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You know, what I've put in this article speaks for itself, but i'm gonna say something here anyway. Back in the 80's, you could get away with so much. That's why when i'm in the mood for something cheesy and obnoxious, I go to the video store and see what sorts of things I can find. And I can always count on old wrestling videos to deliver the goods. I especially like the parts when the wrestlers talk trash to the camera (which i am told is known as a promo shot), because whenever emotions get involved, even fake emotions, rational thought goes right out the window.
Here's Andre the Giant, and I know he's French and all, but I mean, what the hell? Take it away Andre
"HA, I was in ringside for sure, and I get enough of that weasel family. And that’s why I come here, to have-a to make-a respect for everybody else. And Bobby Heenan, the weasel, I’m gonna tell you; I’m proud to become american citizen. And I’m proud to be, the partner together best partner EVER I ever got, and believe me we are going to keep the law and order. I would do any time."
Here's Andre, choking the patriarch of the "weasel family." Uhm...
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Ever wish you could read someone's mind? Well, here you can, because I'm sure that whatever was going through Macho Man's mind came straight out his mouth. I'm not sure this really does Mach any justice, but then I'm not really sure that he had any idea what he was saying either.
"WOO! Emotions HIGH, emotions LOW, emotions EVERYWHERE IN BETWEEN! Am I supposed to feel….GOOD? Am I supposed to feel…BAD? Am I supposed to feel CONFUSED? A state of confusion I AM IN! But I’ll tell you that the Ultimate Warrior, 1-2-3, took the Macho King and the kingdom of the madness and CRACKED IT IN HALF! OOOOOH YEEEEAH! But at the same time, Gene Okerlund…yeah…I’m thinking that YEAH I’m thinking…Elizabeth…YEAH….yeeeah….wild happenings and I’m thinking UP, DOWN, and in the MIDDLE, I feel uh, yeah, mixed emotions, do you know what I’m talking about, mixed emotions? I WANNA GO IN THE RING AND FIGHT AGAIN but at the same time I’m looking at, duh Elizabeth, right there. And who couldn’t be a winner, RIGHT THERE. At the same time, I’m looking at Elizabeth right there. It was wild, it was different, it was aaawesome.  (pause) DOWN THE PIKE!!!!! Does anyone really know what’s gonna happen DOWN THE PIKE? (to Elizabeth) Do YOU know what’s gonna happen down the pike? Do YOU KNOW, Mean Gene, what’s gonna happen down the pike? …don’t have a clue. The Macho King, the kingdom of the madness is cracked in half! I have to GO ON! ELIZABETH! RIGHT THERE! …yes you are. Ultimate Warrior, I’ll tell you somethin,’ I’VE FACED THE BEST! And you took it, 1-2-3,…yeah. Mean Gene Okerlund, I’m OUTTA HERE!!! Yeah! OOOOOH YEAH!!!!!!
Here's Mach with Hulk Hogan. I'm sorry I ever said fanny packs weren't cool.
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