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Things To Do Before You Die

~ PG ~

Another short funny I thought up when I got bored... well, maybe funny is too strong a word... mildly ammusing? Cute? Eh... just read the darn thing :-)

Archie universe

April and Oyuki sat staring at the flickering flame within the old hurricane lamp. The summer storm had knocked out power all up and down the street, and from the looks of things, it would be a while before the city managed to get around to getting it back on.

"I am so bored," Oyuki grumbled, absentmindedly clanking the glass of the old lamp with her fingernail.

"Don't worry... this happens a lot in the summer," April told her, sounding on the verge of dissolving out of boredom, as well. "We'll just have to figure out something to do until the lights come back..."

There was a knock at the door and the ladies jumped.

"Who is it?" April called out.

"Avon calling..." a familiar voice announced from the other side.

Oyuki stood and walked towards the door, smiling as she opened it. Four grinning green faces and one older furry one stared back at her. The turtles and rat were soaked clear through their trench coats from the rain outside.

"C'mon in guys," the Japanese girl said.

The soggy group stepped inside and Michaelangelo swung behind Oyuki, wrapping his arms around her.

"Hey, babe," he said, kissing her ear.

She shut the door and turned around, pulling off his waterlogged fedora and slapping him in the face with it.

"Oookkkkaaaayyy..." he said, backing off. “Guess I’m a little damp.”

"Hey, April!" Leo called out as he and the others congregated in the center of the room.

April looked at the guests and drew her eyebrows together. "You're soaking wet!" she yelled. "What the heck are you doing just standing there?"

Raphael looked at the growing puddle on the floor. "Dripping."

"Take off those wet jackets," Oyuki said, handing Mike back his hat.

"Nice weather, huh?" Leonardo said, struggling out of the heavy garment.

"Yeah... if you're a duck," Oyuki grumbled.

"Or a turtle," Don said, smiling.

"Uh, yeah... that, too."

"Powers out all down the block," Leo said, hanging his coat up on a nail by the door. "We figured we'd stop up and see how you two were doing."

Everyone wandered towards the couch and Splinter sat down beside April, who slid more towards the center cushion so Leo could sit on her other side. Oyuki sprinted to the love seat and Michaelangelo leaped beside her. Raph and Don finally managed to remove their coats and sat on the floor next to the coffee table.

"So, what were you guys up to?" Don asked.

Oyuki leaned her back against the arm of the sofa and propped her feet up on Mike's lap.

"Well, we were watching TV before the lights went out..."

"Yeah? What?" Raph asked.

"Something on the Travel Channel," April shrugged.

"101 Things To Do Before You Die," Oyuki spoke up.

"Sounds morbid," Raph said.

"Nah... it was kinda' cool. They had some freaky neat ideas, like climbing Mt. Everest and going to a real live volcano or Pompeii..."

"...And going to Vegas and down to the Titanic," April added.

Don leaned his shell against the coffee table. "Now that's something I'd like to do," he said.

"What? Go to Vegas?" Oyuki asked.

"You kidding? He'd be able to cheat them but good," Raph laughed. "Those math whizzes can count cards, don'cha know..?"

"No," Don said, rolling his eyes. "I mean go down to the Titanic."

Leo snickered. "Hope you can hold your breath..."

"But, really... wouldn't that be cool? To go down there in a sub and..."

"...Far across the distance and spaces between us..." Mike began to sing softly.

Don ignored him and continued. "Couldn't you just see it... it's been down there for decades..."

" heart will go oooonnnnn......"

Mike's eyes were closed as he sang loudly off-key and he didn't see the TV Guide that Donatello hurled in his direction. The magazine hit the him in the face and he grinned, peeking past half-opened eyes.

"And I suppose you have a better idea?" Don asked.


"C'mon Mike, spill it," Leo said, "What do you want to do before you die?"

"Naw, never mind..."

"Tell, Mikey..." Oyuki said, leaning forward.

"Uh... ok," he stuttered. "Let's see... before I die I want to..." he paused, scratching his head.

"Yeeesss..?" April pressed.

"...Own my own pizza place."

The darkened room was filled with a chorus of groans.

"I think we all saw that one coming," Leo said, chuckling.

"What's wrong with that?" Mike protested.

"Face it, bro," Raph said. "That'd be like leaving a monkey in charge of a banana store."

"I don't see a problem with it," Oyuki said, leaning forward and putting a hand on Mike's own.

""Thanks, Oyuki," he said, blushing.

Raphael raised an eye ridge. "Geez, get a room..."

