Well, it’s been almost two weeks. Things are going pretty fucking good - for my life. I think I’m actually being. . .a happy person or something. It’s weird how just being with Buffy like this is making me feel a whole lot better about me. And we’re not even together properly. No big announcements, no dating, no sex. . .yet.
She’s been making it real hard for me to keep my hands off her, though. God that girl knows how to flirt. Sometimes it’s really subtle, like she’ll just touch me a certain way, or smile at just the right time. When I’m with her, even if there are other people around, she makes me feel like I always have her attention, and she’s certainly got mine.
It’s killing me when we go out slaying together. She looks so fucking hot when she’s dusting undead ass. All concentraty and shit. Makes me just wanna jump her. Doesn’t help that I’m horny as hell when we’re done. Definitely doesn’t help when she is too, 'cause her flirting goes through the roof.
I love doing it with her, though - slaying I mean. Giles got us training together, then finally we got to go do some dusting, just the two of us. Like old times, we moved almost as one. . .Jesus, I sound like the karate kid. Gotta get a grip, but it’s so sweet.
Just the other night after finishing off a couple of idiot vamps, we came back to Giles’ to grab some munchies. I’d been doing my best all night not to notice the way she was dressed. She had on the tightest top I think I’ve ever seen her wear, and it was white, almost see through for Christ sakes. And her pants were low slung, and also tight. Man, I nearly creamed myself when I picked her up at college.
I tried to ignore the fact she was looking really hot, and get on with the slaying. I think at one point I was doing it with my eyes closed so I couldn’t see her moving around all graceful like she does when she’s kicking ass. She just about burns everything up around her, including me.
So anyway, we got back and rummaged around Giles’ kitchen. I found some cooked chicken and dove into it. Buffy helped herself to some fucking yoghurt. I know she had to be hungry enough to eat a horse - just like me - but she’s so worried about what people think of her.
“That all you gonna eat?” I asked and I got such a mischievous grin from her, I knew as soon as I’d said it I shouldn’t have.
She moved closer to me, almost like she was gonna pounce on me at any minute, her tight little body all wound up and coming straight at me, all slow and sexy. I’ve never been one to back away from anything, but I did right then - right into the kitchen counter with nowhere to go. She got right in front of me, that grin still teasing. Her hands moved to rest on the counter either side of me. I was trapped.
She licked her lips and I knew I wasn’t going anywhere. I couldn’t, Buffy was fucking hypnotising me or something. So I just waited. I’d lost any hope of getting control of the sitch. I was horny and she was horny. Then she looked deep into my eyes, and I felt lost in them. Lost in her. Fuck, it was intense.
She lifted her lips to mine but didn’t linger there, she was playing with me and there was nothing I could do about it. I wanted her so much, but I didn’t want to back out of our agreement. So I let her nibble at my lower lip before she kissed her way to my chin, then along my jaw to my ear.
I was practically a quivering wreck, and my heart was beating so fast. The grip I had on the counter behind me was almost cracking the fake marble. I was restraining myself so much, knowing if I allowed myself to touch her I would have taken her right then and there on the floor of Giles’ kitchen. I’d never felt so turned on like that, and she was barely doing anything, but she had all my senses aroused.
I could smell her, nothing but her. The soap she’d used that day, the sweet smell of her fresh sweat brought on by a hard fight. Most of all, I could smell how wet she was. For me. I wanted to drop to my knees and just push my face into her, breathe her in. But I didn’t, that would have been far too tempting, because I would have quickly moved right on to wanting to taste her.
So I let her gently kiss around my ear, her hot breath blowing over the dampness her lips left behind. She knew exactly what she was doing - the few times we’d kissed in the past week teaching her just where my soft spots were. My neck, and my ears. She’d found those out pretty quickly. Just like I’d discovered she loves my teeth on her throat, nipping at her. I made sure we didn’t kiss too often though. I have a low tolerance level - we’d have been fucking like rabbits by now.
Anyway, I was jello and she was now whispering in my ear. Jesus, it was so hot, and her voice was so fucking sexy. I’d never heard her talk like that before. I think I actually shook, and that’s just not something I do. Certainly not something I’d ever admit to. I’d always been the predator in any sexual situation, but that definitely wasn’t the case with Buffy.
“You know what I’d like to do, Faith?” she asked. “I’d like to pour this yoghurt all over your hard little stomach, and your soft breasts, and lick it all off. . .taste you along with it.”
My mind was right there with her, enjoying every second of it, and my body was just begging for her to do it.
“I want to suck it off your breasts, Faith. I want this in my mouth.”
Buffy brushed her thumb over my already hard nipple.
That did it. I was getting so fucking wet, aching for her fingers to slip inside me, to possess me. I pushed her back softly, pulling myself together. It wasn’t the time or the place, so I stopped her.
“B, wait. . .you’re driving me crazy here.”
Through her sad pout, I could see the smirk. She was wearing me down and she knew it. I knew it, and right then and there I decided we’d waited enough. I just wanted to do it right.
“Go on a date with me, B. Friday. We’ll get something to eat, go dancing, then go back to yours,” I said.
She got what I meant - the size of her smile told me that much.
“I’ll get Will to spend the night at Tara’s. We can have the dorm to ourselves. . .all night,” she said.
Fuck, I got butterflies when she said that. Fucking butterflies.
I kissed her deeply and offered to take her home. She put on a sulky face 'cause she’d wanted to spend the night with me, but like I said I wanted to do it right, and I wasn’t taking the risk. Super hot n horny Buffy snuggled up to me all night? I don’t think so - not without me losing control, or my mind.
* * *
So I walked her home and kissed her goodnight, making sure her mom didn’t see 'cause she doesn’t know. Her mom'll be one hell of a hurdle, but I’m not gonna think about that right now.
That was two days ago and now it’s Friday. I’m on edge. I’m edge-girl with a side order of edginess. You get the idea.
To cap it all off I’ve got a workout planned with B, thanks to Giles. He thinks putting us in a room all hot and sweaty together will help us focus. Which yeah it does. . .on each other. It’s so hard training with her, almost as hard as slaying. And knowing what we could be getting up to tonight isn’t going to help. G has to get a clue. . .two horny slayers who want each other in the biggest way sparring? Not a great idea.
I shouldn’t be so hard on him though I guess, mainly 'cause he doesn’t know B wants to be with me just as much as I want to be with her. We haven’t mentioned the whole fact that I love Buffy since before I saved her from that demon guy. I guess it’s best just to ease everyone else into it after we’ve. . .well, eased into each other.
Xander doesn’t know anything yet, but Will and Tara know pretty much what’s going on. The whole waiting deal and stuff. I’m glad, Tara’s been a great help. Especially today 'cause we’re out shopping for a dress - for me. Now I know I’m in love; no way would I go to all this effort for a date with anyone else. I want to look nice though, and I want it to be special.
“Hey, this one’s nice,” Tara says, holding up a dress.
I can’t help but laugh. It’s fucking pink.
“Um, Tara? You do know we’re getting the dress for me, right?”
I’m thinking I want sexy, not cute. She’s so lame, but sweet with it.
We roam around the shop for a while. I’m getting pissed now 'cause I really hate shopping. . .and I mean really. It’s like I have an allergy to it or something. It makes me wanna just itch all over and get the hell out of there, but I gotta do this, and it's cool 'cause I spot it. Oh yeah, the perfect one.
After trying it on, I buy it and get the fuck out of there as fast as I can. Poor Tara is just about keeping up with me. Hey, not my fault, I don't wanna be late to get to the Magic Box. My pretty little Slayer is there waiting for me. I keep looking at my wrist, but I don’t even have a watch.
“Don’t worry, Faith, I’m s-sure she’ll wait,” Tara says.
Jesus, am I that easy to read nowadays? I guess it is Tara though. She has a knack of knowing what I’m thinking. But then maybe that’s because all I’ve been thinking about lately is Buffy.
“I know, Tar, just don’t want her getting pissed at me. Not today anyway.”
She nods and I can detect a little blush creeping across her cheeks. Yeah, she knows what me and B’ll be getting up to tonight no doubt. Fuck, it almost makes me wanna blush too.
