What’s in a Name?
"You're worthless"
"You'll never amount to anything"
"It's all your fault"
"You're ugly"
“You’re fat”
“Cracker/Honky/Spic/Slant-eye/Wet-back/Chink/Nigger”
Shakespeare wrote “A rose by any other name…” Children sing “Sticks and stones may break my bones, but names will never hurt me.” But that is NOT true. “Teasing” and “Put-downs” are verbal abuse and it hurts VERY much. “Verbal abuse is like a rock thrown through your window.”
We can see the results of physical abuse, but often the results of verbal abuse are not readily apparent. Psychological abuse, mental abuse, verbal abuse, are very difficult to deal with and it may take a long time, if ever, to heal.
This kind of abuse has some common markers:
1) It makes the victims feel as though they're going crazy--they no longer trust either their own intellects or their own instincts
2) It renders them emotionally disorganized, and unable to trust their own feelings. Often they are unable to determine just how it is that they are supposed (by their abusers) to think and feel, and lose the ability to trust their own thoughts and feelings, and simply give up--they disconnect themselves.
3) It is often communicated to the next generation. Spouse to spouse, parent to children (Verbal abuse and disrespect are not healthy for individuals or relationships. And children watching a parent regularly disrespected by the other parent learn terrible lessons about the value (or lack of value?) of virtues and skills like courtesy and human kindness. Not to mention that they're quite likely to either begin treating the victimized parent with the disdain -- or outright abuse -- they've seen modeled, or be angry at the offending parent for hurting the other.)
The definition of emotional abuse is "to assail with contemptuous, coarse or insulting words" "or "to deceive or trick or to hurt someone emotionally. Sometimes called verbal or psychological abuse, emotional abuse is perhaps the least understood form of violence.
The New Testament writer James said that even though the human tongue is a small part of the body, it has the power to make a tremendous impact (“My brethren, be not many masters, knowing that we shall receive the greater condemnation. For in many things we offend all. If any man offend not in word, the same is a perfect man, and able also to bridle the whole body. Behold, we put bits in the horses' mouths, that they may obey us; and we turn about their whole body. Behold also the ships, which though they be so great, and are driven of fierce winds, yet are they turned about with a very small helm, whithersoever the governor listeth. Even so the tongue is a little member, and boasteth great things. Behold, how great a matter a little fire kindleth! And the tongue is a fire, a world of iniquity: so is the tongue among our members, that it defileth the whole body, and setteth on fire the course of nature; and it is set on fire of hell. For every kind of beasts, and of birds, and of serpents, and of things in the sea, is tamed, and hath been tamed of mankind: But the tongue can no man tame; it is an unruly evil, full of deadly poison. Therewith bless we God, even the Father; and therewith curse we men, which are made after the similitude of God. Out of the same mouth proceedeth blessing and cursing. My brethren, these things ought not so to be. Doth a fountain send forth at the same place sweet water and bitter? Can the fig tree, my brethren, bear olive berries? either a vine, figs? so can no fountain both yield salt water and fresh.” - James. 3:1-12). The book of Proverbs 18:21 reminds us that “the tongue has the power of life and death” (“Death and life are in the power of the tongue: and they that love it shall eat the fruit thereof.”). The language we use to communicate with one another is like a knife. In the hands of a careful and skilled surgeon, a knife can work to do good. But in the hands of a careless or ignorant person, it can cause great harm. So it is with words.
The Bible teaches that a kind word can uplift, nourish, and mend a broken heart. Proverbs 16:24 says, “Pleasant words are a honeycomb, sweet to the soul and healing to the bones.” A well-considered word can help to restore confidence, hope, and purpose to a spouse who feels dejected, lost, and confused. For example, a husband could lift the spirits of his wife by saying, “Honey, I appreciate your patience with me lately. I know I’ve been absorbed in my work. I’ve taken you for granted. You’ve been hurting, and I’ve been too preoccupied to realize it.”
