Funny Jokes

A woman and a man meet in a bar soon they end up in a hotel while they un dress the woman says you don't say much and he says i do all my talking with this( Pointing to his dick) and she say like i said you don't say much do you.
(spyder8320)

Did you ever stop to wonder what would happen if your dog's name was Mypenis?

- Mypenis ate my homework.
- Oh, no! Mypenis is frothing at the mouth!
- Sorry I'm late. I was playing with Mypenis.
- I'm sorry, Officer. I didn't realize I had to keep Mypenis on a leash.
- Mypenis doesn't come when I call it.
- Mypenis likes to crawl between the legs of guests.
- I love giving Mypenis a bath.
- At night, I sleep with Mypenis in my hands.
- Mypenis likes it when people pet him.
- Mypenis needs to get more exercise. He weighs over fifty pounds.
- Playing with Mypenis really wears me out.
- Would you like to see a picture of Mypenis?
- Sometimes I wake up, and Mypenis is already active.
- I think Mypenis has a mind of its own.
- I keep a picture of Mypenis in my wallet.
- Whenever I get lost, Mypenis points me in the right direction.
- I think Mypenis is getting old because he won't get excited anymore. He just plays dead.
- Mypenis got out last night. I think he's sleeping with the lady next door.
- If Mypenis was a weinerdog, he would be long and hairy and hard to carry.
- Mypenis loves to chase pussies in dark alleys.
- Help! I can't find Mypenis!
- Sorry to be driving so slow, officer, but I was looking for Mypenis.
- Mypenis gets excited whenever the mailman comes.
- Sorry to be driving so fast, officer - I have to take Mypenis to the hospital.
- Oh. no! Something bit Mypenis!
- Watch it or you'll step on Mypenis.
- When Mypenis behaves well, he gets a bone.
- Stop kicking Mypenis.
- When riding in the car, Mypenis enjoys sticking his head out to be blown.
- Mypenis is truly man's best friend.
- Beware of Mypenis. He's carrying a disease.
- People say Mypenis looks cute lying down, but even better when standing at attention.
- Mypenis: the crotch-sniffer.
- There's nothing like a well-trained bitch for Mypenis.
- I've trained Mypenis to jump through hoops.
- Mypenis always searches for an open hand under the dinner table.
- Excuse me - I need a muzzle for Mypenis.
- Sorry I'm late, but Mypenis kept me up howling all night...
(Jestrocort)

A young woman was depressed because she was so flat-chested. So when
her fairy godmother appeared one day and offered to grant her most
heartfelt wish, the young woman instantly requested large breasts.
"All right, my dear," said her fairy godmother. "From this moment on,
every time a man says 'Pardon' to you, your breasts will grow."
The next day the woman was walking down the sidewalk, lost in
thought, when she bumped into a policeman. "Pardon me," said the cop
politely.
Her breasts grew an inch. She was ecstatic.
A few days later the young woman was doing her shopping at the
supermarket. Leaving with a large bag of groceries, she bumped into a
another customer. "Pardon me," the guy said, bending over to help her
collect her groceries.
The young woman's breasts grew another inch. Very happy, she decided
to treat herself to dinner at a Chinese restaurant.
Going in the door, she collided with a waiter, who bowed and said,
"Oh, miss, I beg of you a thousand pardons."
Headline in the paper the next day read:

CHINESE WAITER KILLED BY TWO TORPEDOES.
(sjanes16)

A guy goes over to his friends house, rings the bell, the wife
answers.

" Hi is Tony home?"

" No he went to the store."

"Well, you mind if I wait?"

" No come in."

They sit down and the friend says "You know Nora, you have the
greatest breasts I have ever seen. I'd give you a hundred bucks if I
could just see one."

Nora thinks about this for a second an figures what the hell - a
hundred bucks.

She opens her robe and shows one. He promptly thanks her and throws a
100 bucks on the table. They sit there a while longer and Chris says
"They are so beautiful I got to see the both of them. I'll give you
another 100 bucks if I could just see the both of them together."

Nora thinks about this and says what the hell opens her robe and
gives Chris a nice long look. Chris thanks her and throws another 100
bucks on the table then says he can't wait any longer for Tony and
leaves.

A while later Tony arrives home and his wife says "You know your
weird friend Chris came over. "

Tony thinks about this for a second and says "Well did he drop off the
200 bucks he owes me?"
(Sjanes16)

CAREFUL BRAVE

The young American Indian brave went to his chief and said, "Me want squaw."

"You have experience?" the chief asked.

"No," the boy replied. "How me get experience?"

"Go into woods, find tree with knothole, and practice. Come back in two
weeks and I give you squaw."

The boy left and, as instructed, returned in two weeks.

"You have experience now?" asked the chief. The boy nodded. "Good, now you
can have experience with squaw. Little Flower, come here! This brave have
no experience with woman. You treat him well and guide him."

Smiling, Little Flower took the young brave by the hand and led him to her
teepee. There, after they had undressed, the brave told Little Flower to
turn around and bend over. Puzzled, she complied, then shrieked when he
kicked her in the ass.

"What you do that for?" she asked.

"Me not stupid," said the brave. "Me check for bees!"
(A007z)

CLAIRVOYANT

Once upon a time there was a clairvoyant boy who could see into the future.
One night while saying his prayers, he was heard to finish, "God bless
Mommy, God bless Daddy, God bless Grandma, goodbye Grandpa." The next day
his grandfather dropped dead of a heart attack.

A few weeks later, the little boy prayed, "God bless Mommy, God bless
Daddy, goodbye Grandma." The next day poor Grandma was hit by a bus while
crossing the street. (Fortunately, she never felt a thing.)

About a month later, the little boy was praying and said, "God bless Mommy,
goodbye Daddy."

Dad freaked out. He hired an armored car and security guard to drive him
to work every day, very carefully and slowly. But still he couldn't help
thinking about those words, "Goodbye Daddy."

One day he came home from work early to find his wife waiting for him at
the front door.

"You'll never believe what happened today, dear," his wife said upon his
arrival. "It was the most awful thing. The milkman dropped dead on the
back porch."
(A007z)

Adam Sandler's Astrology...