“It’ll be fine,” she says.
Oh, it’ll be much more than that.
Tara drives us to the Magic Box and I almost fall outta the car in my rush. Where the hell has my cool image gone, man? I’m stumbling over my own feet for a girl, but then she’s not just any girl, she’s my everything - whoa! I stop at the door.
That’s what she is. . .my everything. That’s fucking scary. Almost too scary. I still don’t know if I can handle all this. Her. Us. With our past it’s a big risk, for both of us, but I gotta be in it to win it right? We love each other. . .which still sounds crazy in my head, but we do. I just hope it’s enough.
“Are we going in? Or just s-standing here?” Tara asks.
Gotta get my ass in gear. It’s time for a little rough and tumble with my girl - well, she’s nearly my girl.
I push the door open, frowning at the tinkling bell - it cuts right through me. And there she is, looking all serious and stern, but hell. . .all I can really see is the tight little tee shirt and tiny shorts she’s wearing. Oh boy, somebody pass an ice cube or two. . .or a million.
“Where have you been?” Buffy whines, looking so cute all mixed up between pissed off and worried.
“It wasn’t my fault, blame Tara,” I say quickly.
No use getting myself in the bad books. . .been there and done that – got the stab wound to prove it.
“H-hey,” Tara grumbles and swats me on the arm in objection to me blaming her.
I gotta laugh at how everyone’s stopped to stare at me, waiting for me to snap her neck, or bite her head off or something. Jesus. . .can’t a girl change? No one moves. Buffy, Willow and Giles are just freeze framing. I gotta say something. . .I have an audience.
“You might wanna aim a little lower next time if you were trying to cop a feel of my ass,” I say with a grin.
Score - she’s blushing, and Will looks suitably pissed. It was just such an easy shot.
I try my best not to smirk too much - not much hope there - and walk over to B. She’s attempting not to smile at me and it's so sweet. I wink at her and there it is: my smile. I love it.
“Well, now that you’re here finally, I think you and Buffy should get straight down to it,” Giles says, and my mind lands firmly in the gutter.
It seems to be squirming around in there with B’s mind too by the look on her face. I think you could say we’re fairly suited, once you get past the fact we’re pretty much total opposites.
“Can I eat something first, G man? Kinda hungry here.”
Shopping takes it outta me. Gotta put something inside, other than Buffy. Man, gotta behave with thinking like that.
“Hurry it up then. I want you to have a good work out today with Buffy,” Giles continues.
Is it me, or is everything turning into some kind of sexual innuendo? Hell, even Tara caught that one 'cause she’s sniggering away to herself.
“Actually, I could do with a drink first,” Buffy thankfully says.
It's good to have an ally. Even if the thought of B being my ally nine or so months back would have made me laugh so hard I might actually have burst. My life is so fucking strange sometimes.
* * *
We sit around the Magic Box. I’ve got some sandwiches to munch on 'cause I hate it when my stomach starts to talk to me - especially when it makes more sense than my brain - and B’s drinking her coke. Will and Tara are looking through spell books or something. Giles keeps muttering to himself as he shuffles around, doing whatever it is he does here 'cause there never seems to be any customers.
I gotta love how 'normal' it all is to me right now. More so than before, because back then I was never really accepted. Even Buffy kept me at arms length - too scared of the way she felt. But now, I actually feel like I fit in.
“So, what were you and Tara up to today?” Buffy asks, making Red start frowning at me?
“Not much, B. We just did a little shopping.” Great, now Buffy’s frowning at me. “What? Can’t a girl go shopping once in a while? Gee, anyone would think I was some kinda freak,” I say with a pout.
“It’s just. . .you, well you were never really the shopping type as far as I can remember,” Buffy points out.
Ok, so Buffy has a point. I carry on eating my sandwich.
“Maybe I won’t bother next time,” I say with a mumble. I hate not getting the last word.
“What was that?” Buffy asks.
Why didn’t I shut up? “Nothing, B. Nothing at all,” I reply sarcastically.
Again. . .why don’t I shut up?
Oh shit, Buffy pout coming right up. Maybe if I stick as much of this sandwich in my mouth as I can I won’t do something stupid. . .like speak anymore, at all.
Willow looks a little smug so I scowl at her. She scowls back. It really doesn’t work for her, I mean, you just can’t beat the snarl I got goin' on. I just raise an eyebrow and shake my head, grinning. She can’t help but grin a little too. She’s warming to me, I can tell.
I gotta remember the support she gave me at the hospital too. It was nice how she stuck up for me, and trusted me even. But then trusting somebody and liking them are two different things. We still have issues, but they’re negotiable.
“Ok, can we fight now please?” Buffy pleads almost.
The adorable pout is still there. It wants me to kiss it, catch it between my teeth and nibble on it, turn it into a smile. . .and seriously, I need to stop getting crazy with my thoughts. I need help.
“Sure thing, B.”
Let’s get it on.
We make our way into the back room, just me and Buffy. I sling my bag in the corner and start to pull out my shorts and tee shirt to change into.
“Aren’t you forgetting something?” Buffy asks.
Let’s see: sneakers, tee shirt, shorts, bottle of water, me. . .oh, and her.
“Of course not, baby,” I tell her.
I walk over to her, giving a little extra sway to my hips just to get her attention. I brush her cheek with the back of my hand, then bring my lips down to meet hers. Every time it feels like the first time I’m kissing her. That’s such a cliché, but it’s true.
“Let me get changed, then we can get right down to it, girlfriend,” I tell her after our short kiss.
Buffy decides to stretch while I change out of my leathers and tank. I’m watching her, but trying not to 'cause damn she’s supple. And she’s watching me, but trying not to 'cause I’ve stripped down to my barely there black underwear. She’s practically drooling, but then so am I. Tonight can not possibly get here soon enough.
“Like what ya see, B?”
I can hardly see the colour of her eyes her pupils have dilated so much.
“You know I do, F. I love what I see,” she answers lustily.
Well, I certainly didn’t expect that. Gotta keep in control though. I pull the tee shirt on over my head and I’m ready for some fun.
“Get your cute ass over here then and prove it,” I say as I settle down into a defensive stance. She gets the hint.
In no time at all we’re trading shots, leg sweeps, kicks. . .hits and misses. Sometimes I can’t decide whether we’re dancing or fighting. It’s incredible. We have so much power, so much speed and grace, and we’re so well matched. Even in the bad times when we fought it was like dancing. Ok, so it was painful dancing, but still.
She’s caught me off guard a couple of times, and I’ve done the same to her, but we hold back the power as soon as it registers a kick or punch has got through. Nobody wants a bruised up date.
“Whoa, girlfriend. . .nice move,” I tell her as she almost caught me out again. She’s getting real hot and sweaty too, and I gotta remind myself to concentrate - I don’t look good with black eyes. “Ouch! Watch it, B.”
“Sorry,” she says. Then “Ow!” and “ Hey!”
She’s on her ass 'cause she got distracted thinking she’d hurt me.
Now I feel bad - yeah right. I’m on her in a blink of an eye.
“What ya doing down there, Twinkie?” I’ve somehow managed to get on top of her, and pin her arms above her head.
My legs are either side of her. I’m straddling her and she can’t seem to struggle free, but I’m not complaining, I kinda like it. In fact. . .I really like it. Without thinking about how much doing it is going to make it harder to get off her, I kiss her. I kiss her softer than I thought it was possible for me to ever do, and she makes the huge mistake of groaning across my lips. I know I should get up off her, but I'm not listening to myself.
* * *
I keep kissing her, and she’s kissing back. . .and it’s getting into the realm of hot, sexy kissing 'cause now we’re both moaning. I only realise I no longer have hold of her wrists when I feel her hands buried in my hair. I have one hand braced against the floor, holding me above her, and the other one is on the back of her neck. Not that I need to encourage her to stay where she is 'cause I’m not getting the impression she wants to stop any time soon. I’m not getting that from me either.
I want to pull away, save this for tonight, but she smells so good. She tastes like. . .well, it must be some kinda drug 'cause I’m hooked. I don’t want to stop kissing her. I don’t want to stop the hand that I’m trailing up and down her side now. I so don’t want to stop the way her hips are pushing up into me. Holy shit, I’m screwed this time.
