Yep, so the image above is of Becks, aka David Beckham. He's only one of the world's richest, most famous, most inifinitely successful athletes. He's also really stylish. I can relate to that much at least. He's a role model of sorts. Anyway, brought back the journal because everyone else is doin' it. Thought I could go for it. Things will be a little different this time around. Cut out the counters and the IMChaos link from my profile. Not gonna be as intense as it used to be so a word of warning there for those readers who enjoyed that element, so, uh, sorry. Well, I'm not sorry actually, it's a journal, and I'm saying what I'm saying.


April 13th, 2004 9:00 AM

A lot has happened in 10 days. My basketball game is improving. But it's not the only game that's improving. Surprisingly, I'm actually gonna ask a girl out on a "date" this week. Pretty sweet. I hope she says yes, haha. Graham Colton Band put on a great show at The Shelter; I ran into my old camp director there. Great seeing him and I was really happy to hear that he thought GCB sounded 100 times better and really polished, as I respect his musical tastes being that he is from England. My new obsession to go along with playing basketball is to watch English Premier League Soccer on Fox Sports World every chance I get. Some of the best players in the world play across the pond, even if my boy Beckham switched over to the Spanish league. There are a lot of reasons that make it justifiable to me to annoint soccer as the best sport like the rest of the world has already done. No timeouts or commercials which is such a nice change of pace in comparison to the sponsor-driven United States sports. Teams just wear sponsors on their jerseys and that's it. Plus these athletes not only go 90 minutes straight with only two total subs allowed all game, but they use more body parts to control the ball than any other sport. I'll always love playing basketball and that's about the only sport I do love to play, but soccer is riveting competition. I've also noticed that reading is great too. Really relaxing and enlightening. It's everything people have told me it is. My parents are coming in this weekend. That's gonna be great. Can't wait to see them. Unfortunately it means my apartment has to be spotless so that I receive the acceptance of my perfectionistic mother. Unfortunately, I can't shake the perception of wanting her acceptance. I really need to break my perfectionistic/self-conscious cycle that has been perpetuated by these reminders of my mother ... and I need to be able to go out and make mistakes for myself and not worry about them. And not worry about appearing 100% perfection. So the potential for this week is high. Okay, kinda stifled (a BK word) right now. Gonna need to stop and pick this up later.

April 3rd, 2004 12:22 AM

Glorious day today for many reasons. Ran into Isken today, haven't seen him for a couple months. I love that kid, and I hope we're in LA at the same time this summer to hang out. Actually I just hope we hang out here at some point cuz we never seem to hit each other at the right times. One of us is always busy. Ah well, I still have an active social life regardless. Played some basketball at AEPi today. Held my own pretty well eventhough I struggled offensively in the first two games. Was on fire in the 3rd game, think I shot about 5 of 6, all jumpers, so pretty happy with that when we're only playing to 15. Definitely the MVP of that game, put my team up 12-11 with a long J and we never looked back after that. Then afterwards me and my boys went and got food at Wright which was exquisite, cuz honestly, how good are mashed potatoes, mac & cheese and fried chicken after playing hoops for like 2 hours? Certainly they taste better when they're free so that was great, big ups to Benny for that exchange. Also a great day today because I got a David Beckham Man. United Away Jersey on EBay for a total (shipping included) of $19.00. Incredible steal there. I came to AEPi in mesh shorts, a mesh tank and a Pistons' headband and Benny told me I didn't look very metrosexual (I hate that word, but the meaning is clear). We agreed that he was correct. We also agreed that I'm starting to shed that image (the effeminate style-obssesed image) a little in favor of some more laid-back urban styles. Variety is the spice of life. Speaking of variety, tomorrow I gotta present in French language on a piece of West African art. Not really worried, could probably do it in my sleep as I've done public speaking with ease for about 5 years now. The exciting thing, is although only half the class will be there for my presentation, that half includes Dina. She looked great today. For anyone who thinks foreigners are blind to American culture, she's got American fashion in a chokehold. I really need to grow the balls in the next 12 hours to ask her to hang out. She's very pretty in an enchanting, exotic way and it's not every day you get a chance to get to know someone from Dubai, so I'd really like to talk with her more and just get to know what her life is like as a Muslim (if that's not major difference enough) from half-way across the world. Even if nothing significant happens (ie. relationship), I'm always looking to expand my social life (which although great and void of complaints these days, can always be improved). Hell, adding a friend of her caliber would be significant. Sandy made a very funny point to me today as I've been talking seriously to him about Dina for a few weeks now. He noted that he met a girl and began a relationship in a shorter amount of time than it's taken me to just approach Dina beyond the casual conversations we've shared for about two months. Pretty funny stuff especially if you understand how relationship-crazed I've been in the past and how laid back Sandy is. Pot will do that or not do that in my case, I suppose. Man, basketball is great, I'm getting in such better shape and not only can I see the results in an aesthetic way, but I feel as if I'm in much better cardiovascular shape. And as I already mentioned my game itself is improving; my free throw shot is NASTY good. Things are nasty good. On a final note, people should be more vocal in their appreciation for Jordan Acker. He did a really nice thing for me today, selling a concert ticket he had for face value to a friend of mine he doesn't even know when he clearly wanted to sell it for more than face value. That was truly a kind-hearted gesture, and I thank him deeply. Everyone should thank him, or anyone for that matter, when they do something nice. Make it known, not only does it show gratitude, but hey, the other person might be touched by your graciousness. Well when I start giving advice it's time to call it a day. Big day tomorrow, just thought about combining the two big issues of the day: Perhaps I should ask Dina to watch the Final Four with me ... Sports and inviting girls not named Katie Freund or Ariana Blumenfeld ... bad idea. Maybe I'll just stick to the conventional dinner suggestion. Maybe I'll stop thinking about what I'm gonna do and just wait until it's time, and then do it. Ha, Floorfiller by A*Teens is on my Media Player right now, man I miss Carter.

