The Applesauce Story
Yep. This here is a quality story that I need to sare with you all. I'm sure you could figure out a moral, and I'll pose some possible morals for you as we delve further into the story.
It was just a normal school day. First period, freezing in the Winter, tired in the morning, as it always is.
Moral #1: School sucks.
Well then. It's health, an incredibly crappy class, with an incredibly, well, I don't know how to describe him. He's kinda one of those guys who shouldn't be a PE Teacher, he more fits the job description of a stay-at-home Mom, but here he is being a PE Teacher. No really, I think he'd be better staying at home bouncing kids on his lap and washing dishes, and watching soaps and stuff. Instead of trying to hit on the 1 and a half semi-hot girls in the class.
So we're learning about fats for some reason, I can't remember why. Shows how much I care about fats. Well, there's saturated and unsaturated fats, and one's a solid at room temperature and one's a liquid. Ok, stay with me here. ONE IS A HARD WHITE SOLID AT ROOM TEMPERATURE. THE OTHER IS A LIQUID AT ROOM TEMPERATURE. I forgot which is which, but this is an important point. This is because most people lose interest in the story at this point. Either here, people are like "Ok, too much Science crap, I'm leaving." For those people, learn how to sit down and stop moving, you little fag. Just because I happened to use 2 big words like "Solid" and "Liquid" and OK, maybe the word "Fat" is a little too much for you, just grow some brain cells or something or shut up.
Moral #2: If you say stupid things, I advise that you shut up. Now. Thanks.
Yes, thank you. Now also when I first told this story to a bunch of Freshmen on my bus, this stupid bitch in the back of the bus started yelling at me and how I was being all loud and she said it was "sad". Well I have 1 word to tell you Ms.PMS, and that would be "I want to kill you every time you speak.". She kinda sits in the back of the bus being pissed off. Let's go onto a side discussion here, a little preview of a good rant, known as "Don't be a Bitch". That was an amazing rant, I suggest you contact my good friend Jason Goodwin and ask him for a copy. That man is a genious. Brilliant work there. Well, as I was saying, so then after I finally got her to shut up, I got through with my story:
Ok, so the teacher is talking about fats and stuff, and he's being all gay. Then all of a sudden this retarded chick in my class practically stands up and just yells, being all confused, "OK, so like saturated fats are hard and unsaturated fats are liquids..." I'm not quite sure what she said, but either way she got it wrong. So the teacher corrected her and was being all gay. So then after she repeated the phrase: "So like unsaturated fats are liquids and unsaturated fats are hard... like... what's applesauce?".
SILENCE...
Teacher: "Well... uh, applesauce is ... uh... chopped up apples...?"
Retard: "Um, no, like, like unsaturated fats are liquids and unsaturated fats are hard... like... what's applesauce?"
SILENCE...
To spare us all Amy's retardedness, I think this went on a few more times, and eventually we all got to laugh at her. Here's an example:
Me: "AMY! YOU'RE RETARDED!"
Yep, I think that chicks need to stop being annorexic and realize that not everything is made up of fat. Like say, applesauce?
Moral #3: Girls, please eat something.
But this isn't to say that you should just be a disgusting pig. If you are and can't help it. I'm sorry, and I can't help you. Try breakdancing, it's a fun and easy way to have family fun, socialize with members of Hip-Hop Culture, injure yourself, and sweat a lot.
Moral #4: Breakdancing is insane.
And also, I don't understand chicks that are really realyl good looking and you look at their face and they kinda turn and they smile at you and you're like "Hey..." then you look down and like they're not fat, but their flab kinda hangs out from the front of their not-long-enough shirt, and you're like "AAAAAAHHHHH! GOD!!! DON'T DO THAT!!!"
Moral #5: Please don't do that.
Well kids, I think that sums it up, and now we all have learned a very important lesson.
Moral FINAL: Don't ever be like Amy Schram. Ever.
~Master Ho