She’s trying to get some friction between us and I’m trying not to notice, but I have noticed. I shift myself lower on her, then decide I need to be between her legs, so I settle between her thighs - never once breaking the kiss – and God, this feels so good.
We push against each other, and I can feel the heat between her legs right on my now wet pussy. She must be wet for me too. Wanting me. Needing me. We’re moving in rhythm, slowly, cautiously almost. I’m practically fucking humping her - trapped between her thighs - and I can’t stop.
I lean back, away from Buffy’s hungry mouth and tongue for a second, to look into her beautiful green eyes. They’re full of passion for me, and it’s intoxicating. I’ve got to have her, make her mine. She groans loudly as I crush my lips back against hers, allowing my weight to push us tight together. I can tell her nipples are hard, just waiting for me, 'cause I can feel them rubbing up against my own breasts. It's driving me insane.
I need to feel her naked against me. The thought alone makes me shake a little, but I’ve got to stop. I can have her naked later. I can have her whichever way I want later.
“Faith, please. . .touch me.”
Ok, screw later.
I push my right hand up under her top and cup the swell of her breast. I squeeze a little and her hips shoot up towards me. Oh boy, we’re definitely doing what I would describe as humping each other here. I graze her nipple with my thumb through the material of her bra, circling it, getting it rock hard. Yeah. . .that totally wants in my mouth.
I kiss down her neck, biting her but not enough to mark. She’s loving it, moaning my name and rubbing her pussy up into mine. The friction is getting to both of us. I gotta stop. . .we can wait. We can. . .Jesus, she’s pulling my hand down between us.
I lift up slightly, allowing her to show me what she wants, where she wants my hand. My eyebrow shoots up and I’m practically panting 'cause Buffy’s leaving me in no doubt what she wants me to do. She’s pushed my hand into the waistband of her shorts, and now her panties. I look into her eyes for any sign she might not be sure about this, but all I can see is how much she wants me.
I’m holding my breath, can’t help it 'cause I’m gonna touch her. I’m gonna feel the most intimate part of her body on my fingers, her need for me - which I can smell and is driving me wild. I rest my forehead on hers as her lungs fight for air. She’s shaking, but it isn’t a bad shaking as I slide my fingers lower, just brushing the top of her pubic hair. It’s short and neat, and quickly bypassed.
Buffy arches up a little way into my touch as I slip my fingers over her to her wet opening. She’s so fucking soft, and so wet for me I just slide easily into her folds. Holding my breath - loving the feel of her arousal seeping out onto me - I dip my fingers right into her soaked pussy and spread her juices over her clit. I do it a few times, just revelling in how wet she is.
“Oh God, Faith,” she moans, trembling.
Her hips are twitching, pleading with me to sink her into more pleasure than she can probably handle.
I brush softly over her with the tips of my fingers, rolling over her hard little clit, teasing her. I don’t wanna go inside her yet, not here. I’ll leave that ‘till later, when we can do this properly. She’s already so fucking close anyway so I rub a little harder, circling her clit, then hitting it dead on. I speed up, lost in her whimpers and the slight roll of her hips against my drenched fingers. She feels so good. So soft. So warm.
“Faith,” she gasps. “Oh, Fuck.”
She’s nearly there already, starting to really tremble under my touch as she gets wetter and wetter.
I suddenly realise it’s probably a good idea to kiss her now so she doesn’t yell out or anything. She’s already moaning my name pretty loud, and I don’t really want Giles - or anybody else - stopping this right now.
I brush my lips over Buffy’s, allowing her to take the deep breaths she needs, nibbling at her mouth. She’s right on the edge, her back arching as the wave of pleasure I’m causing begins to ripple through her. I’m almost gonna go over the edge with her, just from watching her and feeling her on my fingers.
What the fuck?
The door. . .the fucking door opens. Fuck. Buffy has stopped mid flow.
“Hey, guys. Shit! I. . .sorry,” Xander stutters.
As quickly as he entered he. . .well, gets the fuck out. The moment’s past, it's gone; Buffy’s already getting up.
Xander, you fucking clown!
* * *
I’m sitting on the floor watching Buffy try to smooth out and reorder her clothes. She’s still breathing heavy, but doing her best to compose herself.
“Do you think I should follow him?” she asks.
No, I think you should get back on the floor so I can make you come all over me. Damn it.
“Leave it a minute, B. I’ll go after him,” I tell her.
I get up, running my hands through my hair.
“I’m sorry, Faith. I don’t know what came over me.”
Hopefully it’ll be me coming over her soon. But damn, I got to get my shit together.
“It’s not your fault, baby.” I walk over to her and take her hands in mine, treating her to my most genuine smile. “I shouldn’t have let things get that far. Not until tonight at least. We can take our time then. . .and totally have less clothing involved.”
I lean in and kiss her softly, letting her know just how much I love her.
“I’m looking forward to that. You’re just. . .hmm,” she purrs.
I’m that good huh?
“I know what you mean, B. You felt so good. Got me so fucking hot,” I tell her, feeling the mess in my pants to prove it.
She still can’t resist teasing me some more even after Xander’s interruption.
She plants a kiss on my ear before whispering, “It’s gonna feel even hotter when I’ve got my fingers inside you.”
Whoa! The dirty little. . .tease.
I pull away from her, pleading with my body to listen to my brain and not throw her up against the wall and fuck her senseless.
“Jesus, B. Can we just skip the date and go straight to yours?” I practically plead.
She winks at me, but I can deal; I’m strong, and focused. Yeah, focused on her ass, so I think it’s time to go.
“I’d better go catch up with, Xander. I’ll see you tonight, beautiful.”
I grab my bag, not bothering to change, and give her a quick kiss before leaving. I need some air.
“Later, sexy,” she calls as I leave.
I get back into the main room. I’m getting funny looks from Will and Tara. Shit, I hope they couldn’t hear us; that would be so. . .well, it wouldn’t be great.
“What did you say to Xander?” Willow asks. “He ran out of here so fast he was practically a blur.”
Fuck! What do I say? He caught me with my hand in Buffy’s pants, playing with her sweet little cunt?
Ok, I can’t say that, and I gotta stop thinking about it too.
“Did you see where he went, Red?”
Avoid the question with a question. Always a good tactic.
“H-he just left, in a hurry,” Tara says, and fuck. . .I’m sure she’s blushing.
I gotta hope that they don’t know what just happened. That he didn’t tell them before he bailed.
“Thanks,” I mutter.
I don’t wait around for any more questions. I need to find him ‘cause this wasn’t the way either me or Buffy wanted him to find out. The guy’s pretty sensitive, especially when it comes to B.
I’ve spent quite a bit of time with the guy recently, what with B being at college most of the day. Me and Xand get on well. Could be a mutual love of cartoons and shit, who knows; and I don’t like that he saw me and Buffy like that. It’s not fair on him.
I wander around outside, looking for him. He couldn’t have gone far, I’m sure. I finally spot him skulking around the back of the shop. I hope he wasn’t thinking he could catch a free show through the window or something. Nah, doesn’t look that way.
“Hey, Xander,” I call, but he’s not looking up at me. Not a good sign. “Look, I’m sorry we didn’t say anything before. We just wanted to be sure.”
He finally turns to me. He’s got such a beaten up look on his face.
“So. . .are you sure?” he asks quietly.
That’s the million dollar question.
“Yeah, I think we are. I know I love her,” I admit.
That got his attention. Maybe he thought she was just another screw to me, but I can’t blame him of all people to think that.
“Really? And Buffy?” he presses.
I’m not used to this guy using so few words.
“You should ask her that,” I tell him. “If you’re worried that I’m just screwing with her, I’m not.”
I rest my hand on his shoulder, causing him to really look into my eyes. I know he’ll be able to tell I mean what I say.
“Well I can’t say I’m over the moon; in fact I’m pretty much moon-avoidy on this but. . .ok,” he says with a soft sigh. “Just don’t hurt her. Not again.”
I look at him, frowning ‘cause I’m a little confused.
“Yeah, I know she cared for you back then,” he explains. “I’m not as dumb as some people like to think.”
