Chapter Nine

Holding tight to the headboard with one hand, Faith moaned Buffy's name, her breaths panting and deep as she fought for control. They'd been rolling around on Buffy's bed for most of the night, taking turns on top, learning every sigh and moan. Each time they'd come down from their climax, one or both of them would start it again – never getting enough. It was Faith's turn on top – on top of Buffy at least, as she straddled her face.

Buffy's tongue slipped inside Faith, spilling her juices over her as she lapped, as her fingers rubbed quickly over Faith's now overly sensitive clit.

Faith knew she couldn't take much more, every inch of her tuned to Buffy, needing its final release. It had been Buffy who'd initiated their current position, and she'd made Faith practically dizzy with her mouth; sliding over her clit, flicking, licking, then sucking and teasing.

“Fuck,” Faith sighed as Buffy slowly fucked her with her tongue, speeding up as her hips moved in time.

She moved the hand not gripping the headboard to Buffy's head, fingers sliding into blonde hair. Their eyes met, so many wordless exchanges, secrets and signs. They were linked in a way they'd never felt. Never experienced.

Her heart drumming hard for Faith, Buffy tasted her as deep as she could, burning desire spilling over her lips and chin. She moaned into Faith's pussy, the sounds coming from Faith slipping over her like silk, touching her everywhere without fingers, without hands.

“Buffy,” Faith gasped, beginning to shake. “Gonna come.”

She didn't need to tell Buffy, Buffy could feel it. Her fingers worked faster on Faith's clit, tongue plunging into her tight hole, the hot scent of it making her dizzy. The taste making her insides ache with a deep desire she'd never felt.

“Oh fuck yes!” Faith called out, clinging to the headboard, her body shuddering as she came.

Buffy savoured every drop of her come, groaning in pleasure as Faith allowed her to lick and suck at her pussy. She would say she was in heaven, but she'd already been there. . .and it definitely wasn't there. Heaven was peaceful and serene. Faith coming in her mouth wasn't peaceful, it was pure, deliciously wicked ecstasy.

With her last tremble Faith collapsed down onto Buffy, trying to control her heartbeat and her shaking. It was like a bolt of cold steel had shot through her, ripping through her chest, striking at everything she was. It was love. It was years of longing. It was need and hope, and all about Buffy.

A soft kiss on her head pulled Faith from her temporary daze, and she looked up at Buffy and smiled. It was the most beautiful smile Buffy had ever seen, and Faith had always impressed her with her grins and smiles so that was saying something. She wanted to tell her she was in love with her, that she always had been – even through the worst of times. But Buffy didn't dare. Not yet.

As Faith pulled herself together she rolled to Buffy's side, one leg still draped over her.

“Damn, B,” Faith said breathlessly as she rested beside Buffy. “You got mad skills with your tongue.”

Faith's heart was still racing, her body vibrating, skin tingling as small beads of sweat trickled down between her breasts and over her stomach. It'd been quite a ride.

“Yeah?” Buffy asked shyly as she turned to face Faith, a smile settling on her lips.

“Hell yeah,” Faith replied, tucking her arm around Buffy and pulling her closer.

Buffy tugged on the tangled sheet until it was partially covering them both, keeping the cold from chilling their damp skin. She felt proud that she'd been able to make Faith come every time, and especially proud that she'd been able to do it with her mouth. She'd done it once on Satsu, but it had been awkward and new. Satsu hadn't complained, but Buffy hadn't been as into it as she just had been with Faith. There had been something missing, making her not want to take the plunge completely. It hadn't been like that with Faith. Nothing was missing; the desire and the want was all there.

Buffy had spent as much time on Faith's clit as she'd needed to get ready for sliding her tongue inside her. Once inside, tasting her as deep as she could, fucking her as thoroughly as she could with her tongue, Buffy decided it was the most intimate she'd ever felt with anybody. She felt completely surrounded by Faith, and completely crazy about her. Knowing that Faith had more than enjoyed it made her heart sing.

