A Before the Dawn Spec

By Auden 1996

Part 1 Love's Mystery

Spoilers: IWTV, TVL, QOTD, TOTBT
Disclaimer: This is a non -profit, amateur spec and is not intended to infringe upon the copyright of Anne Rice or her publisher.
Warning: This spec contains sexual situations between adults of the same sex.

Part One:

The flames flickered before Louis as he stared into the fire. He was gazing at it with a misty eyes, day-dreaming. A mortal habit that he had never truly ridden himself of. But why should he? After all, he was here alone. Lestat and David had disappeared into the night to hunt - together. Louis had already made his kill, alone as always. He had told Lestat a hundred times that he needed his privacy, in this above all things. But now, now that Lestat no longer had any real need for his company, having gained a companion so utterly suited to him, he was conscious of a sense of neglection. Though why he should wish Lestat to hunt with him was a question he hardly dared ask himself. The taking of life was one of the most intense experiences of a vampire's life, the only way they could sate the dark passions that burned inside them. To hunt together connotated an intimacy that few could share....

Louis shook his head, he knew why he was thinking this way. The narrative that Lestat had allowed him to read, the novel that he would surely publish soon, daring the displeasure of the rest of their kind. It had obsessed him. The thought of the humanity that Lestat had disliked so much. Louis sighed. He had read the stack of neatly printed pages over two weeks ago but, since then, he had thought of little else. Maybe it was the fact that Lestat had found so much of the experience unpleasant that made Louis' thoughts constantly, obsessively return to the few things his immortal companion had relished. Sunlight on snow, the taste of orange juice and......, he tried not to think of it and failed again,.....love. Human love. Louis had never thought of such a thing before, at least not since he had been born to darkness, in hundreds of years of immortality he had never considered the question of vampire impotency. But then, the question had never been addressed before now. There had never been any explanation, hardly any mention, of this simple all-encompassing fact. And now Lestat had presented it to the world in the Tale of the Body Thief as a fait accompli. *Still* he gave no explanation.

There had been a time once when Louis was still newly born to darkness, when he vaguely recalled asking his maker if it was possible for vampires to engage in.... intimacy. God knows why he had asked, since the only other vampire he had known in those days had been Lestat -theoretically the same gender as him, despite the magnitude of their transformation into supernatural beings. Louis, regardless of the androgynous appeal that drew victims of both sexes into his fatal embrace, had never partaken of the more exotic forms of coupling in the days when he had been human. Though apparently Lestat had no objection to such things, if the story of his overtures to David had not been exaggerated. And David, well David *preferred* to indulge in such a fashion.

He wrenched his mind away from the thought of David. David who was out hunting with Lestat. David who had been so obsessed with the brat prince when human, and whose lust had been so nearly consummated when they were together, when Louis had rejected Lestat's appeal for help. David who had been made a vampire, because of Lestat's affection for him....

Instead, Louis returned to the vexed question. Lestat had never provided him with any answers back then. Simply 'no, it was not possible'. Lestat had never told him anything at all, even though he seemed to feel free to tell the world. And Armand, Armand who at least had been willing to explain the nature of the dark gift, Armand had not even brought up the point. Maybe he had felt unable to talk of it, for surely he had loved Louis as much as any mortal could, in his own fashion. A love Louis had been unable to return, tormented as he was by feelings of guilt and damnation. Surely Armand would have attempted to initiate such an intimacy between them, if such a thing were possible. Louis refused to think of how he would have reacted to such a proposal from the auburn-haired demon.

So the point had been made, it was impossible. Only a human could experience such an intimacy. But why? Louis shook himself, trying to break the loop. His thoughts were becoming unnervingly repetitive. That damned book! Standing swiftly, he crossed to the balcony window. His companions appeared to be taking their time, perhaps enjoying each other's company on the hunt. Leaving him here alone, alone with such disturbing thoughts.

