It didn’t take us long to flush out the uber-vamp, it wasn’t hard to miss after all. Those big feet left footprints leading to a run down old wine cellar. I guess it likes a nice Merlot before munching on unsuspecting girls.
We got the thing trapped and surrounded, but it was left up to me to fight it. Giles wanted the girls to help, and Spike to throw some of his moves at it, but I thought it would be a great opportunity to show the potentials just what a slayer can do. I started regretting it when my face was being pummelled into the floor, but I had to see it through. The vamp threw me around a bit - and I just know I’m going to stink like a brewery forever despite the three showers I’ve taken - but I gained the upper hand when its head broke through a false wall and I saw something shiny and sharp beyond.
An impressive looking axe was imbedded in a chunk of rock and I headed right for it. The vampire had a similar idea and launched himself forwards, beating me to it. He pulled, but the axe didn’t shift. I took that opportunity to send him flying into a wall far harder than the last with a pretty impressive kick that gained a round of applause. I didn’t stop to bow, instead choosing to slide my hands around the handle of the axe. I was expecting much more resistance but it glided out of the rock as if it was butter.
Standing with it gleaming in my hand I felt unstoppable. The uber-vamp became less uber without his head as I detached it from his body with one swift slice. There was no blood or gross stuff, just a whoosh of dust as he disappeared. It felt incredible, and I’d never felt so powerful. It got me a lot of cheers and woots, and I looked down at my new favourite weapon as if it was an old friend I’d lost long ago.
We’ve been back home for a little while now, and I can still feel the power surging through me from the connection with that axe. They’re researching it like mad research-monkeys right now. I know what the axe is, though. . .it’s mine. Completely and utterly mine. I feel sore and bruised, but we beat what we thought was unbeatable so I have just that bit more hope for the coming battles.
Most of the girls are watching TV and sleeping in the living room as the rest of us try to work out what we have in our possession. I watch the gang paw over books on the dining room table, and clamber through the internets as I look on from the doorway, leaning against the wooden frame as I feel my body trying to cope with the beating I got. The research thing is never my favourite part of the slaying job.
“I wonder how long it was stuck in that rock,” Anya says, gaining a warning look from me as she starts fingering my axe. “It could be worth a lot of money.”
“I don’t think we’ll be selling it, my dear,” Giles informs her.
Damn right we won’t, even if I could use the money.
“We could buy a big tank with the money, I’m sure that would be much more effective than one little axe. Xander could drive it,” Anya continues, looking over proudly at Xander as he squirms in his chair.
“Are you crazy? That thing is like fucking sexy,” Faith pipes up, never one to be left out as she walks through to the dining room from behind me. “No way should anybody sell it, especially not Buffy. . .she looks wicked hot with it.”
I feel myself blush as she grins at me and takes a seat at the table.
Willow looks from me to Faith and then scrunches her brow, immersing herself back into the laptop she’s hunched over.
“Yes, quite,” Giles says, clearing his throat and looking uncomfortable. “And as it did seem to slip so easily from the rock at Buffy’s hands, I think we can suppose it’s not just any old weapon. We need to discover its origins and work from there. Any luck, Willow?” he asks her.
Willow shakes her head and continues searching. I do my best not to keep letting my eyes drift over Faith, but it’s hard. She’s watching the researching intently, her fingers brushing briefly over the flat side of the axe blade. I can see she feels something. The energy. The power. I can almost see her holding it, swinging it like it was made for her just as much as me. It’s a pretty impressive sight, even if it is just in my head. It may seem a little weird that the image of Faith wielding a pointy weapon is kinda hot, but it is. I’m a slayer and fighting is my life. It’s something I love, and have running through my veins. I can feel myself getting turned on, thinking of Faith’s firm body flowing and flexing as she twists the axe in her hands in my little fantasy.