She couldn't stop smiling as Faith looked up at her, the morning beginning to throw its soft light through the window. Leaning in to Faith, she was just about to kiss her when Faith stopped her.

“You're kinda messy,” Faith chuckled, using her thumb to softly wipe at Buffy's chin. “Made me come so hard.”

Buffy smiled even bigger before taking a swipe at Faith's thumb with her tongue. Once Faith removed her hand she leaned the rest of the way down and kissed her deep and long. She wasn't aiming for them getting worked up again, she just loved kissing her.

As the kiss turned to soft nibbles - little smiles being shared each time they pulled back - Faith felt her eyes starting to close. Daylight was seeping into the room and her body felt the need to rest.

“You getting sleepy?” Buffy asked quietly as she gazed down at Faith whilst resting on her elbow.

“Yeah,” Faith answered with a yawn.

Buffy didn't much feel like sleeping. She knew that Faith would be leaving soon, and that didn't fill her with happy thoughts. She wondered if Faith had maybe changed her mind about going, but didn't want to break the mood and ask. Surely after what they'd shared she wouldn't just leave - not right away at least. Buffy wanted more time with her. She wanted to spend every night she could fucking her, and making love to her - and maybe on a few afternoons and mornings too. There was no way she was ready to let her walk out of her life again, even though she trusted Faith and the idea that they'd slowly get to the point they were together properly. Slow just wasn't what Buffy needed, however.

Snuggling into Faith, using her as her own personal mattress, Buffy rested her head down on her upper chest. She could hear Faith's heart thumping below, each beat making her own heart swoon as she indulged in being so close. It all felt so right. Faith was the connection she'd been missing. She was her constant; the one thing that always seemed to be at the back of her mind, lingering in wait, wanting Buffy to finally see why she could never move on from her.

It didn't take long before both girls were sleeping soundly, wrapped around each other. Sharing a pillow, sharing a destiny, sharing everything they always should have.

When morning slipped into lunchtime, Faith began to wake, her body being warmed by Buffy on one side and the sun streaming through the window on the other. She blinked, lifting a hand to rub at her eyes before placing it back down on the girl in her arms. There was no way she wanted to get up, not when it felt so good right where she was. There was the small problem of needing to leave in an hour or so, however.

Faith could already feel the tug in her heart telling her to stay, to keep by Buffy's side – her rightful place. She couldn't ignore the sensible part of her clearly telling her to stick to the plan, to do her duty and leave, but it was barely audible. Looking over at the clock by Buffy's bed she realised she had some quick thinking to do.

“Mmm, soft,” Buffy mumbled as she snuggled her cheek into Faith's chest.

Faith chuckled and gave Buffy a small squeeze. She wasn't sure if she'd like every morning to start with Buffy draped over her, but it was undeniably nice. Faith had spent a good portion of her life waking up in places she'd rather not remember, places that held bad memories, with people she couldn't wait to get away from. She didn't want to get away from Buffy; it was perfect feeling her soft blonde hair tickling her, the warmth of her body, her scent filling her nostrils. The fact Buffy was naked also helped.

“Comfortable?” Faith asked, unable to hide her smile.

“Very,” Buffy replied.

Buffy was glad Faith wasn't pushing her off, or suddenly turning into “too-tough-to-cuddle Faith”. It had been nice sleeping on her, and even better waking up in her arms.

“Hungry now, though,” Buffy continued, feeling her stomach on the verge of rumbling.

“Having crazy amounts of sex all night'll do that to ya,” Faith said with a grin, her voice husky and cracking from sleep.

She could feel Buffy's smile against her chest, soft hands beginning to wander under the covers.

“Kinda liked working up an appetite with you,” Buffy pointed out as she eased her hand up over Faith's hip.

With a smirk Faith said, “Didn't suck.”

“Hey, last night you said I had mad skills,” Buffy whined, a slight pout beginning to creep out.

“Oh, you definitely do, B,” Faith confirmed. “I just like that cute little pout.”

She pulled Buffy more on top of her, letting her slide between her legs as she kissed the pout in question.