But logically it *should* be possible, his emerald eyes glazed over, standing impossibly still at the window. Vampires retained the capacity of movement after the bestowal of the dark gift. Despite the appearance of marble, their forms were not really so different from that of a human, albeit their strength was many times multiplied. So why this inexplicable impotency, one area of the body dead to feeling? At least so Lestat had claimed in his most recent novel. Louis could not imagine testing the theory. He winced at the thought, a small involuntary movement banishing the perfect stillness that had relegated him to an alabaster statue. He frowned. The movement had been a reflex action to his uncomfortable thoughts. But what about reflexes? Responses to stimuli, his kind still had them: pulling away from over-bright light, tensing up at the first taste of blood; what was the death-like sleep if not a reflex action to the painful light. And the motions of sex were not so different, involving involuntary responses to stimulation. Or so he recalled. It had been a long time.

Louis sighed, then his hand flew to cover his mouth in shame at the sound that had escaped him. 'I *am* too human', he thought bitterly. Why else would I be tormented by such thoughts? Surely Lestat is not.

But Lestat had been, Louis had read those words himself. Thinking, he began to pace the room, the motion of a human who must move or leap out of his skin. He strove against the image that threatened to overwhelm him, but in vain. It came anyway. Lestat, naked, emerging from the ocean, eager to be caressed by David in mortal passion...... 'No,' Louis thought, banishing the image, his fists clenching and unclenching as he attempted to regain control of himself. That was not the way it had been. Lestat had been mortal then, ensconced in the youthful body that David now inhabited with such a natural air that Louis often found it hard to believe that he had not been born into it. The visions that he was involuntarily conjuring up were purest fantasy. Lestat's golden hair gleaming with droplets of water, a cloud about his angelic face, his golden skin gleaming with moisture, the long length of his slim body. 'I am in agony,' Louis thought, falling into the arm-chair again and curling into a tight ball. I have *never* seen Lestat naked, he told himself fiercely, and I don't want to.

Then he heard it, the slightest of sounds on the balcony outside. They had returned from the hunt. Louis uncurled, taking up a book quickly so that he would present a natural aspect when they walked through the long windows of the balcony.

The loose white curtain billowed back and Lestat entered. Alone. He was flushed from a successful hunt, the fresh blood pulsing beneath his sun-kissed skin.

"Ah, Louis," he said with a grin. "Is there anything to rival it? The taste of the blood." He did not expect an answer, Louis decided thankfully, putting down his un-read book.

"Where's David?" he asked instead and Lestat looked annoyed, throwing himself carelessly into a chair.

"Gone off on his own," he said shortly.

"What?" Louis was surprised. "Gone where? When will he return?"

"I have no idea," Lestat looked as if he was wavering between anger and amusement. "Perhaps it's another of his power games, this endless struggle to be in control." He laughed, showing his fang teeth in a wicked little smile. "Poor David," he said, "still can't accept that I am the leader of this group."

"Why should he?" Louis said, watching Lestat covertly across the room, the play of firelight on his golden skin, golden hair. Who else could see Lestat as he did, with the prenatural vision of these vampire eyes? "After all he's almost as strong as you," he continued. "Not 'nearly human' like me."

"My beautiful Louis," Lestat gave him an affectionate smile. "Your humanity is part of your strength, and your charm. And as for David, whatever he might think, he's still a fledgling. My fledgling, just as you were once."

"I recall," Louis said, feeling suddenly cold towards Lestat. "When you controlled me so absolutely, and yet told me nothing."

"Louis!" Lestat looked astonished. "I thought we had buried the past, what has brought it up again, after all this time?"

"Your novel," Louis confessed. "That damned book, Lestat. You tell the world your stories and *still* you keep me in the dark!"

"Keep you in the dark?" Lestat's eyebrows rose. "But you read the book yourself. The world has not even seen it yet. Have I kept it from you?"

"No," Louis shook his head, dark hair fanning round his face as the motion shook loose the brown ribbon that tied it back. Irritated, he turned to look for it as he continued. "But you don't tell me what I want to know." His voice was muffled as he bent over in search of the ribbon, but Lestat's hearing would not be affected by that.

A slender hand reached out and clasped his wrist. Lestat had crossed the room to crouch before him, elegant as a cat. Bending in a sudden movement to capture Louis' attention.

