Entries are credited to their authors, those without a credit were written by Matthew (Nikolai, Gypsy King).

During the off season you are driving south on I35 to Waco and you automatically put your right turn signal on just before Exit 399A. (Janna)

You can walk out in the middle of a humid Texas heat wave and still feel refreshed because you are wearing shorts and a t-shirt instead of heavy Period costuming. (Ernesto)

You find it terribly amusing to be introduced to an elderly man named Henry King and his wife Anne.

If you're a man, you can't shake a woman's hand anymore -- kissing it is instinctive. (Arthur)

You don't have a problem with using a port-o-john at any venue, and the gusto with which you approach one freaks out your non-faire friends. (Janna)

You feel more comfortable in a bodice than in a bra. (Jenn)

You find yourself wearing costume accessories during the off-season, like pouches, belts, jewelry and (Gypsies, this means you) hats.

You instinctively avoid eating at a CiCi's or Golden Corral during the off-season. (Michael J)

December rolls around and you're out buying fabric for a new costume when you should be buying gifts.

"Twinkle, Dammit!" and "Bigger, Bolder, Sillier!" are inspirational words to live by.

Visiting a Medieval or Elizabethan faire just feels terribly odd.

You instictively thank a waiter or waitress with "Grammercy, Milady/Milord." (Marc)

Participant passes from two years ago can be found in the dark recesses of your purse. (Irene)

When singing "Auld Lang Sayne" you always use the original version, even on New Year's Eve, when everyone else is singing the more common, annoying one. (Michael J)

You can tell individual Gypsies by the intonation and rhythm of the bells they wear, even when you can't see them.

You've seen *far* more than enough jousts for one lifetime, and yet you still often end up there.

You can tell if a bagpipe is out of tune. (Janna)

You've been there for the vicious broom hockey games, croquet matches and water fights the Royals often get into.
And participated.

When asked how much tickets or season passes are you have no idea, because it's been ten years since you last paid to get in. (Michael J)

Walking across Eagle Crossing without touching the gnome-shaped posts is just unthinkable.
And even after Faire's over you walk across a bridge and instinctively look for such a post to touch. (Teek)

You hear a toilet flushing and immediately think of the end of the 99 season's Opening Gate.

You stopped watching "The Six Wives of Henry VIII" after Queen Anne was executed.

When someone mentions going to the State Fair and just calls it "the fair" you get terribly confused.

The phrase "Snatch the Queen" sends you into laughing fits.

You knew the original name of the town of Scarborough was Scardaborg without us having to tell you. (Susan)

You go to see a movie set in the Renaissance and end up critiquing the costumes and mannerisms of the characters more than the plot. (Marc)

And then you bitch about the lousy costumes in "Elizabeth" for hours on end to your fellow performers.

You lose your friends at the mall and instinctively do a Gypsy Call to try to locate them. (Ashlee)

You know there's just nothing sexier than dancing the Spangaletto with someone you fancy.

Whether you're Scottish or not, the sheep jokes just aren't funny anymore. (Janna)

You can't dance to modern music to save your life, but you're a pro at Period dancing.

Not only have you been there to see all the wonderfully crazy things that have happened at the Talent Show each year, you have them on videotape so you can relive them again and again. You sick, sick person!

Karobushka is always danced at your parties. Or you do Posties at a nightclub with your friends.

Spelling the word "faire" without an "e" on the end is just short of blasphemy. (Richard)

You hear bagpipe music and automatically assume it's the Rogues.

You're such a Scarborough patriot that you'll argue for hours with someone from another faire on how our King and Queen are the best you'll find at any faire in the country. (And for the record, you're right).

You can tell the bogus tartans from the real deal. (Janna)

You buy Febreze by the gallon...every week. (Teek)

Regimental is boring and done to death. (Janna)

Your weekend budget includes at least $10 for sending roses. (Ellen)

Long into the summer you instinctively cross yourself when someone sneezes. (Sherry)

You are male and you go to a fabric store and ask an employee or complete stanger "Do you think this color of crushed velvet would look good as a pair of tights for me?" (Marc)

You've got enough little plastic rose keepers at home to start a florist shop. (Ellen)

You automatically slip into a French accent whenever you are trying to impress a woman. (Alex)

Less than 90 degree weather at Faire just seems odd, and you just can't seem to get into the Faire mood when you're that comfortable.

When you hear the word rat, the name Steve immediately comes to mind.

By the time you realize you're hungry, you're already half way to "The Palace" (of Pasta Pleasure).(Ellen)

You know how many leagues it is from Ushant to Scilly. Or what morning the ship in "The Mermaid" set sail on.

The smell of insect repellent, citronella candles or patchouli makes you horny. (Ellen and others)

You rate how good a day is going to be by the number of car alarms going off when the cannon fires at the end of Opening Gate. (Patrick)

"Bring on the Starlight" either leaves you in sentimental tears or makes you want to waltz with the one you love...or both.

You put your fingers in your ears just before the cannon goes off out of habit, even when you're not paying attention.

And just after it goes off you count all the Gypsies to make sure they all survived. (Michael J)

No martini tastes good unless it's made out of the back of an SUV by a certain Royal who shall remain nameless. (Patrick)

The very mention of the SCA gives you chills.