A foot flew out from the darkness and kicked Raphael in the knee.

"Knock it off," April said to the turtle seated on the floor. "Let's hear you come up with a better one."

"A better what?"

"Give, Raph," Don said. "What do you want to do before you die?"

"Well... disregarding the fact that I plan on living forever..."

"Spit it out."

"I'm thinkin..."

"This could take a while," Mike said.

Raphael looked around for something to throw at Michaelangelo, but there was nothing smaller than the hurricane lamp.

"Does anyone want ice cream?" Oyuki asked.

There was a chorus of me's and April held up her hand.

"Hold it, guys... there isn't enough to go around."

"Do you have milk?" Mike asked, leaning forward as the gears in his mind began to turn.

"Yeah. Why?"

Michaelangelo leapt up and nearly knocked Oyuki off the seat. He caught her by the arm and lifted her up into a big hug.

"Let's take this party into the kitchen," he said.

They all stood and, though confused, Leonardo picked up the hurricane lamp and lead the charge. They all made way towards the kitchen and Mike grabbed the ice cream out of the freezer.

"I've got it!" Raphael announced loudly, making everyone jump.

"Got what?" Leo asked.

Raph made a face. "What we were just talking about, bonehead."

"This I can't wait to hear," Mike said, opening the refrigerator door and bringing out the milk.

"I wanna' wrestle in Smackdown," Raph said, smiling wide.

"Uh-huh..." Michaelangelo started digging through the dishes in the cupboard and pulled out a large punch bowl. "You do know that isn't real, right?"

"Trust me, once I get in the ring, it'll be real..."

"I'll give you that one," Mike said as he dumped the ice cream and milk in the bowl. "It's gotta' be better than Stump Asteroid." He threw open the silverware drawer and started rifling through, then pulled out a potato masher and held it up, a silly grin making its way across his features.

"Do I want to know what that's for?" Oyuki asked, her eyes widening.

"Shakes!" he replied, spinning the utensil.

"And since you can't use the blender, you're using that..?" Leo held the lamp higher.


Raphael tilted his head. "Insanity has symptoms, you know..."

Mike stuck his tongue out at his brother and turned towards the bowl, beginning to mash the ice cream and milk. "You're just jealous that you didn't think of it first..."

Oyuki reached up to the cupboard, taking down some glasses and setting them on the sideboard."What about you, Ape?" she asked. "What do you want to do?"

"Never really thought about it," the woman said, shrugging.

"Right off the top of your head," Donatello said. "Where would you like to go?"

She crossed her arms and stared into the air. "I guess... I'd like to go to Mardi Gras."

"Coolness," Mike said. "But I couldn't see you putting your shirt over your head..."

Oyuki stepped on Mike's foot and he began to jump as he continued to mash.

"I wouldn't do that," April said, half-smiling.

"Actually, you'd be surprised the freaky stuff people will do for beads..." Raph said, trying hard not to envision April in the crowd of half-dressed revelers. "Uhm... can we change this conversation..?"

Mike stopped mashing and dug through the silverware drawer again, bringing out a soup ladle. He began to scoop the shakes into the glasses and Oyuki proceeded to distribute them.

"What about you, Leo?" Mike asked, filling a glass nearly to the brim.

"Uh... me?" Leo asked, accepting a shake.

"Fergit' it," Don said, grinning. "Leo's a creature of habit."

"And none of his habits are bad enough to be any fun," Raph added.

"On the other hand, he does have a few annoying ones," Mike commented, trying not to smile too widely.

The crowd wandered back into the living room and they all sat back down in their previous places, enjoying their first sips of the unconventionally prepared shakes.

"This is really good, Mike," Leo said.

"Thanks," Michaelangelo said. "But let's not change the subject, eh?"

"It's silly."

"Sillier than Smackdown?"

"Well... alright. I guess I've always wanted to climb Mt. Rushmore."

After a few seconds of semi-stunned silence, Oyuki cleared her throat.

"Ho-kay..." she said, taking a quick drink.

"What?" Leo asked, turning his palm up. "What's wrong with that?"

"You'd look like a big green booger hanging off of Lincoln's nose," Mike said.

There was a round of disgusted groans and Raphael set his half-finished shake down on the table.

"Thanks for the appetite suppressant," he said, sticking out his tongue.

"I just thought of something else I'd like to do," Donatello spoke up, seeking desperately to shift the subject.

"Please, tell..." Oyuki said, staring down at her own drink and wrinkling her nose.

"I'd like to go parachuting," Don said.

