Troublesome
By: Kenneth R. Cabrieto

     Everyone's been telling me that it's all in my mind,
     That's it's all about how I play it,
     And how I let it affect me.
     They've been telling me that it's not supposed to be.
     They've been saying no,
     I should just let it go.

     That's something I'm not too sure about.

     The sun sets,
     I put myself to sleep,
     On a pillow of tears.
     Soon a new day will begin.
     I make preparations to keep myself sane.

     There's still an emptiness,
     It's a test I have to deal with every day.
     Something I'm finding myself unable to complete.
     There's nothing I can do.
     There aren't any words that I can say.
     I don't even know,
     How I can even accomplish something,
     That right now...
     Seems so impossible?

     It's just another sad day,
     Another dead dream,
     That's the world I live in.
     Is it a fictitious world in my head?
     Somewhere I go to seek refuge,
     A refuge which is all too fictitious in itself?

     The shelter I made to protect myself from you,
     Has finally started to cave in.
     My emotions, thoughts and feelings,
     Start to escape from the cracks,
     But they have nowhere to go,
     You welcome them no longer.

     Now's it's like the whole world,
     Is seeking to destroy me.
     What should I do?
     Should I just run away,
     And ignore the the threats to my life?

     I know I shouldn't wait too long.
     Sometimes it's better to get things out in the open.
     That's better than crying about it later.
     That isn't going to help things.
     People say that it's good to let time solve your problems,
     But time can be the cruelest factor of life.

     I'm starting to understand that I probably should let go.
     I've changed.
     And you've probably changed a lot too.
     That's just human nature.
     We're always supposed to be bettering ourselves.
     This is just another potential candidate for fear.

     Even those we consider to be great,
     Still get sidetracked.
     Sometimes something as simple as fear can cripple them.
     Those who conquer fear,
     That's what makes them great.
     I want to be one of those people.
     So I keep coming up with new reasons to fight,
     And new reasons to live.

     I don't want to be lost anymore.

     -July 31st, 2002


     Just so you all know. I was lost for like eight months. Sad huh?