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Drunken Shenanigans

I "fake-joined" the OMG (Oh my God) - I Need a Drink Swap at Craftster, which simply means that, while you still have to follow the rules for said event, instead of actually exchanging the item(s) that you made with another member, you're creating it for yourself. The "Fake Swap Craftalong" at Craftster is intended for people that really want to participate in a particular challenge, but, for whatever reason, can't (lack of funds for shipping, having already reached their quota limit for active swaps, wanting to make a certain object/thing but their partner(s) aren't interested in the subject matter, etc.) In my case, I've just been so lazy about producing any kind of artwork lately that I figured having some deadlines hanging over my head would force me to get to work on something, anything, and, thus far, that motivational strategy is working. Or, at least it was, until I bought some new video games . . . my productivity took a steep nose dive after that!

The object of said swap was to make 3-points worth of booze-themed stuff and to share a couple of your favorite drink recipes. I don't even partake of alcohol, or approve of the activity, so, I really don't know what I was thinking when I signed up (I probably wasn't thinking at all, to tell you the truth). Now, understand, I'm no saint; in my early twenties I did occasionally drink, and usually the hard stuff, not beer. I just don't like the taste of alcohol, nor do I enjoy the sensation of being intoxicated.

Anyway . . . after several days of brainstorming and researching booze-related stuff, without anything really grabbing me, this idea for a silhouette figurine just magically popped into my head. And, once I thought of it, I knew I had to make it! The "Nobody buys beer. You only rent it for a little while." quote is a fairly common saying, but I believe I first read it in one of Stephen King's novels. It's true too: it doesn't take long for your body to process (or reject, if you have a weak stomach or have already had too much) any alcohol that you drink and direct it back out again (preferably through the urethra and not the mouth).

The first thing that I did was search online for silhouettes of men urinating on Google. I also saved one of a guy vomiting, as a possible alternative design, but pissing is just so much classier, and pleasant, than puking. I sketched the figure and urine stream freehand in pencil, using the image above as a still-life reference model. I then cut out three paper copies, glued them onto cardboard from a cereal box, cut them out again (pointless redundancy is a fun way to waste your existence) and then stuck them all together into a 3-ply cardboard sandwich for added strength/thickness. I figured some simple, 3-Dimensional beer cans, littered around his feet, would also add to the presentation, so I made four of those out of paper/cardboard as well.

This is the layout for the geometry of the base, and the internal support for said structure, that I measured out on cardboard. Photos of lines and numbers are super-stimulating, right?

Here's everything prior to final assembly. The lattice-like support structure goes inside of the base to make it sturdier and help prevent the cardboard from warping/distorting while it's temporarily wet from either glue or paint. You can skip that element (I've made plenty of hollow, geometric objects over the years without inserting any of those inside and they turned out fine and dandy), but it does make for a better and stronger build. The only downside, other than taking more work/time, is that it adds more weight to your model, but, at the smaller scale I usually work at, that's a negligible concern, as the objects I create typically don't weigh very much. Generally, it's good for a base to be heavier than the figure(s) adorning it anyway, as that goes a long way towards keeping it from tipping over.

And this is what the fully-assembled model looked like just prior to slapping a coat of matte black acrylic paint onto it. And, man, my fingerprints really show up beautifully on that color with even the slightest bit of handling--if you ever murder me, don't touch this thing on your way out of the house or the police will get you for sure! Or, you know, you could just be a sensible criminal like the rest of us and wear gloves.

The final result. I should have done a better job printing the text, like maybe not doing the whole thing in caps, but, other than that, I think it turned out pretty well.

With that finished, I turned my attention to another liquor-themed project that I wanted to try, namely a pair of "Little Brown Jug" earrings. My ears aren't pierced, never have been, and probably never will be, but I do like jewelry, even if I don't typically wear any myself (other than watches). I had not made a human-sized pair of earrings prior to this either, just tiny ones for various small figures that I've modeled over the years, thus, this was a first for me. I did check out and read a jewelry-making book from the library once, so, I almost, kinda, sorta knew what I was doing . . . maybe.

I began things by using the cap of this heart-shaped plastic bottle as a form to make the hollow moonshine jugs. I don't know if the pink stuff inside said vessel is colored sand, sugar, or something else entirely, and I'm not tasting any to find out either (I got the bottle in a random bag of girls' toys from a thrift store quite a while ago--hanging onto it paid off for this project). I wrapped five layers of newsprint around the cap, glued the separately-made spout/cork and handle onto that, removed it from the bottle, and glued a cardboard disc onto the bottom of the jug to close and complete the shape.

I then went over both forms thoroughly with my wood burner to smooth and harden them before I painted the bottles, added the triple-X labels, and sealed them.

Next, I fabricated the metal ring and hook components out of paper clips and wire twist ties. I imagine that individuals who make earrings from scratch on a regular basis would be aghast at my choice of materials, but, as I don't have any proper jewelry components lying around, I made do with what was on hand. I don't know if the metal paperclips are made out of is allergenic or not, but, as I'm not going to wear them anyway, it doesn't really matter.

And here are the finished earrings. I may not be able to sport them, but my Spin Master Liv Sophie styling head was happy to model them for us. I stuck my glasses on her too for the heck of it (I'm easily amused). While they're not terribly complex, these earrings did take me several hours to make (as is often the case when I try something new, it's a lot more work than I thought it would be), and, for my first attempt at such a thing, I'm pretty happy with how they turned out. But, mind you, I'm not ecstatic enough to celebrate by perforating my ear lobes.

Apparently, Mystique's mutant powers include the ability to drink from bottles without first removing the corks!

Lastly, these are the two drink recipes I had to include, as per the swap's parameters. When I drank, I didn't really do mixed beverages; I just downed the stuff straight from the bottle. So, having little experience with those, I went to and picked out a couple of high-ranking concoctions that looked good. I mostly choked down vodka (and the cheap stuff at that) when I did drink, so that was my only other criteria for selection. I'll admit that I was going to be evil and put "pour it down the sink" as the final direction on both cards, but I ultimately chose to play it straight.

For these, I simply drew up a cocktail-shaped card design, traced the outlines onto paper, glued them onto cardboard backing, and then cut them out. For my first attempt, I used watercolor paint to "fill" the glasses, but that turned out too dark for the text to show up well. That being the case, I started over and just lightly shaded them with colored pencil instead, which is hardly noticeable, but, being able to easily read the directions was my primary concern.

Group photo of all the stuff that I made for the five fake swaps that I signed up for to date:

[Silhouette Figurine] Notebook paper, newsprint, cardboard from a cereal box, white glue, acrylic paint, ink, and marker.
[Earrings] Newsprint, white glue, cardboard from a cereal box, paper clips, wire twist ties, acrylic paint, and ink.
[Recipe Cards] White paper, white glue, cardboard from a cereal box, ink, and colored pencil.

[Silhouette Figurine] 6.6 cm (2.6") wide x 8.5 cm (3.3") tall.
[Earrings (jugs only)] 1.4 cm (0.6") diameter x 2.7 cm (1.1") high.
[Recipe Cards] 8.9 cm (3.5") wide x 11.6 cm (4.6") tall.

Three days in July 2015: I made the Silhouette Figurine on the 8th, the Little Brown Jug Earrings on the 9th, and the Drink Recipe Cards on the 10th.

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