"Louis," he said, studying the troubled countenance that faced him. "What is it that concerns you? This thing you wish to know? Ask me! I will hold nothing back." His voice was earnest and gentle. Louis stared deep into his gleaming eyes, so blue.

"I want to know, to know about sex," hesitated and was rewarded with an astonished laugh.

"What?" Lestat stared at him. "Aren't you a little old to hear about the birds and the bees?"

"You think this is amusing?" Louis accused bitterly. "My question is laughable?"

"No, no," Lestat said quickly, soothingly, but a smile was tugging at the corners of his mouth. "You *are* serious, aren't you?" he asked.

"Yes, very serious," Louis said definitely." I want to know why we are..... incapable." "Not birds and bees then, but vampires," Lestat was grinning irrepressibly. "What a question, Louis. I am astonished!"

"Are you going to explain it to me or not?" Louis asked and Lestat attempted to stop smiling.

"I can't answer this question of yours," he told Louis. "How should I know such a thing? Why we are 'incapable', as you put it. We simply are!"

"I'm not sure that I believe it," Louis said, standing. Lestat rose also to face him with a frown. But Louis was in no mood to argue. "There is no reason for this impotency," he said.

"Louis!" Lestat's tone was exasperated. "You are being ridiculous. To say you don't believe in a thing when we both know that it is true!"

"I know no such thing," Louis replied. "These hints, these myths, they no longer convince me. They are a fiction, created by those of our kind who prefer to take their pleasures in a different way and who therefore ascribe to this *legend* that it is not possible for us to perform such an act."

"But it *is* impossible," Lestat insisted and Louis glared at him.

"How do you know?" he demanded, green eyes flashing. "Have you ever tried?"

Lestat looked at him with wide unblinking eyes, as stunned as Louis had ever seen him. Abruptly he turned away, to part the curtain and look out at the night, as Louis had done earlier. His expression became thoughtful. Louis stood in silence, watching him, alarmed by the impact of the words that had passed between them. Finally Lestat turned to face him again.

Part Two: (Lestat)

I was dumbfounded. That Louis should have got such an impossible insane idea into his head. What did he think? That there was some massive conspiracy on the part of the other immortals to conceal the true facts of life? The suggestion was impossible. But he seemed so utterly convinced that it was possible for one of our kind to make love, as mortals did. I glanced back at him. He looked so serious, my Louis.

"Very well," I said finally, with a slight smile. "We will attempt it."

"Lestat!" Louis shook his head, backing away from me, he looked appalled. "That wasn't what I meant at all, that you and I should......" His voice trailed off and he stood there looking at me with such obvious embarrassment that I found it hard not to laugh.

"Wasn't it?" I raised an eyebrow. Now that Louis had brought this crazy idea to my mind I was finding it hard to rid myself of it. And who should I attempt this experiment with if not my beautiful fledgling?

"Don't worry," I told him. "You're curious, are you not? And who would you prove your theory with, except me? Armand perhaps? "I was smiling again, looking at him with a speculative sideways glance. I wondered how he would react to my suggestion, his embarrassment was already making it more tempting.

"Lestat, I could not." Louis sounded breathless. "Not with.... someone of my own sex." He closed his eyes, he looked near to fainting. I grinned.

"Now you are simply being naive," I told him. "Come Louis, you love me, do you not? If we were mortal men, surely you would not resist me? I would find it hard to resist you!" I watched him in fascination as his long eyelashes lifted, as those emerald eyes shone out at me. He was blushing, the blood he had fed on earlier heating his pale skin. Truly entrancing.

"Of course I love you, Lestat," he said, uncomfortably. "But not....like that."

"Oh?" I took a step forward and placed my hands firmly on Louis' slender shoulders, holding him there. "Were I mortal, my lovely Louis, I would desire you... like that." My adventure with the body thief had taught me that much at least. I remembered the thrilling sensation of being close to David who had desired that body, the idea of making love to him. And here was Louis, who I loved and had loved for centuries, more than I would ever love David. Smiling, I slid my hands down Louis' back and encircled his waist, clasping him too me. I had held him like this the first time we had flown together, protecting him against the bitter wind. Louis made a movement to free himself, still flushed, but I didn't allow him to break free. Eventually he subsided, accepting once more that my strength far exceeded his own. I pulled him closer until we were mere inches away from each other.

