Such As We Are Made Of, Such We Be

Chapter Two

The gang trudged one by one into the quietness of the library as most of Sunnydale High’s other students made their way home. Nobody thought it was unusual for them to stay late in the library. Nobody ever questioned it.

“So, you should maybe talk to Faith as soon as you can,” Willow advised as the subject matter of the day rolled around once again. “Maybe you could patrol with her tonight if she’s still around.”

“Maybe,” Buffy mumbled without conviction.

It’s not that she didn’t want to patrol with Faith, or talk to her – she very much wanted to talk to her – but she was worried about how Faith would be. Things could only be awkward and strained between them after not speaking for three days.

“We could come with,” Xander suggested, looking far too happy about that prospect. “Be your wingmen, and maybe bring a video camera for posterity.”

He was grinning, and clearly indulging in some images best kept to himself.

“Stop thinking about it,” Buffy warned, slapping him in the midriff with the back of her hand as they turned down the library corridor.

She wasn’t entirely comfortable with Xander thinking about her doing the deed with Faith, even if it was – and had been – hot as hell.

“Hey, you can’t exactly blame me, Buff,” he stated with a grimace. “Maybe if you told us more about it I could stop making up whole scenarios in my head.”

“Um, can I opt out of the whole being told thing?” Willow asked, raising her hand.

She was pulling a face that made it quite clear she’d find any kind of in-depth description a traumatic experience.

“There will be no re-telling of that night’s events,” Buffy assured, letting her own mind wander to that night just a little and finding a salacious smile teasing at her lips.

“Ok, that’s so not fair,” Xander whined, pointing at her grin. “You can’t smile all dirty grin-like and expect me not to keep thinking about it. In fact, I might need some sketches to go along with these things in my head.”

This time Willow batted him in the stomach, far harder than Buffy had. He made an oof sound and bent over, holding his stomach and glaring at Willow.

“Behave,” she warned. “This is a difficult time for Buffy.”

“Sorry,” he mumbled, giving Buffy his best wounded puppy look.

Buffy shook her head and chuckled, feeling thankful for having such good friends despite her rotten mood. In fact, her friends were pretty amazing when it came right down to it and she knew she was incredibly lucky to have them. Maybe everything would work out in the end.

“Come on,” she instructed with a laugh, pushing her way into the library.

But then maybe it wouldn’t.

“Hey, B,” Faith greeted with a curt nod as the gang all strolled towards her. “Guys.”

Willow and Xander both looked at Buffy and back to Faith, faces clearly indicating that they didn’t know what to say.

“Hi,” Buffy replied quietly, dropping her bag onto the counter.

Her breath seemed caught in her chest and her stomach twisted and turned. The last time she’d seen Faith was as she’d looked back at her from the motel doorway. Faith had still been naked; the sheet barely held up to her chest as she’d watched Buffy leave. It was difficult looking at her now and not seeing the memory of the hurt expression on her face, remembering the way her body felt after a night with Faith making her scream her name, recalling how good it was, but then how scared she’d become by morning.

Faith was hovering by the table and Giles was mumbling about something in his office. Buffy knew she should just try to pretend that nothing was wrong, or strange, but everything felt off and uneasy. This wasn’t going to be simple and she couldn’t help but feel stupid for having avoided Faith for the past few days. She’d only managed to make things more difficult than they might have otherwise been.

“I’m glad you popped in, Buffy,” Giles said as he breezed out of his office and dumped yet more books onto the already overflowing table. “I was just telling Faith about how the dual existence of two slayers has happened before.”

Buffy nodded, not really paying attention as she noticed how her friends were still looking uncomfortable as they slowly occupied some seats. They didn’t seem to know where to look, and were being oddly quiet. Pretty soon it would become obvious to Giles that something was wrong, and the last thing Buffy needed was her watcher snooping into her sex life.

“Cool,” Buffy said, a little too enthusiastically. “Um. . .I think.”

Faith chuckled and shook her head, but it didn’t sound like she was laughing with Buffy, more like at her. It made Buffy even sadder; the prospect of things between them going backwards really not filling her with happy thoughts and feelings.

“I’ve yet to read all the details and it was a very long time ago, but interesting certainly,” Giles said with a kind smile. “Now, do you have anything to tell me about your patrol last night?” he asked, looking at both Faith and Buffy.

Of course, he’d be expecting them to have patrolled together. There was no reason to think otherwise.

