By Auden Dedication: Dedicated to Aria and Schneewittchen, in acknowledgement of much pestering.
Disclaimer: This is a non -profit, amateur spec and is not intended to infringe upon the copyright of Anne Rice or her publisher.
Warning: This spec contains sexual situations between adults of the same sex.
Daniel: Finally! A spec about us for a change.
Armand: I don't know why you automatically make that assumption with just the title to go on.
Lestat: Come *on*, cher. Everyone on this newsgroup knows about you and the b&d thing.
Armand: *What* b&d thing? There *is* no bad thing! Where is that in the books? Show me one mention of that in *any* of the books!
Daniel: Well I don't know about Lestat's but my book was pretty heavily censored. They wouldn't let me include the part about the goats in the New Orleans brothel for a start....
Lestat: Goats? What goats?
Louis: Nothing! It's nothing! Besides, I think you're all on the wrong track here. This isn't about bondage at all. 'Discipline and Punish' is the title of a book by the French literary theorist Michel Fucaut which concerns........ *mmppffff*
Lestat: (covering Louis' mouth with his hand): Don't be so *dull*, Louis. No one wants to hear about your literary theorist. If they did they wouldn't be reading specs.
Daniel: And don't be so *naive*. You've read the other specs by this author. Is there a single one that *isn't* about sex?
- Long pause -
Armand: Just because it's about sex doesn't mean it's about *us*! In fact most of her specs are about Lestat and Louis.
Lestat: (smugly) I'm not into bondage.
Louis: Only because I wouldn't agree to....... *mmmpfffff*
Daniel: (curiously) What's he talking about?
David: Don't you think you should let Louis speak sometimes? You don't treat him with very much courtesy.
Lestat: This is between me and Louis.
Daniel: And who asked you anyway? Since when were you interested in sex?
David: I am *so* interested in sex. The spirit is willing and now so is the flesh, thanks to my gorgeous new body.
Lestat: Here we go again.....
Daniel: The rest of us have sex in *company*, David. We're not interested in your narcissus complex.
David: The only reason I don't have a partner is because everyone else is attached! What am I supposed to do?
Daniel: Marius isn't attached.
Armand: Well.....
Daniel: You're saying he *is* attached? To *who* may I ask?
Armand: Er...... Pandora! He's attached to Pandora!
Louis: That doesn't stop all the spec writers pairing him up with David.
David: It's not true, I've never done it with Marius.
Louis: What about Gabrielle?
Lestat: My mother? You've been.......
David: NO! I haven't! Why won't anyone believe me?
Armand: The next thing you know he'll be telling us he doesn't have a tattoo.
Lestat: It's all very well for you to talk.*You* still haven't admitted you're into bondage.
Daniel: And you haven't let Louis tell us *anything* about your sex life. You spread mine all over your books but you never tell us about yours.
David: That's because there's nothing to tell. He's just a tease.
Lestat: I would have done it with you!
Louis: Oh, I just bet you would. (storms off)
Lestat: Louis! Wait! I didn't mean...... (runs after him)
Armand: Typical. (looks at David expectantly)
David: What? Oh, I get it. (leaves, muttering to himself) I'm sick of playing gooseberry. I'm going to get myself a man.... or even a woman......
Daniel: Finally! Now, maybe we can read our spec.......
Armand: *Read* our spec? I can think of more... inventive ways to spend the time. Pass me that whip, willya?