By Esme
Just a short little piece. I was in NY this past week seeing the Scarlet Pimpernel and I don't know why I always think of my favorite vamps when I see that musical but, well-I do.
Disclaimers: characters belong to Anne "When I Look at You" Belongs to Nan Knighton and Frank Wildhorn.
When I look at you,
What I always see
Is the face of someone else
who once belonged to me.
Still I can hear him laugh,
And even though that melody plays on, he’s gone.
When I look at you,
He is standing there.
I can almost breathe him in
like summer in the air.
Why do you smile his smile?
That heaven I’d forgotten eases through, in you.
When I look at you,
He is touching me.
I would reach for him,
but who could hold a memory?
And love isn’t everything.
That moonlight on the bed will melt away, someday.
Oh you were once that someone
Who I followed like a star.
Then suddenly you changed.
And now I don’t know who you are.
Or could it be
That I never really knew you from the start?
Did I create a dream?
Was he a fantasy?
Even a memory is paradise for all the fools like me.
Now remembering is all that I can do.
Because I miss him so...
When I look at you.
FW&NK
I stood up impatiently, listening to Daniel argue his point for the hundredth time this evening. As much as I loved him he was begining to agitate me. I went back to the mirror, combing my hair, launching my counter argument once again.
“I have told you Daniel, this night is special to both me and Lestat. It is one of the few traditions we have maintained over the years. I will not be the one to break it. Don’t you an Armand do anything to mark the occation of your first meeting?” I eyed him from the mirror, trying to do anything to change the subject once and for all.
“Hell Lou, it wasn’t exactly love at first sight with me and Armand. It’s not really a time I like to remember.”
“Well that may be for you but for Lestat and I it is different. We have our differences to be sure but for one night that doesn’t matter.”
“But Lou-” I went on before he could interupt more,
“No matter what is going on in our lives or how we feel about each other at the time, we always get together on this night.”
“You are setting yourself up for a fall, you know that. No one can hurt you like he can-and he does. Every time. I don’t see why you have to do this to yourself.” He shrugged, seeming to give up the argument finally. “I just don’t want to see you hurt Lou, thats all.” I adjusted my cravat, turning once again toward Daniel.
“Nothing can hurt me on this night Daniel.” I smiled and kissed his cheek. “Now do be quiet and tell me how I look, -honestly.” I fiddled with the jacket, extremely uncomfortable being this dressed up. Its amazing the things that I do for Lestat. Part of me wanted to be annoyed at the fact, but the other part wouldn’t have it any other way.
“Honestly?” He raised one eyebrow as he looked me over. I began to blush, thinking that perhaps I should not have asked.
“Oui.” I said, trying to fight the urge to turn away. That would only encourage the dear boy.
“I have never been more envious of Lestat.” He smiled, giving me a wink before growing serious once again. He drew me to him for a hug. “Good luck Louis. I hope this night is everything that you hope for. You know where to find me if you need me.” He said pulling away and giving me a light punch on the shoulder.
“Oui, merci Daniel.” He nodded as he left the room leaving me with my final preparations for the evening.
The past is so easy to fall into, a fox trap you didn’t even know to look for until you feel the blade cutting through your bone. More and more these days I find myself caught in the past. Playing with all the ‘what ifs’ and ‘might have beens’ that are so seductive to toy with. Thoughts of Lestat filled my mind as I laced up my boots and found my gloves. Our time together, our time apart. What if anything it all meant. As always wondering if he thinks of me as much as I think of him. What I would give for any amount of certainty. But I suppose that is all anyone asks for in a relationship. But for now I settle for hope. Hope that one of these nights all the ghosts that haunt our relationship will disappear. That for once we will be able to overcome our past instead of letting it consume us. Hope that there will be some sort of future to rise up from that sordid past.
I made my way out into the warm night, refusing to let my thoughts get the better of me. This was our night, our time. I would let nothing spoil it. I carried a bouquet of roses in one hand and a new Bach CD in the other as I made my way to my destination.
“Bon Soir Lestat.” I said determined to smile, dispite the oppressive surroundings. The room was dark and deserted. The others had left us alone as I had asked them to do. I lit the candles that filled the room, making a soft warm glow and a troup of dancing shadows on the walls. “I have a new Bach CD for you.” I said cheerfully. “I think you will like it. It is mostly organ and harpsicord.” I placed the CD in the box that lay on one of the pews; waiting until the first cords played before I made my way up the toward the alter. I took the roses, placing them in a vase near Lestat, keeping one with me as I made my way over to my maker.
I laying beside his motionless form. I had no fear of injury, Lestat always allowed my closeness. It seems I am the only one too. That alone was hope enough for me-for now. I placed the single rose I had kept in his hands, making his hand into a fist to make sure he held onto it.
“Happy anniversary Lestat.”
FIN