“It was quiet,” Buffy answered, glancing over at Faith and trying not to notice that she looked kind of – somewhat totally - hot that day.

“Yeah,” Faith muttered, corroborating Buffy’s reply.

She was avoiding Buffy’s eyes and seemed unusually nervous; her feet shuffling around and making little squeaking noises on the floor. Buffy looked down at Faith’s boots – the same ones she’d helped Faith pull off just a few nights ago. She was wearing tight leather pants and a small top, and Buffy had to force her gaze away before it became really obvious she was staring, and possibly drooling.

“So, no new demons or vampire nests we should be aware of?” Giles asked, causing Buffy to quickly snap her head to the right to look at him rather than continuing to ogle Faith.



“Well that’s good,” Giles stated, sounding somewhat disappointed.

The quietness in the library was becoming unbearable and Buffy wished her friends would just act normally, even if they didn’t feel like it. If she had to stand around trying not to gaze at Faith any longer, she’d do something or say something really stupid, as was her way when she felt antsy. She gave Xander a lingering look that she hoped conveyed her imminent distress.

“Soooo,” Xander began, breaking the silence with a little too much gusto, “we goin’ Bronzing this weekend?”

Giles took that as a cue to go about his library business, leaving the rest of them hanging around awkwardly in the middle of the room.

“That sounds like a good idea,” Willow added, doing something strange with her eyebrows that probably indicated that Buffy should agree.

“Sure,” Buffy said, quickly catching Faith’s eyes but not seeing any hints to how she was feeling.

“Maybe Faith could come too,” Willow pressed, now jerking her head in Faith’s direction as well as doing the weird thing with her eyebrows.

Buffy furrowed her brow and noted the anxious expression starting to form on Faith’s face. This situation was about to go from bad to worse. Faith didn’t like pity. She despised it.

“Of course,” Buffy quickly agreed, smiling at Faith. “You should definitely come with us. In fact, we won’t take no for an answer. It’ll be fun. Funner than fun.” She was babbling now and on track to making a complete idiot of herself. “You like fun, and dancing. There’s dancing at the Bronze.”

“I think Faith knows what happens at the Bronze, Buffy,” Xander interrupted, gaining him a grateful sigh from Buffy.

She looked down at her feet as Faith locked her eyes on her, making her feel vulnerable and guilty.

“Sounds like fun,” Faith replied, the heavy hint of sarcasm clinging to each word. “If I’m around I’ll stop by.”

If she’s around? What did that mean? Buffy didn’t like the sound of that. Of course, she had no right to ask, or feel put out by Faith’s attitude; if it hadn’t been for Buffy’s own actions then Faith wouldn’t have been like this with her at all. She realised she couldn’t leave things the way they were. It was beyond awkward and only set to get worse. If she was going to salvage something with Faith – even friendship – then she needed to do something.

Ignoring her friends for the moment and stepping closer to Faith, Buffy took more of a risk than she thought she was ready for.

“Faith, we probably need to talk,” she said softly so that Giles wouldn’t hear. “Can we?”

She hovered close to Faith, feeling her friend’s gazes searing into her back. Pushing down her instinct just to leave things to fix themselves, Buffy refused to let her fear get the better of her even though Faith’s face was hard - closed off and obviously not in the mood to let Buffy in again.

“I need to apologize,” Buffy told her.

Faith gave her an incredulous look, crossing her arms, hardening her jaw, and letting the warmth Buffy had always just about been able to see give way to a coldness in her eyes. That coldness gave her a chill down her spine, and she never wanted to see it again. If Faith wouldn’t talk to her then there was no hope for them. They would just continue as before. No, they’d be more distant than before; their friendship had actually been going well until that night. Buffy wanted that back. She hoped they could be ok, and perhaps be something more than just friends. . .if Faith was willing to try that.

Running a hand through her straightened hair, Faith took an apparent breath, glancing over at Xander and Willow. She turned back to Buffy with a suspicious expression.

“They know don’t they,” she stated, her husky voice igniting the desire in Buffy that she’d previously been able to ignore.

She couldn’t ignore it now, not after what they’d shared.

Though their night together had been unexpected, it also wasn’t all that surprising on many levels, especially after the way they’d opened up to each other. There had always definitely been an attraction for Faith that Buffy couldn’t just put down to some juvenile crush. She was old enough to know what desire was and what it felt like, and she had that for Faith. It had been there from the start. Out of fear she’d pushed it down or used their slayer connection as an excuse for it, but she’d always known the truth. When she’d look at Faith and take long minutes just imagining what her lips felt like, she knew what it was she felt. There was no escaping it even if it did scare the hell out of her.