Her eyes flick up to lock with mine and she catches my breath with an intense look. I attempt to turn away from her, knowing I need to focus on the research and the work we have ahead of us, but all I seem to be able to focus on is how horny I am and how good she looks. Good enough to let her scratch this uber-sized itch I have going on.
I so can’t think that way, though. I can’t use her like that again, as much as she seems to enjoy it. Maybe if. . .if I did it back to her it wouldn’t be so wrong, but then I have to concede that that’s just stupid otherwise I wouldn’t be trying to convince myself that the entire thing is wrong.
Before I realise she’s moved at all, Faith is standing close to me. Too close. I can sense her need to touch me, and I try to back away, bumping into Dawn as she enters the room.
“You’d think she’d be less clumsy being a slayer and all,” Dawn says, shaking her head as she pushes past us. “Sometimes I think they switched her brain with an elephant when she was called.”
I roll my eyes at her and stick out my tongue. Faith smirks at me and raises her eyebrow. Yeah, I’m thinking the same thing as she is. . .my tongue could so do with being pushed into Faith’s mouth right now.
“It’s late,” Giles says, catching my attention. “I think you should all go to bed while Willow and I continue the research a little longer.”
Kennedy starts to grumble from the corner, obviously not happy that her bed-partner is being kept away from her. I can’t say I’m sad to see her all disgruntled, but I feel sorry for Willow having to lose out on sleep. Then again, it’s her own fault for being all possessive about her laptop.
The gang start to clear away, saying their goodnights as I hover in the doorway with Faith’s eyes stripping me naked.
“Think I’m gonna get some air,” Faith says, dark brown eyes searching mine before she wanders over to the back door.
“Don’t move too far away from the house, Faith,” Giles calls.
“Sure thing, G-man,” she answers, my gaze fixed to her butt as she goes.
“I need some air too, I’ll keep an eye on her,” I mumble, and follow Faith out.
I feel Willow’s gaze on me every step of the way, but I don’t turn around or stop my advance; Faith’s ass is mesmerizing and forcing me to follow.
The night air is warm and still, and I sigh as it eases over me. It did feel incredibly stuffy in the house with so many people squeezed in there, and I do need to talk properly with Faith.
She turns and leans against the back porch as I close the door behind us. Her hand runs through the length of her hair and I smile at just how effortlessly gorgeous she is. They should stamp a warning on her body because it’s definitely hazardous to a girl’s straightness. Sighing, I lean against the house, facing her.
We stand in silence for a minute or two, just looking at each other. It’s not an awkward silence, I’m just fighting not to throw myself at her and ask her to make me feel as good as she did last night.
“Do you normally go around making straight girls gay?” I ask, no hostility to my question as I smile coyly.
Faith chuckles, her eyes lighting up as she studies me for a second.
“It’s not something I intended to do, B,” she answers. “Can’t say I haven’t fucked around before, but I haven’t gone after you to just put you on a score sheet.”
Her voice softened as she spoke, and it gave her away just a little. Something about the way she’s become with me over the last two days tells me I’m not just another notch on her bedpost. I can’t see Faith being the relationship type, but then I’m not asking that from her. I shouldn’t even be thinking of sex with her let alone anything more, so I really can’t push her into telling me what more she wants. I don’t know even what I want.
“Yunno, I’ve never. . .” I can feel myself blushing under her gaze as I think about what she did to me.
“I guessed that,” she says with a soft smile. She’s not mocking me, which surprises me somewhat.
I nod and take a deep breath. I’m pretty sure I wouldn’t be standing way over here, and she wouldn’t be way over there if we were just two girls who didn’t know anything about vampires and evil and all the responsibility that comes along with keeping it from taking over. I’d still be wary and a little frightened, but when it comes right down to it I’m not a girl who shies away from what she wants. I guess the only thing really keeping me from doing what I want with her is how heavy it would weigh on my shoulders if it distracts me from my slaying and saving the world duties.
Looking down, I can feel some of that weight resting on me already. There’s no way I should even contemplate taking an unconventional shot at something pleasurable and fun just for me. I’m not here to be happy, I’m here to save lives.
