What follows is advice from veteran; adhere to my simple 25 step program
and that  paper will practically write itself.  Ready? Begin:

1. Sit in a straight, comfortable chair in a well lighted place with
   plenty of  freshly sharpened pencils.

2. Read over the assignment carefully, to make certain you understand it.

3. Walk down to the vending machines and buy some coffee to help you
   concentrate.

4. Stop off at the third floor, on the way back and visit with your friend
   from class.  If your friend hasn't started the paper yet either, you can
   both walk to McDonalds and buy a hamburger to help you concentrate.  If your
   friend shows you his paper, typed, double-spaced, and bound in one of those
   irritating see-thru plastic folders, drop him.

5. When you get back to your room, sit in a straight, comfortable chair
   in a clean, well lighted place with plenty of freshly sharpened pencils.

6. Read over the assignment again to make absolutely certain you
   understand it.

7. You know, you haven't written to that kid you met at camp since fourth
   grade.  You'd better write that letter now and get it our of the way
   so you can concentrate.

8. Go look at your teeth in the bathroom mirror.

9. Listen to one side of your favourite cd and that's if , I mean it,
   as soon as it's over you are going to start that paper.

10.Listen to the other side.

11.Rearrange all of your cds into alphabetical order.

12.Phone your friend on the third floor and ask if he's started
   writing yet.  Exchange derogatory remarks abvout your teacher, the 
   course, the university, the world at large.

13.Sit in a straight, comfortale chair in a clean, well lighted place
   with plenty of freshly sharpened pencils.

14.Read over the assighnment again; roll the words across your tongue;
   savor its special flavor.

15.Check the newspaper listings to make sure you aren't missing something
   truly worthwhile on TV.  NOTE: When you have a paper due in less than 12
   hours, anything on TV from Masterpiece Theater to Sgt. Preston of the
   Yukon, is truly worthwhile, with these exceptions: a) Pro Bowler's Tour 
   b) any movie staring Don Ameche.

16.Catch the last hour of Soul Brother of Kung Fu on channel 26.

17.Phone your friend on the third floor to see if he was watching.
   Discuss the finer points of the plot.

18.Go look at your tongue in the bathroom mirror.

19.Sit down and do some serious thinking about your plans for the future.

20.Open your door and check to see if there are any mysterious,
   trench-coated strangers lurking in the hall.

21.Sit in a straight, comfortable chair in a clean, well lighted place
   with plenty of freshly sharpened pencils.

22.Read over the assignment one more time, just for the hell of it.

23.Scoot your chair across the room to the window and watch the sunrise.

24.Lie face down on the floor and moan.

25.Leap up and write the paper.