“Whaddya think? This is a checkpoint. You know the drill.”

“Sorry, officer, just joking around. Didn’t mean to sound disrespectful.”

“Well, watch the attitude and we won’t have a problem, okay? I’m not in the mood tonight.”

“Yes, sir. Sorry, sir.”

“Where are you going?”

“Home.”

“Where are you coming from?”

“A friend’s house.”

“Where does your friend live?”

“Uh, about five miles from here.”

“How long were you there?”

“Well, about three hours, I guess. Since I got off work.”

“Where do you work?”

“At Biotech. I'm a software developer.”

“Okay, I need to see your driver’s license, proof of ownership, proof of insurance, and proof of US citizenship.”

“Yes, sir. Here they are.”

“I’ll be back after running a few checks. Please remain in the vehicle and keep both hands visible on the steering wheel.”

“Yes, sir.”

Two minutes later . . .

“Okay, here’s your paperwork. Have you had any alcoholic beverages to drink within the past 24 hours?”

“No, officer. I don’t drink, and I already took a breathalyzer test at another checkpoint on the way to my friend’s house.”

“I see a child safety seat in your vehicle. Do you use this vehicle to transport infants or minors?”

“Yes. I have a two-year-old daughter.”

“Well, then I’m sure there are no tobacco products in your vehicle, right?”

“Oh, no, sir. I don’t smoke anymore anyway. Couldn't afford to with all the tobacco taxes. Hehe.”

“Do you have any firearms or knives in the vehicle, including the trunk?”

“No, sir, except for my little pocket knife, which I’m allowed to carry.”

“May I see it?”

“Sure.” sigh. “Here it is.”

“Okay, no problem with that. You can put it back in your pocket. Do you have any ammunition or detachable firearm magazines in the vehicle, including the trunk?”

“No.”

“Do you have any ammunition reloading equipment or explosive materials in the vehicle, including the trunk?”

“Nope.”

“Pardon?”

“Uh, I mean, no, sir.”

“Are you transporting any electronic surveillance or detonation devices prohibited by the Antiterrorism Act of 2005?”

“No, officer.”

“Prescription drugs or drugs of any kind?”

“No, sir--oh, well, except for a bottle of aspirin in the glove box, but . . .”

“Aspirin? May I see it?”

“Sure, just a minute. Here it is.”

“You’ve been carrying this stuff in a vehicle used to transport infants or minors?”

“Well, yes, but I . . .”

“Why wasn't this confiscated at the last checkpoint? Were you asked about transporting drugs?”

“Well, y-yes, but I forgot about the aspirin. It’s only been in here one day. I took it with me to work this morning.”

“Look, I’m too tired to give you a lecture right now. Do you know how many kids die of aspirin overdose every year? All drugs are to be kept on your person, not stored in a vehicle if that vehicle is used to transport infants or minors. Okay? You know the law--follow it.”

“Yes, officer. I’m really sorry about that. It was very irresponsible of me.”

“I’ll have to confiscate the aspirin.”

“Oh, yes, of course. This won’t go on my driving record, will it?”

“It won’t if I don’t find any other infractions. Now let’s get this over with. Are you transporting any hazardous materials as defined by the Environmental Protection Act of 2008?

“No, sir.”

“Has this vehicle been out of the state or country within the last 30 days?”

“No.”

“Okay, I’m going to do an exterior safety check of the vehicle. While I’m doing that, my partner is going to bring the dog over to conduct a sniff test for illicit or hazardous materials. Do you understand the consequences if you're found to be transporting any such materials?”

“Yes, officer.”

“With that in mind, is there anything we should know about before we conduct the sniff test?”

“No, sir.”

“The dog's nose is very sensitive. Have you yourself been in contact with any hazardous or explosive materials within the past 48 hours?”

“No, sir.”

“Please remain in the vehicle and do not interfere with or distract the dog.”

“Yes, sir.”

One minute later . . .

“All right, everything checks out, except your left rear tire is beginning to show some wear. Get it replaced as soon as possible.”

“Yes, officer. I’ll do that right away.”

“By the way, what’s with the ‘Question Authority’ bumpersticker?”

“Oh, I, uh, my wife put that on there a few days ago.”

“Well, I'd think about removing it if I were you. I don't care either way myself, but someone at another checkpoint might take offense. It's up to you; just a word to the wise.”

“Hm. Yes, maybe I will take it off. No need to stir up trouble, I guess.”

“You may proceed. Have a nice night.”