My Favorite things about Angelfire.
DUE TO BUDGET CUTS
CAUSED BY THE TEA PARTY,
THIS IS YOUR
NEW GOVERNMENT CUBICLE
NEW OFFICE POLICY
Dress Code
2) If we see you wearing Prada shoes and carrying a
Gucci bag,
3) If you dress poorly, you need to learn to manage your
money better,
4) If you dress just right, you are right where you need
to be and therefore you do not need a raise.
Sick Days
Personal Days
Bathroom Breaks (LOVE this one! LOL!)
Lunch Break
* Normal size people get 15 minutes for lunch to get a
balanced meal to maintain their average figure.
* Chubby people get 5 minutes for lunch, because that's
all the time needed to drink a Slim-Fast.
Thank you for your loyalty to our government.
The Management
1) You are advised to come to work dressed according to
your salary.
we will assume you are doing well financially
and therefore do not need a raise.
so that you may buy nicer clothes, and
therefore you do not need a raise.
We will no longer accept a doctor's statement as proof of sickness.
If you are able to go to the doctor, you are able to come to work.
Each employee will receive 104 personal days a year.
They are called Saturdays & Sundays.
Entirely too much time is being spent in the toilet.
There is now a strict three-minute time limit in the
stalls.
At the end of three minutes, an alarm will
sound, the toilet paper roll will retract,
the stall door will open, and a picture will be taken.
After your
second offense, your picture will be posted on the
company bulletin board under the 'Chronic Offenders'
category.
Anyone caught smiling in the picture will be
sectioned under the company's mental health policy.
* Skinny people get 30 minutes for lunch, as they need
to eat more, so that they can look healthy.
We are here to provide a positive employment experience.
Therefore, all questions, comments, concerns, complaints,
frustrations, irritations, aggravations, insinuations,
allegations, accusations, contemplations, consternation
and input should be directed elsewhere.