This author of this will go by any name in the skit.
**It is a normal day in Kells. The MK wake up, eat a hurried bit of bread, fruits and *nectar*(wotever), and ready their weapons. Before too long, as predicted, a Kells soldier runs in and tells them that some weird monster-ish thing is attacking some village which is probably unimportant in the big scheme of things but they feel is their duty to protect anyway. They, of course, being the noble-type heroes they are, accept the duuty(as Ivar says). This is your standard really-easy-to-beat monster, but they of course cannot defeat it, so they call their armor and continue with calling Pyre. All is going just dandy when a big hole opens in the sky, and millions of people, animals, and numerous other *things* all come out**
RUMPELTEAZER: Oi don't 'ink we's is in Kan'as a'y mo'!
ROHAN: Say what?
RUMPELTEAZER: Oi said, Oi don't 'ink we's is in Kan'as a'y mo'!
ANGUSDAFOX: I don't remember coming from Kansas.
CARRAGEENAN: Pray tell, supposing all life is little more than foolish dreaming, 'twill it matter whether or not from whence we came?
ROHAN(really confused): Huh?
PARRAT: Does it take an interpeter?
PYRE: Oh, now I know who you guys are!
CARRAGEENAN: Pray indulge, great scaled beast.
ROHAN: What did she say?
PARRAT: Continue, scaly thing.
PYRE: I remember you from that big AE party! Don't you guys?
DRANG: Oh yeah.
ANGUS: In case you haven't noticed, we're being attacked!
ANGUSDAFOX: Oh hello, I hear your name is Angus. So is mine. Hey, you're supposed to be on our side, aren't you?
ANGUS: Oh yeah....
ANGUSDAFOX: Forget the fighting! Let's go get some milkshakes!
ANGUS: Okay.
**Angus and AngusdaFox walk off, chatting amiably. Rohan is really confused now**
ROHAN: What the heck is happening here?
JABBERWOKKE: Wo'ld do'ina'ion, ol' chap!
ROHAN: What the heck is this language?
PARRAT: If you got around more, you'd know about COCKNEY.
ROHAN: What's cockney?
PARRAT: A "language" they speak in England.
ROHAN: What's England?
PARRAT: *Siiiiiiigh*
MR. BOB: Hi. You're nondisjunctive!
GARRETT: What the....
MR. BOB: Oh...so you're really Draganta!
ROHAN: Yeah.
MR. BOB: Well, y'ain't one for looks!
DEMETER: I'm confused.
DEIRDRE: Not the only one.
MERIARDI: Can I go kill someone?
RUMPELTEAZER: Sure, ki' 'is guy. We're go'a take o'er the Oisland, 'member?
ROHAN: OH NO! PYYYYYYYYYRRRRRRE!
**Pyre is talking with a blue dragon**
PYRE: Sorry, Rohan. M'n'Silenth here are going out for barbeque.
**The two dragons fly away, leaving Roahn standing there**
CLUNY(to Ivar): I hear you're obsessed with a chalice.
IVAR: And what of it?
CLUNY: That's stupid!
**Ivar breaks down crying**
MARIEL: Cluny the rude untactful little creature strikes again!
TIBBAR: BOING! BOINGY! BOINGY!
ROHAN(to remaining MK): I think we need to go back with Kells castle and speak with the King and Cahad. This may require an alliance with Maeve.
OTHER MK: Got it.
**They head back towards Kells. A very small group of humans is standing around looking bored**
MARIAN: I really don't understand this conquest thing.
GREMIO: And me too, good Lord!
MARIAN(disgusted): Can't you do anything besides quote Shakespeare?
GREMIO: And may not young men die as well as old?
MARIAN: ARRRRGGGGHHHH!!!!!
**A bunch of cats run in front of Marian**
CY: I've gotta spark plug in my head.
TAG: Go to sleep now.
TANTOMILE: Then the family will say-
MUNKUSTRAP: It's that horrible cat-
ABERFOYLE: It was Mungojerrie-
RUMPELTEAZER: OR Rum-pelteazer!
MARIAN: Cats!
MARIEL: Memory....all alone in the moonlight....