Well he certainly surprised me, but then I guess he really is a lot more sensitive than most give him credit for.
“Thanks, Xander.” I give his shoulder a squeeze and nod in the direction of the shop. “Come on, I’ll get Tara to give me a lift home; I’m sure she’ll drop you off too.”
I want to go pamper and preen myself for my date.
Before we make it to the door Xander gets a strange look on his face. Kinda looks like he’s in pain.
“Hey, you ok?” I ask.
He’s just standing around with his mouth open, catching flies and fuck knows what else.
“You. Bu-Buffy and you,” he stutters. “I just realised what I saw, and. . .I gotta go.”
He turns on his heel and leaves. Quickly.
What the? He’s walking kinda weird and goofy and. . .oh, I get what’s wrong! And that’s just too funny. The guy’s got all perky in the trouser area now the shock’s worn off. He’s probably got a boner to end all boners and he never gets the girl.
But I do, I think to myself with a big grin on my face.
* * *
I’m back at Giles’ apartment now and I’ve spent the better part of two hours getting myself ready for this date. I’m nervous as hell, which is so not me. I don’t think I’ve ever been so wound up over a date before. In fact, I know damn well I haven’t.
Tara got here a little while ago. I tried to hide the fact I was crapping myself at first, but she could tell I was feeling it. I’m glad she’s here, though ‘cause I’ve had her helping me out a little; with questions like are these the right shoes? Have I got too much make up on? Do I look like I’m about to run the fuck out on B?
Damn, I need a drink.
As soon as I got back here from the Magic Box I just wanted the hours to pass so I could be with Buffy again. I could still smell her on my fingers and I couldn’t help but give them a lick. There was definitely some of her taste still on them so I decided to stand with my head in the fridge for a while; trying to cool down and stop thinking about how close she came to coming for me.
I must have been in the shower for about an hour, thinking about how good it felt when I had my fingers slipping around on her. Fuck, the way she was moaning my name - so sexy. I had to get outta the shower before I took care of my hornies myself. I didn’t want to get myself off, though. I wanted to wait for Buffy.
I eventually get to the point that I think I’m ready, or as ready as I’ll ever be. I just hope B appreciates the effort I put into looking good for her.
I’ve gone with a tight black dress. It’s short. Very. There isn’t much to the back, and the front plunges down a little - it’s cleavage city down there. I’ve got long black boots on; my “follow me home and fuck me” boots. And that’s definitely what I want Buffy to do.
I’ve left my hair down ‘cause I know she loves it when I straighten it. The make up is a little subtler than usual too, but I gotta admit. . .I look good.
Leaving my room, I make my way to find Tara to get her opinion. She’s into the girl on girl thing too so I’m guessing her approval will be a good thing to get. Jesus, I never thought I’d actually say I was ‘into girls’ before; maybe ‘cause before Buffy I really wasn’t. I was curious, maybe would have tried it out a couple of times but. . .ok, who am I kidding? I probably would have ditched driving stick in the end anyway. I never really got what I wanted from it.
There’s just one gonna do it for me now and I have to double take myself to make sure it is actually me thinking that. I’m a slut after all - or was at least.
I smooth down the nonexistent creases in the entire lack of dress I’m wearing and leave the room, hoping I get a good reaction from Tara.
“So?” I ask, doin’ a little pose.
She’s not saying anything; just gawking at me. I look down at myself. I’m not naked - mostly.
“Tar?” I prompt, feeling a little silly now.
“Y-you. . .l-look nice,” she practically squeaks.
“Is that the best you can do on the compliment front?”
I’m looking for a little more input here.
“Um, ok. You l-look. . .like wow!” she admits with a blush.
Now that’s more like it. I can tell she means it too ‘cause her pupils are like fucking black holes. If Red saw that. . .she’d kill me.
“I’ll take that as a positive sign,” I say with a grin.
I know I’m looking hot; and just as I think it another test subject walks in.
“Hey, Giles, how’s it hanging?”
I do my sexy grin thing at him; I love yanking people’s chains sometimes. Poor guy looks about ready to faint.
“Oh! Um, err. . .Faith. Are you going out somewhere?” he asks, muttering real bad. “Have you seen my glasses anywhere around here? I seem to have misplaced them,”
He doesn’t seem to know whether or not to look at me or just run back out the door.
“G man, they’re on your face,” I point out, doing my best not to laugh.
“Oh! So they are,” he mumbles, raising his hand to the glasses perched on his nose. “Silly me.”
I think he could cry; sometimes I have that effect. And I totally feel full of myself right now so I don’t blame him. Can’t help it ‘cause I’m about to go out on a hot date with a gorgeous chick and I’m feeling good.
Tara heads to the door, ready to give me a ride to pick Buffy up; I had a glass or two of Jack just to take the edge off so I can’t drive. Just as we’re about to leave the phone rings. I don’t know why but I feel like I should stick around to find out who it is.
Giles answers it.
“Willow, calm down,” he says into the phone.
Shit, that doesn’t sound good.
“Don’t worry, I’m sure she’s ok,” he continues. “Of course, right away.”
I’m not liking this; what the fuck happened now?
“What is it, G?” I ask. “Tell me.”
My voices raises making Tara look kinda freaked at me, but I’ve got a bad feeling right in the pit of my stomach.
Giles looks at me, taking off his glasses.
“It’s Buffy,” he says. “There’s a problem.”
I race round to Buffy’s dorm, urging Tara to step on it even though I have no idea what’s wrong yet. Giles just said Buffy had been hurt and that Will thought it best for me to get my ass over there. I wasn’t about to do anything other than go to my girl; gotta make sure she’s ok.
Hope it isn’t bad. It can’t be that bad though, right? I mean, they’re not at the hospital or anything. Jesus, my brain is like running at a mile a minute trying to figure out what happened. Won’t have much longer to stress about it ‘cause we’re at the door already.
Tara knocks on it and I’m just thinking I wanna get the hell in there instead of wait around outside like this.
Willow answers the door pretty quick -saving it from being kicked down - but I hardly even notice her. All I can see is Buffy lying face down on the bed and crying softly. I’m kinda frozen here; wanting to do something, to find out what’s wrong, but I can’t move.
“Wha. . .what happened?” I ask, not taking my eyes from Buffy; she hasn’t even looked up, though.
“I’m not sure what happened,” Willow says to me, practically whispering. “She won’t tell me. She just said she got into a fight - but I don’t know.”
Why wouldn’t Buffy tell her best friend what happened? And why am I stood here when I should be over there with B?
I move past Willow, leaving her stood by the closed door with her girlfriend, and make my way over to my ‘almost’ girlfriend.
“Hey, are you ok?” I ask Buffy, even though she’s obviously not ok.
I sit down on the edge of the bed and reach out to touch her shoulder. As I make contact she flinches away from me. Why would she do that? I look over at Will and she just shrugs her shoulders. She must have been getting the same reaction I got.
I don’t know what I’m supposed to do now; this just isn’t like Buffy. She’s been beaten down before. Fuck, even I had a turn at that once, but I’ve never seen her like this. Never seen her cry after a fight. There must be something else to it but I’ve gotta get her to talk to me.
“Hey guys, why don’t ya take a walk for a while,” I suggest to Red and Tara, hoping I can get through to Buffy with less of an audience.
They nod and leave me to talk with Buffy, closing the door quietly as they go. I reach out again and get the same response. It’s like she’s trying her best to be absorbed by the mattress or something.
“Buffy, what is it? What’s wrong?” I’m trying to be calm here. And sensitive - which I’m not all too practised at.
She stops crying and lifts a hand to wipe away her tears, turning towards me a little but not really looking at me. I can see the bruise on her forehead now. It looks like she’s been hit with something. Hit hard. I react on instinct and go to move her hair out of the way of the swelling, but again she flinches away from me.
“Ok, I won’t touch you,” I reassure her. “Just tell me what happened.”
Fresh tears spill from her eyes and she still isn’t looking at me.
“Buffy, look at me please. I love you, baby. Just tell me what’s wrong.”
She’s finally looks at me looking at me and I can see pain in her eyes. Not physical pain; something deeper.
“Wow, Faith. You look amazing,” she tells me.
