Well, we all know that kids can be the greatest source of entertainment in a home... allow me to tell you a true story. A couple days ago, while I was reading my e-mail and contentedly munching on an avocado, my four-year-old daughter came streaking into the living room with a puppet in one hand and a Leonardo figure in the other. Now, we all know what the Leo figure looks like, so let me fill you in a little bit on the puppet. It is a girl with blond hair, a blue skirt, and a pink shirt. I crocheted it for Erica a couple Christmases ago and by now the neck is stretched out beyond all recognition. On with the story...
Erica notices me eating and comes trotting up.
ERICA: "What are you eating, mommy?"
ME: "Avocado, baby."
ERICA: "Is it good?"
ME: (taking a bite) "Mmm-hmmm"
ERICA: "Give Erica some amacosmo."
ME: (in my best "mom" voice) "Give ME some avocado, please."
ERICA: "Give me some amacosmo."
ME: "Say please."
ERICA: "Say please."
I scoop out a bite and hold it towards her open mouth, then, when the spoon is within a half-inch of her face, she slams her mouth shut and waves me away.
ERICA: "No fank you! No fank you! I don't like amacosmo!"
ME: "Then why did you ask for it?"
ERICA: "You eat it!"
I shrug and eat it up. Erica sits down on the floor and starts to play with her toys.
ME: "What'cha doing, honey?"
ERICA: "Playing Turtles."
She throws the puppet up into the air and tries unsuccessfully to catch it in Leonardo's plastic arms. The puppet girl then flies (with Erica's help) to the top of my desk. A few seconds later she is followed by Leonardo.
ME: "What's he doing?"
ERICA: "He's saving Girl."
ME: (smiling) "Yeah? What's the girl's name?"
ERICA: "Girl."
ME: "I know she's a girl, but what's her name?"
ERICA: "She's Girl."
ME: "But what's her name?"
ERICA: "Name's Girl!"
ME: "What do you call her?"
ERICA: "Girl."
I sigh and sit back, deciding to discontinue the "Who's On First" act in favor of my sanity. I watch as Leonardo gets to Girl and she "jumps" into his arms. Erica looks at me and smiles, holding Girl out towards me.
ERICA: "Name's Erica."
ME: "Her name is Erica, too?"
ERICA: "Name's Girl."
Girl starts to walk along the edge of the desk (without feet, mind you) and "slips" off. She falls almost agonizingly slow, all the while flipping over and over again as Erica screams in her most high-pitched voice. Girl stops in mid-air (in Erica's hand, of course), apparently developing the ability to levitate while Leonardo leaps off the edge of the desk, flies around for half a minute, doing loop-the-loops in the air, then "catches" girl once again in his strong green arms. They float to the ground (er... carpet) and Leo "accidentally" drops Girl, knocking her out. Leonardo grabs hold of Girl's shoulders and starts to shake her, trying to wake her up.
ERICA: (In a somewhat low Leonardo voice) "Speak to me!"
(Note that I have asked my mother not to let Erica watch so much television while I am at work. But I digress...)
Leo picks girl up again and she (Erica as Girl) starts to cough. Erica, with almost genuine surprise in her eyes, gasps and looks up at me.
ERICA: "She's alive!"
Girl gives Leo a big "Mmmmm... *smack*" kiss. I smile, then Girl hits Leonardo so hard that he flies across the room and bounces off the wall.
ME: "What did she hit him for? I thought she liked him."
ERICA: "She hit her."
ME: "Him."
ERICA: "She hit him."
ME: "I know, but why did she do it? Didn't Leonardo just save her?"
ERICA: "They're fighting."
Erica slides across the floor and grabs Leo, who promptly bops Girl back. She flies across the room, too. Apparently nobody hits softly in this fight.
ME: "Aren't they friends?"
ERICA: "They're fighting each other."
ME: "I know, but... never mind."
ERICA: "They like to fight."
Girl and Leonardo bounce around the room a few more times, then Leonardo starts to fly around again.
ERICA: "It's Super Turtle! Super Leonardo! Turtle's flying! Look, mommy! Turtle's flying!"
ME: (smiling) "I see it, baby."
She flies him over to the hearth, under the kitchen table, into the hallway, then into the bathroom. Erica is quiet for a few seconds, so I am obviously suspicious. I hear the sink water turn on and holler into the other room.
ME: "Erica! Take Leonardo out of the sink!"
ERICA: "Turtles like water!"
ME: "I don't care, take him out now!"
ERICA: "Leonardo likes water!"
ME: "Now!"
ERICA: "No!"
I am silent for a few seconds, so she knows she is in trouble. The water turns off and Erica comes running back into the living room with Leonardo wrapped in a towel. She smiles sheepishly and I raise an eyebrow at her.
ME: "Did you just tell me no?"
ERICA: "Uh..."
ME: "Yeah. You don't do that again."
ERICA: "Okay."
ME: "Say you're sorry."
ERICA: "You're sorry."
ME: "No, you say 'I'm sorry'."
ERICA: "I'm sorry, mommy."
She throws the towel onto the floor and Girl and Leonardo start to wrestle on it. Leonardo gets in a good shot and Girl goes flying into the air (in Erica's grip), screaming all the way. Leonardo flies up to her and catches her, floating softly to the floor again.
ERICA: (In a high-pitched Girl voice) "You saved me!"
ERICA: (In a her Leonardo voice) "I sure did!"
ERICA: (As Girl again) "Fank you!"
ERICA: (Leonardo) "You're welcome!"
Erica wraps Girl and Leo up in the towel.
ERICA: "Go to sleep now."
She kisses Leo and Girl, patting each of them on the head.
ERICA: "You been busy. You're soooo sleepy! Goodnight!"
ME: "That was great, baby! Did Leonardo save her?"
ERICA: "Yup!"
ME: "Cool."
I give Erica a kiss on the forehead and turn back towards the computer screen. A second later I feel a tapping on my leg and I look down at her.
ME: "Yes, baby?"
ERICA: "Give Erica some amacosmo."
THE END!!!
And, yes - that is really how it happened :-)
