I'm Not Proud of Myself
By Kenneth R. Cabrieto

          If I die tomorrow,
          It'll be with too many regrets.
          Want to make it all better,
          But I haven't had the chance to yet.
          My reasons are -
          That time is not permitting.
          I want to go against the rules
          But who the hell am I shitting?
          The plan is overly simple -
          All I'd have to do is pick up the phone.
          The rules continue to hold me back,
          Guidelines heavily set in stone.
          Losing my mind as I ponder these things,
          I'm not proud of who I was in the past
          And although I've become a better person,
          I'm afraid that it can't last.
          There's only one way to be at peace,
          But I would have to be dead.
          That would put an end to all this misery -
          The dismal images in my head.
          Falling faster than a shooting star,
          I've spun out of control.
          None of the pain has diappeared,
          But I no longer feel whole.
          Feeling of little importance,
          Tired of just filling my minor role.
          Ashamed of who I used to be,
          And my new self can't be at rest.
          I will make it all right one day -
          Such is my greatest test.
          I'm not too proud of what I was
          And I aim to put it in the past.
          I never want to feel this again
          So I'd better get this done fast.

          -05.06.03