(ed. note -- I included a little bit of the post which precedes 
this, um, unique little ditty.)

On Wed, 16 Dec 1998, loa s. wrote:
> NFF  wrote:
> > Naw man . . . . I'll just wait here, shivering on the corner, 
> > under the streetlight . . . for the guy to come with the 
> > cheap but quick stuff . . . you know, that monkey on my 
> > back . . . Mexican Velveeta.
> 
> Do you freebase with salsa and/or mustard?
> If not, I can show you the way.

I have it on good authority that Cheese Logs are less harmful 
than alcohol! Of course, no one wants to see someone after a 
three day Cheese Log bender, buuuuuuut....

An OBSSE Yuletide Carol *

Cheese Logs, Cheese Logs, freebasing OBSSE Cheese Logs
Cheese Logs, Cheese Logs eat them up, *burp*

On the TV laughing, The Blessed One,
At the Punk Pad, exchanging presents.

Scully got a Cheese Log wrapped in paper
Doesn't call her cell phone then hang up.

Moose loves Cheese Logs, he can't buy her presents
Crappy keychains, and Cheese logs too!

They can't "fight the future"; the Truth is Out There,
If not pasteurized; they're green goo.

Freebasing-cheese-logs-is-never-seen-in-public-restaurants-and-rarely 
outside-Abbey-walls-on-nearly-Yule-mornings-maybe-with-the-possible 
exception-of-TETINFF--yeah!

Cheese Logs, Cheese Logs, freebasing OBSSE Cheese Logs
Cheese Logs, Cheese Logs eat them up, *burp*

* with apologies to Barnes and Barnes, Fish Heads, Squirrel, Moose, 
NFF, and, of course, Carols the world over.

Br. James (Who is _very_ _very_ puzzled (and disturbed!) over the 
image of Mexican Velveeta Monkies! *shiver*; Mothman move over, 
now _there's_ an X-File!)

Special bonus:  The Four Cheese Logs of the Apocalypse, from 
Sister Paula! It's sick!  It's wrong!  But it's soooo funny!

--

Ever since someone -- oh heck it was Gwen, ok? -- suggested that 
Mulder gave Scully a cheese log for Christmas, I've noticed a 
disturbing little trend in the Abbey.  Seems that these so called 
"cheese logs" have very evil roots indeed.  A lit-tle too popular 
for my peace of mind.

Witness what I found in the Abbey library sacred scrolls last 
night -not a bedtime tale...

v. 1  And I looked, and behold, an orange bronco, and she who sat 
on it had a snack tray; and a cheese log was given to her and she 
went out conquering, with her snacks.

v. 2  And another, a red horse, went out; and to him who sat on 
it an even greater cheese log was given; that the blood of those 
that pissed him off should be shed with it; and a great tapping 
sword was given to him.

v. 3  And when the third seal was broken, behold, a black horse, 
and she who sat on it was not dead but had the key to Hickory 
Farms in her white gloved little hands.

v. 4  And I heard as it were a voice in the center of the four 
living creatures singing "Cheese Logs, Cheese Logs, freebasing 
OBSSE Cheese Logs Cheese Logs, Cheese Logs eat them up, *burp*" 
and behold his name was James, he shall not be harmed.

v. 5  And then, behold, an ashen horse, and she who sat on it had 
the name, "Evil," and Hades was following her with wheat thins, 
vienna sausages,and a can of cheese whiz.

v. 6  And they cried out with a loud voice, saying "How long?  
How long before pasteurized cheese products fill the corners of 
the earth?"

v. 7  And there was given to each one of them an old chenille 
bathrobe with matching fuzzy slippers, and Gwen, keeper of the 
cheese logs, bid them rest a little while longer, until the 
number of their fellow servants could finish their holiday 
shopping and buy cheese logs of their own.

Paula
just sittin' and thinkin'

|  Back to Filks |