON MY NECK!THERE'S ANtS ON MY NECK! THERE'S ANtS ON MY NECK!"

Meanwhile, Joe, Zelgadis's stunt double, casually walked over. He took a seat in Whiteknight's director chair and cheerfully paged through the script.

Paper Tiger was in near hysterics. Ants, flaming cars, errant timelines, stunt doubles, and it looked like Cait and Xellos were having a Pokemon battle!.... IT WAS ALL GOING TO HELL IN A HONDA!!!!

"WHERE'S ZELGADIS??!?!?!" he screamed into the cold, unfeeling night sky (which happened to be a backdrop.)

Guy, who had been taking a nap in a box of costumes and was oblivious to all this chaos, woke up briefly, yawned and stretched. He then turned on his side and continued sleeping.

And just as Paper Tiger felt he had hit rock bottom, someone shoved a shovel up his nose and ordered him to dig.  Metal side up, too.

Not that he literally received a shovel up his nose. In truth, he received a call on his cell phone. He would have preferred the shovel.

"P.T. here," he said, shaking off the whine in his voice instantly as he flipped the phone open.

"Why, hello sir, how are you- ...
Good, Good to-... uh-huh...
How's your-... I see... ah. Sorry I asked.
Well, at least...... oh dear."

He winced.

"How's A-chan faring here? Just- ... yup...
Yes, she's taking her medication.
...
...
You should have seen her before, sir!
No, everything's running smooth here at the studi-"

Paper Tiger's eyes went wide with terror. His voice didn't betray him, but he gazed blankly forward into nothing.

"So you've heard, sir...
...
Well, we're doing-
...Yes, sir...

..."

All of the directors, techies, and actors put down their props, stamped out their flames, ignored the ants conquering them like the Roman Empire, took off their roller skates, ceased singing out of tune, ended their subservient coffee runs, and began to circle around Tiger at a distance. The silence was broken only by P.T.'s half of the conversation.

"..."

"..."

"I understand comp-...
Oh course, Mr.-
Right Away."

"...gotchamagoose," he added solemnly as he closed the phone shut and slipped it back into his pocket.


"Well?" asked Meng in a wavering voice. "Who was it?...What did he say?"

...

"That was our Executive Producer," Paper Tiger said after a long pause. "If we don't restart our filming in ten minutes... then we are finished here. No more Gigaworks."

The others looked at each other with horrible realization.

Tiger-kun sighed heavily and nodded his head.

...

"WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU ALL STANDING THERE FOR!!!!!!!" he exploded,
"PREP THOSE CAMERAS NOW!!!!!!!!! WHO'S ON SOUND BOARD??? OUR JOBS ARE AT STAKE, PEOPLE!!!!!!!!!!"

Meng got back into Director's mode and began shouting out orders.

"PUT UP THE SCENERY OF LE CROUTON D'OR, DINING ROOM! I WANT THE LIGHTS NORTH EAST, WITH YELLOW AND PINK FILTERS!

"EXTRAS, TAKE YOUR PLACES, PLEASE, AND FOR GOD'S SAKE DON'T MOUTH THE ACTORS' LINES THIS TIME! PROPS, GET A BREAKFAST ON THE TABLE!"

Lina and Guy took their place at the main table, while a dozen extras placed themselves around the set. Six of them were Vrumagen look-alikes specially brought in for Season 1. No one had the heart to fire them, so they appear in crowd scenes through NEXT and most of TRY. The actor who had played Prince Alfried was also in the room too, if you spent the time to pick him out.

MENG: "MAKEUP!! GOURRY'S GOT TOO MUCH SHADOW UNDER HIS EYES AND RIMMOUR'S LIPS ARE TOO PINK!!

"AMELIA! GET OFF THE SET, YOU'RE NOT IN THIS SCENE!

"WHO THE HELL PAINTED A SMILEY FACE ON THE SUN!!!!!???"

Meng glared at Am-chan.

All of a sudden she realized what was missing...

"Tiger!!! WHERE'S ZELGADIS!!!!????"

Cait Sith dragged everyone to where they're supposed to be.

CAIT: "Alright people! Lets move, move, move!"

"But the ants.." one guy said as Cait shoved him toward the camera.

"Forget the ants! I'll handle the ants!" she answered and ran over to Xellos, dragged him to his dressing room, kicked open the door, lobbing him in.

CAIT: "Get ready, Xelloss! We're gonna start filming in God-Kows-When!"

She looked around. Still no Zelgadis. After pulling at her hair in frustration, she joined Amelia in her frantic search for the chimera.

The metal door to the studio swung open and a the directors and actors beheld a long awaited-for spikey silohette.  Zelgadis looked around at see all the frenzied faces.

ZELGADIS: "Looks like I got here just in the nick of time."

'better say something catchy,' he said to himself.

ZELGADIS: "Hey, it's me, big Bluey, the lovable chump that you love to hate."

He gestures his hands as if he were a super hero.  The sound of crickets filled the studio, and his stunt double slapped his forhead.

ZELGADIS: "Oh well, enough of that. Let's get this little bit on the road."

PAPER: "I couldn't agree more."

He picked up the azure actor and hurled him over the cameras. He landed on Rimmour.

The rest was up to Tiger's twisted sister.
"MENG!"

MENG: "Got it!

LIGHTS

CAMERA

ACTION!

GIGAWORKS IS: