I screwed up!!
Well I think I did. I love you.
Emily, you are the only person who knows about this website. I don't know why I keep starting new ways of talking to you. Like the 2 notebooks, plus one lost. Anywho, you can tell anyone you want bout this website. But I dont think you're gonna do that. It wont bother me any.
I won't tell you whats on my mind too much on this. This site is just a reminder. You don't need a reminder but Here it is anyways.
---Rememeber---
•I love you
•I miss you
•I need you
•I want you
•That I belive we are soulmates
•I will always be there for you no matter what you do
•I am your best guy friend
•I hope to be more then just friends again
•I want you to be happy, even if it crushes me
•I try not to be hurt, but it does hurt anyways
•Take the last 10 items and multiply them by 103,274,982,379,401,034!!!
Well here are some questions that I have. You DO NOT have to answer them. But you can if you wish. Some of the questions I've already asked you, but it seemed like you are trying to protect my feelings. Thats why I keep asking you.
---Questions---
•Why didnt yo tell me you were going out with Steve?
•Do you still think about me all the time?
•Are you hurt when you think of me?
•If so, why?
•Do you belive that we are soulmates still?
•Do you want me back ever?
•Who do you see yorself with in the next year?
•Why do I have to love you so fucking much that it hurts when you're away?
Here are some conversations with our friends.
Amrit
Geoff
Vanessa
Mary 1
Mary 2
Zeno 1
Zeno 2
Steve (Mohawk)
Jenni
9-24-03 - Before I knew you went out with Steve
Emily.... I just don't know what to do anymore. I love you too much just to leave you and never talk to you again. But it hurts to love you when I see you with Steve. Like I said though, if you do go out with Steve, it is ok by me and I want to be the first to know. If find out from some one else, I will be crushed. Personally I dont want you to go out with anyone right now unless it were me. But even then if we'd went out right now, I woldnt be able to put all my trust in you. I do trust you more then anyone, but you cant have all my trust. I think you are keeping stuff from me all the time. I just hope and wish you would get the courage to tell me. I don't care if it would hurt me. I just dont want you to keep things from me. I try not to keep things from you, ut I do... If you ask me enough I just might tell you what.... if I remember.
I have been depressed alot lately because I have been remembering all the good and fun times I have had with you. I think it maybe one of those "steps" of getting over someone. I remember stuff like me carrying you on my shoulders, or the stars from before we went out. There is other stuff too... but I don't feel like writing a book.
I dont know what I am going to do. I want to stop coming over at night because it hurts me when the night is over with. When I am there at night, I feel loved by you so much... but then comes day and we have to go to school and you go by Steve. But I still want to come over at night because I do feel loved.
I just had a thought. Here it is... You want me to be happy so you feel better going out with steve. I may be happier at times, but it is quickly taken away and filled with sorrow.
I love you so much
I try to get over you somewhat so that I am not mad or jealous anymore. Doesnt work. I guess I am going to be miserable for a while...... I want you back :(