“Hey,” Faith says softly, her boots clunking heavily on the wood as she steps closer to me. She lifts my chin with a gentle finger. “I don’t like when you get that look.”
I gaze up at her, furrowing my brow a little in question. “What look?” I ask, not moving from the warm hand that’s now caressing my cheek.
“The one that says you don’t think you should be allowed a life,” she tells me. “It’s bullshit, B. If you wanna get with me it’s nobody else’s business. I’m right here wanting the same thing. Fuck. . .it’s about all I can think of,” she says, her face closer to mine, each hot breath letting me know exactly how near her lips are.
Staring deep into her eyes I fight for control. “That’s just it, Faith. I can’t let it be all I’m thinking of. That leaves me weak and distracted, and I can’t be distracted right now. Plus, you’re a potential. . .all the others would hate you if they knew. You’re younger. You’re. . .”
She shakes her head, her eyebrows showing me how confusing my excuses are.
“None of that means shit, B,” she says confidently, her voice low and sexy, sending chills through me. “I’m not a kid; I’m nineteen in less than two months, and who the fuck cares about what anybody else thinks, let alone those fucking potentials? And you can’t honestly tell me you’re not distracted anyway, ‘cause I know I am. All I can think about is getting you naked and all over me.”
She’s even closer now, her leg drifting between my thighs as her body moves up against mine. Her thumb strokes over my cheek and she leans in further. I don’t resist the urge to kiss her, but a bang in the kitchen behind us causes me to slip out of her grasp. I try to steady my breathing and stay away from Faith, but I need her and she can see it. I let her take my hand and lead me down the steps and around the house. We’re up against the side of it before I can think.
I bury my hands in Faith’s soft brown hair as she pushes me against the wall, kissing hot and heavy as we both give in to each other. I groan at the feel of her tongue twisting around mine as her left hand roams under my shirt. As I arch into the strong thigh between mine, Faith’s fingers glide easily under my bra to my breast and instantly search out my hard nipple.
“Jesus, Faith,” I gasp when she pinches and pulls, making my panties grow damp with need.
She smiles beautifully at me before losing her lips to mine again. I can’t help but have to have them kissing me, her tongue probing and licking. I can only wonder just how good she really is with her tongue, the thought making me grind into Faith as she presses harder against me.
Just when I think I’m about to pass out from kissing her, Faith pulls her mouth away, kissing over my jaw and neck, breathing just as hard as I am.
“Let me fuck you again, B,” she says, all husky and horny. “I wanna make you come for me.”
My mind won’t allow me to speak any words, but I’m guessing my deep moan made it clear what I want. Faith moves her other hand between us and makes quick work of my buttons as she undoes my jeans.
“Oh God, Faith,” I sigh breathlessly as her fingers disappear into my panties and slide between my folds.
She heads right for my clit after slicking her fingers in my wetness, and I’m already shaking for her, my desire so great I can barely contain it. I can’t believe I’m letting her do this again, but there’s no way I can stop her when I’m so lost in the smell and feel of her.
The tight confines of my jeans and the fact we need to hurry before being missed don’t allow her to be soft and slow; she’s slipping hard and fast over my clit as I gasp her name once again. Holding onto her tightly as she kisses over my ear, I start to pant and shudder.
“You’re so good,” I manage to sigh out with her fingers driving me to climax.
It’s like she knows exactly what I need and where. I can’t ever recall anybody getting me to come so easily and so hard before. It definitely isn’t helping me stay away from her.
“Do you have any idea how fucking hot you are, Buffy?” Faith says, her voice making my insides quiver as she calls me by my actual name. “I wanna fuck you with my tongue so much right now.”
I want her to fuck me with her tongue too, just as soon as I’m done clinging to her and moaning out her name. I shake against her as she flicks her tongue over my neck and squeezes my nipple. I start to come hard, unable to hold on any longer.