April 1st, 2004 1:57 AM

Don't have time to say much right now although I'd like to say a good deal. Pretty busy as of late, got court tomorrow where I fight off two undeserved moving violations. Indiana law hasn't seen me yet, and that's a good thing, because I'm gonna knock them on their ass. I'm a great lawyer, basically haven't lost an argument to anyone besides my dad in my life, not about to lose one here in Marion "Yeehaw" County. T-shirt business planning is back off its hiatus. They are looking really promising, could be a big success. Got some great advertising plans ahead with that. Really need to do a better job studying, I'm lazy. It's okay though cuz I can just blame it all on circumstance (losing wallet, having car impounded, damaging computer and being without it for a week) but in truth, excuses don't really cut it. Gotta get it going in that department. I really think Dina is gorgeous. I dunno if our personalities are totally compatible, although we definitely get along. There just seems to be some sort of spark missing that I wish I got from talking to her. Either way I definitely feel like it's about time that we stop seeing each other randomly at bars and I make the effort to coordinate actual plans between us. Hopefully that will pan out, well actually I'm more concerned that I actually make an effort than anything. I am now able to understand from Spring Break that rejection is inevitable, so may as well go balls out. Man, life as a realist is so much better than a romantic (and by that I mean it in a literary sense, not in a cheesy, modern day hopeless romantic way), I might even get laid this way. Uh, ha?

March 24th, 2004 2:01 AM

Here's the deal. I'm not keeping this journal up any longer if I don't have like 5 or more people reading it. Just not worth it, I could just type all this shit up on my own personal files. So if this shit amuses you, you do me a favor, you visit:

http://universalrecords.com/universal_scroller.asp?page=musicvideos

you click on Graham Colton Band's "Don't Give Up On Me" then you IM me telling me what you think. I don't care if you think it sucks, I'm just trying to get the word out. I don't link this up to IMChaos anymore, but I want responses. If I don't get 5 or more by the end of the week I will be upset, hurt, etc. and without an online journal. Yeehaw.

March 23rd, 2004 1:01 AM

What a humor-filled day. While trying to regain my wallet from East Lansing, get over my mucus outbreak (a/k/a a cold or something like that) and trying to get a new ATM card, I managed to get two driving tickets today for not having registration (which I already have a ticket for and have failed to present my registration for forever, thank you Governor Schwarzenegger) and my car impounded, all for reversing perfectly normally into an illegally parked car with no lights on at 9 at night. Yeah, somehow that's clearly a ticket-worthy offense and this woman wants me to pay for the PAINT SCRATCHES in her car. HA. If this fool, who is actually a professor here, had half a brain, she would've been nice to me. Now she's going to court with me, she's not gonna get any money from me and I will win in court for my unsafe start ticket. Man that sucks for her. She basically wasted an hour of my time and got my car impounded for a paint scratch. I don't like to fight much anymore, because in the past I used to be vengeful and rage, but this was unnecessary. I even told the woman I had no license and was gonna get in ridiculous trouble but this woman didn't care and so she has it coming. Angry people get theirs. Karma, whatever you wanna call it, exists. It's funny how she's gonna wish after this that she hadn't called me a "motherfucker" because I slightly bumped her car. Man, that story is classic, way too many funny lines from the clearly below-level intelligence Indiana University Police Officers and this woman, so I'm not gonna get into that, but they're stored in my head for personal amusement. Yes, my life is one big crack-up and I'm beginning to love it more with each passing day. PS: My dad is the shit, a really smart guy and Dina is HOTT.