"And your reason for jumping out of a perfectly good airplane would be..?" Leo said, tilting his head.

"Just think about it," Don continued. "Just falling and falling and..."

"It's just the landing that could get a little messy," Mike said.

"Ew...." Oyuki smacked Mike in the shoulder. "Knock it off... you're grossing me out."

April looked over at Splinter, who had not said a word since he and the others had arrived.

"How about you, Master?" she said.

"I have accomplished all that I wish to," he replied, his voice as soft as ever.

"There's nothing left that you want to do?" Don asked.

"Well, that's kinda' pessimistic," Raph added.

Splinter sighed, realizing that his children would not let this subject rest. "Very well," he said. "Perhaps I would climb Mt. Fuji once again."

"You climbed it before?" Oyuki asked.

"Yes," the rat said. "Four times."

"Isn't there an old saying, the wise man climbs Fuji once, the fool climbs it twice?" Raphael asked.

The comment garnered exasperated looks from the turtles, rolled eyes from the ladies, and an angry glare from Splinter.

"...I was just sayin'..." Raph continued, trying to recover from the comment.

"Sure, Raph..." Don said. "Since you got the noose around your neck, you might as well jump off the horse..."

"Oh!" Mike yelled. "That's what I want to do!"

Everybody stared at him.

"You wanna' run that by us again?" Leo asked.

"I wanna' go horseback riding," Mike clarified.

"You don't know the first thing about that kind of thing," April said, thankful that there had been no noose involved in Mike’s desire.

"What's to know?" he asked, shrugging. "How hard can it be to keep the horse between you and the ground?"

"Okay, kiddies," Raph said. "Today's magic phrase is rude awakening..."

"Well, I know what I want to do," Oyuki said, propping her feet up on Mike's lap again. "I want to go skinny dipping."

"Woah," Michaelangelo said as his jaw dropped.

"Uh... why?" April inquired of the younger girl.

"I don't know... because I've never done it," she said, shrugging. "It just sounds like fun... going out into the middle of nowhere and swimming naked under the stars..."

Raph nodded. "Yeah... but most humans get a little embarrassed being nekkid."

"What's the big deal?" she protested. "You guys are almost always naked, it never bothers you."

"I didn't say naked, I said nekkid."

"What's the difference?"

"Well..." Raphael shifted a bit. "Naked just means that you have no clothes on... nekkid means you have no clothes on and you're up to something..."

"Ah," Oyuki smiled, understanding. "Then nekkid, definitely..."

Donatello looked up at his brother sitting beside Oyuki. "Close your mouth, Mike... you're drooling."

Mike shut his mouth and turned away, his blush visible even in the near-dark. "Heh... good idea, Oyuki..."

April nodded. "Actually, it is..."

Everyone looked at the red-head.

"I mean, of all the stuff we came up with, hers is the only one that doesn't require some kind of major planning or big money. She could actually go off and do it right now."

"You're right," Leo said. "Maybe that's the idea."

"What?" Raph asked.

"We all have these things we say we want to do before we die and at this point in time there's no telling if we're ever going to be able to do them. Oyuki has the right idea. If you want to do something make it something you can do right now."

"Like..?" Don asked.

"Well," Leo continued. "I'd like to go out and watch lightning hit the Empire state building. That's always freaky..."

"Ah... I get it!" Raph said. "Okay... I'd like to play a game of poker."

"Sounds good to me," April said.

"I'd like to go down to the junkyard and go gomi shopping," Don said.

Splinter smiled and nodded. "I think I would like to order some sushi."

April grinned as well and looked over towards the love seat. "How about you two?"

The love seat was empty and everybody stared at it, wondering where the occupants had gone. Suddenly the lights flashed back on and everyone blinked in the illumination, trying to adjust their sight. Mike and Oyuki stood up from behind the love seat, each of them smiling awkwardly.

"Eh... lights are back on," Mike said.

"Yeah... so we see..." Raph told him, trying not to laugh.

"And what are you two doing?" April asked, pseudo-scoldingly.

"Uhm... just, y'know..." Michaelangelo stuttered.

Oyuki lowered herself back down behind the love seat and reached up, pulling Mike down by the arm. There was a sound of giggling and Mikey peeked his head back over the furniture.

"Sorry, guys... we got scruples, y'know..."

Oyuki's own eyes peered past the cushions. "Don't worry... nothing immoral going on here..."

They slid back out of sight and Mike let out a quick laugh.

"Just talking about a few things we'd like to do before we die..."

The End