You Might Be a Democrat If...

  • You think the rich can get richer off people who have no money.
  • You've named your kids "Stardust" or "Moonbeam".
  • You've tried to argue that all of societies problems are based on the fact that McDonald's, by law, only has to pay $5/hr.
  • If you utter the phrase "There ought to be a law" at least once a week.
  • If you have ever used the phrase "protecting prisoner's rights".
  • If you find yourself nodding vigorously and saying "someone finally said it right" during an episode of Oprah.
  • You call the execution of a homicidal maniac "murder" but call murder "pro-choice".
  • You've ever referred to the Military/Industrial Complex during a conversation.
  • You know you never laughed as a kid, the world was in just too bad a shape.
  • All of your 1970's "Beware of Global Freezing" signs now have "Beware of Global Warming" on the back.
  • Your friends told you how much fun you had at the Grateful Dead show, but your not sure what year you saw them.
  • You file suit against the mall rent-a-cops for posting signs stating that your bags are subject to inspection.
  • You've ever argued that "you can't legislate morality".
  • Referred to the Founding Fathers as "those aristocratic, chauvinistic, lily white, slave owning, land stealing oppressors of indigenous personnel".
  • You argued that a few more months of sanctions and Sadam Hussein would fold like rookie poker player.
  • You know more than 2 people who have a degree in "Womyn's Studies"
  • You've ever said "But look at all the good Ted Kennedy has done for the women of this country!"
  • You blame things on "The Man."
  • You believe that Bart Simpson only needs a little more affection.
  • You've ever stared at a wall and said "Now THAT is definitely man's inhumanity to man!"
  • You argue that the only flaw with Marx is that Russia was an agrarian society.
  • You've ever called the meter maid a Fascist.
  • You are giddy at the prospect of the return of bell bottoms.
  • You argue that the Second Amendment only refers to Federally organized militias.
  • You view Jane Fonda as a courageous heroine with strong convictions.
  • You view Hootie and the Blowfish as the bedrock of culture refinement for the 90 ,s.
  • After looking at your pay stub you can still say "America is undertaxed".
  • You've ever said "We really should call the ACLU about this".
  • You've ever referred to "the glass ceiling".
  • You know 2 or more people with "concrete proof" that the Pentagon is covering up: Roswell, the Kennedy assassination, the CIA's role in creating AIDS
  • You came of age in the '60s and don't remember.
  • You've ever owned a VW bug or ridden in a Microbus.
  • You own something that says Dukakis for President, and still display it.
  • You believe it because "Dan Rather wouldn't lie about something this important".
  • You ever based an argument on the phrase, "But they can afford a tax hike because..."
  • You ever told a child that Oscar the Grouch "is a victim of Draconian budget cuts."
  • You've ever argued that with just 1 more year of welfare that person will turn it around and get off drugs.
  • You think Lennon was a brilliant social commentator.
  • You keep count of how many people you know in each racial or ethnic category.
  • You are outraged that Baseball Players make millions and the poor clerk at the unemployment office only makes 28 bucks an hour doing such good work.
  • You believe that an elected official attending religious services is a violation of the separation of Church and state.
  • You believe that a few hundred loggers can find another career, but the defenseless spotted owl must live in its preferred tree.
  • You believe our government must do it because everyone in Europe does.
  • You think that Al Gore macherena thing was a laugh riot.
  • You feel that Green Peace is misunderstood.
  • You keep your PC dictionary with you at all times so as not to offend.
  • You think communism will catch on once society has evolved.
  • You've tried to argue in favor of anything based on "Well, they're gonna do it anyway so....".
  • You've ever stated "How does what he does in his personal life have any bearing on doing his job?"
  • You don't understand all the commotion about Whitewater, Vince Foster, selling US foreign policy for campaign contributions, it's just politics, right?