Who's in the First 
(Degree of Glory)?

"Who's on First" Re-cast as a Conversation 
Between Joseph Smith and Sidney Rigdon
(Adapted by Scott Vanatter from Abbott and Costello's "Who's On First?")
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Joseph Smith: All right, Sidney, now what can I do for you?

Sidney Ridgon: Now look, I'm the one of the heads of the Church. I've got to know those names of the guys who make it into the major divisions of each kingdom of glory. Do you know the names?
Joseph: Oh sure.

Sidney: So go ahead and tell me some of their names.
Joseph: Well, I'll introduce you to them. You know sometimes nowadays they use peculiar names. … Now let's see. We have, Who's in the first, What's in the second, I Don't Know's in the third.

Sidney: That's what I wanna find out.
Joseph: I say: Who's in the first, What's in the second, I Don't Know's in the third.

Sidney: You know their names?
Joseph: Certainly!

Sidney: Well then Who's in the first?
Joseph: Yes!

Sidney: I mean his name!
Joseph: Who!

Sidney: The guy in the first!
Joseph: Who!

Sidney: The first degree of glory!
Joseph: Who!

Sidney: The guy in the first!
Joseph: Who is in the first!

Sidney: Now whaddya askin' me for?
Joseph: I'm telling you Who is in the first.

Sidney: Well, I'm asking YOU Who's in the first!
Joseph: That's the name.

Sidney: That's Who's name?
Joseph: Yes.

Sidney: Well go ahead and tell me.
Joseph: Who.

Sidney: The guy in the first.
Joseph: Who!

Sidney: The first degree of glory.
Joseph: Who is in the first!

Sidney: Is he part of the covenant there in the first degree?
Joseph: Absolutely.

Sidney: Who is part of the covenant?
Joseph: Well, naturally!

Sidney: When he is blessed in the first degree of glory, Who receives the blessings?
Joseph: Every blessing. Why not? He is entitled to it.

Sidney: Who is?
Joseph: Yes. Sometimes his wife comes down and receives it.

Sidney: Who's wife?
Joseph: Yes.

Sidney: All I'm tryin' to find out is What's his name in the first degree of glory.
Joseph: Oh, no - wait a minute, don't switch 'em around. What is in the second degree.

Sidney: I'm not askin' you Who's in second.
Joseph: Who is in the first.

Sidney: I Don't Know.
Joseph: He's in the third - now we're not talking about him.

Sidney: Now, how did I get in the third degree of glory?
Joseph: You mentioned his name!

Sidney: If I mentioned the name of those in the third degree, Who did I say is in the third degree?
Joseph: No -- Who's in the first.

Sidney: Never mind the first - I wanna know What's the guy's name in the third.
Joseph: No -- What's in the second.

Sidney: I'm not askin' you Who's in the second.
Joseph: Who's in the first.

Sidney: I Don't Know.
Joseph: He's in the third.

Sidney: Aaah! Would you please focus on the third degree…
Joseph: What is it you want?

Sidney: Now Who's in the third degree of glory?
Joseph: Now why do you insist on putting Who in the third degree?

Sidney: Why? Who am I putting in there?
Joseph: Yes. But we don't want him there.

Sidney: What's the guy's name in the third degree?
Joseph: What belongs in the second degree.

Sidney: I'm not askin' you Who's in the second degree.
Joseph: Who's in the first.

Sidney: I don't know.
Joseph & Sidney: Third degree!
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Sidney: You know the people in the Terrestrial Kingdom?
Joseph: Oh yes!

Sidney: The highest degree in that kingdom?
Joseph: Why.

Sidney: I don't know, I just thought I'd ask you.
Joseph: Well, I just thought I'd tell you.

Sidney: All right, then tell me Who's the highest in the Terrestrial Kingdom?
Joseph: Who is in the fir-

Sidney: Stay outta the Celestial Kingdom! I wanna know What's the highest in the Terrestrial Kingdom!
Joseph: What's in the second degree of the Celestial Kingdom.

Sidney: I'm not askin' you Who's in the second degree.
Joseph: Who's in the first.

Sidney: I don't know.
Joseph & Sidney: Third degree!

Sidney: The highest degree in the Terrestrial Kingdom?
Joseph: Why.

