You know you're a redneck when ...
-
You take your dog for a walk and you both use the same tree.
- You can entertain yourself for more than an hour with a
flyswatter.
- Your property has been mistaken for a recycling center.
- Your boat has not left the driveway in 15 years.
- You burn your yard rather than mow it.
- The Salvation Army declines your mattress.
- Your entire family sat around waiting for a call from the
governor
to spare a loved one.
- You offer to give someone the shirt off your back and they don't
want it.
- You have the local taxidermist on speed dial.
- You come back from the dump with more than you took.
- You keep a can of Raid on the kitchen table.
- Your wife can climb a tree faster than your cat.
- Your grandmother has 'Ammo' on her Christmas list.
- You've been kicked out of the zoo for heckling the monkeys.
- You think a subdivision is part of a math problem.
- You've bathed with flea and tick soap.
- You've been involved in a custody fight over a hunting dog.
- Your kids take a siphon hose to show and tell.
- You think a hot tub is a stolen indoor plumbing fixture.
- You took a fishing pole to Sea World.
- You go to the stock car races and don't need a program.
- You know how many bales of hay your car will hold.
- You have a rag for a gas cap.
- Your father executes the 'pull my finger' trick during Christmas
dinner.
- Your house doesn't have curtains but your truck does.
- You wonder how service stations keep their restrooms so clean.
- You can spit without opening your mouth.
- You consider your license plate personalized because your father
made it
- Your lifetime goal is to own a fireworks stand.
- You sit on your roof at Christmas time hoping to fill your deer
quota.
- You have a complete set of salad bowls and they all say Cool Whip
on the side.
- The biggest city you've ever been to is Walmart.
- Your working TV sits on top of your non-working TV.
- You thought the Unabomber was a wrestler.
- You've ever used your ironing board as a buffet table.
- You think a quarter horse is that ride in front of K-Mart.
- Your neighbors think you're a detective because a cop always
brings you home.
- A tornado hits your neighborhood and does $100,000 worth of
improvement.
- You've used a toilet brush as a back scratcher.
- You missed 5th grade graduation because you had jury duty.
- You think fast food is hitting a deer at 65 mph.
- Somebody tells you that you've got something in your teeth and
you
take them out to see what it is.
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Page updated April 7, 2002
