Outside the clouds are twisting into a grand swell of writhing blackness. Just like how I feel inside. As though something with the force - the ferocity - of this prelude to a storm is tearing through me. And why not? I did, after all, participate in a murder. Twila is trying to tell me that it will pass, it's nothing to worry about, she says. I disagree, but what can I do? Not a whole not, that's for goddamn sure. Sometimes I hate Twila. A lot. Sometimes I think that bitch was the brains behind this entire thing. I admit - she's hot. Hell, when she bats those lashes and swings those fuckin' hips Chris chases her around like a dog in heat. And Chris does not, as a rule, chase women. The two of them are a mentally ill match made in heaven. Or is it "in hell," when you refer to two fuckin' assholes? I don't know what I was thinking. I mean, we killed someone for christs sake! We took a human life - and he was our age! Just a kid like all of us. I think ole Mikey was gonna turn 18 in March. I know I don't speak for everyone involved, but I think we've been made to grow up really quickly on account of all this. I feel like I've lived ten years in the last 78 hours. I guess we've all had to be mature for our age. Most of us are on our own. Kristie lives with her parents still, but it's so bad she's rarely at home. Monica told me that her father tried to feel her up while she slept. We really all only have each other. And that's why I plan to stick to the worn out "I barely knew the kid" statement. Sure I could go down to the station, tell the pigs the truth. But then I'd have what? At the very least I'd gain the handsome reputation of a rat. But I'd most likely lose all my friends, we were all in on it, and wind up doing 15 - to life in prison. Nick would end up in a boys home, and Chris might even be executed. I don't even wanna think about that happening. I keep asking myself why the fuck we did it. Why did we screw up our already bad lives over some preppie Grand-Am driving rich boy? Re-reading that sentence, it sounds like I answered my own question. It was jealousy. How likely it sounds to me now, how logical. Not to mention sad. Another low for Chris and Twila, and a whole new low for the rest of us. I remember when we were talking about killing Mike and Jaden said, "Whoa, wait a minute! Look, I'm not one to defend Mike, hell, I'd be the first to break his nose, steal his car, sleep with his girlfriend - you know me. But let's not talk about this as if we're actually gonna-" That's as far as he got. We had already made up our minds. It was silently unanimous. And Jaden noticed that we were all staring at him as if he was "a few beers short of a case," as Nick so often puts it. Sadly, there really was no question about it. Thinking back on it, I have to believe we were all temporarily insane. It's my only comfort. But if that's true, Chris hasn't returned to the world of the reasonable with us just yet. He was very careless when talking about this with the pigs. Like he wants to destroy himself, and drag all of us down with him. I've never seen the sky so black before. I hope someone knows where my dog is. The worst part about all this is that I think Angel knows. She wasn't born yesterday, and I've never been good at lying. It's really coming down now outside. I could swear the weather is reflecting my emotions, or maybe - protesting Mike's death. The death of the popular, good looking, well dressed, honor roll rich prick, who we all hated enough to kill, Michael Keenan Scafer. Oh god, what am I going to do? What in christ am I going to do?