“Fuck yeah,” Faith groans. “Come for me, B.”
There’s no way I couldn’t. My mind crashes into overload and I jerk against her fingers, my orgasm speeding through me.
She moves her mouth quickly up to mine to muffle my cries, and as I tremble to the end of my climax I slide down the wall a few inches as she struggles to keep me up. My legs have turned to jello and all I can do is fight for air as I cover her fingers in my come.
There’s no time to enjoy the moment or show her that I want to make her come too as I hear the sound of the back door opening.
“Buffy? Are you still out here?” Willow calls.
At first I think it’s best not to say anything or move, but I hear Willow making her way down the porch steps.
“Shit,” I whisper, starting to panic.
Faith removes her hands from me, wiping the one that had just been in my panties on her jeans. I bite my lower lip as I see just how wet she’d got me. I’m doing my buttons up and trying to seem normal as we hurry from the side of the house. Faith looks all calm, smirking as she winks at me, but then she crashes into Willow as she turns the corner. Luckily neither of them end up on the floor, and I use the precious seconds where Willow’s all flustered about the full body contact with Faith to rearrange myself so I don’t look all mussed up.
That was far too close for comfort.
“Oh, I wasn’t sure you were still out here,” Willow says, her tone almost a squeak as she looks back and forth between Faith and I.
“We were just. . .” I begin, pleading with myself not to blush or say something stupid.
“Talking. . .about the axe,” Faith finishes for me, her hands digging into the pockets of her jeans as she does her best to look cool.
She’s pretty good at that. Now I know the signs I’m aware that she’s never quite as laid back and indifferent as she comes across. I can see it now: the subtle movements, and her eyes giving her away to me. There’s so much going on under her surface and it’s fascinating.
Willow stares at both of us, her brain obviously ticking away even if she is being fooled by Faith’s act. I hope she doesn’t ask anything more, I don’t think I could keep it in. I just came at the hands of the amazing girl beside me and I know it’s gotta show, at least a little.
After a few moments of awkward silence Willow gets the hint that I’m not in the mood for small talk. “I just wanted to say goodnight,” she explains, a slight smile forcing its way to her lips.
I nod and tell her goodnight and Faith does the same. Willow walks back to the house slowly, forcing us to follow or look even more guilty. I wanted to thank Faith, and to kiss her, but it’ll have to wait now. We make our way into the kitchen and I hear a growl emanating from Faith’s stomach. Chuckling I tell her to search for some ‘easy’ food, I’m feeling kinda hungry myself, though I think I want more than food.
Grinning to myself, watching Faith opening and closing cupboards as I think about the possibility of nibbling on her, I don’t notice Spike coming up the stairs from the basement until he’s right behind me.
“Now there’s a sight for sore eyes,” he says, making me spin around to him.
His eyes are fixed on Faith’s ass as she bends to pull something from the fridge. I want to wipe the smirk from his lips and shove him back down the stairs but I stop myself. He’s ignited the jealous spark I never knew I had until Faith came, however.
“If you want to keep your eyes, stop ogling,” I tell him, shooting him a warning look.
Spike’s ice-blue gaze turns my way and he looks right through me. “If that’s a threat, I’ve got to wonder why you’re being so defensive,” he taunts. “She’s certainly a hottie, but I thought we had history, Slayer.”
Spike’s grin is testing my limits and he knows it. He’s pushing, and that’s making me wonder if he knows something more.
“That’s exactly what it is, Spike,” I say coldly. “History.” I make sure to emphasise the word as I sense Faith walking closer to stand beside me.
“Hey, dead guy. . .you’re cool and everything but back the fuck off,” Faith interrupts, before he can get his comeback out.
“Well look at that, the slayer’s got herself a new puppy,” Spike laughs, looking over the two of us. “I thought I was mistaken when I smelled you all over Faith this morning, but I guess my instincts were right.”