DEMETER: Wrong mouse.
SILLABUB: Moonlight...turn your face to the moonlight....let your memory lead you.....
MARIAN: ARRRRGGGGHHH!!!!!
TRASHCANTIPPER: She's easy to annoy isn't she?
NED PUPPY: Yuppers.
MARIAN: Okay, now I'm really confused.
CARRAGEENAN: If one is in a state in which one is in control, one will not be confused.
MARIAN: Will someone shut up that Shakespeare-spouting fox?
ZIRALANTUR: Sorry. Busy learning the territory.
SILLABUB: Open up enter in.......
KEKKA: Hi there. Calla me Kekka.
CLUNY: Calla you dead!
**Cluny lunges at Kekka. She runs away really fast**
YODA!: *starts doing the Yoda victory dance* YODA! YODA! YODA!
VLIL: Hi, did you see an insane jackal come running through here?
MOSHI: Thaaaaaaat's meeeee!
MARIAN: I'll go commit suicide now!
GREMIO: A husband? A devil!
MR. BOB: Did I mention you were nondisjunctive?
DIONE: Did I mention I was evil?
**Dione chases Mr. Bob around and tries to rip his guts out with her hook**
DEMETER: Now this is messed up!
**The scene switches to the throne room in Temra. Maeve is sitting on her throne looking bored. The Mystic Knights(excluding Angus) are standing around in front of her throne. They have already talked with the King and Cahad, and both have agreed that they must form an alliance with Maeve to get rid of these......*things***
ROHAN: And so you see, Maeve...
**Suddenly a bunch of cats all rush into the room**
TANTOMILE: 'Teazer, are you suuuure this is the right place?
RUMPELTEAZER: Kin' of. Sor' of. A'most.
MAEVE: What is the meaning of this?
SILLABUB: Iiiiiif you find there, the meaning of what happiness is, then a new life will beeeeeeginnnnnnnn!!!!!
EMBER: That would be a useful question. First one who wants to face the treatment, stand forward!
IVAR: The treatment?
EMBER: First *pauses to let emphasis sink in* I chop off your ears. *grins wickedly* Then *pauses again* I carve your innards into likkle bits *another pause* and then I chop off your head!
DEIRDRE: Um....we'll pass on that.
SILLABUB: Daylight......see the dew on the.....
**Meriardi appears out of nowhere and starts attempting to wring her neck**
MUNKUSTRAP: Lay off, Meri.
MERIARDI: Of all the horrible nicknames! Meri! YUUUUUUCK! *turns around and pukes. Sillabub runs away*
MAEVE: Guards! Clean up this mess!
SILLABUB:...sunflower.....like a rose it is fading.....roses wither away
MAEVE: Shut up!
SILLABUB: Like the sunflower, I yearn to turn my face to the dawn.....I am waiiiiiiting.....for the day!
JELLYLORUM: Goose....is tha cat...at the theaterr door...his name as I aught to have taold yew before.....is really Asparagoose....but thut's such a fuss t'pronounce.....that we usually call him....just Goose.
MAEVE: Kiiiiill them, someone!
**Aralu and Nimane walk on stage**
ARALU: I tell ya, Nimane, this is really confusing. At some places I'm a wildcat, and at others, a caracal.
NIMANE: I know. Same here.
**Maeve grabs Deirdre's crossbow and smacks them both upside the head**
DEMETER: The cat went here and there......and the moon spun round like a top......
**Minnaloushe starts dancing**
SILLABUB: Midnight......not a sound from the pavement.....
**Maeve grabs Sillabub by the scruff of her neck and locks her in a cell in the Temra *dungeon*. When she gets back to the throne room, Sillabub is sitting on her throne.**
MAEVE: What in the name of Dagda is this?
SILLABUB: Has the moon lost her memory?......well, the bars were so far apart I just hopped through.
MAEVE: Memo to me--fix that.
ROHAN: Do we have an alliance?
MAEVE: Anything to get rid of these pests!
VITANI: In the words of mom: "We have barely begun."