The night it had all come to a head had started like any other night. They’d met to patrol and swept through the smaller cemeteries before heading to Restfield. They had a tip off that at least three new vampires were going to rise out of their graves that night. Rather than wait for them to be running amok amongst the gravestones, they decided to lay in wait for them. New vampires tended to rise at a particular time of night, so they knew they could get the jump on them if they just sat around a short time with their stakes at the ready.

Three nights ago. . .

“Guess this is the spot,” Faith pointed out, nodding towards three fresh graves sat side by side.

Buffy strode towards them, checking to see if they’d been disturbed yet. The graves were all in tact; little temporary headstones marking them. Apparently they were all roommates at college, turned by a vampire and his posse in the hopes of building a small army. It wasn’t unusual; vampires always thought they could gather more to strengthen their numbers, and then launch an attack on the resident slayer. It never worked out for them.

“They shouldn’t be too strong,” Buffy said needlessly.

“Been a slow night; coulda done with a good fight,” Faith grumbled, looking around for somewhere to sit.

Buffy watched her as Faith pulled off her jacket and laid it out in front of a large headstone. She made a chivalrous gesture for Buffy to sit down on it and Buffy gave her a grateful, girlie smile. They’d been getting along so much better lately; getting used to how different they were, learning to accommodate each other and minimize the risk of unnecessary arguments.

“Thanks,” Buffy said as she flopped down onto the denim jacket, placing her stake beside her.

She tried to leave enough room for Faith to sit too, even though it didn’t look like Faith expected to be offered a seat on her own jacket.

“Here,” she said, patting the small space next to her.

Faith hesitated, but then sat down, not doing a very good job of hiding the fact she was trying not to get too close. It was just another clue for Buffy, and she was piecing them all together, coming to the conclusion that Faith liked her. Not just in a best buddy way either.

It had worried Buffy at first, but she was getting used to it. She was also getting used to the fact she kind of felt the same. Despite the fact she was supposed to be making a go of things with Angel again, she just couldn’t get Faith out of her mind. Everything about Faith appealed to her; even her stubbornness and impudence. There had to be a point where she gave up fighting, and it was getting close. Buffy could no longer ignore the way she looked at Faith, and the way she thought about her. She could no longer deny that she wanted Faith to like her, and that she was actually encouraging her now. It was wrong - she had a boyfriend – but Buffy couldn’t help herself.

“I’m itching for a good slay,” Faith stated as they sat side by side with their backs against the headstone behind them. “Gettin’ all antsy with these quiet nights.”

Buffy could tell; Faith had been hopping around all night, full of unspent energy and bravado. It would have annoyed her a month or so ago, but it actually made her smile now. Faith’s enthusiasm rubbed off on her, and she liked seeing her be all giddy and carefree. It made Faith seem younger – or her age at least - and she let go of some of her defences and the angst that sat heavy on her shoulders most days.

“I know what you mean,” Buffy agreed.

“Yeah?” Faith asked, sounding like she couldn’t quite believe that Buffy would own up to that fact.

“Yeah,” Buffy replied, smiling over at Faith as the other girl looked at her doubtfully. “I like slaying too yunno, just not quite as intensely as you do.”

She laughed so that Faith would know she was only joking with her and Faith chuckled as she shook her head.

“Always knew you were a sly one, B,” Faith jibed, elbowing Buffy in the side as she grinned all triumphantly.

“Hey, I never said I didn’t like it. . .you just assumed.”

“Was a little hard not to, Twinkie,” Faith pointed out. “All that talk of it being some kinda burden, how it didn’t do anything for ya, and the whole low fat yoghurt crap. Never believed it for a second.”

Buffy’s eyes went a little wide. Were they still talking about slaying?

“We’re still talking about slaying right?” she asked, giving Faith a funny look.

“Well I was, but now I don’t know. What just went through that pretty little head of yours?”

Looking away so she wouldn’t blush about exactly what did go through her head these days where Faith was concerned, she felt it was probably better to just change the subject. As much as she liked the progress they were making with each other and where it was headed, she was still scared. It was still new and somewhat terrifying.

“We shouldn’t be waiting for these vamps much longer,” Buffy said abruptly, looking at her watch.

