"Saintly Girl"
   Modified from Tori Amos's "Cornflake Girl"

   Featuring:
   Scully - lead vocals
   Frohike - piano
   Skinner - guitars and mandolin
   Langley - drums
   Byers - bass
   CSM - whistle
   Krycek - tambourine
   Marita & Fowley - guest vocalists
   Mulder - bound and gagged, seated in front row of audience.
   The OBSSE members - the audience and/or roadies, variously

   [Skinner begins with guitar chords]
   [piano, drums, bass and tambourine start after a few cycles]
   [whistle leads up to start of singing]
   Never was a saintly girl
   had to deal with such punkishness
   my partner's crazy ideas
   You'd think he'd come from space himself
   things are getting pretty strange 
   and he's not really helping things
   I just want to deck him now

   This is not really this ah this is not really happening
   You bet your life it is  You bet your life it is
   Uh huh you bet your life

   DON'T... ditch me a-gain, 
   just DON'T... ditch me a-gaaaain

   I know what's going on
   There is a good explanation
   scientifically correct
   We just gotta find it
   enough with this alien crap
   You must believe I'm nuts
   if you want me to agree with you

   This is not really this ah this is not really happening
   You bet your life it is  You bet your life it is
   uh huh you bet your life

   DON'T... ditch me a-gain,
   just DON'T... ditch me a-gaaain.

   Never was  Saintly girl
   had to deal with such punkishness

   [piano bridge]

   Mulder... I don't (moviewording)* believe this
   Mulder... I don't (moviewording) believe this
   Mulder... I don't (moviewording) believe
   I don't (moviewording) believe
   I don't (moviewording) believe this!
   Uh huh uh huh huh
   [Guest vocalists] - "And the punk with the pouty eyes
   thinks he knows so much, thinks he knows so much yeah"
   [Repeat variously while Frohike goes wild on the piano;
   Skinner switches to electric guitar, song continues until 
   the crowd rushes the stage trampling poor Mulder on the way]

   Thank you, good night.

     -  Brother Jim

*ed. note -- (movieword) refers to the four-letter word not featured 
in this archive which Mulder was supposed to say in the movie but 
didn't.  Also referred to as the "not-movieword."

Author's note:
I occasionally visit a happy world where there's no such thing as 
Scully torture, GA gets ALL the prizes (including several emmys
Sunday - Best Dramatic Actress, Best Comedic Actress, and best 
television song ("Jeremiah was a...") among them), Scully is 
ALWAYS right and the worst thing Scully has to put up with 
is Mulder's punkishness.  The following song mutilation errr 
adaptation is in honor of that world, glimpses of which shine 
through into this one; and also in honor of other redheads who deserve 
the few prizes GA hasn't taken upon herself to be eligible for.

realaudio clip of original song Here
original lyrics Here