Four Horsemen Fantasy Football Week

Four Horsemen Fantasy Football Week

Standings

Ric Flair Division

Team

X - El Chupacabra

1164

1156

X - Battlin' Wookies

1285

1276

X - Fightin' Roos

1238

1322

Sunshine Band

1153

1235

Fighting Bass

1159

1311

Arn Anderson Division

Team

X - Lady Pioneers

1391

1225

X - Sweet Chin Music

1299

1245

X - River Bats

1393

1287

Goodfellas

1229

1346

Corporate Raiders	3	9	1	1307	1335
X - Clinched playoff berth

Week Thirteen Results

Battlin' Wookies	115	Sunshine Band	69	The Band needed to win to make the playoffs and they didn't get close as the Wookies blew the three time champs out by 46 points. Clinton Portis and Rich Gannon were fantastic for the Wookies who are in the playoffs for the first time in my memory. Of course, my brain's not working so well since I quit drinking so much. I think there was a delicate balance of alcohol in my system that I've disturbed. Now, where was I? Oh yeah, the Wookies are in the playoffs. If Marshall Faulk can play a full game for them, they may even be dangerous. They have to play the Bats in the first round of the playoffs. Look for a preview of that matchup below.
Fightin' Roos	116	Fighting Bass	108	This turned out to be a better game than I expected, even after Sunday night's game. Laverneandshirleynus Coles scored 15 and Tim Brown scored 9 for the Bass to almost make things competitive. The Bass almost won their last two games after the dismal start and almost caught the Sunshine Band for fourth place. The Roos improved to 6-7, which is enough to make it into the playoffs in the crappy Flair division this year. The Roos got a big game from Garrison Hearst with 33 to propel them into the playoffs. Hearst has been very good this season. Tony Gonzalez also made a return from the dead and scored in double figures for the first time in a while.
Sweet Chin Music	98	El Chupacabra	72	Sweet Chin Music picked up the win and moved to 8-5. They also took a second place spot in the Anderson division with the victory even though they've scored quite a few more points than the River Bats this year because they scored more in the two weeks that counted. They'll have a matchup with the Fightin' Roos in the playoffs this week. I'm willing to bet a dollar that this game is also previewed at the bottom of the newsletter, so go down there and read it. Really. I'm tired of cranking all this crap out for you guys and getting no love. Sweet Chin got 35 from Ricky Williams which had an incredible game in a loss for the Miami Dolphins.
Lady Pioneers	97	Corporate Raiders	94	There Kirk is. He becomes the first team in three years to win 10 games in a season. He's on the verge of making it into the national playoffs, and sitting right there are the crappy Corporate Raiders. And he almost goes out and screws that one up. Luckily Peerless Price scored 21 points to allow them to pick up the win. 10 from Simeon Rice (which probably matched his total for the entire year) also helped him out quite a bit. The Corporate Raiders scored 94 in the loss, but they ended up a bit below average for themselves. Daunte Culpepper had 30 points, and he had some other consistent performers, but it wasn't quite enough.
River Bats	143	Goodfellas	116	Before last week, I said that if Kirk could score 100 points, he'd break the all time record for scoring average. He didn't quite get there, but he still scored enough to break the previous record. However, if you'll look at the top of the newsletter, you'll see that the River Bats have scored more points based on the fact that they outscored the Ladies by 46 points this week. Oh yeah, they played the Goodfellas this week. The Goodfellas had a hell of a game, with six players in double figures and two more with nine points. Mike Vick and LaDanian Tomlinson flat friggin' exploded this week and combined for 85 points. You really don't need much from anyone else after that. Now, the damn Bats will probably go out and choke it off in the first round of the playoffs.

First Round Playoffs

Team	Team	Line	Comments
Battlin' Wookies	River Bats	Bats 15	Look at the bottom for insightful commentary. Ha! I'm just shitting you! For insightful commentary, you'd have to find someone who actually knows what they're talking about and you guys are stuck with whatever crap I manage to throw together. I bet the Bats win, and the fact that they're my team is only about 65 percent of the reason why. Now, read on.
Fightin' Roos	Sweet Chin Music	SCM 10	The Flair division sucks! Of course, you probably already knew that if you've been following things this season. The four highest scoring teams in the league this season played in the Anderson division, so I'm picking the Anderson to continue on in that vein. Here's betting that three of the final four teams are from the Anderson.

