Lesson 1: 25 Hours of Frustration
How much could you take? No, seriously - how long can you go just being frustrated like some insane caged animal with rabies? Eventually you would snap - and go nuts. COMPLETELY NUTS! Well, I took a bit of it, and I'm telling you, there are things you people can do, I mean just to prevent this from ever ever happening again. Let's recall from the very beginning...
So I come home - I'm not sure quite where from, well on second thought, I probably just finished lifting and I went to go take a shower, and I just got out - I'll add something wonderful about taking showers in my house in a little while. Well anyways, whatever it was, let me start off by saying: Damn! I'm sore! It's not the lifting... or so I hope, because I'm barely doing any. My neck's been killing me for about a week though, it just hurts to look around. It sucks, but hey I'm not one to complain, because in later chapters you will see why complaining people suck. Now wait just a second here: you may wonder, "Hey! You're complaining right now!" Well guess what? It's people like you who make the world a bad bad place - with your Jedi Mind Tricks and whatnot. Please, just leave and never try to Jedi Mind Trick anyone ever again. Because if you do - I will Jedi Kill You. So yes, let me continue please. So I've been reading a few books for AP History - and I've still got my Physics book and AP English books to kill, but those await another day to die. But my neck's been aching pretty bad - probably cuz I've been reading everyday - but hey, I'm a 16 year old trying to kill off like 5 college books over the summer, so I don't really have a choice here.
Yeah, so anyways people, I come downstairs - and I've got a plan to finally satisfy the fans I have of this site who want me to do the Rants and Contact sections - I'm surprised people actually look at this site... Anyways, my sister's down here chillin' on my comp, but it's allright cuz technically it's everyones seeing as how I didn't buy it myself. But she also has her own and she's allowed to use my dad's (which is just as good) whenever she wants - unlike me, because for some reason my dad just doesn't trust me with his computer. Yeah, why she didn't want to use her own computer, I'll never know I guess. So alright, that's OK, she's free to sit on AIM at like 11 'o clock and force me to go back to my room and read more college book fun! Yeah I don't mind that much - but I mean come on you didn't have to be such a pain about it, you've got other computers, unlike me, and I actually need to use this computer so I can update and put in the pics. But all right, I figure I'll just use the thing tomorrow, because this all really isn't a big deal.
So I lay me down to sleep... and wait there's someone making noise in the hallway... Yeah, my grandma's brushing her teeth with her room light on and the bathroom light on - so there's all this light shining in through my door frame. Great. It's OK though! I just calmly walk out and turn the extra light off and close the bathroom door. Too bad my room and the bathroom both share the same wall, so I can still hear everything. Now wonderful - there's people making noise downstairs. NOISE NOISE NOISE NOISE NOISE! It's 1AM, and everyone's making noise, what is this? They tell me to go to bed early, and people have been making noise the whole day until now - and whoop! There it comes back up again! And theres that floodlight on outside again for the deck - which glares right to my bedroom window. SHINY WINDOWS PEOPLE! YAY FOR BRIGHT LIGHTS WHEN I TRY TO SLEEP!!! It's aight though, I know my little bro will make a lot of noise and wake everyone up at around 10AM, which he's done for about the past month now, ever since summer's started, I don't get to sleep in like you lucky people. Well, unless I go back to sleep after breakfast... but I'm awake by then and then I have to continue my neverending quest for knowledge by delving into complex theory of AP Summer Reading. Thank's AP Directors and Teachers. I love you and your Summer reading assignments... :)
So as I cannot sleep at 1 in the morning, I pop out my MP3 player, I'm so glad my mom bought it for me. What would I do without it? Too bad after about half an hour the batteries are mostly dead and it only plays the first few seconds of a song - then it shuts down. GREAT! I'M HAVING FUN NOW! I get to play On-And-Off with my MP3 Fun-box-of-Music! While listening to the same song's 10 second intro play over and over and over again! Well, eventually, I just say forget it, bed time at 2AM.
I arise to the sweet tunes of a 5 year old making noise... again... for about a straight month now... I'm lovin' it... Ok, this part was all right, I got some of my brother's leftover fried rice and I got some sausage and pita bread. A decent breakfast, I was hungry. And plus, food is awesome. Oh yes, now I remember the highlight of my entire morning... It was a great way to start off my day. So after my Asian breakfast, I brush my teeth and get changed, and I head down to my computer where I'm just going to get this stupid rants section and my guestbook fixed. This is where some fun begins!
Ok, I must begin to educate you at this point. So I come down, no DSL connection. I wait. No connection. My dad tries rewiring everything - no connection. Time to call tech support, but first! A lesson on wiring:
How to Wire Electronic Apparrels:
1) Never tangle all the wires together
Why would you want to do this in the first place? It's understandable if you're wiring a million craps down there and the wires get tangled. But please, don't be an idiot and plug everything into random sockets. Then unplug half of them, then plug them back in while IN THE PROCESS: you are in fact crisscrossing the wires, so eventually, you have a BEAUTIFUL wire braid! So beautiful...
