Rising early in the morning and realizing it all wasn't a dream has been very hard for me. I've realized that he's not coming back. I don't mourn over his death, instead I laugh and smile over our memories. From the time we first met to the time we narrowly escaped the pollicles in the city. I'll never forget Titus' first real look at the stars or his first dancing lesson under the moonlight.

Many say that I changed his life, but I'd also like to say he's changed mine as well. Titus changed my life in every way a jellicle queen can be changed. I now look on the inside of others instead of just the outside. I have empathy for those who are broken and torn not only physically but emotionally too.

I don't talk of Titus anymore and I probably never will. I don't even really have anything to remind me of him except his collar that I continue to wear, symbolizing that he will always be a part of me. He is but a memory now, in which I usually sing of. I sing of things that remind me of him - detailed things so that I may never forget. I make sure they trigger all the senses of my body so that I remember everything - every sight, every smell, and every sound. I sing of the morning in which he died - the sunlight bursting through the trees bringing the heat of summer, killing off the night and bringing dew on sunflowers. I remember specific words that he said like the time of his death when I called him a rose and he replied how all roses wither away at sometime or another and die. I called him a rose because, like one, I found him sweet and pleasent, however he had his thorns that many were scared of.

I remember the most magical night of my life - the time we danced together under the moon. That was one thing I wanted to continue with him - the endless masqerading.

I dream of him sometimes like as if he were still alive. I sometimes wonder what ever happened to the Alley Cats but then I heard a rumor how because of their leader's death, they grew angry and rebellious and overthrew Macavity and his Evil Cats. I don't know where they are now or what's become of them, but it's great to know that one tom changed not only my life but his entire tribe's as well.

I found it ironic how I remember Titus' first and last words best. He went from telling me to 'shut up' and teasing how I was a 'kitten with no backbone' to telling me that he loved me more than life itself and called me his northern star. At that time, I found it hard to let him go. Goodbye was like I saying it was forever and farwell was like the end, but in my heart is memory and there he'll always be.