I’d totally forgotten about our date and the way I’m dressed, but that isn’t the point ‘cause she’s avoiding my questions.
“I wanted to look good for you,” I say.
Buffy closes her eyes and sighs.
“I’m sorry I ruined our date, Faith.”
“It doesn’t matter about that, B. I’m just glad you’re ok. If you are ok that is.”
I must be getting through to her because she’s sitting up more now, straightening her hair and shirt.
“It was just a demon. A hard slay,” she says. “I’m ok.”
I can tell she’s lying. But why would she lie to me?
“You don’t look ok, and I’ve never seen you react like this after a fight, hard or not.”
Her eyes are looking all cold now, as if she’s putting up some kinda barrier to me. Like. . .uninviting me in or something.
“How would you know, Faith?” she asks outta the blue.
That was a little harsh; I’m obviously missing something here.
“Look, I’m just trying to figure out what the fuck is going on, girlfriend. You don’t have to snap at me for giving a shit.”
I get up off the bed, turning my back to her. I hate it when she pushes the ‘bad Faith’ button.
“I told you, I was attacked by a demon,” she says firmly. “He caught me by surprise and I feel shitty about it.”
She’s still lying. I don’t know why it’s so obvious to me but it is.
Buffy is sitting up on the bed now, her legs over the edge, looking like she’s about done with the conversation. But I’m not. I mimic Willow’s resolve face and stand in front of her.
“I’m not buying it, Buffy. Now tell me the truth.”
I’m losing my patience. I wanna know why she’s lying to me.
“It really doesn’t matter if you ‘buy it’ or not,” she says. “It’s what happened - end of story.”
The fact she’s crying again totally gives her away.
Demanding her to tell me what’s going on isn’t working; maybe I should try harder at the sensitive thing. I sit down on the bed next to her, facing her but not getting too close. I don’t want her jumping away from me again ‘cause it’s pissing me off. It takes me back down memory lane and I don’t wanna go there.
“Why are you lying to me, B? You know you can tell me anything.”
* * *
“Faith, I. . .”
She’s shaking her head like she’s never goin’ to crack, but I know she will.
“Please,” I implore.
I really am worried right now. I hate seeing her all upset. She’s in my heart, and I wanna keep her safe in there.
“It. . .it was just. . .”
Her tears start flowing again, interrupting her.
I take a chance and slip my hand into hers. She doesn’t move away from me this time; she lets me hold her hand but looks down, avoiding my eyes.
“It was Riley,” she says.
I hardly heard her she said it so soft, but as soon as she did all the hairs on the back of my neck sprung up. I can already feel the blood in my veins starting to boil and she hasn’t even told me what he did yet. I squeeze her hand gently in encouragement.
“He found out about us,” she continues. “He was talking to Xander earlier and. . .well, Xander didn’t know I hadn’t told Riley yet so he didn’t know not to say anything.”
“And Riley caught me by surprise; used some kind of stun gun thing. I don’t know what it was but it practically paralysed me - for a little while anyway.”
I feel something wet on my hand and realise it’s her tears. I can almost hear my blood rushing through me as I get angrier but I gotta let her finish before I say anything.
“I couldn’t. . .I couldn’t fight him off,” she says, shaking all over.
In fact I think I’m shaking too, but for a different reason; every muscle is cocked and ready to strike at something, but I’m trying my best to keep still and to keep her from shutting down again.
“Faith, he tried. . .he tried to rape me,” she tells me. “He said he wanted to prove to me it was him I wanted and not you.”
She breaks down and sobs.
Fuck! Fuck! Fuck! He’s a fucking dead man walking.
She can sense the anger in me now. She has to ‘cause I’m about as tense as a person can be without snapping clean in two.
“Buffy, I. . .” I don’t know what to say. What the fuck do I say? “Did he. . .touch you?”
I pray that she says no, for his sake more than anything.
“No, he stopped just before. . .”
She sobs loudly again and I pull her into me, ignoring the slight flinch. I’m holding onto her so tight. Rocking her gently and trying to get her to calm down and to breathe.
“It’s ok, B. I got ya,” I soothe.
All I can see is him hurting my princess and I’m gonna make him pay.
“Are you hurt anywhere?” I ask.
She looks up into my eyes and shakes her head.
“What about this?” I gently indicate the bruise on her forehead.
“He hit me with his gun when I tried to get him off,” she replies.
She’s shaking less now; the tears no longer flowing so much.
Wait a minute. . .
“I thought you said you were paralysed.”
I give her a puzzled look. I don’t mean to start quizzing her but I can’t help it. She looks away from me again which just makes me wonder if she’s telling me everything.
“I was. . .to begin with,” Buffy tells me.
Now I’m pretty sure I want to know exactly what happened. The fucked up little bitch inside of me wants out.
“What do you mean, B?” I press.
I move away from her a little and try to snag her eyes with mine, but she still doesn’t wanna look at me. . .until she answers.
“I. . .Faith, what is this? Don’t you believe me?”
I don’t mean for it to sound that way. I do believe her. Don’t I?
“Of course I believe you. I just wanna know what happened.”
I’m doing my best to stay in a calm zone right now but my voice is giving me away. I know it gets higher when I’m on edge - like now.
“I told you, Faith. Now can we just drop it? I want to forget about it.”
Forget about it? I want to rip the fucker’s head off and feed it to his mom. No way can I just forget about this.
“You can’t expect me to let him get away with this,” I tell her. “You shouldn’t let him get away with it. What about the cops or something?”
I’m up on my feet again; the edginess is quickly becoming more like a need to fucking dish out some pain.
“Please, Faith. I don’t want to talk about this anymore. And promise me you won’t do anything stupid.”
Me? Do something stupid? I’m the master of stupid. Just look at my previous.
“You can’t ask me not to do anything, B. He hurt you - in the worst way - or almost at least. And I gotta say. . .I’m still wondering about the way things went down.”
Yep, I’m pretty sure the bitch in me is in control now.
Why am I like this? I should be holding her right now; listening to her and making it all go away. But I’ve got to act like a total cunt and make her think I don’t believe her. Probably make her wonder why the fuck she was into me in the first place. I’m so good at screwing things up, why stop?
“I can’t believe you’re just gonna let him get away with this,” I continue. “I can’t believe you let him do that to you. You’re a fucking slayer, B. I don’t get it; you coulda taken him easily.”
My mouth is working on its own again ‘cause my brain’s taken off on a fucking vacation or something. I’m digging a nice big hole for myself and I’m probably about to be thrown right in to it.
“Why are you being like this, Faith?” Buffy asks; eyes wet with tears. “I couldn’t move let alone fight, and I was in shock once the stun wore off. I. . .I’m sorry.”
Why the fuck is she saying sorry to me? She should be slamming my head against the wall. Hell, I should be slamming it myself but I just know I’m not gonna stop doing the wrong thing. It’s instinct.
“Unless. . .you didn’t want to fight him off,” I accuse. “Maybe you still have a thing for him. Is that why you don’t want me to do anything to him?”
Oh, I just keep getting better.
Why the fuck can’t I shut up? I know what I just said is a load of crap; I’ve been on the receiving end of abuse too many times to know that, but I just had to say it didn’t I? I just had to push.
“I think you should leave, Faith,” she tells me flatly.
I can see the hurt in her eyes but there’s that bad place inside me that’s just screaming at me that she still wants him and not me, because why the fuck would anybody want a piece of trash like me?
I don’t argue with her or tell her that I’m sorry for being a bitch; I just turn and leave, like she wanted. Like I know I should.
* * *
It’s been a couple of hours now and I ain’t getting any less pissed off, or hungry for blood. I haven’t been back to Giles’, or spoken to Will or Tara. I don’t wanna bump into Xander any time soon either ‘cause I know I’ll take it out on him, and that wouldn’t be fair. I’m pretty sure he didn’t mean to fuck things up by telling the fucking farm-boy.
To be honest, I guess I’m prowling Sunnydale for Riley. I want him to pay. Big style. He’s picked the wrong slayer to piss off ‘cause nobody messes with my girl.