2) Don't even wire anything
Don't even try to attempt anything if you are inadequately equipped to do so, be this either in terms of equipment, physique, or mentality. If you lack the mental ability to take a wire and plug it into something, please, consult someone with the mental capacity to handle such a strenuous task.
3) Wire the thing yourself
Don't ever make someone wire everything together and then complain about how they did it. I mean, without even thanking them. If you don't like it, say "Thank You" politely, then after they leave, rip it all apart and do it yourself since that person obviously could not handle such a difficult task.
And by following those 3 safe rules, you will be able to wire things safely without your DSL connection dying. Or maybe the problem lies elsewhere, at which time your dad will yell at you until you call Tech Support, then yell at you when you are put on hold - and you don't have the patience to hold for over 30 minutes. Now please, we can all learn something from calling Verizon Tech Support. DO NOT BE AN IDIOT WITH YOUR TECH SUPPORT NUMBERS! I mean, please people. Stop. I called the number, told them the problem, then they route me to the correct department, after waiting a few minutes, I get to talk with the representative of the "correct department" Nice people really, just idiots at routing me to the right department. Well, except the last lady - but she comes about an hour and a half later. So then the "correct department" person will tell me after a long time of discussion that I am in fact talking to the wrong department and that they don't have any information concerning my account. What kind of information DO you idiots have there? What can you possibly tell me? What color purple is? Well... duh... It's purple, Thanks, I didn't need to call Tech Support and wait half an hour to find out that the color of purple was in fact... Purple. Wow. Geniouses Really... So after 2 hours of frustration and my dad yelling into the speaker a few times so the people will understand, we find out that the credit card hasn't been going through for a while. GREAT! So we talk to a billing representative, we give him the credit card number and everything, and he says we'll be up and running in about 10 minutes. Filthy Lying Bastard.
So I get some lunch after this is all nuts - and I'm telling my sis if she'd only let me on when I asked her, I wouldn't so desparately need to fix all this crap right now. But hey, it's not her fault she's addicted to AIM too, well yeah it is. Stupid AIM - it needs to die. Well, I had 1/4 small pizza and a smoothie, it was aight. Except I was still pissed that I just wasted 2 hours in the basement accomplishing nothing while I took out my frustration on Tech Support representatives while my dad was taking out half his frustration on them too and me as well. But hey no biggie. So I got to go fetch the garbage bins in the rain - but I needed to get out, so it was alright. Ok, so basically the highlight of my day was seeing Legally Blonde 2 - as retarded as this may sound. It was a short time where I was staring at this hot blonde girl for like 2 hours and I didn't have to really do anything or get yelled at by anyone. Although I lost a few million brain cells watching that movie - oh yeah, cuz my grandma and sister went out to go see it so I got myself dragged - WHOO! Yeah, I guess it was worth it because it was a short break where I sat in a big chair thinking how cute this blonde movie chick was. Hurray for blondes.
Well, I get called from my Pa that I get to come home and see if I can fix the AOL account because we're all dependent on the internet in our home. Only problem is that we made a new account because we just cancelled the old one this morning, but the program still has our old list of screen names up. It's ok because I can log on as 'Guest' - too bad it won't let us make new screen names with the 'Guest' feature or load up our new list. So the only way to fix this is to uninstall AOL and to reinstall it and configure it with the new account. Too bad I want to rant now - and this is after dinner and much much later, I'm ahead in the story. Yeah, It's a little hard to reinstall AOL when you lost/broke/trashed all the old AOL demo CDs. Whoops? Nah, It's fun smashing those stupid things!
So anyways we get dinner at this Italian place, it was nice. Too bad my lil bro was spinning his BeyBlade all over the place that he just got (this Anime Top thing) and yeah my mom would yell at him to stop playing with it on the floor, then he'd play with someone on the table then he'd yell at everyone when he lost - which was everytime. Kid screams so loud. Then my mom yells at him to stop yelling in a restaurant. It's fun. But hey we got spaghetti, and it was good. And Chicken Parmasean and Calamari - good stuff baby, good stuff. So anyways I got yelled at by this 5 year old for beating him in a top-battle and he took the one I built for him and yelled at me. I'm so loved.
We drop off grandma, my sis, and bro after dinner. Time to go get a haircut at the mall. Yeah we go to the haircut place, and during the wait I go to see this incredibly black clothes store, it's aight cept everything's so huge and ghetto, I have yet to purchase anything from that store. I imagine it would feel good to break in something that comfortable though, I might get some breaking clothes from there someday. Or not... who knows? So when I come back, I find another person that just went in front of me - too bad I got back a few seconds too late. Damn sales associate trying to sell me a t-shirt. Oh well, he hasn't done anything to be death-worthy, kinda nice actually, so that's aight. So I get a haircut - for before my month-long trip to Switerland baby. It was alright, haircuts aren't bad. So then I go over to EBX...