Don't Laugh At Me
I'm a little boy with glasses, the one they
call a geek
a little girl who never smiles cuz I got braces on my teeth
and I know how it feels to cry myself to sleep
I'm that kid on every playground, whose always chosen last
a single teenage mother trying to overcome her past
You don’t have to be my friend if it's too much to ask
Don't laugh at me, don't call me names
Don't get your pleasure from my pain
In God's eyes we're all the same
some day we'll all have perfect Wings
Don’t laugh at me
I'm a cripple on the corner
You pass me on the street
I wouldn't be out here begging if I had enough to eat
and don't think I don’t notice that our eyes never meet
I lost my wife and little boy when someone crossed that yellow line
The day we layed 'em in the ground was the day I lost my mind
Right now I'm down to holding this little cardboard sign
Don't laugh at me, Don't call me names
Don't get your pleasure from my pain
In God's eyes we're all the same
Someday we'll all have perfect wings
Don’t laugh at me
I'm fat, I'm thin
I'm short, I'm tall
I'm deaf, I'm blind
Hey aren't we all
Don't laugh at me, Don't call me names
Don't get your pleasure from my pain
In God's eyes we're all the same
Someday we'll all have perfect wings
Don't laugh at me
Written by Allen
Shamblin and Steve Seskin
Performed by Mark Wills
What you may not know is that many of us are guilty of emotional abuse, even if it is in subtle ways. To see if you are a victim, perpetrator or both, look to the list.
Emotional abuse may include:
Does this mean that we should never cause pain with our words? No. There is a time for “verbal surgery.” Some situations require the compassionate and skillful use of incisive words that may cause pain (“Faithful are the wounds of a friend; but the kisses of an enemy are deceitful. - Proverbs 27:6). All of us need admonition, correction, and constructive criticism at times. Even though they are necessary, such words still hurt. But this is not the kind of pain that harms (“For though I made you sorry with a letter, I do not repent, though I did repent: for I perceive that the same epistle hath made you sorry, though it were but for a season. Now I rejoice, not that ye were made sorry, but that ye sorrowed to repentance: for ye were made sorry after a godly manner, that ye might receive damage by us in nothing. For godly sorrow worketh repentance to salvation not to be repented of: but the sorrow of the world worketh death.” - 2 Corinthians 7:8-10). It is pain intended to help us grow.
Often we don’t take seriously the power of the tongue to assault and its ability to devastate. A few inconsiderate words can kill the spirit of a spouse or a friend. Proverbs 12:18 states that reckless words pierce like a sword. (“There is that speaketh like the piercings of a sword: but the tongue of the wise is health.”) James 3:8 described the tongue as being full of deadly poison (“But the tongue can no man tame; it is an unruly evil, full of deadly poison.”). Psalm 52:2 speaks of the tongue as a sharpened razor that works to bring about the destruction of another (”Thy tongue deviseth mischiefs; like a sharp rasor, working deceitfully.”).
Make your comments sharp and abrupt. If the abuse does not stop right away,
leave. Get away quickly, especially if there is the threat of physical
violence.
Are you a Verbal Abuser? Stop now!
Are you being verbal abused? Stop it now!
Read a self-help guide. Get professional help if needed.
Verbal abuse includes things like name-calling, put-downs, and mean humor. It is a form of bullying, where one person tries to make other people do what he/she wants by threatening them, teasing them, or making fun of them. VERBAL ABUSE HURTS PEOPLE.
Excerpts taken from:
http://www.palmbeach.k12.fl.us/SafeSchools/pages/training/verbalabuse.html
http://www.jhbmc.jhu.edu/OPA/baynews/fall2002/words.html
http://www.geocities.com/Wellesley/8301/vabuse.html
http://members.tripod.com/~DeafDeb/verbal.html
http://www.firelily.com/support/depression/emotional.abuse.html
http://www.gospelcom.net/rbc/ds/cb011/page1.html
http://www.ivillagehealth.com/experts/emotional/qas/0,,166204_502,00.html
http://home.att.net/~scorh5/Laugh.html
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