You think the other faire's Queen is a slacker because she can't put out a fire in her bloomers. (Patrick)

You laugh when people can't tell falcons and hawks apart -- so many repeated watchings of the falconry show have made you an expert. (Michael J)

You can remember every colour the Front Gate's been painted, and can quote the years.

You can stop to watch a beggar bang his head with a frying pan for an hour, and never get tired of it. (Teek)
You get really tired of watching a beggar bang himself on the head with a frying pan. (Arthur)

You remember seeing jousting going on in Crown Meadow (if you do, consider yourself officially ancient)

You know the rose garden is more to us than just a pretty garden. (Margaret)

You utter the words "the site water doesn't taste as thick today" (Patrick)

Your feet automatically follow "the path of maximum shade" (Ellen)
And "the path of minimum mud."

Strips of ribbon used to wrap Christmas presents bring flashbacks of the Maypole. (Bryan)

Your bookie gave you good odds on turtle Number 3 (Patrick)

Every time you go to a certain local pub, you run into a guy that always calls you "Your Majesty," even though you have no idea who the hell he is!

While listening to a program on classical music, you hear the DJ speak about a piece of music that was written in 1503, and remark about how old it is, and you say to yourself reflexively, without thinking, "Why, that's only 30 years!" And then, two seconds later, "D'oh!" (Daniel)

You delight in the post-Faire cast picnic -- both for the chance to see everyone and just to be "home" for one last time. Even if it is 104 degrees! (Sherry)

You wonder why Queen Anne's Lace isn't on the Top 40 pop charts. (Bryan)

You never consider purple as a color for your everyday wardrobe, or paisley for that matter. (Daniel)

As it starts to rain, the patrons and newbies run INTO the booths to stay dry, but you run OUT to get cool. (Teek)
And then you and several others dance about in the rain like crazy people, and do a wonderfully energetic Pub Sing in the downpour, traveling from pub to pub to entertain all those hydrophobic patrons.

A full quarter of a closet that's the size of a small bedroom is dedicated to old Faire costumes that you never wear anymore, but can't part with. (Daniel)

You don't have a big enough bag to keep all your swords in. Or a big enough car, for that matter. (Arthur)

Someone says the name Seymour in conversation and you just instinctively have to hiss.

Your house is decorated in the early Tudor style. (Susan)

You spend far too much @#$%% money on fabric & stuff for costumes that your character will NEVER wear...'but you never know'. (Daniel)

You think the best way to get someone's attention is to fire four arquebuses at once. (Bryan)

You can name offhand more famous people of the 16th Century than ours.

The major criteria when purchasing a car is, "How many of my friends and their costumes can I fit in this vehicle?" (Susan)

Someone mentions cabbage, and the first thing to come to your mind is brawling in the mud, not the vegetable.

During the run you spend three out of five weeknights preparing for Faire. (Arthur)

Spending $1000 on fabric doesn't make you blink, but being charged 12 cents extra a month for cable infuriates you to the point of murder. (Susan)

For three months a year, you spend more on motels than rent. (Ernesto)

Or on tents and other camping gear.

You have so many favors on your bodice, doublet or jerkin that you could easily be mistaken for the dictator of a South American country.

You laugh at the thought of bothering to wash your car during Faire, much less wax it, what with all the dirt and dust. (Ernesto)

You visit a different faire and think: "Who do I want to be today?" (Ronn)

With as much use as you get out of your costume at Scarborough and the other faires you visit, you might as well never hang it in the closet.

You keep getting spell check problems because you spell everything the English way. (Ronn)

You have more working weapons than the pirates...or the armies of several small countries. (Ronn)

You don't get upset by calls at 2 AM asking for rides to Faire. (Arthur)

Even if you'd been in a coma for the rest of the season, you could tell it's the last day of Faire by the exceedingly scary tights some people are wearing. (Teek)

All of your high dollar jewelry purchase justifications end with, "And it will go great with my costume!" (Susan)

"The Parting Glass" holds a special place in your heart as THE Scarborough theme song.
You know all the words to it even though you're not on cast, and you're up there at the end of each day belting it out with us.
You can even sing "The Parting Glass" in your sleep...and often have.

You stop reading a historical book if a date past 1533 is mentioned. (Arthur)

Without really thinking about it, you manage to come up with a long list of 'You know you've been doing Scarborough too long when...' statements. (Daniel)

At the end of every season, after all the hard work, heat and other inclement weather, injuries and fatigue, you always say you won't be back next season. But come spring, there you are again, reveling in the wonderful combination of joy, history, excitement, romance and magic that is Scarborough Faire.

Scarborough-Related Links

Scarborough Renaissance Faire The Official Site

The Caravan Virtual home of Kumpania Wispersteppe, the Gypsies of Scarborough Faire

Hampton Court Unofficial site of the Royal Court of Scarboourgh Faire

Note: These are the opinions and jokes of individual members of the Performing Company of Scarborough Renaissance Faire, not the official opinions or statements of the Performing Company as a whole or of Scarborough Renaissance Festival.