**Scene switches to a very large clearing in the forest. All of the odd creatures are there. They are plotting evilly. All the cats are in one corner, Redwallers in another, humans--the small number of them, in another corner, and miscellaneous in the last corner.**
MINNALOUSHE: When do we take over the island? HUH?!
GREMIO: Why, he's a devil, a devil, a very fiend!
**Marian smacks Gremio upside the head with a large STICK**
CHROMOSOME: CHROMOSOME IS MIGHTY. CHROMOSOME LOVE GENES. CHROMOSOME GLAD SOMEONE STILL LIKE HIM. CHROMOSOME CHROMOSOME CHROMOSOME!
FERAL: I say we attack now!
KIREZA: Now, you mud-brained idiot? We need to plan?
CHROMOSOME: CHROMOSOME NOT KNOW WHAT PLAN MEAN!
SILLABUB: Haaaaaaas the moooooooon lost her memmmmmmmmory......she iiiiiiiiiiiiiis smiiiiiiiiiilig alooooooooooone
KIREZA: A plan is a plan.
CHROMOSOME: OKAY. CHROMOSOME GET IT NOW.
SILLABUB: Iiiiiiinnnnn the laaaaaampliiiiiiight.....the wiiiiiithered leeeeeaves collllllllect atttt myyyyy feeet......aaaaaaand the wiiiiiiiiiind begiiiiiiiins toooooooo mourrrrrrrrrnnnnn....
**Meriardi begins to strangle Sillabub once more. Demeter runs up to Meriardi and begans *doinking* him on the head. Jabberwokke and Aberfoyle jump on them and began beating them all up. Munkustrap tries to protect Demeter and gets knocked unconcious. Jellylorum stands by clucking her toungue**
VITANI: This is amusing.
MAZIMWI: You said it, Vitty.
**Jellylorum runs up to them both**
JELLYLORUM: It's not nice to talk about people behind their backs. very, very, bad.
**Vitani grabs Jellylorum by the scruff of her neck and throws her against a tree.**
JELLYLORUM(swaying): Tha' wasn't ver' nice!
**Jellylorum sways again and falls unconcious. Rumpelteazer becomes bored**
RUMPELTEAZER: 'Ey, alla y'kitties! N'time t'be fightin' 'mongst ourselves. We's is go'a attack t'castle now. Bye!
**Rumpelteazer, Demeter, Minnaloushe, Jabberwokke, Aberfoyle, Meriardi, Sillabub, Tag, Cy, and Tantomile start marching off, carrying a black flag with the yellow eyes with the dancing people and 'CATS' written on it. Demeter pauses to revive Munkustrap and Jellylorum with a few splashes**
VITANI: Whatever. I'm going to sleep.
**Tibbar, who was hopping around, suddenly flops over on his side**
MERIARDI: Forward! Kiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiill!
RACO: AWoooooooooOOOOOOOOOOOOooooooooo!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
**A bunch of Temra and Kells soldiers is marching on a path as a scouting party the allied Temra/Kells *wow, how'd ya guess* had sent out. Suddenly a bunch of cats marches through**
TANTOMILE: Gaush, gaush, gaush duat, gaush, gaush, gaush duat....
RTS1: Wot inna name of Lugh is this?
SILLABUB: Memmmmmmmorrrrry.....allll aloooooooone in the moooooooonlight.......I can smiiiiiiiiile at the oooooooooold daaaaaaaays.....I was beauuuuuuuuuuutiful thennnnnnnnnn.......
**Meriardi takes the flag *which he was carrying* and *doinks* Sillabub on the head. Sillabub falls unconcious**
DEMETER: Man, are a lotta people falling unconcious.
RKS1: I'm scared!
**They attempt to run away, but the cats run up to them and knock them unconcious and tie them all to trees. The scene switches to the Temra throne room. Maeve is sitting on her throne. A sudden breeze wisps through the room. If there were any windows or lights to speak of, they would be closed/off.**
MAEVE: Torq? What's happening? Torq?
A VOICE: The Marlfox is a mystery fox, they are quite nobeast's friend....
ANOTHER VOICE: For one the edge of their axeblades, you may meet out your end....
