sad day
alright...so sad for angelfire, but not really. i've started a new xanga site, so i'll no longer be doing my blog here. want to see the continuation? check it out... http://www.xanga.com/katieatm08

long distance awareness day
Mood:  crushed out
alright, so it's valentine's day. how depressing. to make it worse, i was lying out on the grass in the sun (it's like 80 degrees out there...why can't every day in february be like this?), and i looked down at me phone to see how much time i had before my test, and it says i'm receiving a call from a korean number (+8...a bunch of numbers the phone doesn't understand), but right as i hit the yes button, it went to one missed call. it never made any noise or vibrated or anything. because sony ericsson phones suck and don't understand the concept of RINGING, i missed my valentine's day phone call. so i cried for 2 minutes and then had to take a big test. joy to the world. on the bright side, it's gorgeous out, and i am so going to take my convertible out for fresh air...

It's a baby!
Mood:  celebratory
I got a call from chris this morning (nice surprise in itself), and he said that Mike and Jen are having a baby! We witnessed their marriage last year and signed the certificate and everything (very fun). Anyway, they just found out and don't know if it's a boy or girl yet. So as soon as Chris tells me, he's like, "can we have a baby someday?" And I'm all, "Hell no! Not until I'm done with school at least." Besides, even after I graduate, I want time with Chris all to myself...no sharing with any screaming brats!

oops...
Mood:  chatty
okay, so you know those moments when you are really upset, and you know you're going to regret it, but you rant anyway? so i had one of those moments. you can't really blame me, i'm female, and we already had this discussion. i don't like hanging out with females because they're fickle, dramatic, and overreact to the slightest things. this is why i like boys. in case you hadn't already figured it out, chris called this morning. we talked for almost 6 whole minutes. it was wonderful. obviously, he had the perfect excuse...he's not working at his desk this week, so he doesn't have access to the internet. now why didn't i think of that?? because i'm a girl, and i overreact by nature. but i'm sorry anyway.

in molly's words, 'sad day...'
Mood:  blue
i haven't heard anything from chris since last thursday. is this supposed to be a sign of some sort? i was upset with him because he wasn't talking to me like he used to. i kept asking questions like, what do you do after work, what do you do on the weekends, what kind of people are you meeting, what are they like, etc., and all i got were quick, generic responses and, 'nothing, it's boring here.' okay. so he doesn't have much to talk about. i don't care, make something up. last thing i heard, i told him i was going to bed, and he said, 'goodnight, i'll talk to you later.' that was thursday. far be it from me to think that he would possibly use the weekend to buy a phone card to call, or even use his whole day at work in front of a computer on monday to send a quick, how are you today? no. but maybe monday is a very busy day. and now it's 2:45 p.m. his time on tuesday. is tuesday a busy day, too? and how is it that when he was in high school and working 2 part-time jobs that he could find hours for me, and now he is obviously 'bored,' but he can't find time to let me know he's still alive?!? nothing. no, 'i'm sorry, i've been busy.' no, 'i love you, but i can't talk right now.' i have a life, too. unfortunately, that life has lately been reduced to staying up until 2:00 every morning to check my e-mail every 15 minutes and finally cry myself to sleep, only to set an alarm for 3:00, so i can check the e-mail and do it again.

does he really think that the solution to a fight that started with him not telling me enough about what he's been doing lately is halting all communication???

Talking
Mood:  happy
I got to talk to Chris through e-mail tonight. There's about a 5-10 minute delay on it. It's not too bad at all. I rather enjoyed it. Anyway, it's nice to get to have a semi-conversation with him, considering that tomorrow is our 2 year anniversary, and I feel like crying every time I think of that (which is about every 3 and a half seconds). It's 11:30 at night, and I'm getting tired, but I don't want to go to bed while I can still get an e-mail from him.

back to school...
Mood:  not sure
so i have been trying to avoid the thought of next wednesday (January 26th is chris and my 2nd anniversary), but now it's less than a week away, and it's horridly depressing. it feels like he's been gone so long, but today only marks day 19. i found out during my 4 a.m. phone call that he won't be coming home at 6 months like we had thought. honestly, that was all that was keeping me going. now i just want to curl up in a little ball, go to sleep, and wake up in a year. at this point, the going to sleep is half the trouble.

other than that, i'm trying to get used to being back in class, too. i'm taking all these history-related classes, and i hate history. at least i'm getting all these credits out of the way, but i just want to be done with school for good, and i still have 4 years to go...

wish it weren't happening to me
Mood:  blue
i'm back at school now. classes start tomorrow, and that means no more wonderful sitting around in s.a. doing nothing. most unfortunately, it also means that i have more stuff to do, and it's a lot harder to just drop everything when those all too precious phone calls come in from korea. chris called while i was in a movie today ('in good company,' which is, by the way, a pretty good movie), and i couldn't talk, and after i hung up i started sobbing and missed 5 minutes of the movie. (wouldn't it have been just as productive to have talked that long?) i got the feeling that was like the most important 5 minutes, too, because when i started paying attention again everyone was getting fired and hired and promoted, and i couldn't figure out what had happened. so now i'm freaking out that chris is going to be mad that i chose a stupid movie over a call (from korea no less), and there's nothing i can do about it except sit here and wait for his next call, which probably won't come for another 20 hours or so, if it does come. such is the life of a military girlfriend. will i EVER get used to this???

birthday celebration
Mood:  special
we went to mamacita's for my birthday tonight. justin and rodie and my family came along. it was nice to be the center of attention. *grin* i was finishing up my meal and all of a sudden i felt something heavy plop on my head. i flinched and glanced up to discover an oversized sombrero and a large group of waiters ready to sing... joy. anyway, it was fun. the first time i went to mamacita's was for my graduation celebration, and chris wasn't there then either (he was in basic at that point). a soppy story: chris and i went there for our 18 month anniversary and laughed so hard that the waitress came up and asked if we were on our first date. and now that great quote 'I always knew I'd look back at the sad times and laugh--I never thought I'd look back at the happy times and cry,' is coming uncomfortably true, so i should go before this blog becomes completely incoherent.

birthday call...sorta
Mood:  not sure
it's the 12th here, but it's already my birthday in korea, so i just got my 3 minute happy birthday call from chris. in one way, i'm happy that i got to talk to him and that it's my birthday...or tomorrow is my birthday. but in the same moment i'm strangely sad because that long-distance call means one thing in particular--that he's not here, and he won't be here tomorrow. now isn't that a depressing thought. unfortunately, it brings up the next uncomfortable topic that he won't be here for our 2 year anniversery in 2 weeks either. i know we tried to celebrate it last month just before he left, but the thought of spending the 26th all alone isn't too appealing.

aren't birthdays supposed to be happy?