Last Week's Record 0-0 (I forgot to pick the games after doing all that stupid work picking playoff scenarios. On a positive note, at least I didn't get a game wrong); Season Record 35 - 20

Rosters

	Fightin' Roos		Fighting Bass		El Chupacabra		Battlin' Wookies		Sunshine Band
	Owner: Stacey Johnson		Owner: Mark Cardwell		Owner: Cliff Ely		Owner: Tim Whiting		Owner: Casey Chalmers
QB	Peyton Manning	17	Drew Bledsoe	33	Jeff Garcia	12	Rich Gannon	31	Aaron Brooks	18
RB	Charlie Garner	11	Priest Holmes	28	Anthony Thomas	2	Clinton Portis	31	Marcel Shipp	6
RB	Garrison Hearst	33	Stephen Davis	6	Travis Henry	23	Curtis Martin	3	Ahman Green	12
WR	Ed McCaffrey	12	Tim Brown	9	Eric Moulds	19	Chad Johnson	13	Rod Smith	3
WR	Torry Holt	8	Kevin Johnson	5	Donte Stallworth	0	Rod Gardner	13	Terry Glenn	3
WR	Tai Streets	6	L Coles	15	James Thrash	2	Kyshawn Johnson	7	Eddie Kennison	8
TE	Tony Gonzalez	13	Marcus Pollard	7	Anthony Becht	0	Bubba Franks	9	Randy McMichael	0
K	Adam Vinateri	8	Olindo Mare	3	Jeff Wilkins	2	M Vanderjagt	8	Jason Elam	10
DL	Jason Taylor	6	Shaun Rogers	1	Grant Wistrom	8	Kevin Carter	0	Mike Strahan	4
LB	Zach Thomas	2	Jamie Sharper	1	Roosevelt Colvin	3	Ray Lewis	0	Al Wilson	3
DB	Ty Law	0	Samari Rolle	0	Sammy Knight	1	Champ Bailey	0	Rodney Harrison	2
QB	Jim Miller		D McNabb		Tom Brady		Kerry Collins		Brad Johnson
QB	Chris Weinke		David Carr		Joey Harrington		V Testaverde		Drew Brees
RB	James Stewart		Trung Canidate		Jerome Bettis		Marshall Faulk		Eddie George
RB	Warrick Dunn		Lamar Smith		TJ Duckett		Stacey Mack		Jamel White
WR	Joey Galloway		D Alexander		Corey Bradford		Travis Taylor		Bobby Engram
WR	Bill Schroeder		JJ Stokes		David Patten		Darrell Jackson		Qadry Ismail
TE	Ken Dilger		Jay Riemersma		By Chamberlain		Eric Johson		Freddie Jones
K	Doug Brien		Kris Brown		Phil Dawson		Joe Nedney		Jay Feeley
DL	Mike McCrary		Chad Bratzke		Trevor Pryce		Hugh Douglas		Leonard Little
LB	Michael Barrow		Sam Cowart		Kendrell Bell		Dat Nguyen		Ron McKinnon
DB	Roy Williams		B Westbrook		Lawyer Milloy		Tyrone Williams		Donovan Darius

	River Bats		Corporate Raiders		Lady Pioneers		Sweet Chin Music		Goodfellas
	Owner :Jeremiah Bentley		Owner: Jim Morris		Owner: Kirk Short		Owner: Kris Montgomery		Owner: Steven Dougherty
QB	Michael Vick	40	D Culpepper	30	Trent Green	22	Brett Favre	23	Kurt Warner	14
RB	L Tomlinson	45	Shaun Alexander	15	Deuce McAllister	16	Antowain Smith	14	Corey Dillon	15
RB	Jamal Lewis	12	Tiki Barber	12	Edgerrin James	6	Ricky Williams	35	Fred Taylor	15
WR	Randy Moss	13	Marvin Harrison	10	Terrell Owens	4	Jerry Rice	12	Plaxico Burress	9
WR	Hines Ward	7	Isaac Bruce	7	Donald Driver	6	Jimmy Smith	8	Joe Horn	16
WR	Troy Brown	11	Marty Booker	5	Peerless Price	21	Curtis Conway	0	Derrick Mason	17
TE	Billy Miller	4	Mikhael Ricks	1	Jeremy Shockey	7	Cam Cleeland	0	Todd Heap	9
K	Mike Hollis	7	Ryan Longwell	12	David Akers	4	Mart Gramatica	5	S Janikowski	15
DL	Julius Peppers	3	Courtney Brown	1	Simeon Rice	10	Warren Sapp	1	Andre Carter	0
LB	Derrick Brooks	0	Jason Gildon	0	Patrick Kerney	0	Joey Porter	0	Brian Urlacher	1
DB	Lance Schulters	1	Donnie Abraham	1	Mike Brown	1	Ronde Barber	0	Troy Vincent	5
QB	Steve McNair		Jake Plummer		Shane Matthews		Mark Brunell		Marc Bulger
QB	Jay Fiedler		Quincy Carter		Brian Griese		C Hutchinson		Tim Couch
RB	Thomas Jones		William Green		Kenny Watson		Kevan Barlow		Michael Bennett
RB	Mike Alstott		Duce Staley		Michael Pittman		Emmitt Smith		Olandis Gary
WR	David Patten		Steve Smith		Chris Chambers		Jerry Porter		Amani Toomer
WR	Antonio Bryant		Anton Freeman		Koren Robinson		Quincy Morgan		M Muhammad
TE	Frank Wycheck		Chad Lewis		Alge Crumpler		Shannon Sharpe		David Sloan
K	Todd Peterson		Paul Edinger		Neil Rackers		Matt Stover		M Andersen
DL	Greg Ellis		Joe Johnson		Marcellus Wiley		John Abraham		Jevon Kearse
LB	Dexter Coakley		Peter Boulware		Keith Brooking		Dwayne Rudd		Takeo Spikes
DB	Ed Reed		Fred Smoot		Delthea O'Neal		Greg Wesley		Chad Scott

