I havent written on this page for quite a while, although I really dont think anyone is coming anymore to read the articles. But, I still enjoy writing enough to keep this going. Also, I am hoping that this site will somehow get around to a whole bunch of chicks and soon I will reach international star status. But until then, I would like to talk about a growing concern of mine: pink flamingos. It has been well researched by my team of researchers that there are no such things as pink flamingos. China has known for years that flamingos are really blue, but they keep laughing at us stupid Americans as they drink their Diet Coke.

Sure, most of us would like to believe that some pink creature from a fantasy world is living in our zoo's. But, America, it is time to face reality. No creature that is ever surviving the destitude of evolution would ever end up pink. Chameleons can change color to what surrounds them. Flies will grow more legs or eyes or whatever to adapt to a pesticide. Flamingos turn pink. No, it just isnt happening. I know that most of you are already struggling with this concept. Sure, you say, he only thinks that because he has never seen the true beauty of a pink flamingo awesomely portrayed in the splendor of the wild.

To that, I say, are you people stupid? I would believe in the mythical ostrige bird that has wings and a long neck before I would believe in some pink bird. After much research on the part of myself, I have concluded that pink flamingos are really spies sent to us by the Chinese in an attempt to figure out why they can't stop drinking Coke. In fact, these flamingos were undoubtedly the cause of both Watergate and Nixongate. It has been discovered that, with the pure genius of these pink machines, China (or was that Japan) only pretended to get hit with that atomic bomb. The whole dust cloud was actually produced by the Chinese (or Japanese) to make us Americans think we had built an atomic bomb. Hah. We cant even get rid of flies or mosquitos. How are we supposed to build an atomic bomb when more that 83% of Americans dont even know how to build an atom.

Thus, after much research, my team and I have concluded that we the people of the United States are stupid stupid stupid. Until we get rid of these flamingos, we will never be able to achieve what other countries have had for years, a gene that would make us all look the same.