I grit my teeth and clench my fists. The last thing I want is for Spike to know about my thing with Faith and use it against me. What we had was history all right. . .history that leaves a bad taste in your mouth. It’s bitter and hurtful and lays around waiting to deal out some payback. It looks like he’s stepping over the line into payback for everything we put each other through.
“I’m not anybody’s fucking puppy,” Faith exclaims, stepping closer to Spike. “You’re the one with the dog chain, not me. You had your chance with her but it’s time to step aside.”
The dark glint in Faith’s eyes is saying so much more than she is. She’s squaring up with Spike, and he looks nothing but amused. Faith is no match for a vampire, certainly not yet anyway. I can’t have him hurt her.
“Faith, go upstairs,” I tell her. “I’ll deal with this.”
She turns to look at me, questions pouring from her without speaking a word. I smile softly at her and hope she can see that I’m not about to let Spike mess this up any more than I am myself. Shaking her head and throwing her hands in the air she leaves and heads upstairs.
“You’ve got that one well trained I see,” Spike sneers.
After quickly looking around to make sure we’re alone, I stride towards him and get right in his smug face. He’s pushing all the wrong buttons if he wants to stay around for much longer.
“She isn’t trained,” I spit out.
“Coulda fooled me. Especially when I keep smelling you all over her, but I don’t smell her on you,” he responds, looking me up and down as I stand close to him. “You making her do all the work and not giving her anything back? Sounds like you’re up to your old tricks again, Buffy.”
“What?” I say sharply, momentarily caught off guard.
“Looks to me like you’re using her. I thought that was something you reserved for me,” Spike says, edging closer to me, his eyes moving over me like I’m his.
My hand flies up and I slap him hard across the cheek. The red handprint eases across Spike’s face and I push him up against the wall, wrapping my fingers around his throat.
“It’s nothing like that,” I tell him, low and hard.
“You sure about that?” he asks, his words almost choked by my hand.
I look into his eyes, seeing my reflection in their dead gaze, the words sinking into me. Letting go, I push him aside and turn my back, my fingers rubbing over my brow. The question of whether I’d used Faith or not had come up in my own mind, I didn’t want or need Spike to force it home.
“Doesn’t seem fair on her does it, pet?” Spike continues, creeping his way closer again behind me. “She’s just a kid, and there you are turning her little crush into something for you to use to scratch that itch that burns inside you.”
My arm drops to my side, my body deflating as I realise he’s telling me some home truths I’d shoved aside.
Spike rests a familiar cold hand on my shoulder. “There was a time you would have come to me to scratch that itch, Slayer. Not some girl that came here just looking for your protection,” he finishes, making every word clear, his fingers touching me like he has permission.
Feeling instantly disgusted with myself for using Faith for my own selfish needs like I’d done with Spike, I spin around and shove him as hard as I can. He hits the far wall and it cracks. I don’t want him near me. I don’t want to be reminded of how low I’d sunk to be with him. And I definitely don’t want it made clear to me that what I’ve been doing with Faith is very wrong. His intention was to make me feel bad, and it worked. Not because of his words, but because of what I know; what I’ve been telling myself since the day I realised I wanted Faith. I know it’s wrong; he doesn’t have the monopoly on that particular insight.
“Stay away from me, Spike,” I warn. “Stay away from Faith, and don’t even begin to think you can blackmail me with this. I’m not stupid; I should have been stronger. We’re both aware I’m not perfect, but you know better than anybody that I can walk away and not look back.”
Spike picks himself up from the floor unsteadily, blood oozing from the corner of his mouth.
“So you think you can just walk away from her?” he asks, a gurgled laugh rolling from his chest. “I hope you’re right, because from where I stand you’ve been a very naughty slayer, and naughty slayers don’t normally win great battles, they turn to the dark. . .and that’s where I’ll be waiting for you, Buffy. Right here in the dark.”
I watch as he hobbles down the basement steps, his laugh lingering longer than his knowing glare.