I was feeling a little breathless myself now. This idea of Louis' was ridiculous, but the thought of it was entrancing me. I felt intoxicated, holding him in my arms like that. Thinking of what might follow.

"This will be quite an adventure," I teased. "And one that I wasn't expecting!"

"Lestat, let me go!" Louis protested. "This is absurd, I simply wanted to discuss this with you. Nothing like this even crossed my mind."

"Well, it has crossed my mind," I told him. I was nearly drowning in the scent of him, tracing every inch of his face with my eyes. Those gorgeous cheek-bones, his long hair. I reached up to tangled one of my hands in it, the other still firmly around his waist." Kiss me, cher," I insisted, waiting expectantly. "Come on, mon coeur, prove to me that it is possible for us to feel passion!"

Louis suddenly looked angry. Glaring at me, furiously. I loved it. Perhaps he realised that I had not taken his suggestion completely seriously, using it as an excuse to hold him in my arms, to feel him belonging to me. My Louis. He really was angry.

"You are so arrogant, Lestat," he told me, and I felt a sudden pang. So he wouldn't kiss me then. All of a sudden I tired of this game. I began to loosen my hold, ready to let him go.

But then the most incredible thing happened. Before I could complete the motion, releasing him, he slid his arms around me, enclosing me delightfully in his embrace. He still looked angry, but there was a very strange expression in his eyes as he looked at me. I held my breath. Then slowly, oh so slowly, he leant forward to kiss me.

Naturally I had kissed him before. Who could resist it? He was so eminently touchable, and I had created him. Nothing Louis says can ever persuade me that he does not belong to me and I believe I had a complete right to kiss him if I want to. But then, he so rarely initiated displays of affection, even if he would succumb to my sudden thrills of love for him. His lips were warm, tasting faintly of blood as I knew mine must do. I concentrated on the sensation, trying to recapture how it had been during my brief venture back into humanity. A very chaste kiss this, even if it was lasting longer than Louis usually permitted. Hmmm. Well, since he was allowing this much, why not? Gently I allowed my tongue to flicker between his slightly parted lips, tasting the warm cavern of his mouth. He tensed against me, but didn't pull away. Oh this was *very* nice. He was leaning heavily against me, and I had to hold him to stop him falling. I wondered how long this kiss would last, not that I was in any hurry to end it. I slid my tongue around the inside of his mouth, exploring. Hs eyes were already closed and I allowed mine to drift shut as well. This sensation seemed to belong to the darkness. I thought he had gone as far as he would allow himself, since he seemed to find my gender such an obstacle. But perhaps he was enjoying this kiss as much as I was, because suddenly I felt him imitate my action, slipping his pointed tongue into my mouth as the kiss continued. Delicious, I could stay like this forever I thought, and then he broke away.

"What do you think?" he asked, a little uncertainly. I could hear a tremor in his voice and he wasn't meeting my eyes.

"What do I think?" I repeated and then I laughed out loud, I just couldn't help myself. Holding Louis tightly in my arms I spun around with sheer exuberance at the thought of it. My Louis loved me enough to let me kiss him, to do more than kiss him! At least I hoped so. How many times had I wished to hold him like that, to run my hands over his silky skin, to rain kisses over his eyes, his forehead, his cheek-bones, his mouth. Well, now I was going to have my chance! I suddenly felt enormously pleased that David and I had quarrelled outside. If he had been here, all this would not have happened. I laughed again and swung Louis up into my arms, cradling him like a child, as I once had held Claudia. He looked at me with alarm in his emerald eyes.

"Lestat! What are you doing?"

"I told you," I grinned. "This adventure isn't over yet, Louis." Holding him easily in my arms, I began to walk towards the bedroom we had never used. It seemed I had found a use for it after all! Louis was protesting, perhaps about the indignity of the position, lying in my arms with his beautiful head against my shoulders. I wasn't listening. Just as soon as I got him to the bed I would kiss him into submission.

