Christian Feminists an oxymoron
First Step for Better Relationships
Most of us have problems with relationships from time to time. When relationships become abusive we all know serious problems are present. It is my intention to post the basic emotional needs of both men and women shortly. If these needs are not met, it can set the stage for abuse to start. There is one major step before this that should be the FIRST step in improving any interpersonal interaction. We can not have a good relationship with any other person until we have a good relationship with GOD first. Many people know ABOUT God but to have a relationship with Him, we have to KNOW Him. What is the difference? Knowing about God can include us being aware of all the facts concerning Him. Many people think that knowing that Jesus Christ died for our sin is all that is needed for salvation. It is NOT! In order to have salvation that is to have eternal life there are a few basic steps we need to follow. This is so important I want to go over them,
1: We need to realize we have sinned. Romans 3:23 For all have sinned and come short of the Glory of God This means we have failed to met the goal of being perfect in order to enter heaven. Few of us would question this.
2: The penalty for the sin that we are guilty of is death. Romans 6:23 tells us The wages of sin is death. (Death is separation. When our body dies, our soul is separated from our body. Eternal death is when we die without doing what is being explained here and then our spirit is separated from God for eternity. Since the only price we can pay for our own sin is to be separated from God forever, it stands to reason that there is no way we can pay for our sin ourselves. We thus come to the 2nd part of Romans 6:23: but the gift of God is eternal life through Jesus Christ the Lord.
3: 2nd Corinthians 5:21 informs us: For he hath made him, who knew no sin, to be sin for us, that we might be made the righteousness of God in him. Jesus Christ, God's only Son became sin for us so that we can be freed from the penalty of sin. What then do we need to do?
4: For GOD so loved the world that HE gave His only begotten Son that whosoever (read YOUR name here) believeth in Him should not perish but have everlasting life. Please note the ONLY condition given is that we believe in Jesus Christ for full payment for our sin.
Now if we only learn these facts, even though we may understand that they are true and believe them. that is only knowing ABOUT GOD. How do we KNOW HIM then? It is APPLYING that payment to our account. This would be like having a check to pay a bill and putting the check on a desk. The bill does not get paid because the check was never APPLIED to your account. Once we know and believe the facts pointed out above, the next step is to TALK to God much as you and I would and admit that we have fallen short of what He wants. We recognize that we deserve to be separated from a Holy God. We then tell Him that we know that He has provided a payment for all our sin and this payment was Jesus Christ when He died on a cross. It is at this time we ask God to APPLY THIS PAYMENT TO OUR ACCOUNT. We ask God to credit as PAYMENT IN FULL for all our sin the price Jesus paid for us. It is this step that gives us eternal life. If we do all but this step, we know about God. When we do this step, we will KNOW God and we will have eternal life.
While this is not all-inclusive, I would like to point out a main cause of abuse be it and abusive man or an abusive woman. This is not an excuse for being abusive but it may help us understand some of the root reasons people become abusive. It may even give us some insight on the possibility we may contribute to the situation in some way.
Men and women each have a basic psychological need. Women need to feel secure. That is they need to feel LOVED. Men need to feel significant or that they are worthwhile to someone. Men want to know they are making a positive difference in someone's life. Both men and women have the deepest fulfillment when their husband or wife meets these.
What happens when these needs are not met? This could occur either way first but we have to start somewhere. If I do not make my wife feel she is loved, her basic need will not be met. I have to touch her is a significant way (hugs, cuddling ect) several times a day. I have to "say" I love you to her also, Sure she SHOULD know this but she NEEDS to hear me SAY it! Getting her a rose or card (better yet, "make" your own card saying I love you) will go along way for meeting this basic need she has.
In turn, she will more likely meet my need of feeling worthwhile. I need to feel significant. When she feels I love her, she can in turn make this need fulfilled in my life. When I do not meet this need, she will more likely attack me in the very area my need is greatest. Women can often start the ball rolling in this area without realizing it also, Things like even gender bashing goes a long way toward keeping these needs unmet. When men hear "If you were a man" it takes away this feeling of significance. "It is always a man's fault or "women drivers" do much to keep the basic needs of each other unfulfilled. Perhaps it is time for us all to stop gender bashing jokes. Too many really believe them and it messes up their views of gender roles.
When we have these needs go unmet, then it gets to be a vicious circle that will tear each other down further and further to the point the verbal and emotional abuse becomes physical. Far too often this point has been reached in our childhood. It becomes hard for anyone to meet these needs because of a mindset we obtained as an abuse child.
When a husband LOVES HIS WIFE AS CHRIST LOVES THE CHURCH regardless of how she responds, it will go a long way to meeting her need to feel loved.
When a woman summits to her own husband as 1st Peter 3:1 (and there are lots we can say on both of these if anyone wants to explore it more) Then her husbands needs of significance are greatly enhanced. He can then love his wife more who then can make him feel more significant. THIS is the way God intended marriage to be! When we do things GOD'S WAY it works out BEST for everyone!
No it is not easy but is it easy to let things go to the extent that we see far too many homes now? We each have a part to do, Let us examine ourselves to assure we are doing our part. I have to love my wife as Christ loves the church regardless of what she does. One person not doing what God wants them to do does NOT excuse another of doing their part. We can do it folks I read the last chapter. WE WIN!
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