EBX. Man. I will write a little something that my revered friend Ito Mai Diko and I have discussed one evening. It was concerning the EBXBoy - but I will write one another day. But they conned me into buying a "Free" strategy guide for Matrix, they said they'd mail me a free 15 dollar gift voucher when I bought it. Yeah, that was several months ago, you jackass, where's my free voucher? So I go today and the guy tells me that it takes AT LEAST 6-8 weeks for it to arrive. And I'm like well, dude, I sent the thing in over a month ago. He tells me "Ok, well thats 4 weeks..." then gives me the 'Stupidass Kid...' look. Well he told me there's no possible way that they can track it either - I'm thinking... WOW I'VE BEEN SCAMMED! I WANT TO KICK YOUR ASS! But... under heavy self-restraint, I walked out of the store with a dejected look on my face. I'll kick his ass next month when the '15 dollar gift voucher' doesn't come in. I will also be writing a lesson for you shortly on "Never Become A Retard Sales Clerk. Never. Never Ever. Never Ever Ever." But not tonight - seeing how it is now 3AM and I am still writing to further educate your otherwise simple minds which lack the neccessity for which I am sacrificing my respite and sanity to deliver to you.
Anyways, I get home, I'm thinking - time to do what Dad told me to do - fix up the AOL account and everything and then I can update my page since I left it half-done last time. Ok, so my sister's on the computer. Again. GREAT! Yeah, I think I proceeded to snap soon to this point. I walked up the stairs and looked into my room - over the whole day of carrying around this stupid AP Novel - I almost managed to read 5 pages. How pitiful is that crap? It's bad. So I sat and read for 2 hours and managed to kill about 20 pages. Can we say slow retard reading? Can we say can't read colleg book? Can we say retard boy not cut out for college at age 16? Damn straight.
Important Lesson!: When people are reading hard college book, please shut up. He cannot escape to magic quiet land, he merely tries to escape you by going to his room, at which point everyone gradually migrates upstairs, making the whole area completely and unneccessarily noisy. If he tries to go to the basement, everyone somehow comes down there, or close. Why is it that people try to aggravate me? It is not your purpose in life. Your Purpose: to be quiet. Very VERY quiet. Thank you.
By the way - people who make everyone else be quiet suck. A lot. They have no consideration for anyone else but themselves. They think that everyone must sacrifice their own noise-making fun for the benefit of one person - because it needs to be COMPLETELY and unneccessarily quiet. How do you expect to sit in a car with your family so you can read? Family time is not reading time fag! It's family time! Sit in the car and bounce around to oldies and sing time! Not reading time! So don't complain that it's noisy in heavily populated areas. Why don't you shut up and stop complaining, huh? Go read a book!
Thank you. Now, I proceed to watch TV after I finish the chapter - I am now halfway done with that book. Good stuff. Please, never be a person that puts shows on antenna TV. It sucks, for one the picture is all fuzzy and crap. It sucks. Second of all, the shows themselves suck. Well actually, they're not that bad, but come on. Make a movie or something. Please. Please do not make crappy channels and crappy old movies or crappy shows, because they will get bad reviews. Then you will Die. Yes. You WILL DIE!. Also do not make crappy news reports of crap no one cares about. Do not tell me that your taco has .25 percent less meat than your other one, you know why? Because I don't care, and I still like MY tacos anyways. So shut up and get out of my Taco Bell. Thanks, and please do a news report on something cool. May I suggest Jumbo Tacos?
Ok, so I get into the shower FINALLY! Now I must inform you exactly why I hate the bathroom. So many reasons. SO MANY! But I'm getting tired as hell and I want to wrap this up - so I will add that next time. Not today kids... not today... Well anyways, when my Mom gets mad at me because I'm taking a shower (she gets angry when I take a shower after 10 just because I'm somehow waking someone up) ALTHOUGH! the only room that can actually hear the shower... is mine. So anyways, while I'm in the shower she takes a trip to the bathroom every few seconds to go flush the toilet for no other reason than in a crazed attempt to kill me. We hit the record today - we got 5 flushes! Before the record was 3. So yeah, you can imagine what it feels like - and it happens like every other day. You know how gay it is when someone flushes a toilet when you're in the shower - imagine that 5 times! On purpose! By your own Mother! What is this... Come on people - love your kids, be understanding. When's the last time you actually sat down and had a real discussion with them? Yeah that's what I thought, when they turned 6 maybe? Well, I come out and I get to come down here and finish this rant, which is taking an insanely long time...
Thus... my story concludes... never live your life like me. Realize that you must not take it so hard and feel like being self-destructive or suicidal. Recognize that life is fleeting and that you should enjoy it, because you never know what tomorrow may bring, if in fact it brings anything at all.
~Master Ho
