Mid-life is when the growth of the hair on our legs slows down. This
gives us plenty of time to care for our newly acquired
mustache.
Mid-life women no longer have upper arms; we have wingspans. We are no
longer women in sleeveless shirts; we are flying
squirrels in drag.
Mid-life has hit when you stand naked in front of the mirror and can see
your rear end without turning around.
Mid-life is when you bounce (a lot), but you don't bounce back. It's
more like splat!
Mid-life is when you want to grab every firm young lovely in a tube top
and scream, "Listen, honey, even the Roman Empire
fell, and those things will too!"
Mid-life is when you go to the doctor and you realize you are now so
old, you have to pay someone to look at you naked.
You know you are getting old when you go for a mammogram and know it is
the only time someone will ask you to appear
topless in a film.
Mid-life brings the wisdom that life throws you curves and that you're
now sitting on your biggest ones.
Mid-life can bring out your angry, bitter side. You look at your
latte-swilling, beeper-wearing know-it-all teenager and think,
"For this I have stretch marks?"
Mid-life is when your memory really starts to go: the only thing you
still retain is water.
The good news about mid-life is the glass is still half-full. Of course,
the bad news is that it won't be long before your teeth are
floating in it.
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