Avoiding looking back at Faith – mainly because she knew she’d see a smug smile at having been caught out – Buffy wrapped her arms around herself and gazed up at the stars above. The sky was clear, which made star gazing possible, but it also meant that there was a slight chill in the air.

“You cold, B?” Faith asked, thankfully going with the change of subject.

She appeared to be shivering a little herself and Buffy felt bad for sitting on her jacket.

“A little,” she confessed. “Are you? I can just sit on the ground if you. . .”

“It’s cool,” Faith interrupted.

Buffy couldn’t help but smile warmly at Faith, enjoying the way it made Faith’s eyes sparkle. Faith had started to become more and more kind to Buffy over the last month; sweet even. She was still all crude jokes and balls to the wall attitude, but it was tempered by a new, caring disposition when it came to Buffy.

“Exactly,” Buffy pointed out.

“I didn’t mean that.”

“I know.”

They shared a smile this time and Buffy allowed her gaze to drift over Faith – as subtly as possible. She could see that Faith was indeed a little chilly, as her tight top left very little to the imagination. Looking away quickly, Buffy felt her own nipples harden, but from something other than the cool air.

“So,” Buffy began, hoping she’d gotten away with her little bit of ogling, stalling when she realised she had nothing more to say.

“Is there a sentence that goes with that?” Faith asked, snickering at her.

“Apparently not,” Buffy confessed, laughing along with Faith.

“You’re pretty special yunno, B. Like short-bus special.”

“Funny,” Buffy responded sarcastically. “I’m just a little. . .”

“Blonde? Retarded? Short changed on the brain cell front?”

Buffy gave Faith a whack in the arm, rolling her eyes but feeling unable to get mad at her. She was just being Faith; finding any reason and any possible way to have a joke at Buffy’s expense. She knew now that Faith didn’t mean it, and that it wasn’t meant in a way that others might think. Like a little boy in a playground, Faith was metaphorically pulling Buffy’s hair because she liked her.

“No, I’m just a little. . .” Buffy ran her bottom lip through her teeth and then turned towards Faith a little more. “What’s going on with us?” she asked hurriedly.

Faith furrowed her brow, peering intently at Buffy as if she had no idea what answer was expected of her.

“What do you mean?” Faith questioned, her face almost comically twisted in complete puzzlement.

It was quite adorable.

“I mean. . .this,” she replied, failing to actually explain herself at all.

“You mean sitting in a graveyard waitin’ to slay ‘this’? Or another ‘this’?”

Buffy took a breath and instantly wished she could travel back in time a few minutes so she could slap herself for ever having broached the subject. But it had needed to be broached; they couldn’t go on pretending there was nothing running under the surface of their ‘friendship’ in the way they had. It was getting silly, and irritating, not to mention frustrating. If they didn’t talk about it soon there was the strong possibility that they’d turn the situation between them on its head and start arguing again. Buffy didn’t like the prospect of things going bad between them once more.

“These mixed signals, Faith,” Buffy said softly, gazing into Faith’s brown eyes. “I’m not exactly sure what they mean.”

For a second it looked like Faith was about to refute that there were any signals to be confused about, but then something changed and she looked at Buffy with complete honesty.

“You tell me, B,” she said. “I never know how to read you. You’re not exactly an open book.”

Buffy couldn’t deny that; she’d spent a lot of her time misleading Faith and all out lying to her – certainly about Angel. She’d done it to protect herself, but now she wasn’t sure she wanted to continue to protect herself from what she felt. It was pretty futile.

“But I’m not making it up am I?” Buffy pressed. “There is. . .something.”

With a smile that Buffy rarely saw from Faith – as it was neither a grin nor a smirk – Faith nodded.

“There’s something,” she admitted. “For me at least.”

Her last words seemed less confident, like she was unsure how Buffy would react. Buffy couldn’t blame Faith for being cautious. As far as Faith knew Buffy was completely straight, and unavailable. Both were true, or at least until recently.

“Well I’m glad it wasn’t all in my head or I’d be looking pretty silly right now,” Buffy said with a nervous chuckle.

“Silly is normal for you, B,” Faith pointed out before continuing. “But what do we do about. . .this? Last I checked you were all loved up with Angel.”

Though she couldn’t quite believe they were actually having this conversation, it was a good thing. Even if it didn’t go anywhere it was best to be honest.

