The purpose of today's article is to display to all of you unbelievers, the universal powers of the nerd. The thing the average person does not quite realize is that most of those functioning normally in today's society have served at one point in their lives as nerds. Take Bill Clinton, one day he went an entire second grade day with broccoli stuck in his teeth from breakfast. Bill Gates was once a very small unimportant nerd. Martha Stewart read cookbooks through her lonely childhood. Those who never experienced this real life training have since gone on to live much less civilized lives. Most of our sports stars never lived as nerds which is why they are all so stupid. The same goes to our actors that are consistently caught doing less than acceptable behaviors in public places. Most nerds avoid such conflicts because of the great trials and afflictions they went through during their schooling years. But why is one person classified as a social outcast when another is considered popular even though many people confess behind his back that they cannot stand him. What defines this social dilemna that occurs when a child is first made fun of by a cruel classmate. Suppose the tides were turned. Suppose all those great atheletes were despised by girls and discouraged from participation. These people will have their dues though. Most cannot function in normal society because they never really learned that they are not the best, that the world does not revolve around them. Such is the case with Kamas, the city I have lived in for the past 9 years. Because the ratio of nerds to non-nerds is very low, most children growing up here believe that they are destined for greatness, that society owes them a noble lifestyle and that they are chosen to be rulers over this people. The fact is that most will never leave this town because they made their own cousin pregnant forcing matrimony. The term used here by the nerdfolk (harsh but real) is Golden Butt. Simply put, these people believe that they have butts made of pure gold. Ugly women walk with their noses in the air with the false pretense that every guy on the street wants them. And many of the guys on the street actually want them because they believe the girls butt is gold also. The problem lies in the fact that the guys are stupid and blind, and the girls are totally ugly. Granted, those who choose not to believe in the value of their butt are okay and some girls are actually pretty here, but for the most part, no one here seems to grasp this concept. So here is a toast to my community, the one they call Kamas. The only thing that works in my favor coming from this community is the fact that I have spent my time as a nerd. And I am proud of it. I am eternally grateful for the many days I came home believing I could never compare to the greatness of my peers. I thank them again and again for inspiring me to work hard just to make them look bad. And most of all, I am very glad that my butt is not made of gold. That would be way too much of a weight to carry around. Plus it would force my nose up and I would become blind.