My girl. That’s kinda funny ‘cause I know for sure I’ve just gone and screwed that up. Screwed us up. Why the hell did I even let myself believe it? It doesn’t matter that we love each other, and that we want each other - it’s just too fucking complicated.
I know Riley hangs around here somewhere with his shitty little soldier crew, thinking they’re doing everyone a favour by fucking around in the woods. I’m just hoping he hasn’t got the brains to get the hell out of town ‘cause I’m gonna enjoy knocking around his oversized head.
I spot him, all on his own. This is almost like telling me not to eat the big tub of ice cream in front of me, and then giving me a spoon; you know I’m just going to dig right in. He hasn’t seen me yet so I’ll just follow for a while until we’re out of earshot of the road.
I follow for a little while, but then it’s time to play.
“Hey, fucker,” I yell, getting his attention.
He looks scared, like he’s about to piss his pants, and I don’t blame him. There’s a fucked-up raging slayer, dressed to thrill and kill coming after his ass - I’d be worried too if I were him.
“F-Faith, I. . .”
I don’t let him finish. I’m on him in a second, round-housing his thick skull.
He’s on the floor with my fist playing reruns on his face as he yells at me. He can’t get up or hit back ‘cause I’m laying into him so fast he just can’t react. I want him to feel it - my pain, my rage at how nothing ever goes right for me. Most of all I want him to know he should never have laid a finger on Buffy. Never!
“You fucking piece of shit. I oughta kill you,” I yell at him.
Pretty soon I can’t see anything but blood - his blood. But I don’t stop.
“You fucking piece of crap,” I snarl, kicking the sorry bastard and throwing everything in to it - no holding back.
He’s given up fighting; just laying there whimpering, and I know I’ve got to stop ‘cause I’m killing him.
“Please, Faith,” he gurgles through his own blood.
I feel tears running down my cheeks.
Why am I crying? I should kill him. I may as well do ‘cause there’s not much point in thinking I can make things right with B now.
“I didn’t. . .I didn’t. . .please,” he pleads, hardly able to speak at all.
I don’t wanna hear it. I don’t want to know - so why am I stopping?
I fall to the floor next to him and puke. I don’t know why ‘cause It’s not like I’ve never kicked the shit outta something or someone before. It’s not like I haven’t killed before. I have the nightmares to prove it.
He’s bleeding all over the place, mostly from his face, and I can see right now he’s never gonna look the same again.
“Why did you do it?” I ask.
I’m not really sure what I’m asking exactly. Why he did that to Buffy, or why he had to make me lose control again just when I was getting back on track?
“I’m sorry,” he says weakly, spluttering blood all over. “I stopped. I promise I. . .”
“Why? Why did you stop?”
I’m thinking back to what Buffy told me - how she couldn’t fight him off because she was in shock or something.
“Because she. . .she kept saying she was sorry for hurting me but that she loved you.”
My head starts to spin. I’m the worst piece of good for nothing crap in the world. I had to question her didn’t I? Had to remember how much of a scumbag I am.
I get up on shaky legs, looking down at what I’ve done. I almost killed again. I know he kinda deserved to be taught a lesson but I’ve gone too far. He never actually violated B. I turn away from him, wanting to wipe the mess I’ve made of him from my mind. His blood is all over me, though. All over the dress I’d wanted to impress Buffy with. I’ve fucked it all up again.
I’m a complete fuck up.
I walk away from him, leaving him whimpering and crying to himself. I’ll call 911 when I reach the street and get him some help. I know I can’t leave him there to die, no matter how much I want to. No matter how far I’ve crossed the line this time.
* * *
Doesn’t take a genius to realise I need to talk to someone. I’m drowning here in how much I hate myself, and hate the things I said to Buffy. I don’t wanna deal with how fucked up I am on my own anymore. I don’t think I’ll make it out this time if I do.
So I’m waiting for Tara.
I rang her after I called 911. She’s making her excuses to Willow and meeting me outside the Bronze. I know I can talk to her, and I really hope she doesn’t surprise me by getting all judgmental. I can’t deal with anybody else hating me right now. I hate myself enough for everyone.
Tried to clean myself up little in a beat down old diner - using their excuse for a bathroom. I didn’t wanna freak anyone out with the whole smeared-in-blood look I had going’ on, even if it does suit me.
“Hey,” I say as I spot Tara approaching.
Trying to be calm here, but not feeling it on the inside.
“Are y-you ok, Faith?” Tara asks, looking worried.
Well that’s a good start; she’s not shooting magic balls of fire at me, even though I’m sure Buffy’s probably told her and Will about what happened and how I reacted.
“Not really,” I reply.
It’s best to be honest, especially with this chick. She has a knack of getting to the truth anyway.
“How’s B?” I ask.
Does she hate me and want me dead? Again.
“She’s upset,” Tara answers.
I look down at my feet. I should be there with Buffy.
“F-Faith, lets go get a drink.”
I run a hand through my hair and take a deep breath, trying to calm my mind.
We sit in a quiet corner with our drinks. I opted for something strong to settle my nerves. I’m still kinda shaking from the whole blood lust thing, and I’m trying my best not to think about the state I left Riley in.
“Buffy was w-worried that you might do something silly,” Tara says.
Yeah well. . .I did.
“I don’t know what came over me,” I mumble. “Saying stuff like that to her I mean; I didn’t think.”
“I know you didn’t mean it, Faith,” she says - and I’m so glad she can read me. “And I know that she loves you and d-doesn’t want to lose you.”
I have no idea why. Buffy should give up on me. I’ve screwed up too many times.
“I’m not worth it, Tara,” I say. “I don’t deserve her.”
She doesn’t tell me otherwise because she knows I’m not gonna listen with the mood I’m in.
“I love her so much but I went and screwed everything up again. And we were so close this time,” I say with a sigh. “So close to being happy with each other.”
I put my head in my hands and fight back the tears; not feeling like I have the right to cry over something I caused.
Tara sits and listens to me for nearly an hour. I try to explain to her why I said the things I did, and why I lost it and went looking for Riley. She just lets me talk. I still find it weird how easily I can open up to her, but I’m not gonna analyse it. That’s just the way it is.
She eventually had to go, leaving me to think about anyway that I could convince Buffy to forgive me. I’m not coming up with any answers, so I’m slowly drowning my sorrows in the darkness of the club. The world looks better from the bottom of a glass I guess. That’s something my mom taught me. Probably the only thing she taught me.
I don’t wanna go back to Giles’ apartment and have him poking around in my head, so I’ll just get smashed and crash out somewhere. It’s not like I’ll be missed by anyone. I doubt Buffy’ll be too bothered about where I am. I wouldn’t if I were her.
Not even Tara telling me how much B loves me and wants to be with me is gonna make me feel better. Mainly because I don’t think Buffy could forgive me for doubting it, and when she finds out what I did to Riley. . .well, that’s gonna seal the deal. How could she trust somebody that can do that to another human being? I was so fucking lucky to get her trust back after all the other shit I’d done.
I don’t think I have a hope in hell this time.
Jesus, who the fuck is doing the tango in my head? And where the fuck am I?
I’m not alone. I’m in a bed and I’m not alone. But I’ve still got my clothes on, and that’s always a good sign. Wait a fucking minute. . .I’d know that feeling anywhere, that smell. It’s Buffy.
I open my eyes about as cautiously as I’ve ever done, and I turn my head to see her there, snuggled up into my side. Ok, what the fuck happened? I don’t remember seeing her at the bronze last night, or on my way home.
Aha! That’s where I am - at my old apartment.
Buffy’s still got her clothes on so we didn’t do anything I’d really wanna remember at least. But why is she here? She shouldn’t be, not with me. Not after everything I said and did. I turn to look at her more fully. She’s got such a peaceful look on her face, all innocent and sweet. She shouldn’t love me ‘cause I’m far from innocent and sweet.
My arm is under her head - she must have put it there - and her hand is lying limply on my waist. I have no idea how we got like this, but I’m not complaining ‘cause it’s so nice. I’ve never really slept with anybody like this before. I’m much better at kicking people out the door than snuggling with them, but she’s been changing that since we started getting back on track.
She starts waking up, and that could be a good thing or a bad thing. Right now I have no clue. I don’t know how she’s going to react. I don’t know what I should say.