Sighing, unable to really explain what she had with Angel and how it affected things, Buffy twisted around a little way, moving back against the headstone and rubbing at her arms. The cold was beginning to become an issue and she really wished they could just go; but a slayer had to do what a slayer had to do.

“I wouldn’t exactly call it loved up,” Buffy responded quietly. “But you’re right, this could get pretty complicated.”

She heard Faith shuffling next to her and almost leapt up in shock when she felt arms wrap around her. Faith pulled Buffy into her so she was resting back against her shoulder instead of the cold stone, Faith’s warm body instantly making Buffy relax.

“So do you think we should ignore the fact we wanna get wriggly with each other?” Faith asked.

Buffy didn’t think she could ignore it anymore, but they couldn’t just leap into something. Not only did she have to consider Angel, but she also had to consider the fact that Faith really wasn’t relationship material. She doubted it would go beyond the getting wriggly, and she couldn’t quite decided if that was worth the risks she’d be taking. Either way, Buffy knew they shouldn’t recklessly leap into bed with each other; as much as the thought made Buffy’s stomach flop around, she’d never been the kind of girl to go so fast.

“I don’t think I can ignore it,” Buffy replied, feeling surprisingly comfortable against Faith. “But I don’t think I’m ready to do anything about it yet. And there’s Angel; we’re still. . .yunno.”

Feeling Faith’s body stiffen slightly, Buffy was worried she’d just blown any future chance with her. She was trying to be honest and open for once, but of course that didn’t mean she wouldn’t mess everything up. For now she just wanted to stay close to Faith. Feeling the rise and fall of her chest and the strong arms around her made Buffy that much closer to just letting go with Faith. Her warmth was delicious and scent intoxicating. There was no way this could be wrong.

“I get it, B,” Faith said, sounding somewhat put out. “If I’m getting this right then it sounds like you’re hot for me. . .but you’re still hotter for him.”

She sounded almost sad, though she was trying to hide it from her voice. Buffy knew her well enough to detect it, though. Turning around slightly in Faith’s arms, almost purring at the way Faith’s breast brushed against her upper arm, Buffy looked into her eyes.

“I’m not saying that,” she said tenderly. “This is just totally new to me.”

“Yunno, it’s new for me too,” Faith confessed, taking Buffy back a little.

“I thought maybe you’d. . .”

“Yeah, well you thought wrong,” she informed Buffy, turning her eyes away from her as she spoke softly.

Faith’s arms were beginning to release Buffy as Faith obviously decided being this close and tender was no longer necessary. Buffy didn’t like that; she’d been enjoying Faith’s thoughtful gesture to keep her warm. She’d been enjoying how good it felt to be held by Faith. It felt different than being held by a boy or a man, but a good kind of different. She supposed there would be a lot of good kind of ‘differents’ about being with a girl. It made her smile.

“I think I just need a little time,” Buffy said, letting Faith drop her arms and move away.

“Take all the time in the world, B.”

Faith definitely sounded upset now; the bad kind of upset that meant she was actually kind of pissed about the situation. Though she wasn’t meaning to, Buffy guessed it probably felt a little like she was leading Faith on.

“We got company,” Faith continued before Buffy could say anything, or put things right.

She looked towards the graves and saw hands breaking the barrier of the fresh soil, grabbing for the surface. Before she knew it Faith was launching herself forwards at the new vampires, eager to slay. That of course meant that her eagerness would cause her to be sloppy, and possibly dangerous.

“Faith, wait!” Buffy called out, getting to her feet as Faith rushed ahead.

“The waiting game is your deal, B,” Faith answered sardonically. “I’m not the type to wait around.”

There was a hidden meaning to that but Buffy didn’t have time to dwell on it. She wasn’t stupid, however, and realised that Faith was giving her a warning. Faith probably wasn’t going to give Buffy the time to decide what to do about them. It was now or never. That didn’t exactly sound fair, but Faith had never been one to play by everyone else’s rules.

As Buffy got hold of her stake she watched Faith pull one of the vampires out of the ground forcibly, throwing him into a large tree and grinning evilly at the loud crack it made. She didn’t waste time staking him just yet, turning towards the other two vampires Buffy was now approaching.



Email Dylan  |  Dylan's Twitter  |  Dylan's YouTube Channel

Website designed and maintained by Dylan

Please note that most stories on the site are rated NC17

All Rights Reserved.
No infringement of copyright is intended for the shows and characters contained herein.
The author makes no profit from these stories.