Aug. 2nd, 1999: Step one in the chasing of a dream. The big, all important try out to see if you have the heart to make it. It's exhausting and hard. I was sore the next day. VERY sore and stiff. I felt like crap. But if you can make it through the try out and get accepted, you're practically half way there all ready. But this is just the first step in a long, hard journey.
Aug. 4th, 1999: Step two. Now we get started on the actual training for this stuff. I'm the only girl so it's tough. Very tough. Working out for 3 or so hours in the heat? Ow....but when you start here you start at the bottom of the ladder so you really have no choice. You can only go up from here. It's not easy in the slightest...but then, if you really think about it, neither is life.
Aug. 11th, 1999: Trained again before work. Took some falls that hurt like hell. But it'll be worth it someday if I can just tough it out. I'm gonna be sore tommarrow, but I'm gonna get back up and come do it again. I have to make sacrfices. That's this life I guess. If I'm truely gonna do this then I've got to suck in my gut I guess.
Aug. 12th, 1999: Yup. I trained again today. Like a fool. WITH a pulled muscle. That was a BRILLIANT move on my part. Ya know, I wonder if I'm gonna make it or not. Hell, I am only girl in the whole operation. It's scary cause I am so alone. Plus I can't seem to get anything right.
Aug. 15th, 1999: Once again I trained. Still discouraged a bit. It's jsut gettign harder and harder. I cna't believe I'm still standing. It's hard to remeber why I do this sometimes. Why I even bother getting up in the morning for this stuff. Like an idiot I seem to enjoy it. I don't know. Am I stupid or suicidal or all of the above. A stupid suicidal.
Aug. 21, 1999: My first major injury. My knee popped twice when I was put into a leg lock and I didn't roll. It hurts like crap. Really, it does. I worked on taking falls and I couldn't do them right. Couldn't do a clothesline right he first time and I got a drop toe hold for it. I even cried for a half hour because I'm not sure I'm doing good. I don't know if I'm getting anywhere or if it's my perception of myself that makes it seem like I'm going nowhere fast.
Aug. 22, 1999: Knee still hurts like hell. (excuse the language) I still feel alone. Like I'm on my own without support. Which is silly, cause obviously I have friends who are kind enough to support me. But it's very hard knowing your the only girl and that you have an even smaller chance of making it than the men do.....it's hard. It's fustrating and it's hard and it ticks me off knowing I have no one to talk to who understands. I think that makes it the msot difficult of all.
Aug. 29, 1999: Back into the ring. My knee feels better for the work out. But I got really discouraged today. Just sometimes feel like I'm not going to get any better or anything. I'm working on it. If I can just hang in there everything will brighten up, right? Yeah. Just gotta hang. Surprisingly, my falling is getting better. I'm not as scared to do it any more. I'm still nerved up though. But I guess that'll come in time. A friend of mine's trainer said 'If you were good at everything right off, then you wouldn't need me.' so I guess that even though I don't feel like I'm going anywhere, I must be getting somewhere.
Sept. 5th, 1999: FINALLY I got Lynx to give me a compliment. I seem to have done alot better today. I'm FINALLY getting the hang of hitting the matt and I'm trying to do some flips and jumps. :) With luck in about 4 or 5 months I'll make my debute!
Sept. 7th, 1999: Didn't do too much. Watched my trainers do a practice match, attempted to do the People's Elbow on the dummy to entertain myself. Tried to play 'Be Like the Hardys'. I only made it to the first rope though. To scared to even go to the second. And it took me 10 minutes of talking to myself to even get up on the first rope! Tried some leg drops. Worked on the wrist locks and stuff. *sighs* Pretty much just messed around when I was in the ring. Just tried some stuff I wanted to try. Tried to splash the dummy then tried Hardy style. Couldn't quite do it either way. But at least I knew I couldn't hurt the dummy, just myself! All in all, I pretty much beat the stuffing out of the dummy. ;)
Sept. 26th: Met my new trainer. I like him alot. Had to start at the begining, but I knew what to expect and I can all ready see improvement. I finally feel like I'm truely getting somewhere. Up ward and on ward. :)
Oct. 3: Trained again. I've gotten alot better on the ropes! *grins stupidly* I'm so very happy with this. I feel like I'm doing soemthing finally and that I'm getting soemwhere. Everything's more relaxed too. I don't feel intimidated or pressured.
Oct. 5: I'm so sore in my neck. Kept falling and hitting my head. Met Rustee Thomas today. Got off to a bad start, took me a long time to apologize, but I did finally. Worked everything out. Hopefully it won't happen again.
Oct. 12th, 1999: Ok, my grand adventure today involved learning an arm drag takedown, getting whiplash and a headache. I also got tangled in the ropes trying to jump around like I was a monkey. Nasty bruise on my shoulder that I don't have the slightest idea where it came from. On a bright note I think I'm getting used to the ropes. It doesn't hurt as much anymore.
Nov. 14 - Yeah, it's been awhile since my last journal entry. But tonight was a wonderful night for me. I made a great deal of progress. I'm quite proud of myself. I went in determined to think that I was going to make it as opposed to not being able to do it. It's quite amazing really what you can do when you change your attitude.