God she’s beautiful. She’s already smiling at me, and isn’t even fully awake yet.
“So you survived the night then,” she says with a smirk.
I give her my best puzzled look. No, strike that, I give her my best “what the fuck is going on, and did I miss the earthquake?” look.
“You looked pretty dead when I got here last night. You must have passed out,” she tells me.
Yeah, that’ll happen when you drink more than your own weight in alcohol.
“B, why are you here?” I ask, getting straight to the point.
“I didn’t want to be alone. I wanted to be with you.”
How the fuck does she do it? She just leaves me speechless so easily.
“But I was a bitch to you, Buffy. I went all psycho. I didn’t think you’d want anything to do with me again,” I say quickly, apparently not so speechless after all.
“Faith, I’m in love with you and that’s not going to change over night,” she explains. “Yeah, you said some pretty shitty things, but I think I understand why.”
That’s good to know; maybe she can let me in on it, because I’m still not sure why I’m such a bitch.
“I’m sorry, Buffy,” I sigh. “For letting you think I didn’t believe you. There’s no excuse for that. I know what it’s like having to defend yourself when. . .well, when something like that happens.”
Her face is all full of concern now, wondering how I know, why I know, but I move straight on. I don’t want this to be about me.
“I was just scared of losing you again,” I admit. “I love you.”
Tears are starting to well up in my eyes, but I don’t want them to fall.
She saves me by leaning in to kiss me.
I feel like I’m falling under the delicate touch of her lips on mine. I don’t think I’ve felt anything so full of love before. I could die right here and I’d be kicking my heels in heaven. Or I’d be doing it whilst I get all toasty in hell – whichever.
I pull back and kiss her on the forehead.
“How’d you know I was here?” I ask.
Even I didn’t know I was here.
“Tara told me that you were in the Bronze - along with most of what you said. When I couldn’t find you there I came looking for you.”
Tara spoke to her? Then she knows I almost killed Riley. She must be able to tell by the look on my face what I’m thinking.
“He’s ok, Faith. Just. . .”
She isn’t saying anything else, but I need her to. I want her to tell me I was wrong to go that far.
“I didn’t mean to. . .to do all that to him,” I confess shakily. “I just couldn’t let him get away with hurting you.”
I feel sick at how easily I slipped right back into the psycho slayer slot.
“I know,” she says softly. “You’ve still got a long way to go to control your anger, but I’m here to help. I want to help, Faith. And I want us to be together. I mean, I’d like to tell my mom and everyone else who doesn’t know, because I don’t ever want you to think I’d rather be with somebody else again.”
And now I feel like shit once more for doubting her.
“I’m so sorry, Buffy.”
I just know that’s a tear trickling down my face.
“It’s ok, Faith. Just hold me.”
I’m not gonna argue with that. I wrap her up in my arms, wanting to feel every part of her against me. She pulls me tight to her with her arm around my back, fingers straying into my hair. She’s so soft and warm, and soon she’s kissing my ear and pushing even further up against me.
Fuck! I gotta pee.
I pull out of her grip, causing a sad little look to cross her features. I smile at her and kiss her nose, just ‘cause it’s so fucking cute, and just ‘cause I can.
“I need to go pee, girlfriend. Don’t go anywhere.”
She unwraps herself from my longer limbs and lets me get up. I make my way to the bathroom with her eyes following me every step of the way.
“Hurry up,” she shouts.
Without a doubt.
* * *
I do my best to clean myself up a little more than I did last night. I’m so lucky there’s some toothpaste still in here. It’s probably toxic or something by now but I don’t care ‘cause I know alcohol-breath isn’t such a turn on. Making my way back into the bedroom I shiver at how cold it is with no fucking glass in the window. Then I notice something.
Clothes on the floor. Buffy’s clothes.
“Come on, it’s getting cold in here without you,” she whines.
I can’t see what she is or isn’t wearing ‘cause she’s got the covers pulled right up to her chin. I stroll over to the side of the bed and look from her to her clothes, arching my eyebrow - she loves me doing that. Smiling shyly at me she scoots over in the bed
“As gorgeous as you look in that dress - well, when it wasn’t all creased and stuff - I’d really like you to take it off,” Buffy instructs.
She’s not exactly being subtle here but I’m not gonna question it. I’m too busy thinking about a possibly naked Buffy in my bed.
I guess this means I’m forgiven.
As slow as I can - without freezing to death - I pull the black dress up over my head. I’m not wearing a bra, and as my breasts bounce out of their confines her eyes grow wide and her breathing picks up pace. She can’t take her eyes off me; I’m lucky I don’t get embarrassed easy.
I’m not sure if she has her underwear on so I don’t know if I’ll be freaking her out by taking off my panties. I slip my thumbs into the waistband and raise my eyebrows in question. She nods, licking her lips at the same time.
Fuck, that was sexy.
I slide them down my legs and step out of them and she’s practically devouring me with her eyes. I don’t stand around too long though ‘cause I want in there with her. I want to see Buffy too. I glide under the covers but don’t get too close to her. Instead, I lift the sheet away and look down. She doesn’t object so I just take a little time to study her. She’s so small and delicate, almost lost in amongst the covers. Her breasts are perfect and all pert with the cold, and her pussy. . .I’ve never wanted anything in my mouth so much in my life.
“You’re beautiful, Buffy.”
I’m overcome with thoughts of what I want to do to her, things I want to make her feel. I’m totally unprepared for this, even with all my sexual experience.
Buffy makes the first move though, pulling me down to her lips. I drop the blanket back over us both, trapping the heat that we’re already creating. We both moan as our breast come together in our kiss, and I push further into her, loving the contact.
The softness of our kissing soon gives way to something more passionate. Her hands are in my hair, enveloping us both in it. I run my hand down her side and she sighs. I’m so fucking into her. Her skin is so soft and all I can smell is her. I want to freeze this moment and remember it forever. The calm before the storm.
I move more on top of her as she embraces me with her arms around my back. My right leg slips between hers and we both sigh this time. I can feel her right up against my thigh. I can feel her heat and how wet she is, and I know she can feel the same from me.
“Fuck! I love the feel of your skin on mine. It’s just so. . .” I can’t think of the words to describe it.
She just smiles up at me as we stop to enjoy each other’s body heat.
“I know what you mean, Faith. You’re gorgeous, and having you this close to me. . .I’m lost for words too.”
At least we’re both feeling this. It makes it even more special, more beautiful.
I crush Buffy’s lips to mine as I lean back into her, pushing my nakedness down into hers. Her warm skin is setting me on fire all over; her short hair tickling my leg as she coats me with her need. I want all of her, now. I’m lost in the way she’s making me feel - almost innocent. I haven’t felt innocent in a very long time.
Our tongues are seeking each other out, trying to taste deeper. My right hand strokes along the outside of her thigh and I know where it wants to go, but I’m gonna have to build up to that. Besides, there’s so much more I want to do first.
We stop kissing - the need for air breaking our hungry lips apart - but I’m not gonna stop altogether. I trail my lips along Buffy’s jaw, then down to her neck, biting and sucking her there. I don’t care if I leave marks ‘cause she really likes it. I continue down after a while, knowing exactly where I want to go.
Looking down at my new lover’s breasts my mouth is almost watering, but I want to touch her first. I pull the hand up from her thigh and glide it up over her toned little stomach. It’s so fucking flat. Then I move my hand up and finally cup her breast.
“God,” she gasps, arching up into my touch.
Her nipple scrapes across my palm as I make sure I’ve touched her whole breast. Now I’m running the tips of my fingers over and around her, making her pink little nipple even more erect for me. With every breath I can see the muscles in her stomach contract. I know my lips’ll get to those soon, but right now I want her breast in my mouth.
I kiss her on the mouth before I lower my head to her chest, dusting my lips around and over her breast. Then I softly take her nipple between my teeth, all the while playing with the other one with my fingertips. She’s doing her best not to rock her hips up into my thigh but I can feel her slight movements, and I’m doing my best not to do the same back.
I kiss her nipple gently then do the same to the other one, alternating between her breasts, kissing and licking with more passion as I immerse myself in the taste of her. I pull one of her nipples into my mouth and suck, less gently than before ‘cause desire is taking over both of us.