Part Three: (Louis)

I couldn't believe what Lestat was doing, I couldn't believe that I was letting him do this. Not that I had much choice. It seems Lestat has always been stronger than me; even now that my age has increased my powers the blood he took from Akasha has made him more powerful again. And he does love to be in control. He lay me on the large bed, made up in sumptuous silk and lace bedspreads. Even though Lestat had never used this bed, bought it without expecting that it would be anything other than a useless addition. But everything in this house had to be sumptuous and this expensive, useless bed conformed entirely to his method of decoration. I sank into the silken coverlets, looking up in amazement at him. He was grinning wickedly, but his eyes were gentle. Having him looking down at me like this, despite all the anger and bitterness that had passed between us, I could almost believe that he loved me as I had always wanted him to. I may not have said it enough, but Lestat will always be the hero-villain of my life. No-one has so much power to fascinate me.

I remembered when he had asked me if I loved him, just before our flight together. That was before he had even met David. I wondered how much that meeting had changed things between us. But, to be honest, I was finding it hard to think straight. After *that* kiss my senses were swimming. Lestat smiled down at me, stroking my hair, burying his long fingers in it, caressing the side of my face.

"Beautiful Louis," he sighed, gazing down at me. "I need you so much."

"Honestly?" I asked. His golden hair was spilling over his shoulders, falling into my face. In that moment I forgot my objections, my fears as to how far he would take this. All I could think of was him, his presence as warming as the sun I had lost. Reaching up, I curved my right hand around the back of his head, drawing him down to me. He was still warm from the blood, or was it the sunshine that had touched the skin with its warmth? I felt his soft mouth on mine, his tongue sliding eagerly between my lips. I could taste him, his silky lips, the warmth of him, his body pressing me flat to the bed. I returned his kiss hesitantly, I knew he didn't believe me, that he thought my insistence that there was no reason for a vampire to be incapable of sex insane. But what did that matter when he was kissing me like this?

He lifted his head to look down at me, settling himself more comfortably on top of my body. It didn't seem that he had any intention of moving, of leaving me. I wanted to believe it. I wanted to savour the fact that he was here with me, not David, or Marius, or Gabrielle, or any of the other immortals who so fascinated him. Knowing he could not read my mind, I had to ask.

"You're sure you wouldn't rather be with David?" I said, wanting the answer 'no' so desperately. "You seem to be spending a lot of time with him recently."

"Louis, Louis, Louis," Lestat looked at me through those incredible long lashes. He was smiling as he trailed a line of kisses over my face, brushing the corner of my mouth sensuously. I didn't want to admit how much I was enjoying this. Hadn't I drawn back from his embrace often enough before, not wanting to surrender to the charisma of his ruthless personality? Now, having submitted, I was ashamed to think that I was allowing this. He kissed my throat and I was afraid that he would try to drink from me. I wasn't sure that I wanted that, not when he might expect me to reciprocate the action.

"Well?" I asked, my voice hoarse, still waiting for his answer.

"I want to be with you, only you," he whispered huskily. "In the whole world there can be no one as beautiful as you, Louis." He moved to lie beside me, propping himself up on his right arms, using his free hand to trace the line of my lips, the bones of my face. He was looking at me so tenderly that I felt my eyes fill with tears. Was this what I wanted? What I had wanted for all these years we had spent together.

Lestat was looking distressed and I wondered why. Then he reached to stroke my eyes, brushing the tears away.

"Louis, come now," he said, half-jesting." Is it any reason to cry? Simply because I want to be with you? Cheer up, cher, I want you to enjoy this!" He bent over me again and covered my face with kisses, the slightest butterfly touches, but I could feel every one. When he lifted his head he was flushed, I could see traces of my blood-tears on his lips, and watched him lick them away, still grinning fiendishly down at me.

Part Four: (Lestat)

He tasted so good. His sweet blood, his substance. I wanted to sink my teeth into his neck. I wondered if he would let me. But right now I had other ideas in mind. Slowly I moved my hand to the top button of his white cotton shirt and undid it. His eyes widened. But wasn't this what he had wanted, had suggested? He didn't protest and I kissed his throat again, feeling the muscles move beneath my mouth as he swallowed. I was grinning again, he was irresistible! And he was letting me do this, the thought of that was almost as sweet as the blood. With the strength Akasha had given me I could have pinned him beneath me at any time, kissed him until I was exhausted. But what fun would that have been, with him fighting me every moment? But this, ah this *was* fun.