Buffy responded, kissing back, melting in to Faith as their naked bodies became familiar with each other again. They fit perfectly, sliding effortlessly into place with one another, every point of contact tingling in anticipation.

The anticipation would have to go unresolved. Faith knew they didn't have time to start anything. She had to get ready to go. She had to convince herself it was still the best thing to do.

Pulling back from Buffy's lips, Faith stroked her thumb over her cheek, looking gently into her eyes. “Gotta get ready to go soon, B. Probably should get up,” she pointed out.

The sadness and disappointment crossing Buffy's features was clear. Faith couldn't mistake it for anything else, and she felt a shift. Felt the world tip to throw her off balance once again.

“You could stay,” Buffy said quietly, looking down between them, avoiding Faith's gaze.

“You know I can't,” Faith responded. “Not right now.”

Buffy nodded and took a deep breath. She'd known this was coming. Watching Faith sleep before falling asleep herself she'd thought about it, tried to prepare herself for it. She hoped maybe things would be different by morning, and that Faith would see they should stay together. They'd been thrown apart enough.

Feeling Faith trying to get up from under her, Buffy moved to her side, giving her room. She watched as Faith swung her legs out of the bed so she could sit on the side, her back to her.

“I'm not doing this to be a bitch, Buffy. Yunno that right?” Faith asked softly, turning a little so she could look at Buffy. “All my shit is at my place, and I've gotta go deal with that Simone chick like yesterday. . .I can't just sit around here and play lapdog right now.”

Buffy scrunched her brow up, working the words through her mind. “Wait. . .who the hell said anything about you being a lapdog? That's not what I want, Faith.”

Faith rubbed at her brow and shrugged. “Sorry, didn't mean it to sound. . .”

“No, I know what you meant,” Buffy said, moving so she was also sitting on the edge of the bed. “You think I'm going to turn you into 'boyfriend of Buffy', making you do what I want and be what I want. I know I can't do that with you. I don't even want to do that with you.”

She rested her hand on Faith's shoulder, looking deep into her eyes, hoping Faith could see she wasn't asking her to stay because she wanted to be the one in control.

“Pretty sure I couldn't qualify to be your boyfriend, B,” Faith said with a little smirk.

“You know what I mean.” Buffy rolled her eyes and shook her head.

A thought crossed her mind – maybe Faith didn't actually want to get involved and be her girlfriend now they'd slept together. She tried not to hear the doubts inside her, but she couldn't ignore them.

“You do want. . .yunno, to be my girlfriend don't you?” Buffy asked, feeling somewhat embarrassed, and slightly weird at the thought of having any kind of girlfriend at all.

Satsu hadn't been her girlfriend, and Faith didn't exactly seem the girlfriend type.

“What are we, twelve?” Faith chuckled. “We just fucked each other's brains out, got the whole fucking making love thing down too, which was totally new for me. . .so asking if I wanna be more than just friends is kinda pointless.”

Buffy was glad Faith had acknowledged that it was more than fucking, and felt her heart skip a beat to know it was only her she'd shared that kind of connection with. It didn't help make her feel better about her going; it only made matters worse. She looked down, only just realising they were both still very naked. She wasn't used to sitting around naked with Faith. It was strange, but nice. . .despite the not so nice things they were suddenly insisting on saying.

“Just wanted to make sure,” Buffy practically mumbled. “What with you planning to just leave.”

Faith swept a hand through her dark hair, feeling suddenly claustrophobic. She was getting the sense that they were heading towards the point where they'd end up going round and round the same subject, not getting anywhere.

“I'm not 'just leaving', B. You heard what I said last night,” Faith reminded. “I have a job to do, got slayers to get to, stuff to make up for. I'll be right back here with you soon as I know more about what I'm doing. When me and Giles get this gig on the road for real.”

“Is it Giles that's making you leave?” Buffy asked, trying to hear Faith but unable to listen past the dull thud of her heart as it pined for her.

“You're not listening,” Faith said firmly, standing as she rubbed at the back of her neck. “It's got nothing to do with anybody but me.”