I’m shaking and I don’t know if it’s rage or fear, or something else. I should never have allowed Faith to get under my skin, that’s the only thing I know for sure. She’s something I can’t have. Something I shouldn’t have reached out for, no matter how tempting, no matter how impossibly warm and inviting Faith is. Now I have to go upstairs and let her know I’m sorry for having lead her on. That we can’t be together in the way she wants. In the way I want.
Gripping the banister as I head up to the room I’m sharing with Faith, I listen to the hush of the house. Everybody seems to be asleep or speaking softly as they settle down for bed. Nobody came rushing to see what the commotion in the kitchen was about and I’m hoping that’s because they didn’t hear rather than didn’t want to get involved. I don’t need everybody knowing my business right now. I don’t really want to share my sordid past with Spike and my shameful trysts with Faith with the people I’m meant to be leading into battle. How can I lead them if they’re disgusted with how selfish and weak I am?
The door handle turns quietly in my grip and I push it open, my eyes falling instantly on Faith as she gets up from the edge of the bed and walks towards me. I see her, beautiful, a stunning figure that cuts towards me, clawing inside me. . .but I feel Spike, his dead hands holding me down as he grins, letting me know that I’ve let myself down once again. I’ve taken what was on offer without any thought to the people around me.
I don’t want to turn Faith into Spike, not in my mind and not in reality. She’s worth more than that, and I need to focus on what I have to do to save the world, not on what I want in order to chase some of the cold out of my heart.
“You ok, B?” Faith asks, reaching her hand out towards me.
I feel my lungs fight for air as I realise I’ve just linked Faith to my heart, and I know I have to stay away from her touch. I can’t have her touch and keep us both safe at the same time. I’ve used her, and I know I can’t do it again. It goes much deeper than not having touched her in the way she’s done for me. It goes deeper than I can bear to look. I’ll never go back to how I was with Spike. I can’t. She means more to me already than he ever did or could.
“I’m fine, Faith,” I say unsteadily, moving past her to get ready for bed.
Looking everywhere but at Faith, I tell her I’m tired and that I need to sleep, changing for bed as she watches me from where I left her standing. I have no doubt she’s completely confused right now. She’s probably pretty angry too, but I can’t deal with it right now. This thing can’t go any further.
“I’m gonna pretend that you didn’t just say you’re fine, B, ‘cause you sure as shit don’t look it,” Faith says, making her way to her side of the bed.
I should probably tell her she can’t sleep here. Hell, I should leave the room to her and go bunk with Dawn, but. . .there’s something stopping me. Listening as she gets undressed and slides into bed, I fear the warmth her body will bring. She moves closer and I freeze.
“Faith, not tonight,” I say firmly. “We can’t. . .keep doing this.”
“This?” she questions, thankfully not moving any closer.
“What we’ve been doing. What I’ve allowed to happen. . .it has to stop,” I make clear. “You can stay here, but please don’t touch me.”
My voice is trembling and I don’t know why. It shouldn’t be this hard to walk away, to stop the inevitable.
“Right,” she responds quietly, her voice sending a chill right through me.
The bed shifts and settles. I turn my head and see that Faith has moved to her side facing away from me, her dark hair splayed out behind her, close enough to lose myself in. I want to lose myself in her, and that’s the problem. . .I once lost myself in Spike and the darkness he offered – as he reminded me - and it nearly destroyed me and everything I stand for.
As much as I want Faith. As much as I’m burning to feel her close to me, I can’t let go of everything that’s telling me it’s not right. It’s not her darkness that I want to hide within like I did with Spike, it’s just her. . .all her, and that’s not only scary, it’s dangerous.
I turn to face Faith’s back and will my fingers not to search for her hair just out of their reach. Tears silently slip from my grasp and I can’t ask myself why. I won’t ask myself why, but I do know that I want more from Faith than either of us can have.
We have a war to prepare for, and that’s what I need to concentrate on. That’s what I’m here to do.