One of Buffy’s hands trails down my back, scraping my skin with her fingernails then grabbing my ass and pulling me even closer to her as her other hand buries itself in my hair. She’s encouraging me to rub my pussy against her thigh with the hand on my backside. I give in to it, spreading my legs a little more and slicking her strong thigh as I continue to suck on her nipple.
Oh fuck yeah.
She’s whimpering under me now. Pushing herself up into me as I practically ride her. The hand that was on her breast is now on her ass, and we’re both finding it hard to breathe now. Finding it hard not to slide against each other.
“Buffy,” I mumble and make my way back to her lips.
Kissing, sucking, biting. I can’t get enough of her.
Eventually I look down into her eyes and see so much desire and love in them it almost overwhelms me. I just hope she can see the same in my eyes too ‘cause I know I feel it. Before I can think much more about it she takes the opportunity to flip me over onto my back. She virtually growls as she does it and it makes me shiver.
I pull her lips back down to mine but she has other plans and doesn’t linger at my lips; she’s heading for my breasts. That’s fine by me. I want her sucking on me in the biggest way. Buffy drifts kisses down my neck and over my collarbone as her hand begins to explore my chest, rubbing her palm over my nipples then her fingers and thumb - clearly enjoying herself. I’m not complaining ‘cause I’m loving the attention.
She’s starting to touch me all over now as her mouth makes its way to my left breast. She kisses and licks it, then the other one, before finally taking a nipple between her lips and sucking hard.
“God I love that, B.”
I can feel her smile around me.
I let her suck on my breasts for a while, but now I’m really starting to heat up. We’re both holding ourselves back here and I think it’s high time we stopped. So I pull her back up to my mouth and roll her onto her back again. I want to touch her, feel her hot pussy on my fingers. Or better still, on my tongue.
“Faith, I want you so much,” she says, breathing heavy.
I guess Buffy’s feeling the same.
“I want you too,” I assure. “I wanna put my tongue inside you and fuck you with it.”
I push into her to emphasise my need and she whimpers a little. Oh man, I want to get her screaming for me. I start to make my way down her body, wanting to taste her hot pussy, have it dripping off my chin. But she stops me.
“Wait, I want us to. . .I want to touch you when you’re touching me,” she says shyly.
I get what she means because she’s pushing my hand down between us.
“I’ll do whatever you want, B,” I tell her, slipping my fingers into her waiting pussy and instantly feeling her moisture burst out onto my hand.
“Oh fuck,” she moans.
Spreading her pussy lips I slip my fingers over her, putting a little pressure just where she needs it. I love how she feels on my fingers; slick need seeping out around them, coating them. I can smell her even more now, her sweet scent almost making me dizzy. She’s moving with me as I stroke her clit, making her moan for me. This is so good.
And even better now her own hand is making its way between us, down to where I want her - no, need her - to be. She’s so close to my cunt. I rest my forehead on hers and look down between us; it’s so fucking hot.
I gasp out as her fingers slip over my clit; getting me wetter than I’ve ever been.
I remember that she wants us to do this together so I move to lie on my side, pulling her into the same position facing me. Our fingers are still playing with each other’s clits, slipping around in all the wet and sticky juice as I kiss her deeply, sucking on her lower lip and then biting it before I move on to her neck once more.
“I love the way you feel,” she says with a tremble.
Sliding my fingers lower I swirl around the wet opening to where I wanna be. I’m in no doubt of Buffy’s willingness as she spreads her thighs further apart for me. Fuck, just the thought of Buffy Summers spreading her legs for me, opening up her pussy for me, and wanting me to touch her deep inside? I could almost faint.
Buffy arches her hips towards my hand slightly and I don’t wait around for any more invitations. Lifting my face up to hers I slide my finger inside her slowly, wanting to burn the moment into my brain. Jesus, she’s so tight.
“Oh yeah,” Buffy gasps.
I pull my finger out a little then push it back in, deeper, harder. She cries out and I start pushing in and out of her, finally fucking her.
She’s looking deep into my eyes now, biting her lip as I slide in and out of her wet hole. I almost miss the fact she’s got her fingers almost inside me too I’m so caught up in the sexy as fuck look on her face. But then it’s my turn to cry out as she pushes two fingers deep inside me.
My legs are spread open for her, wanting her to fill me, fuck me, stretch me out with how much she wants me. I crash into her lips with mine as I drive into her again, with two fingers this time. She’s crying out my name now with practically every thrust. It’s so fucking hot and she’s giving as good as she’s getting.
“Fuck, B. More. . .please,” I implore.
I’m bigger than her and want to really feel her fucking me.
She obliges without hesitating, plunging three fingers deep inside me. I throw my head back, fucking loving what she’s doing to me. We’re shoving our fingers in and out of each other so hard and fast, holding tight and filling the room with our smell and our cries. I’m getting so close now, and I can feel that she is too.
“Oh yeah! Fuck me, Buffy.”
I curl my fingers up inside her and she starts to shake as I finger her G spot. She has the presence of mind to do the same to me and I start to shake right along with her; ready to crash over into fucking paradise.
“Oh, Faith,” she pants more than once.
I slip my thumb up to her clit and that’s all it takes. She’s coming all over. And so am I.
I keep my fingers deep inside her, drawing out her orgasm to match mine, and damn. . .she’s loud.
“Oh, God! I love you, Faith. This is. . .Ah! So good,” she cries out.
Fuck, this girl can come. In fact she is again.
I move myself away slightly from the hand still inside my pussy, wanting to concentrate on Buffy. This time I go to town on her clit with my other hand, slipping around in all her stickiness. She’s fucking screaming for me. Telling the neighbourhood exactly who’s fucking her and making her feel so good.
She cries out my name and my soul is full of her.
One last tremble and she collapses to the bed, panting and whimpering. There are tears in her eyes and for a second I think I might have hurt her, but now she’s pulling me down to her, wrapping both arms tight around me. We’re soaked in sweat and come, and it’s so fucking nice. And so much better than I ever could have imagined.
That was fucking incredible.
* * *
We’re laying in each others arms, letting our bodies come down from the heights they just got to. Letting our lungs settle down to breathing normally, and allowing it all to sink in. I almost can’t believe we just fucked – no, I mean made love. I’ve never done that before but I’m glad ‘cause I don’t want that with anyone but B.
“I like that,” she says softly.
I wrinkle my brow, not knowing what she means.
“The way you look right now, Faith,” she continues. “Your eyes are all. . .heavy and sexy. I mean, more than usual.”
I smile at her, feeling happier than I think I ever have before ‘cause she’s just completed me.
“I know what you mean, Buffy. You look like you’ve just had the best fuck of your life too,” I respond with a grin.
Hey, I can’t help but be a little naughty at a time like this.
She swats my arm playfully, but then a huge grin spreads across her face and I detect a slight blush.
“You’re right, it was the best,” she admits.
I can’t let her think that she was in any way lacking though, ‘cause she so wasn’t. Nobody has ever made me feel quite like she just did.
“Well, I gotta tell ya, B.You. . .” I kiss her softly, “. . .are fucking amazing.”
Oh I like that smile. No wait. . .it’s more of a wicked little grin.
I can tell we’re not quite done with all the fun, but right now I just want to bask in the afterglow and soak up all the love that’s floating around us. I pull Buffy tight against me and she snuggles down into my body. She sighs all happy and I know she feels just as good as me right now. Just as happy and safe. . .and all those other words that mean I’m on top of the fucking world.
Still can’t quite believe I’m here - with Buffy - after everything we’ve been through, everything we’ve done to each other. It’s crazy, but then I never was a fan of sanity. I just hope nothing comes along to screw everything up again.
Is that a dark black cloud I can see on the horizon? Rolling its way towards us and laughing at what fucked up ways it can screw with our lives again? Nah, I’m pretty sure it’s just my hangover coming back.
“What are you smiling at, Faith?”
“Nothing, baby,” I say softly. “I just love you.”
Buffy stretches up and kisses me on the forehead.
“I love you too.”
Have I ever mentioned that I really dig this chick?