Trying not to stare at Faith as she stood before her completely naked, Buffy searched for words - for anything - that would sway Faith. She didn't want her to go. She didn't want to feel alone again.

“I thought after last night, after everything we shared. . .you'd decide you could stay here. We could get all your stuff. You could use some of the girls.”

Faith sighed, turning from Buffy so she wouldn't keep getting distracted by how much she wanted to just lay her back on the bed and show her what her heart truly wanted. But it wasn't her heart she wanted to think with right now.

“I need to do this stuff without you, B.” Faith stood by the window, the sunlight splashing over her skin. “You gotta let me go.”

She knew if Buffy kept pushing she'd probably cave in, and that would only lead to disaster. The only way to avoid feeling trapped, and feeling like Buffy's new pet, was to carve her own way in the world of slaying. She had to do that before she could come back and stand – and lay – by Buffy's side.

It wasn't something Buffy could see for herself. All she could feel was the heavy sting of rejection about to slap her across the face. Despite what they'd agreed on, despite what they'd discussed, it felt like Faith had taken what she'd wanted, leaving Buffy feeling hollow inside.

Feeling the tears beginning to well up in her eyes, Buffy grabbed at Faith's tee shirt laying on the floor. She pulled it on, and swallowed the pain beginning to reach around her heart.

“I put myself out there,” Buffy began, standing to be closer to Faith. “Laid all my feelings out on the line. And you're still going to walk away.”

Faith could tell that Buffy was crying without having to turn and look. She didn't want to look, she had to stay strong. If she allowed herself to see her own pain reflected in Buffy's eyes. . .she'd stay. They'd be happy for a while, but Faith knew she'd always regret not taking her chance to prove herself first.

She had to believe Buffy could trust her enough to let her go, out of love. They hadn't told each other words of love yet, but it was there. It was clear. Faith had thought Buffy was about to say it just after she'd came the last time, but the words had gone unsaid. She knew for sure she would have said them back. Faith had no experience with saying those words, but she knew she'd have no choice but to tell Buffy how she felt if Buffy said it first.

Whether it was said or not. . .it was obvious what was between them, and Faith knew a lot more was at stake this time. They'd come close, so close to falling into place with each other, but it wasn't time yet. All she needed was a little more time. Time to heal herself, to prove herself, before falling into Buffy's arms forever.

“Last night I asked you not to tell me I'm walking away, Buffy,” Faith said solidly, keeping her emotions in check. “I'm not walking away from you. From this.”

She turned to see tears trickling down Buffy's face, her heart breaking to have to hurt her one last time.

“I need to do this,” Faith continued, her voice cracking just a little as her control slipped for a second. “We need to do this.”

Stepping towards Buffy she lifted her hand and gently pushed a blonde lock of hair from her face. She wasn't going to cry, not when everything inside her told her it was right to find her way before travelling back to the girl she'd always loved. It stung, ached, burned deep inside her heart, just like it always had when something she'd done had hurt Buffy, but she couldn't give in to it. It had to be this way. She had to believe in herself, and believe in Buffy's love for her.

“I'm sorry,” Faith said softly before moving away from Buffy and gathering her clothes up.

Buffy watched as Faith got dressed, blinking past the tears she couldn't seem to stop. She wanted to stop them. Still wanted to find some way to get Faith to stay, even though she knew Faith was right in her choice.

As Faith pulled on the handle to leave the room, Buffy felt her insides lurch. She felt the connection getting further away and clung with all her will and strength to the hope that was left.

“Faith,” she said quietly, her voice straining through the tears, “don't go.”

Faith gripped the door handle almost hard enough to break it. Buffy sounded so small, so delicate. But Faith knew Buffy was tough, and if her love was true she knew their short separation would only make them stronger. She was sure of that.

Taking one last glance at Buffy, Faith pushed open the door and stepped out into the corridor, swallowing hard to stop the feelings welling up inside her. She heard Buffy follow as far as the doorway as she walked away in the direction of her own room to get her things, willing herself not to turn around.

“I should never have let you come here,” Buffy called down the corridor to Faith, anger seeping out with her pain. “I hate you for how you make me feel.”