A THIRD VOICE: THey're the bafflement of Salamandastron, Redwall Abbey's despair....
FOURTH VOICE: But when you reach the scene of crime....
ALL: THe Marlfox isn't there!
MAEVE: Torq? This isn't funny, Torq! I didn't know you could sing on-key, Torq!
**A vixen with a coat mottled blackish-blueish-whitish steps out, swirling her green-brown cloak**
LANTUR: Oh, we're not Torq. But he is!
**Lantur steps back to reveal two similar looking vixens holding Torq prisoner. The fourth is standing back and laughing**
MAEVE: Why, who are you?
LANTUR: Tut, tut. Why, if you'd listen to the songs, you'd know. Hit it, girls!
**The Marlfoxes all stand in a line and sing in perfect unison**
MARLFOXES: The Marlfox, the Marlfox, there's no one like the Marlfox
No other beast is quite an expert at stealing things and picking locks
Their powers of devastation would have made Cluny stare
And when you reach the scene of crime: the Marlfox isn't there!
You may catch a glimpse of green-brown cloak, you may find a mottled hair
But I tell ya once (and once again) the Marlfox isn't there!
MAEVE: SHUT UP!
**The Marlfoxes look at one another and growl. They advance on Maeve, dragging Torq with them. The cameras zoom in closer and closer until the screen goes black. When you can see again, Maeve and Torq are chained to the wall. Lantur grins**
LANTUR: Much better. Now, let's continue.
ZIRAL: Marlfoxes are mottled black, white, and blue, they wear a brush of tail
ZIRALANTUR: You'd know one if ya saw one, for their eyes are rather pale
LANTUR: Their heads are deeply filled with thoughts, their skulls are slightly domed
LANTUA: Their coats are dusty for camoflage, their whiskers are uncombed
ALL: They lie in wait and strike their prey with tactics like a snake
And when you think one's half-asleep, they're always wide awake!
ZIRALANTUR: The Marlfox, the Marlfox, there's no one like the Marlfox
No one else alive can quite blend with shadows or meld with rocks
You may meet one in the dark of night to end your life's despair
But when y'reach the scene of crime the Marlfox isn't there!
**Maeve and Torq look as if they want to commit suicide. ZiraLantur makes the sad puppy face**
ZIRALANTUR: What, you don't like my singing?
**When Maeve and Torq don't answer, all the Marlfoxes raise their axes. They shoot another one of those scenes where the screen goes black Then Lantur yells....**
LANTUR: Someone clean up this mess!
**The scene switches to Kells throne room. The King is sitting on his throne. Alla MK is standing in front of him wi' Cahad. Conchobar is worried.**
KING: Hmmmm.....we should have heard from either Maeve or her scouting party hours ago. Something must be wrong. Rohan, you and Garrett go to Temra and find out what's happening.
ROHAN: Yes, my King.
GARRETT: Come on Rohan.
**They leave. Conchobar turns to Ivar and Deirdre**
KING: You two, stay hear. We'll find out what's wrong.
**Everyone smiles with a confidence they do not feel. Meanwhile, the army of cats is outside, preparing to take the castle. Meriardi wants to kill someone REALLY bad**
TANTOMILE: Contain yourself, Meriardi. We will strike when the time is right.
SILLABUB: I reeeeemeeeeember.....a tiiiiiiiiime I kneeeeeeeew whaaaaaat happineeeeeeesss wassssss......let the meeeeeeemoooooorrrrry.....liiiiive agaaiiiiiinnnn.....
**We suddenly get a view of Rohan and Ivar in Temra. Strangely, they can see no one, but they get the strangest feeling that they are being watched**
ROHAN: Maeve? Torq? Anybody?
VOICE: We're watching you.
**Rohan and Garrett gasp as suddenly every one of the Redwallers appear as if from nowhere. Ember steps forward**
EMBER: Hello, I am Ember, I'm here to chop off your ears, carve up yer innards, and chop off your head!
GARRETT: It's that wildcat! I remember her!