I undid the second button, and then the third; four more to go. And now he was sighing in pleasure as I moved my mouth over his chest, touching my lips to his nipples, sliding my tongue over his smooth skin. His skin was softer than mine, less resistant. Yes, 'almost human'. I thrilled at the thought of it. I wanted to laugh again for sheer delight. But Louis would not have liked that, imagined that I was laughing *at* him perhaps, so I stayed silent. Almost silent. I couldn't help little gasps of pleasure escaping me as he moved beneath me, shifting under my touch. I glanced up, checking to see if he was still enjoying this. Hmmm, his eyes were half-lidded, his head thrown back on the pillows, lips parted, breathing fast. I decided that he was not likely to offer any protests just yet and quickly undid the other buttons. His shirt fell open, exposing his smooth chest, his flat stomach. Very nice indeed.

I changed my position, moving back on top of him, straddling his waist and lifting him up to me so I could pull the shirt off completely. I tossed it to the floor and felt him drape his arms around my back, burying his face in my neck. He was shaking.

"What is it, beloved?" I asked him, running my fingertips over his back, feeling his ribs, his spine, the flexing muscles as he clung to me. "Do you like this, Louis? I'll stop if you ask me to." I was lying of course. How could I stop now, with so much of him left to be explored. And he was mine, all mine. I dared him to refuse me, wanting to crush him in my arms and kiss his resistance away. But he didn't resist.

"I don't want you to stop," he whispered, the words barely audible, his breath warm against my skin. He was cold, the blood of his victim cooling fast within him. But what did that matter? Our embrace was cosy, and I was sure I could warm him in my arms.

"No more objections, huh? I teased. "No more worries about morality?"

"Lestat," he breathed, how I loved the sound of him saying my name! "Lestat, nothing this pleasant could be wrong." He raised his head to look at me, his lovely eyes soft and defenceless. I wanted to believe that he was right then, that it was possible for us to indulge as humans would. I wanted to possess him, totally, absolutely, to hear him acknowledge himself mine. Naturally I didn't say any of this.

"So, Louis," I continued. "Does this mean that you'll stop protesting when I kiss you, that you won't object to my touch anymore?" I pressed him back against the bedclothes, closed my mouth on his in a ferocious kiss, sliding my tongue down the back of his throat as far as I could reach. He shuddered beneath me and then coiled his legs up around my waist, holding me to him. Suddenly, inexplicably, I began to shake. Strange sensations were building in me, I wondered again if Louis could be right. But I couldn't let myself believe it. To hope and be wrong would be too bitter.

"Say my name," I told him, freeing myself from his bewitching mouth for a second. "Say it!"

Louis doesn't like it when I tell him what to do. He's as independent as David, more so in a way. David has never tried to kill me. But this, what we were doing together, had affected Louis as much as it had me. I would have begged for his love then, I honestly believe it. And he, he complied with my wishes for once, calling my name as he writhed beneath me. Yes, writhed. I didn't hold him still. It was nice to feel him under me, moaning, calling my name in what I could believe was passion.

I was drunk with love, my face buried deep in his beautiful thick silky hair, rubbing up against him like a cat, feeling his response to my caresses. My Louis. It wasn't until I heard the astonished gasp behind me that I realised we had an audience. Louis tensed, all that melting passion fleeing before his embarrassment. I was furious. Still holding my darling beneath me, not about to let him go, I raised my head to meet David's incredulous gaze. "Get out!" I snarled. But I was too late. Louis was already struggling to free himself from my imprisoning grasp, and David was too stunned to move.

"Lestat! What *are* you doing?" he demanded. Typically David, to assume I had forced myself upon Louis. Though, honestly, looking at Louis I could see how he could have jumped to that conclusion. Louis was certainly giving a good impression of having been ravished against his will. He looked lovelier than ever, his black hair tousled around his face, his lips slightly bruised by my kisses. I suppose I couldn't blame David for the indignant gaze he was fixing me with, even though I wanted to.

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