March 21st, 2004 9:09 PM

I realize what shit makes me angry: When I screw up. Okay, so that's a duh, but I'm gonna elaborate: When I lost my wallet this weekend I blamed myself, as I should. However, I made it out to be like I committed an ungodly blunder unknown to the race of humans. Basically, when I exagerate the extent of my wrongdoing ... I go nuts. That and that Von Dutch hat is fucking cursed. Long story on the Von Dutch hat, it originates in the city of New Orleans, I'm not really gonna tell the story of the Von Dutch hat curse that I have now inherited, but here's other Spring Break stories that I hope not to soon forget. For starters, my brother and his friends are the shit. Everyone says the more you grow up the more you appreciate family. No doubt, my brother is a funny, and despite what I thought often in the past, good-hearted person. Nothing is more clear than just looking at who he associates with, maybe not the classiest people, I mean honestly, what's classy about a guy named "Scruff", but seriously, these people are cool individuals with good heads on their shoulders. Had lots of fun going to bars with him, and having the same ID as him and still getting in, haha. I now know why my brother likes Reggae so much. It's been to him what pop music has been to me for a long time. It may not be lyrically diverse or rich most times, but you can fucking dance to that shit. Dancing and drinking beers while a reggae DJ spins, now I see why Will-E loves New Orleans. I'm never gonna find a reggae DJ around here, and I'm probably never gonna drink often around here, but New Orleans is different, haha. And his movie is good too, saw it in full, extremely rough-cut form, but was great to watch nonetheless. Of course my self-absobred nature leads me to point the need for more focus on me during my 20 seconds as an extra in the film, but I'm on camera making out with a hot chick, can I really complain? Well of course I can complain, but I won't. New Orleans was great, what an interesting town, now I know why Sandy was so jealous that I got to go there. New Orleans was great, so was U-M before that. Seeing Rachel was mentally amusing, was definitely nervous prior to the meeting, definitely thought I'd somehow find a way to get some well-deserved post breakup ass out of it ... Both feelings definitely fell through as soon as I got there. That 2 hours was awkward but certainly not unpleasant, could go down in history as the least dramatic way I've said goodbye to someone cuz honestly I'm never seeing that girl again, and that's fine, that was a long time in life ago. I pick up Benjie's habits after being around him for the past few days. He's really a great guy, but man he's contagious like a fine pop song. That last sentence fragment about being the least dramatic goodbye ever was worded exactly how he would word it, I could just hear him saying that line aloud. So BK brings us to MSU, which despite losing my wallet which has thankfully now resurfaced in an East Lansing Police Station, MSU was a great time. I realized on the infamous bus ride back from Windsor that I'm really becoming more patient. A lot of people were upset with the drunks and were yelling at them. Yelling doesn't make them any less drunk or loud, I'm beginning to understand that when shit like that is going on, just accept it and try and ignore that. I certainly was oblivious to that sweet little insight before. But honestly, after that night in Windsor, I am sick of hearing people imitate Dave Chappelle imitate Lil' Jon with that "Yeah, What, Okay" stuff. I heard that enough times this past weekend to fill me up on it for the rest of my life. MSU was fun though, taught me a lot about life in like 72 hours, and also how I know NOTHING about NCAA Basketball except that Kentucky is/was overrated; I knew that much for sure and it was confirmed today. But yeah, MSU taught me worrying about rejection is often ridiculous. Practicing what I preach is gonna take a LOT of time to become natural on that subject, but hey, I'm better off than yesterday. I also learned, my dancing skills, are better than I thought but at the same time worse than I thought. I've always been a crazy dancer, but for the first time in my life I competed in a dance-off at a club (Something I've always secretly wanted to do for as long as I can remember.) And I got SPANKED like a little kid who ate cookies before dinner. I really need to improve my pop-n-lock routines because this kid at the club basically made me look as bland as spaghetti without sauce (which figures, since I love spaghetti without sauce). I mean yeah, I re-affirmed that I'm a WAY above-average dancer because when people were watching me kick it they were definitely impressed, but those are people who probably are average to below-average dancers. In an actual circle of people who can dance, I'd be laughed out. But hey, it's something to shoot for. Moral of the story is, I dunno what it is actually, you tell me. Yeah, that's about it, plenty of other Spring Break stories, maybe I'll recall some more of them later.

March 21st, 2004 8:01 PM

Gotta get that dirt off ya shoulders Thank god for the police. I can't believe I'm saying that. Way to go on keeping my wallet on lock-down motherfuckers, big ups to the police, thank you for gettin' that dirt off my shoulder. Yeah, a TON more to say, but I am fucking spent, so maybe later tonight, or tomorrow, or later this week? Yeah, and damn, that Jay-Z single is H-O-T.