Playoff Preview

	Battlin' Wookies		River Bats
Position	Player	Advantage	Player	Advantage	Comment
QB	Rich Gannon		Michael Vick	X	Michael Vick continues to be more and more amazing every week. Last week he had 350 total yards and three touchdowns, including two rushing (which basically counts as two touchdowns). Rich Gannon ain't bad for an old fart from Delaware, but we'll give Vick the advantage
RB	Marshall Faulk		LaDanian Tomlinson	X	It's almost hard to believe that someone should be given the advantage over Marshall Faulk, but Marshall Marshall Marshall (OK, that's the first time I've done that this year, so give me a little break) hasn't been himself with his health. Tomlinson has also been on fire recently.
RB	Clinton Portis	X	Jamal Lewis		Clinton Portis will be the rookie of the year this year. Miami has produced a couple of decent running backs over the last few years in case you didn't notice. Lewis has been good, but he can't quite compare.
WR	Rod Gardner		Randy Moss	X	My first mistake may have been calling Rod Gardner the Wookies top receiver, but it was hard to pick anyone for this role with the corps Squatch has at wideout. Calling Randy Moss better than Hines Ward made be a stretch, too, but he's clearly better than Gardner.
WR	Keyshawn Johnson		Hines Ward	X	This is probably the closest battle of all the wideouts. Keyshawn is still having some serious problems getting into the end zone, and Ward is a big favorite of Tommy Maddox, so we'll give him the advantage.
WR	Chad Johnson		Troy Brown	X	Troy Brown caught 100 balls last year. Chad Johnson was picked up last week. Nuf 'ced.
TE	Bubba Franks	X	Billy Miller		Once we get to this spot, there isn't a whole lot left to talk about (especially since Tony Gonzalez isn't involved in this game). Franks is a little better than Billy Miller, and Miller plays for the crappy Houston Texans, so we'll give him the nod.
K	Mike Vanderjagt	X	Mike Hollis		Vanderjagt's better than Hollis
DL	Kevin Carter		La'Roi Glover	X	Glover's better than Kevin Carter
LB	?		Derrick Brooks	X	Derrick Brooks is better than ???
DB	Champ Bailey		Lance Schulters	X	Lance Schulters isn't any better than Champ Bailey, but due to the scoring system, Schulters scores more points.

PREDICTION: RIVER BATS - 115, BATTLIN' WOOKIES - 100

	Fightin' Roos		Sweet Chin Music
Position	Player	Advantage	Player	Advantage	Comment
QB	Peyton Manning		Brett Favre	X	This is a heck of a matchup, but Favre may be angling for yet another MVP this year, so we'll give him the advantage. Peyton Manning really hasn't been the quarterback he was a couple years ago since the 2001 season began.
RB	Garrison Hearst		Ricky Williams	X	Hearst has been fantastic, but Ricky Williams has been even better. I'm not sure I really believe that bull about how Ricky had never seen snow until Saturday night. It didn't seem to affect him too much, whatever the lies the media spread are
RB	Charlie Garner	X	Antowain Smith		These guys are the two worst running backs starting in the playoffs (I can especially say that since I can't remember who Cliff's backs are right now and am too lazy to scroll to the top and look at it). I'll give Garner the edge just because he seems more explosive.
WR	Torry Holt		Jimmy Smith	X	I don't know if you've ever heard this bit of real inside information, but Jimmy Smith once played for the Cowboys, and they didn't think he was good enough to keep him. Boy, don't they have egg on their face. It really would have been bad if receivers like Ernie Mills, Corey Fleming and Anthony Miller hadn't turned out so well as the Cowboys #2 receiver.
WR	Ed McCaffrey		Curtis Conway	X	Conway gets the advantage if he starts. If he can't go, then McCaffey is definitely better than anyone that Kris might go out and start this week.
WR	Tai Streets		Jerry Rice	X	Hmm…I think these guys probably are a couple of notches apart on the receiving list for the 49'ers all time. I think even though Jerry Rice is a washed up old fella with goofy hair, he's still better than Tai Streets. And Tai is a crappy name.
TE	Tony Gonzalez	X	Cameron Cleeland		Now, that's an easy one to pick.
K	Adam Vinateri		Martin Gramatica	X	I love Gramatica. I hope a fight erupts between him and Todd Sauerbrun at the Pro Bowl in January. It would be like the classic "cripple fight" episode on South Park.
DL	Jason Taylor		Warren Sapp	X	Jason Taylor sure is pretty, but Warren Sapp scares me.
LB	Zach Thomas	X	Joey Porter		Woo-hoo! Texas boy! Now, if we can do something about those stupid ads.
DB	Ty Law		Ronde Barber	X	Barber wins - more TV commercials.

PREDICTION: SWEET CHIN MUSIC - 105, FIGHTIN' ROOS - 95