Sidney: Because!
Joseph: Oh. He's in the next lower degree of the Terrestrial.

Sidney: Look, you know about the lowest degree of the Terrestrial Kingdom?
Joseph: Yes.

Sidney: The lowest degree of the Terrestrial Kingdom?
Joseph: Tomorrow.

Sidney: You don't wanna tell me today?
Joseph: I'm tellin' you now.

Sidney: Then go ahead.
Joseph: Tomorrow.

Sidney: What time?
Joseph: What time what?

Sidney: What time tomorrow are you going to tell me Who's in the lowest degree of the Terrestrial Kingdom?
Joseph: Now listen. Who is not in the lowest degree of the Terrestrial Kingdom. Who is in the fir-

Sidney: I'll break your arm if you say Who's in the first. I wanna know What's his name in the lowest degree of the Terrestrial Kingdom.
Joseph: What's in the second.

Sidney: I don't know.
Joseph & Sidney: Third degree!
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Sidney: You know the Telestial Kingdom?
Joseph: Oh, absolutely.

Sidney: The name of the guys in the Telestial Kingdom?
Joseph: Today.

Sidney: Today. And Tomorrow's in the Terrestrial.
Joseph: Now you've got it.

Sidney: All we've got is a couple of days…
Joseph: Well, I can't help that.

Sidney: Well, let's say I'm in the Telestial Kingdom.
Joseph: Okay.

Sidney: Now suppose that while I'm in the Telestial Kingdom, Tomorrow's in the Terrestial and a certain fellow is about to die.
Joseph: Yes.

Sidney: Tomorrow is there waiting for him. Before he dies, he asks me to help him understand the names of those in Heaven. So I tell him to ask Who?
Joseph: Now that's the first thing you've said right.

Sidney: I don't even know what I'm talkin' about!
Joseph: Well, that's all you have to do.

Sidney: Is to ask Who in the first degree?
Joseph: Yes.

Sidney: Now Who's going to answer him?
Joseph: Naturally!

Sidney: If I tell him to ask someone in the first degree, somebody's gotta answer him. Now Who answers him?
Joseph: Naturally!

Sidney: Who answers him?
Joseph: Naturally.

Sidney: Who?
Joseph: Naturally!

Sidney: Naturally.
Joseph: Yes.

Sidney: So I tell him to ask Naturally.
Joseph: NO, NO, NO! You tell him to Who in the first degree.

Sidney: Naturally.
Joseph: That's right. There we go.

Sidney: So I have the person ask Naturally.
Joseph: You don't!

Sidney: I have them ask Who?
Joseph: Naturally.

Sidney: That's what I'm saying!
Joseph: You're not saying it that way.

Sidney: I said to ask Naturally.
Joseph: You don't -- you ask Who?

Sidney: Naturally!
Joseph: Well, say that!

Sidney: That's what I'm saying! I ask Who?
Joseph: Naturally.

Sidney: Ask me.
Joseph: You ask Who.

Sidney: Naturally.
Joseph: That's it.

Sidney: … I have them ask those in the first degree and Who gets it?
Joseph: Naturally!

Sidney: Who answers it?
Joseph: Naturally!

Sidney: He better answer it! Let me get this straight: I have this person ask those in the first degree. … Who answers him? … But What he asks, I Don't Know. I Don't Know suggests he wait till Tomorrow -- triple play.
Joseph: Yes.

Sidney: Let's say another guy asks a real hard question of Because. Why? I Don't Know. He's in the third degree and I don't care!
Joseph: What was that?

Sidney: I said I don't care!
Joseph: Oh. That's the lowest degree of the Telestial Kingdom.

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THE END
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FOOTNOTES:

Celestial Kingdom of Glory
Who -- First Degree (first base)
What -- Second Degree (second base)
I Don't Know -- Third Degree (third base)

Terrestrial Kingdom of Glory
Why -- "4th" Degree (left field)
Because -- "5th" Degree (center field)
Tomorrow -- "6th" Degree (pitcher)

Telestial Kingdom of Glory
Today -- "7th" Degree (catcher/home)
Naturally -- "8th" Degree (right field)
I Don't Care -- "9th" Degree (shortstop)
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