March 12th, 2004 2:26 AM

For starters, I remember when I first wrote these entries I used to obsess over making sure the start time was accurate. I dunno why, but if I forgot to add the start time, I felt I had to start over with the whole entry. That was really rather silly. All my obsessions were rather silly, not to say they're all gone, cuz they're not. I suppose a lot of stuff I used to do was silly. In the past year I've experienced a lot and been fortunate enough to have the experiences I've had. Even the ulcer in my esophagus was a great experience, honestly. If it wasn't for that I probably would still to think to this day that everything is my own fault. I've had my eyes opened up to how much of my life I spent acting like a child, basically all of it. But all that is changed now, which is great. Things that I do on an everyday basis may seem rather meaningless, but they're great strides for me. I finally found my self-esteem at about the turn of 2004. Really, it logically akes sense that I never had any. As I child I was never given any responsibility, was I allowed any responsibility. My mom coddled me and so I was never raised with the perception that I was capable. When I failed, it was all my fault and all I could remember was my mother's perfectionistic standards. When I succeeded, it wasn't because of me, it was dumb luck, a function of chance. This all makes perfect sense, and now that I've realized that I'm an adult and it's not what was that matters but what is that matters, I've taken control of it, that's really great. I do things for myself. Yeah they seem small, like decorating my apartment how I want to, not relying on my mother's "superior" interior designing skills. Even dumb shit like budgeting money, running errands, remembering to check my mailbox, everything is within my control and I have the necessary tools and skills to complete these tasks. Still not gonna shake the perceptions of looks though. I mean why else would I be so fond of Becks? First and foremost Beckham is admired for his physical gifts ... his body, his athletics, and his facial features. Those are major concerns in my life. I work out. I play basketball, I try my damndest to keep up with skin care (more consistently than I ever have before in my life, despite the stupid, sometimes downright goofy explanations I gave.) Yeah, quick cure-alls make no sense. If I fucked shit up on my face one day, it wasn't gonna go away overnight. It comes with sold, patient, dedication. Things never change overnight. I used to pick at the acne on my face nonstop. Yeah, that's as gross to type out as it sounds in my head. Wow. It's safe to say that is an obsession for me. I'm terribly embarassed by that character trait (which I'd say is like 90% in control today when itused to be like 20% months ago). In fact, I'm still obsessed. Even the site of minor, minor acne sometimes infuriates me. I also can't walk by a mirror without admiring (more like inspecting, although on good hair days, definitely admiring) my appearence. We all have our hang-ups. If this is my worst, so be it. If I give it enough solid patient dedication, it'll improve even more from it's current state, which despite my constant self-criticism and neuroses, isn't bad by any means. Also on tap to be improved over time with solid patient dedication is my physique. Yeah, it's no secret, I'm really skinny. I wear girls jeans sometimes. Oh well, it happens, hopefully not for too much longer. I' already making strides, that's great. Can't be much worse than when I was throwing up every day (which I now know was in large part due to excessive acid in my digestive system which caused an esophagial ulcer) and I was down to like 100 pounds. I'm healthy nowadays, even slightly back above what was my resting weight before that whole ordeal. Improved overall health seems to be the general trend for me these days which is great. My temper is finally in check, although I have yet to fully tame the inner hyperness, oh well. I even can look at red Jeep Wranglers without having to think that I'm gonna run into Makenzi. That obsessive thought that I had for a while after we broke up was fairly silly, at least it wasn't a totally creepy one or harmful in any way. But yeah, that was a weird thing. But things are cool now. So how about them Muslims? Heeheehee. Yep, still got the Benjie Klein laugh, so you gotta love that. Hmmm ... Maybe I will go for that mohawk. Was just thinking about that just now. Not necessarily a true "mohawk", more like a faux hawk, but yeah, been conteplating going with that for a while, probably will end up sticking to my original guns, which was to grow my hair out really long which i'm actually halfway successful at, at the moment. Yeah, that pretty much brings me up to speed with me. This journal thing is great, dunno what's gonna come of it, but it felt really good to speak truthfully of the acne thing, not gonna lie, that's like my ultimate self-depricating act. So, glad that I cleared the air about that with myself cuz I really don't even admit it to myself. So if I got that out to me, then I made a success out of this for the night. G'night.

March 2003 Entries

April 2003 Entries

May 2003 Entries

June 2003 Entries

This is the online journal of a nutcase. If you enjoy mine (or not) this one's certainly more bizarre.

Here's another journal written by one of my friends. Swing by it if you can. Cheers mate.