When driving home from Houghton, Karen Baxter was kind enough to give me, Mike, and Gustav some long-sought-for information about how women work. Of course, it was only a slight brush on the top, but nevertheless, there was much to take in. From her input, I can now extrapulate an explanation dealing with women and relationships.
Where to begin? How about the first thing we discussed: the question that boggles all of the nice guys' minds in the world. Why do women go for the jerkish guys, when the nice guys are available? It's all because of the "Herks." What are Herks, you ask? It's my invented word for hot jerks. Girls are naturally attracted to hot guys, but most of them end up being jerks, most of which are detected within 10 minutes of their first sighting. The girl gets disgusted and goes home brooding about this Herk
Unlike men, women are unable to simply forget about a jerk (or another similar word that starts with a 'B') and go on with their lives. Instead, they try to find flaws in that person to make them hateable (if that's a word). However, rather than finding what they're looking for and moving on, the girl becomes more and more attracted to the Herk as she gets to know more about him. She has fallen into the neon green web and cannot escape. Eventually, the Herk that doesn't care one bit about the girl notices this weakness and swoops in for the kill. The relationship naturally fails and sometimes, the Herk takes advantage of the girl by playing with her emotions. Truly sad.
As much as you might try to warn a girl about a Herk, it is futile and you will only get your head bitten off needlessly. We can only hope that someday girls will figure out this mystery and avoid it altogether.
In addition to the Herk Theory, girls do another thing that guys seldom do: claim boys. Karen described this as the HSC or "Hot Student Crush." Now, this guy can either be a Herk or a nice guy; that's pretty much irrelevant for now. Anyway, Karen said that it initially started for her and her friends as a "Hot Senior Crush," back in Sophomore year, but this year, Senior became obsolete. According to this rule, a girl claims their HSC for their own, rendering them undateable by her friends, regardless of the fact of whether or not they will actually date this guy. If another girl treads on this unholy ground, all hell breaks loose and friendships could be ruined.
From this data, I have come to the conclusion that women take ownership over men, whether the man realizes it or not. They are claimed by individuals in a group of girls and sometimes, a guy is claimed by multiple parties. Also, the knowledge of this information leads me to believe that I am owned by several girls, which is slightly frightening. It's a world of politics behind this ownership thing and I don't know if I want to be involved in it. However, it is nice to know that you're loved.
So, in the end, I guess it's not so bad. We nice guys need to stop thinking that all the girls go for the Herks, because it's obvious that we're all owned by some girl anyway. It's just a matter of finding out who owns us. =)
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