The door slammed shut and Faith stopped before turning the corner at the end of the corridor. There was no need to turn around, Buffy was inside the room now, her anger taking over where love should only be. It was the same old fairground ride – spinning them round and round.

“I love you,” Faith said under her breath, a soft whisper that nobody would hear.

She set going again, headed for her room, salty tears escaping her grasp as she tried to remember every touch and every kiss in case they would be the last ones she'd ever get from Buffy.

After showering and gathering her belongings, Faith slowly made her way to meet Giles. She was cutting it close, but didn't much feel like being around people. She just wanted to leave with as little fuss as possible.

“Ah, there you are, I was beginning to think we'd need to send a search party,” Giles said cheerily as Faith entered the communications room.

Faith's grunt in response indicated to him instantly that cheer wasn't welcome. It was often best not to cross Faith when she was in a bad mood.

“Well then, let's get going. We have a lot of work ahead,” he continued, speaking mainly towards Xander, who was coordinating their departure.

Xander checked some details with his helpful witches and assistants and stepped down from his podium. There was no sign of Buffy but Faith wasn't surprised. Maybe she'd made the wrong decision after all. Maybe leaving was the wrong choice.

Of course, she knew deep down past the ache in her heart that she wasn't wrong. If they were meant to be together they would be. . .maybe one day.

“Was great seeing you, Faith,” Xander told her as he took her hand to shake it.

She smiled up at him, gripping her bag with one hand and accepting the handshake with the other. He didn't deserve her bad mood so she tried her best to keep it in check.

His smile was warm, his heart pure and full of acceptance and love for Faith. Not the sticky kind of love that would remind him Faith had taken his virginity, but a friendly love. He couldn't help but feel for Faith, even after all that had been said and done in the past.

“Maybe see you around sometime,” Faith said, letting go of his hand so he could step back before she got zapped back to her apartment.

“You'd better, because we'll be waiting,” Buffy called as she entered the room.

Faith looked towards her, expecting to see anger and hurt in her eyes.

But Buffy didn't look angry, she looked radiant. Her hair freshly washed and bouncing in blonde tumbles over her shoulders. Her slaying outfit, all tight black material and straps and buckles making her seem stealthy and sexy all at once. She was in control, powerful, beautiful.

Her eyes never left Faith's, and Faith didn't move from her spot as Buffy stopped in front of her.

“I didn't mean it,” she said directly to Faith as the other people in the room kept quiet, and kept out of the way. “I don't hate you.”

There was a whooshing noise and the ground beneath Faith's feet started to glow.

“Counter had started already, sorry,” Xander called from his position at the communications desk.

Faith had seconds to just gaze at Buffy before being shot off through God knows what until she got to her apartment, but Buffy didn't waste those seconds just looking. Leaning in and taking Faith's face in her hands, she kissed her fully, softly, every ounce of love pouring from one another on tender lips.

Faith's eyes were closed as Buffy pulled away slowly.

“I love you,” Buffy told her, the words floating out over the whooshing noise.

Opening her eyes to tell Buffy the same back, Faith found herself back in her apartment, the grey light from outside barely illuminating the dark corners around her. She heard Giles vomiting in the kitchen sink close by and bit back the desire to do the same.

Her choices had been made. Her path was set.

Glancing around, she noticed a small yellow flower tapping against the kitchen window as the wind brushed through its petals. It stood proud from the decaying plants beside it in her long forgotten window box.

She smiled, took a deep breath, and made a promise to herself that she'd make it back to Buffy soon. . .so she could tell her once and for all that she loved her, and that she was hers forever.

“Well, that was certainly a surprise,” Giles mumbled as he wiped at his mouth beside her. “I didn't even know Buffy was. . .well, inclined towards females in that way.”

Faith couldn't help but laugh as he began to fumble with his glasses.

“Been a long time comin',” she said with a grin. “Now let's get this shit on the road. We got slayers to see. . .and when we're done with that, I got a whole lotta slayer to do.”

The End



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