**Garrett swings his sword at Ember. Ember snarls**
EMBER: Cluny, Mariel, Dione, Aralu, Feral, Kireza, Renaude, Tzipporah, Slit, Parrat, Sia, Alabaster, Boundare, the whole lot of ye! Get them!
**All of the Redwall characters jump at Rohan and Garrett. They do one of those shots like in cartoons where there's this big ball of dust and paws and hands and swords are sticking out. Finally it ends. Feral is sitting on Rohan and Alabaster is sitting on Garrett**
EMBER: Mwhahahaahah. Now you will suffer our wrath.
LANTUR: We have something to show them.
**The Marlfoxes show the decapitated forms of Maeve and Torq**
ROHAN: Urrrrggggh. Get offa me.
EMBER: Mwhahahahah. Feral, you put Rohan in the dungeon. We're putting Garrett in the speeeeeeecial dungeon.
ALABASTER: Ooh! Oooh! I wanna put him in!
EMBER: Permission granted.
**They turn the two prisoners over to all the *good* Redwall AEs. Rohan is put in a normal dungeon. They put Garrett in a dungeon that resembles a pit filled with spoiders and swimming rats. Suddenly all the lights go out and a vixen moves forward. She laughs, with a musical laugh, and orders all the *bad* Redwall AEs to imrison the *good* Redwall AEs.**
MARIEL: Why are you doing this?
DIONE: MWhahahaahahah! Now you see evil will always triumph because good is DUMB!
**She continues laughing evilly as the *good* Redwall AEs are imprisoned. She then takes over Temra, with the four Marlfoxes as her aides. The scene switches to Kells**
DEIRDRE: Shouldn't Rohan and Garrett have been back by now?
**Meriardi appears**
MERIARDI: Awwwwww.......it's so sweet.
**He leaps on Deirdre and begins clawing her to shreds. Everyone else looks on dumbfounded**
IVAR: You're hurting the princess!
**Meriardi looks disgusted**
MERIARDI: No, really?
SILLABUB: Burrrrrnt ouuuuuuut eeeeeends of smoooooooky daaaaays......
**Meriardi throws a chair at Sillabub and she falls unconcious. All the other cats pour into the room**
RUMPELTEAZER: All coc'ney cats t'me!
**Rumpelteazer, Jabberwokke, and Aberfoyle gather round. They suddenly charge Ivar and begin clawing him**
JABBERWOKKE: Oi wants 'is chalice 'at! Oi wants 'is chalice 'at!
RUMPELTEAZER: 'ave it then!
**Munkustrap, Demeter, Tag, Cy, and Tantomile attack the king. Jellylorum goes over to Cahad and blows on him. He falls over. His head cracks on the floor *oh, I love doing that!* Conchobar gets scratched into lotsa pieces. So do Deirdre and Ivar. Jabberwokke is parading around wearing Ivar's hat lopsidedly on his head**
MUNKUSTRAP: We have conquered this castle!
**Renaude the messenger fox arrives at Kells**
RENAUDE: The allmighty Dione would like you to know that we have conquered Temra, renamed Castle Dione!
DEMETER: Let's name this place Castle Eliot!
**All the cats agree. Meanwhile, all the villages and stuff have been conquered by the *other* AEs. The leaders of all places have called a meeting. They talk for awhile. They realize that they have finally conquered the Island! MWHAHAHAHA! They laugh evilly for a bit. They have a big party and become high on caffeine.**
GREMIO: All's well that ends well.
**Marian knocks Gremio unconcious with a humongous STICK that belongs o Yodaa. The screen fades to black. Credits roll. The viewers boo loudly. Suddenly, a voice echoes in the blackness...........**
SILLABUB(really super fast): The stale cold smell of morning streetlamp dies another night is over another day is dawning. Daylight I must wait for the sunrise I must think of a new life and I musn't give in. When the dawn comes, tonight will be a memory to and a new day will begin. Sunlight through the trees in summer endless masquerading like a flower as the dawn is breaking the memory is fading. Touch me it's so easy to leave me all alone with the memory of my days in the sun. If you touch me you'll understand what happinss is look a new day has begun!
**Everyone hears the squelch of rotten vegetables hitting a furry object**
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